May I attend my nephew's wedding?

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Cincy_Maria

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My non-practicing Catholic nephew is marrying outside the Church. He is getting married at the same location as the reception will be held and the person who is officiating belongs to some group that seems to include a lot of “Catholics” who believe in women’s ordination, married priests, etc. This man is licensed by the state.

I’m not sure, but I don’t think my nephew’s fiancee has had any religious upbringing. I’m not sure if she was even baptized. Can I attend his wedding if I am not taking part in the ceremony? Morally, how much am I obliged to find out about the fiancee’s religious background? Sadly, my brother and sister-in-law (the groom’s parents) don’t seem to see any problem with the way this marriage will be celebrated.
 
Cincy_Maria said:
My non-practicing Catholic nephew is marrying outside the Church. He is getting married at the same location as the reception will be held and the person who is officiating belongs to some group that seems to include a lot of “Catholics” who believe in women’s ordination, married priests, etc. This man is licensed by the state.

I’m not sure, but I don’t think my nephew’s fiancee has had any religious upbringing. I’m not sure if she was even baptized. Can I attend his wedding if I am not taking part in the ceremony? Morally, how much am I obliged to find out about the fiancee’s religious background? Sadly, my brother and sister-in-law (the groom’s parents) don’t seem to see any problem with the way this marriage will be celebrated.
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I am not a Priest but I see no reason why you shouldn’t go. What a great chance to pray and be an example of your faith.

What would you do at a Protestant wedding?

Check out the catechism
 
I would speak with my priest ASAP if I was you. But generally the answer is no, you should not attend the wedding. Your nephew’s marriage will be invalid in the eyes of the Catholic Church, unless he’s received dispensation from his Bishop to marry outside the Church which from what you’ve described is not the case. Even if he’s a non-practicing Catholic, he’s still a Catholic and bound to the teachings of the Church including entering into a valid marriage. Your presence at the wedding can be see as an act of condoning your nephew’s actions and would not be witnessing to the truths of the Catholic faith.
 
Here are a couple of links that will help you make your decision:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=167154

cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=137

I have suggested that you should attend the wedding, and I offer this passage, from the second link:

“There is a real concern that if a person refuses to attend the wedding, a rift in friendship could occur. This division could hinder any witness to the truth, and this concern is especially serious if the wedding involves a close friend or family member. This concern alone must not hinder our witness (cf. Lk. 12:51-53), but it can guide our actions as we fulfill our obligation to bring others to Christ. It could be that not attending would destroy any possible chance to witness the truth to the persons involved, especially if no reason is given for not attending. It could also be that not attending, and giving reasons for the absence, will help the couple choose the way of Christ. If a Catholic chooses to attend, he will want to ensure that no one considers his presence to be an affirmation of the sin.”

What will your not attending achieve? Probably just a family rift.
 
The links above should prove helpful. Most situations such as yours will have specifics that could throw your end decision in either direction.

I would, in contrast, start first with the presumption that this will be an invalid marriage, and that there would be ultimate good done if your non-attendance were used to witness to the truth. I would approach any compromise to this in terms of making that message known, understood, and hopefully effective. Your attendance is not really the most important part here, it is what you convey of the truth.

Wherever you are on that day, your first responsibility is to proclaim the truth, and I hope you take the opportunity to speak with or write to your nephew directly concerning this subject. If you don’t, who will?
 
Do you ever wish to speak to your brother and sister-in-law again?
How about your nephew and his wife-to-be?

If you see no problem with having them possibly never speak to you again and never invite you to anything, then don’t go.

However, if you hope to continue to be a part of their lives and hopefully witness to them further, then you should go.

Most people are not going to think, “My aunt is not attending my wedding because she is witnessing to us about her faith.” They are going to think, “The $%^#@ did not attend my wedding because she thinks she is holier than thou. $#%^& her!”

You can have lunch with your nephew, explain your point of view and the view of the Catholic church, and then let it go. You will have made your point, done some witnessing and teaching of the faith, but ultimately, you are still family. So if you want him to return to practicing the faith, show love and witness through your actions, not give ultimatums. He is no longer a child.
 
underacloud said:
Here are a couple of links that will help you make your decision:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=167154

cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=137

I have suggested that you should attend the wedding, and I offer this passage, from the second link:

“There is a real concern that if a person refuses to attend the wedding, a rift in friendship could occur. This division could hinder any witness to the truth, and this concern is especially serious if the wedding involves a close friend or family member. This concern alone must not hinder our witness (cf. Lk. 12:51-53), but it can guide our actions as we fulfill our obligation to bring others to Christ. It could be that not attending would destroy any possible chance to witness the truth to the persons involved, especially if no reason is given for not attending. It could also be that not attending, and giving reasons for the absence, will help the couple choose the way of Christ. If a Catholic chooses to attend, he will want to ensure that no one considers his presence to be an affirmation of the sin.”

What will your not attending achieve? Probably just a family rift.
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Read the above links AND then research this forum for this question is asked numerous times and more well informed members than I have provided links to answers that are contrary to what this comment quoted.

Ultimately, you should discuss it with your priest or spiritual advisor, consider ALL the links provided on this whole forum after your search and make a well informed decision.
 
I have attended the weddings of relatives who are Catholics but who elected to marry outside the Church. Suffice it to say that I am quite sure it was not taken as an indication that I thought marriage in the Church doesn’t matter. Rather, it was taken to mean that, like your family, the Church doesn’t turn its back on you, even when you turn your back on the Church. Besides, as a priest friend of mine pointed out, there are times when you are relieved that at least the couple finally decided to get married, rather than just continuing to live together. It is a step in the right direction.

I am also certain that had we not gone, it would have had an adverse effect on the chance that the relatives in question would return to being active in the Church. Had the relative(s) in question ever indicated that the wedding was specifically intended as a poke in the eye of religion, however, or if I had any fear that my presence would be taken as some evidence that I don’t think Church weddings matter, that would be a horse of a different color. Also, so far these have been weddings where the parties were both free to marry each other in the eyes of the Church and had, as nearly as I can tell, every intention of being open to children and remaining married to each other for life.
 
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