After two months of refraining I was weak and did it today. I feel terrible. I know that I did it for so long and sometimes certain things are just hard to stop but I am upset with myself. I know I need to confession (I planned on going soon anyway) but I feel like if my priest remembers me from last time he’ll think low of me. I don’t understand why I feel the need to do this, I have never been sexually active in my life. Please pray for me
the priest won’t think low of you, believe me, and no priest should have such high expectations for someone that they would be disappointed in them for falling, instead the priest would more likely have greater respect for you for coming to confession and being so honest and sincere, because what really causes more disappointment for a priest is when people come and pile sin upon sin by making an unworthy confession by concealing things,
but just don’t let that bother you, because what that really is, is pride; to want to conceal what is true in order to gain respect, but in turn by gaining someone’s respect through dishonesty, you end up displeasing the one who matters most, God.
and believe it or not, being upset with yourself that way is also pride, because the reason you are upset is you do not regard yourself as the weak creature you really are, and although we should have sorrow for our sins, it should be because of how they offend God and how they have hurt Jesus, but not because we expected better from ourselves, it is because someone expects better of themselves that they fall and become disappointed, because then they are relying on their own strength, which they do not have, and they end up neglecting to seek Gods help in all things and then inevitably fall,
instead when you have sinned in some way, you should immediately turn to God, make an act of contrition, do some kind of penance(like say a prayer or offer up some suffering) resolve to do better next time, and go to confession as soon as possible if necessary.
when you realize that you do not have the strength yourself to resist sin, but that you are completely and utterly dependent on God for the grace to do any good, then you will become less upset with yourself for sinning, and more focused on seeking Gods help in all things, taking each fall; not as a source of depression, but as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes, and to know yourself better,
because humility is really the virtue of truth, it’s knowing yourself and what you can expect from yourself, by which you may be able to better avoid the sins you are prone to, and also grow in the virtues you are in need of.
and if you need help in really overcoming this sin for good, i have some suggestions,
first, listen to this -
audiosancto.org/categories/purity.php
and also, take up the practice of saying 3 Hail Marys in the morning and at night for the intentions of purity and holiness, that was the practice of Saint Maria Goretti, and it was the thing my confessor recommended to me, after which i never sinned that way again.
alright, hope this helps, take care.
