Masturbation, stopping the addiction

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Hello, if you read my other forum post you know that I’m currently trying to stop the habit/addiction of masturbation (BTW just as a follow up I had the confession today and it went great, thanks for the support guys!). I plan to go to confession next at lent, but my plan is to try to stop in intervals not cold turkey. Is it bad to still masturbate like once a week then once every 2weeks until i get all the way up to not doing it? Like can I try to make little goals? I just don’t know how long I can hold out (stupid hormones 🤷 ). I guess what I’m trying to ask is, if I do mess up is it okay to continue to get communion and stuff as long as I’m going to go to confession at lent? I’m only 14 so I can’t just go to confession on my own as my church is not in walking distance… and I’d have to ask my dad which would lead to him asking himself “wow what did he do?”… I really want to quite but I’m pretty sure I can’t do it cold turkey, but I also don’t want to be in a bad place with God… as my new years resolution was to grow closer to him… If you can help that’d be great. Thanks in advanced.
 
Teencatholic44 said:
I plan to go to confession next at lent, but my plan is to try to stop in intervals not cold turkey. Is it bad to still masturbate like once a week then once every 2weeks until i get all the way up to not doing it? Like can I try to make little goals?
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I’m not sure, but I do know that if you have the ability to completely avoid the sin until lent, then avoid it completely.
Teencatholic44 said:
is it okay to continue to get communion and stuff as long as I’m going to go to confession at lent?
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If you find it impossible to go to confession after slipping up, one option is to receive a blessing (ie. crossing your arms at communion) instead of receiving the Eucharist.
Teencatholic44 said:
I’d have to ask my dad which would lead to him asking himself “wow what did he do?”… I really want to quite but I’m pretty sure I can’t do it cold turkey, but I also don’t want to be in a bad place with God… as my new years resolution was to grow closer to him…
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I feel for you. You are stuck between how you might make your parents feel, confidentiality, and between being in the right place with God… Being in the right place with God *is *the most important thing here, though. If you go to Sunday School/CCD or something, maybe you can ask your catechist to let you discuss your questions with the priest during that time. Hey, if you’re lucky, maybe you can even do a confession right then!

You’re in a difficult situation, but it seems like you are searching for God’s path in this. I’m sorry that I cannot answer the finer points of your questions. Keep looking for God’s answers. Ask a priest for help with this. Try your hardest to get to confession as soon as you slip up.

Most importantly:
As strange as it might sound, maybe your parents will think “wow, I wonder what he did that makes him need to go to confession…” but then they will think, “wow!! I have a son that wants to go to confession! He is after God’s heart, and even though he may have messed up, I am so happy that he is taking the sacrament of reconciliation!” If your parents are sincere Catholics, they should be happy-as-can-be that their son wants to go to confession! Don’t be afraid!! Your parents are here to help you get closer to God, so asking them for a ride might not be as bad as you think it will be. 👍

I will pray for you! May God pour grace into you so you can have the strength to beat the addiction and have the courage to do his will. :hug1:
 
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The answer to your question -
Is it bad to still masturbate like once a week then once every 2weeks until i get all the way up to not doing it? Like can I try to make little goals? I just don’t know how long I can hold out (stupid hormones 🤷 ). I guess what I’m trying to ask is, if I do mess up is it okay to continue to get communion and stuff as long as I’m going to go to confession at lent?
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that is not a good idea, although you may think it would make things easier, but i can tell you from experience, and i’m sure others will tell you the same thing, it would only make it harder, the more you sin, the more that sin is rooted in you, you will only grow more attached.

and by doing those things willingly you will undue all the hard work you have done, and you will be setting yourself up for an unworthy confession,
you cannot plan to sin, or plan to give into sin should the temptation arise, and then go to confession afterwords, it would be an invalid confession.
and on top of that, you would be presuming upon Gods mercy, which is also a mortal sin.
although i don’t mean to scare you, i just want to warn you that what you are suggesting is actually very dangerous, it’s not just about offending God, you would be placing yourself in real danger, it’s just bad for you.

i know it’s hard when you have parents that need to know why you need to go to confession, and especially when they imagine on their own what you have done,
but instead of avoiding the situation, you should take it as an opportunity to teach them of the real benefits of confession and it’s other purposes,
and also keep in mind, that even if it’s awkward to speak with them about it, they are still your parents and love you very much, and whatever you are going through, they won’t hate you for it…although i don’t know your parents, so correct me if i’m wrong, but i imagine they would only want what’s best for you, and so the answer is, they simply need to be convinced that confession is indeed what is best for you.
because in all honesty, without the necessary graces of confession, you will have a much harder time overcoming this sin.
if you need help understanding confession in order to tell your parents about it, i would recommend finding the information for it on these sites -
catholicapologetics.info/
gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewforum.php?f=211197
audiosancto.org/
alabamacatholicresources.com/index.html

and to answer your other question, no you should not receive the Eucharist while in the state of mortal sin, especially if that sin was premeditated,
when we receive Jesus in mortal sin, it is like poison to the soul, not Jesus, but the sin itself, which is a sacrilege, and the result would leave you worse off,
don’t topple sin upon sin, it may seem like “well i’m already in sin, i might as well sin some more”, but the truth is, the more you sin, the worse your soul becomes, and the further from Jesus you become, it really makes things worse,
and you might be thinking to yourself how bad you will look or how awkward it would be to go to mass and everyone to see you not receiving communion…but i can think of something worse, namely, going up to communion in the state of mortal sin, and Jesus being dragged into you as if it were a prison…you must do all things for love of God, and try to recognize within yourself when you are instead doing something out of self love of love of creatures.
 
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the only answer i can give you is, just try to stop, keep the idea in your mind that you won’t do it, don’t tell yourself that you will do it now and then just to ease off, because the truth is, it won’t work out that way, you won’t “ease off” but only grow more attached.
the idea of easing off is really a trick, either of your own mind or of the devil, and i will tell you that the only way to overcome this sin is by imploring Gods grace and never omitting to implore it, and then by His grace, making a sincere effort to stop,
that, along with confession, communion, and prayer, is the only way, you can’t do it on your own and you can’t do it your own way,

i’m sorry to make that so long, but i really don’t want you to despair over this, i want you to know that you have alot of hope and really all of heaven to help you, you can overcome it, and you can from this moment on never commit this sin again, as long as you use the advice that has been given to you from everyone,
don’t anticipate the temptation to sin, try your best not to even think of this sin, only try and avoid the places and things that you know will temp you,
the process of overcoming sins of impurity are not the same as others, instead the process involves not fighting, but forgetting the sins, while at the same time not letting your guard down, and learning to make fleeing a kind of second nature,
you can learn over time with practice to flee from this sin and avoid the things that lead to it while hardly even thinking of it, but in the mean time, while you are going through the process of overcoming it, it will be harder, and you will just have to be patient with yourself and learn and persevere as best as you can by the grace of God.

you also have to understand, that even if you fall into sin, God still loves you, He understands that we are weak, and is not quite as displeased when we fall out of weakness as He is when we fall on purpose,
and never think to yourself that you should overcome something before you go to confession or mass, because it is by those two things that you will overcome your sins, you cannot do it alone, even if you think you are doing it alone, you really are not, it is only by Gods grace that you accomplish anything good, whether you implore His grace or not, and so in order to really overcome this and every other sin, you must make use of the sacraments to the best of your ability,
God understands if you can’t because of something beyond your control, but when you have the opportunity, take it.

So, just to clarify, that’s not a good plan, and although you may think you can’t cut cold turkey, with Gods help you most certainly can,
don’t think of it as “I can’t do it” but instead “I can’t do it alone”,
when you say “i can’t do it” you are putting your trust in yourself, so instead put your trust in God by saying “I can do all these things in him who strengtheneth me.”

i will be praying for you, so i hope this helps, take care.

(Edit): read my post in this thread for better help and advice in overcoming this sin, forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=519418
i’m sorry i didn’t give that advice in this post, but i was already making it to long and it’s getting late, so please read that also for some real advice you can actually use.
 
Emeraldwings wrote, “the more you sin, the more that sin is rooted in you, you will only grow more attached.”

–This is excellent advice.

As to why & how we need to quit masturbating “cold turkey,” let me use a practical example.

I saw a TV program a while back, dealing with people who are addicted to porn. All of them were generally living with their parents (despite being old enough to support themselves)…they were all broke…none of them had any sort of normal relationships with others…in a word, they were all complete LOSERS.

Beyond just praying and “trying really hard to stop,” please consider what can happen if you DON’T stop. Masturbating is bad enough as it is…but it leads to other problems, i.e., unhealthy relationships; unhealthy expectations about what you expect from others; a general lack of respect for your own body, etc.-- in short, it may create other issues, slowly and over time, which erode who you are, or which prevent you from becoming who you can be, and who God wants you to be.

“God don’t make no junk,” my young friend. You are made for better things than being addicted to masturbation. Quit it cold, and you will find that you go a long way to becoming the man you can be, and the kind of man God expects you to become. You CAN do it. Plus, you then realize that if you can do that (quit cold) there may be OTHER good you can do if you put your mind to it…

–VdT
 
You might check out the “impurity addiction support group” under the groups tab.
 
If you truely want to stop, you need to do it cold turkey! If you mess up, get to confession right away.

It is very important to go to the same confessor. Each time you mess up, you will be embarrased to go back to the same priest…that is good. If you want to avoid sin you need to go to confession often, the saints recommend once a month, more often if you have mortal sin.

Also it you mess up and start to masturbate, you may think about it being sin and how it will hurt Jesus. Stop right there, do not finsh. Offer it up to the Lord. Say to the Lord, I am sacrificing my desires for you. I will not hurt you any longer. As soon as you sin, say an act of contrition right away and do some penance. Pray a rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet. You can start doing your penance right away.

Do not take communion if you are in mortal sin, then you are commiting more sin. Just go up for a blessing if you can’t get to confession.

I will be praying for you!
 
I think u guys got the impression that my parents would actually ask me why I needed to go to confession which I don’t think that would be the case. They are both very strong catholics and when I went to confession today (with the whole family but I suggested the idea read my other forum post for more info) they were proud of my desire to confess my sins and were quite proud. For some reason I just think that if I don’t go at the set times that they will start to question (internally not externally) what I did wrong… Thanks for the encouragement guys, I think i was just looking for an excuse to sin one more time, and you guys convinced me otherwise. This is just such a difficult sin because a LOT of people will tell you it’s fine and normal (one of my friends even laughed at the idea of not masturbating, though that doesn’t surprised me as he’s atheist).

One other question. Well I had been masturbating for a long time and had known it was a sin but just ignored it and kept going. It was only till recently that I decided to stop. All the while I kept receiving communion, was I supposed to confess that as some kind of sin in the confessional? I didn’t know what to call it and didnt think of it when I was in there so should I confess it at my next one? What is it even called lol?

Also is it wrong to want a wet dream? Like is that sinful as long as I’m not having lustful thoughts? Or is this just as bad as masturbation? I know I can’t control when I have them… but is it like wrong to enjoy them?
Some final notes:

Today was a lot easier than yesterday (I couldn’t stop thinking about the temptation yesterday). It was on my mind less today which made the temptation much weaker so I think I had less faith in my ability to abstain from it because of my experience yesterday.

Thanks so much everyone for your posts… Hope I’m able to finally stop this bad habit!

BTW: Sorry if there are any typing mistakes, wrote this on my iPhone 😛
 
i would like to add, as a rehabilitated chronic masturbator, that chronic masturbation leads to loss in a boy or man of the ability to love women and girls of any sexual age in spiritual ways. after so many ejaculations, the male becomes so conditioned, deeply and subconsciously, to imagining females as sex objects, to be tricked, used, dressed up for taboo and fetish sex, raped, molested, brought into lesbianism, bound, subjected to any manner of abuse of power, humiliated, etc, that the male eventually begins to lose his sense of love towards girls and women in general, whether they be friends, classmates, coworkers, neighbors, or even wives and girlfriends, etc. if any reader of this communication needs some interim sexual release while trying to abstain from masturbation to pornography, try learning how to masturbate (which is not a good thing to do at all, by the way, however) while fantasizing alone to thoughts of foreplay and sex during which both the imagined female sex partner and you, the masturbator, are stimulated mutually, especially to imagined scenes in which you enjoyed a real sexual encounter with someone loved or someone treated respectfully during the sexual encounter.

to the catholic church and catholic answers forum: i do not mean with this post to counter the factual catholic belief that masturbation is, most assuredly, a bad thing to do. that fact i know well. i mean here only to provide some ideas which helped me, a few years ago, to understand ways to masturbate privately (for sexual release or even just pleasure), which god, in my personal and very real relationship with him, allows me to do rarely, in order that i can prevent sexual tensions and sexual desires from creeping up in relationships i may have with sexually attractive women. i am an unmarried 41 year old man.

with love and a desire to help
whitecrayon
 
if any reader of this communication needs some interim sexual release while trying to abstain from masturbation to pornography, try learning how to masturbate (which is not a good thing to do at all, by the way, however) while fantasizing alone to thoughts of foreplay and sex during which both the imagined female sex partner and you, the masturbator, are stimulated mutually, especially to imagined scenes in which you enjoyed a real sexual encounter with someone loved or someone treated respectfully during the sexual encounter.
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I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying. Can you please rephrase this somehow? Are you saying it’s SOMETIMES okay to masturbate as long as you fantasize about sex that is mutual? I really have no idea what you’re saying… 😊
 
no, i am only trying to offer two ideas which might help you or someone else: one, the idea that there are ways to masturbate without pornography, which is generally sick, in order to wean oneself off of the masturbation addiction entirely; and two, the idea that, for me at least, the lord god almighty does allow me very rarely, for the reasons explained in my post just above, to masturbate.

while the catholic church condemns masturbation rightly, young men and older men sometimes engage in masturbation nevertheless. it is something that occurs, probably at least a few times in almost every male’s life, unless and until he takes priestly vows or enters a holy spiritual marriage union with a wife. for this reason, i have offered above two ideas into this forum which may genuinely help some men and boys who read them.

please, do not read into my posts the idea that i am heretical about masturbation, and please do not read into my posts that i believe it is sometimes okay to masturbate. for you, young teenager, and for everyone of us, the private truth we live with concerning our sexual fantasies is always known to god, and for each one of us whom he loves, he forgives necessarily differently.

if you, teenager, ever masturbate again, go straight to confession. and follow the advice of someone else offered above: go to the same priest with your confessions of lust, in order that he may come to understand you and your problem somewhat personally and that the lord may intervene through the priest in some ways which might help you eventually to conquer your problem.

with love
whitecrayon
 
Teencatholic44, it’s time for one more New Year’s resolution: to go to confession weekly. Tell that to your parents and tell them it’s because you want to be close to God and a better person, which are both very true. Then you have a scheduled time to go to confession every week and there will be no suspicion aroused. Please don’t wait until Lent.

Another thing is that your father was once a teenage boy. That means he almost certainly dealt with the same temptations and sins you are dealing with. He won’t think less of you for confronting this sin head-on.

Yes, do confess that you continued receiving Holy Communion while in a state of mortal sin. And that’s what to call it BTW. However, it is questionable if that was actually sinful for you because of your limited understanding at the time. You know, it’s OK to ask questions and have a conversation with the priest while you’re in confession. If I were you, I’d ask him if you should consider yourself guilty of another serious sin for doing that.

You’re doing great. If you were my son, the buttons would be popping off my shirt from being proud of you!
 
Hello there concerned 14 year old, your desire to stop this sin is wonderful, and rare for a teenager.
Masturbation is a sin rooted in unbelief. would you think about doing this in public? no way!!
That would be embarrassing!! I would never do that!! What would everyone think??!!
We are always, as God’s children, in His presence and he knows everything we do. Pro 5:21. So, if we do wickedness, even in the dark, He still sees. (Ecc12:14) However if we continue to sin, we really don’t believe He can see, or hear!
A paralyzed person usually has perfectly good legs, however lacks the connection from the brain to command the legs to move.(Spinal cord damage, etc.) And so the legs will shrivel up and become useless.
So will your sexual desire if you stop using it.
But don’t worry, if you overcome, Jesus will send you Miss Flawless in a few years and she will be only one in the world,so after you marry her, your abilities will return immediately. And she will truly love you more for being pure in heart!
When the evil one bring thoughts to you, ask Jesus to take them away, and he will, if you are in earnest. He is able! Look up Jude 24-25, and Romans 13:14 May the Lord reward your desire for purity! Walk with Him each day, all day, (and at night too.)
 
Teencatholic44 said:
Hello, if you read my other forum post you know that I’m currently trying to stop the habit/addiction of masturbation (BTW just as a follow up I had the confession today and it went great, thanks for the support guys!). I plan to go to confession next at lent, but my plan is to try to stop in intervals not cold turkey. Is it bad to still masturbate like once a week then once every 2weeks until i get all the way up to not doing it? Like can I try to make little goals? I just don’t know how long I can hold out (stupid hormones 🤷 ). I guess what I’m trying to ask is, if I do mess up is it okay to continue to get communion and stuff as long as I’m going to go to confession at lent? I’m only 14 so I can’t just go to confession on my own as my church is not in walking distance… and I’d have to ask my dad which would lead to him asking himself “wow what did he do?”… I really want to quite but I’m pretty sure I can’t do it cold turkey, but I also don’t want to be in a bad place with God… as my new years resolution was to grow closer to him… If you can help that’d be great. Thanks in advanced.
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Hey, dude. I’d just like to say that I know it’s tough. It’s really tough stuff to kick a habit like that. I’m actually still kind of working on it. Purity is a work in progress. You have to fight the urge to masturbate every day.

I know that I got into masturbation and porn when I was about 13 and a half. It’s been more than 5 years since, and I still haven’t kicked it entirely, but I only learned how bad it was when I was about 16 because my family’s not that close to the Catholic Faith, but I’m working on getting back into the Faith and showing my love for Christ by doing what I can to be pure.

I recommend you try all you can to stop. Cold turkey’s hard. I haven’t ever gone for more than about a month without falling again. Just to be careful, and respectful of Christ in the Eucharist, I have always gone without Communion when I know that I’ve slipped up. So, get the Sacrament of Reconciliation first if you slip up, or talk to a priest to figure your personal situation out. Either way, talking to a priest will be helpful.

Now, I’m trying what I can to stay pure. I know that praying helps me overcome temptation. You’ve gotta fight it every day. When I fail to pray, I usually fail to stay pure. So, pray to God for help every day. Praying to Joseph and Mary, two of the purest people ever, also helps too.

Anyway, I know it’s a tough battle. I’ve been and still am there, but life’s a battle, and you’ve gotta keep it up. God will help you through it, just pray and trust in Him.
 
Teencatholic44 said:
I think u guys got the impression that my parents would actually ask me why I needed to go to confession which I don’t think that would be the case. They are both very strong catholics and when I went to confession today (with the whole family but I suggested the idea read my other forum post for more info) they were proud of my desire to confess my sins and were quite proud. For some reason I just think that if I don’t go at the set times that they will start to question (internally not externally) what I did wrong… Thanks for the encouragement guys, I think i was just looking for an excuse to sin one more time, and you guys convinced me otherwise. This is just such a difficult sin because a LOT of people will tell you it’s fine and normal (one of my friends even laughed at the idea of not masturbating, though that doesn’t surprised me as he’s atheist).

One other question. Well I had been masturbating for a long time and had known it was a sin but just ignored it and kept going. It was only till recently that I decided to stop. All the while I kept receiving communion, was I supposed to confess that as some kind of sin in the confessional? I didn’t know what to call it and didnt think of it when I was in there so should I confess it at my next one? What is it even called lol?

Also is it wrong to want a wet dream? Like is that sinful as long as I’m not having lustful thoughts? Or is this just as bad as masturbation? I know I can’t control when I have them… but is it like wrong to enjoy them?
Some final notes:

Today was a lot easier than yesterday (I couldn’t stop thinking about the temptation yesterday). It was on my mind less today which made the temptation much weaker so I think I had less faith in my ability to abstain from it because of my experience yesterday.

Thanks so much everyone for your posts… Hope I’m able to finally stop this bad habit!

BTW: Sorry if there are any typing mistakes, wrote this on my iPhone 😛
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It is bad to want a wet dream because that’s wanting sexually perverted thoughts and pleasure that is ungodly. Having lustful thoughts and wanting them are both sinful. You have to not want them to get rid of them completely, and to free yourself from impurity. Also, it is wrong to enjoy lustful thoughts. It’s called “entertaining lustful thoughts and desires”, as I’ve heard and confessed many times, and it is what makes lustful thoughts sinful. As soon as a lustful thought comes close to your mind, or gets in your mind. Try to push it out right away and offer it up to God. Ask Him to take it from you and help you to be pure. This is where the prayer(s) can come in. Keep praying. Get far from that temptation. If it comes back. It’s more prayer time. I know it’s gonna start out really tough for you to use this strategy, but believe me, if you stay persistent with your prayers to God, stay patient with yourself, and try not to give up, you’re gonna eventually find it easier. Frequently receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation will be beneficial to you as it will help you avoid temptations and sins too.

May Mary help you on your quest for purity.
 
whitecrayon said:
try learning how to masturbate (which is not a good thing to do at all, by the way, however) while fantasizing alone to thoughts of foreplay and sex during which both the imagined female sex partner and you, the masturbator, are stimulated mutually, especially to imagined scenes in which you enjoyed a real sexual encounter with someone loved or someone treated respectfully during the sexual encounter.
whitecrayon
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Do not do this. Although whitecrayon may have good intentions, this will **not **help you to respect women, regain purity, or kick the nasty habit. Avoid *all *forms of masturbation, regardless of what sort of feigned “dignity” you attempt to assign to fantasy victims.

Go cold turkey all the way. I’m rooting for ya!! 👍
 
Teencatholic44 said:
One other question. Well I had been masturbating for a long time and had known it was a sin but just ignored it and kept going. It was only till recently that I decided to stop. All the while I kept receiving communion, was I supposed to confess that as some kind of sin in the confessional? I didn’t know what to call it and didnt think of it when I was in there so should I confess it at my next one? What is it even called lol?
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actually, the best way to explain it to your priest is just how you explained it here.
Also is it wrong to want a wet dream? Like is that sinful as long as I’m not having lustful thoughts? Or is this just as bad as masturbation? I know I can’t control when I have them… but is it like wrong to enjoy them?
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it is also sinful to desire impurity, so no that is not ok, you must resist even what is not in your control,
but a little tip for bad dreams, try sleeping with a blessed crucifix in your hand, i have a Saint Benedict crucifix and i have never had a bad dream while holding it(whereas i have had bad dreams just by forgetting it for one night) so maybe it will work for you to.
 
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