Masturbation or celibacy?

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Dray

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So. I’m recently separated from my wife. We were married for 7 years. We’ve been separated for 4 months now. I have not sought out any extra-marital relations and I don’t ever want to. I don’t think I ever want to remarry if we do indeed divorce. From what I understand God calls us to be celibate unless you are Married and saving yourself for that act of love makes complete sense to me.

However, what if you never intend to marry or in my case remarry? Is God really calling us to celibacy for the rest of our lives, including masturbation? Is this even possible? From the threads I’ve read it seems almost everyone struggles with celibacy.
 
Regardless of your state in life, God calls everyone to chastity and, yes, with God’s help, it is possible.
 
I am sorry to hear of your troubles. Have you ever heard of Retrouville? It’s an intensive couples-retreat weekend to help rebuild broken marriages. It was founded by a husband and wife who each discovered the other was cheating on the same day, but chose to work on their marriage rather than call it quits. I’ve heard a lot of good things about them and suggest you look into their services.
Dray said:
Is God really calling us to celibacy for the rest of our lives, including masturbation?
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Masturbation is never an option. It is an intrinsically disordered act that, if committed knowingly and with full consent, is a mortal sin.

Yes, if you and your wife divorce and your marriage cannot be annulled (because it is valid), then yes, you are called to celibacy. It’s not easy to hear, but it’s better to hear a hard truth than to walk into Hell on a road of easy lies.
 
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It is tough, because a physical release I believe to be a part of healthy bodily function.
So, do we do it and ask for absolution in confession, knowing at the time in the back of our minds that we may not be able to abstain from this action.
I hate the hypocrisy of stating that I will avoid the near occasion of this sin, knowing that I probably will not be able to do so.
On the other hand, God asks us to try. God knows were are imperfect. Thanks be to God that we have confession and absolution! Hallelujah!
 
JoeShlabotnik said:
It is tough, because a physical release I believe to be a part of healthy bodily function.
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It is a function of a healthy body, but it is not required to be healthy. Any excess semen will either be released with urine or emitted as a result of an involuntary emission. God designed us with the ability to go our entire lives without purposefully climaxing and have no adverse effects.
JoeShlabotnik said:
So, do we do it and ask for absolution in confession, knowing at the time in the back of our minds that we may not be able to abstain from this action.
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If you go to confession and intend to engage in the act again then the confession is invalid. If you confess with the intention of not engaging in the action again, even if you recognize a high probability that you will, then you’re good. It’s the repentance and intention that allows it to be valid.
JoeShlabotnik said:
I hate the hypocrisy of stating that I will avoid the near occasion of this sin, knowing that I probably will not be able to do so.
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As do all men who struggle with porn/masturbation, myself included. It almost feels like lying… but when confess I do intend to avoid those actions, so God forgives me. It’s not hypocrisy though, so long as you truly intend to avoid the behavior. Hypocrisy is when you say “it’s bad for you, but alright for me.” This is more like saying “It’s bad for you, it’s bad for me, but I can’t seem to stop, and I hate it.”
JoeShlabotnik said:
Thanks be to God that we have confession and absolution!
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AMEN!!
 
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I think when I confess, I do have good intentions to avoid masturbation. But I also have doubts as to whether I can follow through. That is probably the devil messing with my thoughts.
I have prayed to the Blessed Mother to help me with my thoughts. I try to say a Hail Mary whenever my thoughts stray in that direction.
 
One of my favorite pieces of advice: God and the devil often use the same words but mean very different things by them. The devil says you don’t have the strength to follow through on your own, so your confession is meaningless. God says you don’t have the strength to follow through on your own, but He wants to help you and He accepts your confession.
 
Thank you. This is very helpful stuff. I know God knows we will sin, that we are imperfect. But, yes, it feels wrong almost to confess my sins and ask for absolution knowing that I am too weak to avoid masturbation. I really do try and I pray for the strength, but I continually fail. I know we all have our weaknesses, but I guess I just feel as though everyone struggles with this. Maybe that’s just my projection though. I suppose that is kind of the point though. We have all fallen and God knows we will fail, we are just called to do our best and beg for forgiveness when we inevitably fail.
 
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God calls each of us to chastity according to our state in life.

We only have marital relations with our spouse from a valid marriage. Anything else is sinful.
 
Dray said:
From the threads I’ve read it seems almost everyone struggles with celibacy.
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No, it could be that only people with this problem are posting. People are not going to post about how easy it is, or how long they have been chaste, or any of that.

So yes, it may be a struggle for you, but it certainly is possible if you desire to live the right way, following God’s commandments and will for your life.
 
God expects you to live to be holy. It is possible and recommended that you do so. If you feel you cannot refrain from masturbation then there is a problem. It really is an exercise in self control and control of will. Any man can attain this it isn’t “too hard”. It is what God. Wills for us.
 
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i would ask Mother Mary to intercede. She definitely will and you will obtain the grace needed from God.
 
Masturbation is never a good idea. In Matthew 19, Jesus identified the only valid outlet for sex is that which is between a husband and wife. If masturbation was a legitimate outlet, He would have said so. I will go ahead and admit that I have a problem in this area, but I have made significant progress towards purity. You just have to avoid triggers and that will make you masturbate less.

It is possible to live a single lifestyle and refrain from masturbating.
 
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All things are possible with God. We have “reproductive systems” not “entertainment” or “pleasure” systems. Simply put, if reproduction is not in your future, it should not be used.

Read about Saint Elzear and Blessed Delphina (Delfina). They lived a chaste (abstaining from marital relations) marriage for their entire married lives.

It would be good to read and ponder Matthew 19, verses 11 and 12 in particular. Also good is the commentary which accompanies those verses.

You may, in the manner of Saint Elzear, speak with Father about the mortification of the flesh, if that is what it takes. Seconds of pleasure which are followed by remorse are a very poor trade for an eternity of joy.
 
Take on day at a time and do your best. Don’t let it become your main concern.
 
JoeShlabotnik said:
It is tough, because a physical release I believe to be a part of healthy bodily function.
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Oh stop. The only reason you would need that release is that you were engaging in something. It isn’t something that just happens without reason.
 
Mrchatsworth said:
It really is an exercise in self control and control of will. Any man can attain this it isn’t “too hard”. It is what God. Wills for us.
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It’s never a good idea to say that anyone can do something regardless of what it is. In the situation being discussed here, some men might have a much stronger sex drive or libido than some others which would make it more difficult for them to refrain. And not everything that people do can be controlled by their will. If someone, for example, has an addiction or engages in some kind of compulsive behavior, it might result from psychological issues that are beyond their control without some kind of help or intervention. I’m not convinced that just praying can help solve these problems in many cases.
 
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That is completely wrong in so far as you are attributing guilt and fault.
 
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