Matrimony Question

[jdunn41]

I’ve been married for six years to a Jewish woman. Before we got married I asked the priest who did all of our families’ baptisms, first communions, etc. how to get it recognized by the Church. All he mentioned was a dispensation and sort of discouraged me from trying to get it. So we were married by a Rabbi (who was nice enough to let me include two readings). That being said my faith has always been very important to me and I’ve never really abandoned it. I’m an active, practicing Catholic who’s very involved in his parish.

I’ve always wanted my marriage to be recognized and upon further research I understand there’s a convalidation process that we could go through. As far as I know my wife does not plant to convert however it is, and always has been, to do everything in my power to raise our children Catholic. Obviously the first step would be to make an appointment with our parish priest, but before I do that is the convalidation process difficult? I never see visiting with a priest as a waste of time but would it be worthwhile to meet with him?

Any advice is appreciated! Thanks!

John

 

[Spirithound]

Dear friend, you need to speak with your priest as soon as possible. You were given very bad advice by the first priest, and your marriage is currently invalid. Having marital relations without a valid marriage is objectively grave matter, and may be a mortal sin. Please talk to your priest as soon as possible.

 

[Catholic1954]

As long as you and wife were free to marry at the time of your wedding, the convalidation process should not be an issue. You should take care of it as soon as possible, right now this marriage is not recognize as sacremental by the Church.

 

[johns58w]

Dear friend, you need to speak with your priest as soon as possible. You were given very bad advice by the first priest, and your marriage is currently invalid. Having marital relations without a valid marriage is objectively grave matter, and may be a mortal sin. Please talk to your priest as soon as possible.

Always wondered if certain priests read Cathechism of the Catholic Church. Now I don’t have my Catechism in front of me, is the term “dispensation of cult”? I’m not a priest but I would recommend meeting one. Please ask him if he can show you in the Catechism about marriage issues. If he doesn’t have one he needs to get one.

 

[benedictgal]

Always wondered if certain priests read Cathechism of the Catholic Church. Now I don’t have my Catechism in front of me, is the term “dispensation of cult”? I’m not a priest but I would recommend meeting one. Please ask him if he can show you in the Catechism about marriage issues. If he doesn’t have one he needs to get one.

The Catechism is a teaching document, but, it was never meant to be a catch-all for every issue of the Church. It is a teaching document, but, not a liturgical document nor a canonical document.

As others have stated, you need to see a priest ASAP. Is your wife willing to go through a convalidation? If she was free to marry at the time the two of you went before the Rabbi, then, as others have indicated, this should not be a problem. But, she needs to want to do this as well.

 

[Seatuck]

I’ve been married for six years to a Jewish woman. Before we got married I asked the priest who did all of our families’ baptisms, first communions, etc. how to get it recognized by the Church. All he mentioned was a dispensation and sort of discouraged me from trying to get it. So we were married by a Rabbi (who was nice enough to let me include two readings). That being said my faith has always been very important to me and I’ve never really abandoned it. I’m an active, practicing Catholic who’s very involved in his parish.

I’ve always wanted my marriage to be recognized and upon further research I understand there’s a convalidation process that we could go through. As far as I know my wife does not plant to convert however it is, and always has been, to do everything in my power to raise our children Catholic. Obviously the first step would be to make an appointment with our parish priest, but before I do that is the convalidation process difficult? I never see visiting with a priest as a waste of time but would it be worthwhile to meet with him?

Any advice is appreciated! Thanks!

John

I’m curious as to where you live and how old was the priest who gave you the advice and is he SSPX or something? Is it possbile you misunderstood him and he was actually discouraging you from marrying a non christian because of the difficulties?

You say you are practicing but if you are in an invalid marriage I hope you aren’t receiving communion because you are not living in a state of grace due to the invalid marriage at the moment.You should probably cease marital relations at this time.

Please do make an appointment with a priest ( probably not the original one) and get things started to make things right with the church and God. You will need to go to confession and you will need convalidation. If your wife will not participate in convalidation you may request Radical Sanation. It is not that difficult a process as long as there are no impediments to marriage.

Prayers for you . You come across as being sincere at heart.I think you are responding to the Holy Spirit which is wonderful.

 

[Spirithound]

Always wondered if certain priests read Cathechism of the Catholic Church. Now I don’t have my Catechism in front of me, is the term “dispensation of cult”? I’m not a priest but I would recommend meeting one. Please ask him if he can show you in the Catechism about marriage issues. If he doesn’t have one he needs to get one.

I think it’s “disparity of cult”. I don’t know if “dispensation from form” will also be needed. Some priests will take care of obtaining the dispensation(s) necessary, but I am worried because OP said the priest discouraged him from getting it.

 

[jdunn41]

Thanks for all the good advice, it’s about what I expected. I think I did misinterpret what my priest said six or seven years ago, thinking about it a little more I think it was more along the lines of “Are you sure you know what you’re getting into?” because my Dad was kind of the same way.

I hadn’t brought it up to my wife yet but I think it’s pretty safe to assume she’d be on board with it. We’re both very respectful of each other’s beliefs and she encouraged me to try and have our wedding ceremony concelebrated by the rabbi and the priest (which could have been difficult since we live in KC and our wedding was in Dallas). I intend to make an appointment with our priest for this week, hopefully he can see us!

Obviously this is something I can ask Fr. Andrew, but does anyone know how long the convalidation process can take?

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I’ve been married for six years to a Jewish woman. Before we got married I asked the priest who did all of our families’ baptisms, first communions, etc. how to get it recognized by the Church. All he mentioned was a dispensation and sort of discouraged me from trying to get it. So we were married by a Rabbi (who was nice enough to let me include two readings). That being said my faith has always been very important to me and I’ve never really abandoned it. I’m an active, practicing Catholic who’s very involved in his parish.

I’ve always wanted my marriage to be recognized and upon further research I understand there’s a convalidation process that we could go through. As far as I know my wife does not plant to convert however it is, and always has been, to do everything in my power to raise our children Catholic. Obviously the first step would be to make an appointment with our parish priest, but before I do that is the convalidation process difficult? I never see visiting with a priest as a waste of time but would it be worthwhile to meet with him?

Any advice is appreciated! Thanks!

John

Keeping in mind that a Sacramental Marriage requires both people to be validly Baptized. A Marriage can be recognized as valid between a Catholic and a non-Baptized person. This requires your Bishops dispensation from a canon Law that makes a Marriage between a Baptized Catholic and a non-Baptized person automatically invalid. So speak to your pastor, he can request this dispensation for your Bishop, you can then validly exchange vows and be validly Married. I understand that this is technically not a convalidation but a new celebration of the Marriage.

 

[1ke]

Obviously this is something I can ask Fr. Andrew, but does anyone know how long the convalidation process can take?

This is a question to ask your priest, because the answer varies by diocese.

Each diocese has its own requirements for marital preparation (you are not married as far as the Church is concerned). Some require couples seeking convalidation to go through the same marital preparation program as unmarried couples seeking marriage in the Church. This program differs by diocese on how it is administered and what is required. Other parishes/diocese don’t require that, and instead have a series of meetings with the couple privately with the priest.

Minimally, the priest will meet with you a couple of times to ensure you understand the Church’s teaching on marriage, complete freedom to marry paperwork, complete the paperwork for the Bishop for the dispensation from disparity of cult, and then perform the convalidation.

If the parish/diocese also requires attendance at the premarital programs sponsored by the diocese (i.e. retreats, etc), that could add time to the process.

This is an individual situation, and the best answer will be given to you by your priest.