Materialism and our children

[Vivienne]

How did you or would you handle gift giving that is excessive by aunts and uncles and grandparents?

We have 2 children under 3 years old and I want to get a handle on this before they are older and really understand. And I want to deal with it soon, before the upcoming Christmas season.

We buy our children 1-3 gifts per birthday/ Christmas. But the relatives go crazy - each aunt or uncle buys them 5-8 gifts. And the grandparents 10-20 gifts (I’m not kidding!). Our older child couldn’t even open them all last Christmas, he got bored.

And we feel somewhat obligated to buy all of them gifts in return and spending more money than we should.

Do we just let it go? How would you let them know that this is just too much? Without coming across as ungrateful or judgemental? Do I send out a email to everyone, or call each family on the phone? How have you handled a similar situation?

Oh and our family members are all Catholic or Christians who really aren’t materialistic in their own lives - they are just really generous… maybe a little too much…

 

[1ke]

Well. That is a difficult situation.

First and foremost, don’t let what everyone else does influence YOU to spend more money than you want to or can afford to in order to “keep up” and give the same amount to their kids. Gifts are always freely given or they aren’t gifts.

If you are feeling like you ‘have’ to spend a lot of money, then focus on why and overcome those feelings. Be happy with yourself, your family, and your decisions.

Regarding what others give your children, you can certainly gently suggest one or two gifts. I’d do it on the phone or in person, and well in advance of the holidays. However, gift givers don’t always listen.

So, if they do give your children tons of stuff thank them kindly and then do with it as you see fit once you get it home-- keep a few and donate the rest to charity. Clean out the toybox frequently. The kids will never miss these things.

 

[puzzleannie]

How did you or would you handle gift giving that is excessive by aunts and uncles and grandparents?

We have 2 children under 3 years old and I want to get a handle on this before they are older and really understand. And I want to deal with it soon, before the upcoming Christmas season.

We buy our children 1-3 gifts per birthday/ Christmas. But the relatives go crazy - each aunt or uncle buys them 5-8 gifts. And the grandparents 10-20 gifts (I’m not kidding!). Our older child couldn’t even open them all last Christmas, he got bored.

…

you will only have to do this once, this Christmas, and start murmuring your rule gently beginning in October.
All Junior’s loving aunts and grandparents were so generous last year, that he has never even had a chance to play with most of his gifts. We don’t want him to grow up greedy, or to expect his relatives to give extravagent gifts. We want him to love his relatives for who they are not what they give, so we are asking all of you to hold off on big gifts from now on. Enforce it by returning gifts (to the giver, not to the store for the money, that would be cheating, if tempting). Just say a gracious, fulsome thank you, but Junior has way too much already, the little [whatever] you already gave him is more than enough, and he loves it so much, because it came from you.

repeat, repeat, repeat and stand by your words, and enforce with grandma as well as all the other relatives. do it now before your kids get old enough to work the crowd.

SILs both of them laid down the law a few years ago–no more large plastic toys, no more toys with wheels, no more electronics. and we try to obey, they do cut grandma some slack, but not much.

 

[whatevergirl]

How did you or would you handle gift giving that is excessive by aunts and uncles and grandparents?

We have 2 children under 3 years old and I want to get a handle on this before they are older and really understand. And I want to deal with it soon, before the upcoming Christmas season.

We buy our children 1-3 gifts per birthday/ Christmas. But the relatives go crazy - each aunt or uncle buys them 5-8 gifts. And the grandparents 10-20 gifts (I’m not kidding!). Our older child couldn’t even open them all last Christmas, he got bored.

And we feel somewhat obligated to buy all of them gifts in return and spending more money than we should.

Do we just let it go? How would you let them know that this is just too much? Without coming across as ungrateful or judgemental? Do I send out a email to everyone, or call each family on the phone? How have you handled a similar situation?

Oh and our family members are all Catholic or Christians who really aren’t materialistic in their own lives - they are just really generous… maybe a little too much…

This used to happen a lot with my sister…but, it makes her feel happy to give to my kids. I don’t allow it to bother me or make me feel like I have to spend just as much on her kids (who are now grown men out of college) I just simply give her a big hug, and thank her. Our kids know to be appreciative for all they have, and that life is not about possessions. God wants us to prosper, but in our culture, it can be tough to not fall into the trap of materialism. I would just continue to be grateful, as it is very touching to see family member’s generosity.

I just wouldn’t allow it to cause you to feel that you need to spend as much in return.

 

[3Bambinos]

We had the same type of problem with our kids. My husband and I now have talked to all our relatives (most of whom totally understand) and told them that we just don’t have the room or the need for more toys. We try to tell them what the kids could use (in a nice way of course) or I’ve also suggested charities that gifts could be donated to instead. A lot of times saying “donate the gift to less fortunate kids” just doesn’t fly w/ the gift-givers. In those cases, I try to ask for a book, or art supplies, etc. We also have a rule in our house that for every present we keep, we give a toy to charity.

To keep our materialism down, my husband and I donate the equivalant of what we spend on each other to charity as a gift to baby Jesus. Catholic Relief services has a project catalog that comes out every Christmas. You can buy “shares” of various projects. It’s awesome, and helps us all remember the real meaning of Christmas.

 

[DebChris]

I did not do very well with this. Before marriage, my husband and I agreed to a maximum of one present each. We wanted to keep the focus on the reason for the season. I also remembered my own childhood. One year we would have much and another year we would have little. I did not want any of our children going through this up/down of big and small Christmases.
The reality is the smaller Christmasses were generally more memorable. The gifts had more meaning. There is the photo of my mother beaming while wearing the single hat she received one Christmas and my sister in another photo with drooping diaper holding the teddy bear that was the same size as she.
That may be one way to approach the issue.
One of my mistakes was me making the requests of in-laws. This made me appear controlling. At the time, I also lacked the vocabulary, the vocabulary I just used of saying that I wanted each Christmas to be equally memorable, of telling them that they are more important than the money they spent on any one of us.
Their excuse, of course, was that they like seeing children open a multitude of presents. Grandparents have a right to “spoil their only grandchild.”
I still continued to adhere to the original agreement, although as my daughter put it, “sometimes it was really more than one” present. One example is finding a big can of crayons and covering that can of crayons with a puppet. This was the present I wrapped. And on the outside I used other small gifts, such as a coin purse, as part of the trimming.