May she attend this wedding?

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Jeffery_J_Smith

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Hello, I was asked by a devoted Catholic mother about the following situation.
Her daughter (Becky -made up name) is marrying a man (Joey-made up name) who was married once before in a Pentecostal Church. Joey has since been legally divorced from his first marriage.
Joey wanted to marry Becky in the Catholic Church, but refused to have his 1st marriage examined for an annulment, so they have decided to marry in the Pentecostal Church instead. So the question that the devote mother has is the following: May I attend the wedding of my daughter, who is marrying outside of the Catholic Church to a man who refused to have his first marriage examined for grounds of annulment? I’m afraid that if I do go to the wedding I will be turning my back on God.
 
Jeffery_J_Smith said:
Hello, I was asked by a devoted Catholic mother about the following situation.
Her daughter (Becky -made up name) is marrying a man (Joey-made up name) who was married once before in a Pentecostal Church. Joey has since been legally divorced from his first marriage.
Joey wanted to marry Becky in the Catholic Church, but refused to have his 1st marriage examined for an annulment, so they have decided to marry in the Pentecostal Church instead. So the question that the devote mother has is the following: May I attend the wedding of my daughter, who is marrying outside of the Catholic Church to a man who refused to have his first marriage examined for grounds of annulment? I’m afraid that if I do go to the wedding I will be turning my back on God.
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It will not be matrimony but an invalid attempt to marry, since a Catholic must marry with the approval of the Catholic Church. His Pentecostal marriage may be valid, since he was not Catholic he was not bound to the Catholic form of marriage. A tribunal would have to examine his marriage to see if he was free to marry.

I think it will be scandal to attend.
 
My youngest son had a catholic wedding as he married a catholic woman and we’re catholic. My oldest son did not, in fact I wasn’t invited to that wedding for reasons that had nothing to do with religion. He married a woman who is not catholic.

I’m telling you that no matter who/what/when/where my child was getting married, I would be there. I cannot tell you how it hurts that I did not see my oldest son get married. I eventually got pictures of their wedding, but it’s not the same as actually being there.
 
Regardless of religious beliefs, how can any parent turn their back on what is the biggest day in their child’s life?
 
I actually believe she should attend the wedding. It would be different if the person were gay or something but they aren’t so I don’t see how it would be wrong to attend.👍
 
I would say no… It’s an invalid marriage but I would tell her to ask her priest for a final answer.
 
Before I talked to the priest, I’d talk to my potential son in law again to find out what his objections to an annullment are in order to clear up any misunderstandings he may have about it. If it was due to just plain obstinacy, I’d have a private talk with my daughter about her choice for a mate. Is it better to gain a husband than to lose your soul? How much can the guy really love her if he doesn’t allow her to follow her conscience even before they’re “married?” I’d also make sure she really understood the consequences of “marrying” outside of the Church; not to be judgemental, but out of love for her and concern for her eternal soul. If they still opted for the Pentecostal wedding after all of that, I’d still go but they’d know for sure that they wouldn’t have a valid marriage. There’s no difference between this and if they lived together. I’d still visit. I wouldn’t disown my own daughter. But that doesn’t mean I’d condone their living together,and they’d know it.

It’s questions like this that make me glad that I’m a spinster with a cat! :egyptian:
:blessyou:
 
Jeffrey J Smith,

Please read this:

cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=137

Also from the apologist [Michelle Arnold (http://forums.catholic-questions.org/member.php?u=9) on CAF from 2007:
  • The Church does not explicitly forbid Catholics from attending presumptively-invalid marriages. Catholics must use their own prudential judgment in making the decision, keeping in mind the need to uphold the Catholic understanding of the sanctity of marriage. One rule of thumb that may be helpful in making such decisions might be to ask yourself if you believe the couple is doing the best that they can to act honorably and according to the truth that they have. So, for example, you might decide to attend the presumptively-invalid wedding of a couple who is expecting a child; but decline to attend the presumptively-invalid wedding of a couple who have engaged in adultery and destroyed previous marriages and families.
  • While there may be just reason to attend a particular wedding that will be presumptively-invalid, I cannot recommend participating as a member of the wedding party in such weddings. There is a difference between attending as a non-participating observer and actively involving yourself in the wedding as an honor attendant.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=167154&referrerid=116848
 
So mothers of children who marry outside the Catholic church should ignore their child’s wedding? I find this cold and mean spirited. If your child is an ADULT, then they make these decisions about their own lives and their own faith. And while you might not agree, it truly is their life and their decision to make and to stay away from a child’s wedding might create a rift that could last a lifetime and be very painful to all involved.
No way would I miss my child’s wedding or my grand child’s wedding as long as I’m invited.
Take my word for it, it HURTS terribly when your child marries and you don’t witness the wedding.
 
It is not a sin to attend an invalid wedding. She should discuss the matter with her priest – but, contrary the the advice one may get on here, 99 times out of 100 the priest will advise family members to attend the wedding.
 
The_Holy_War_11 said:
I actually believe she should attend the wedding. It would be different if the person were gay or something but they aren’t so I don’t see how it would be wrong to attend.👍
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I am married to a man who is divorced. “IF” I were intimate with him I would be sleeping with another woman’s husband. That is concidered adultry according to the Scriptures. So is gay any worse than adultry?? If we strip everything down to black & white we can see the sin. Sin is sin, if I commit it or if someone else commits it. Anything that seperates us from God is sin. If the mother knows she is sinning by going, then that is on her. She should talk to a priest before making up her mind.
 
SCANDAL. Any action or its omission, not necessarily sinful in itself, that is likely to induce another to do something morally wrong. Direct scandal, also called diabolical, has the deliberate intention to induce another to sin. In indirect scandal a person does something that he or she foresees will at least likely lead another to commit sin, but this is rather tolerated than positively desired. (Etym. Latin scandalum, stumbling block.)

A Modern Catholic Dictionary, Fr. John Hardon, S.J.

So for a Catholic to marry without the approval of the Catholic Church provides an example to others of what not to do, which is scandal to the weak. Direct or tacit approval may also provide scandal to the weak, such as approving of what the Church teaches is wrong: attempting an invalid marriage and also cohabiting as husband and wife after an invalid marriage.
 
Jeffery_J_Smith said:
Hello, I was asked by a devoted Catholic mother about the following situation.
Her daughter (Becky -made up name) is marrying a man (Joey-made up name) who was married once before in a Pentecostal Church. Joey has since been legally divorced from his first marriage.
Joey wanted to marry Becky in the Catholic Church, but refused to have his 1st marriage examined for an annulment, so they have decided to marry in the Pentecostal Church instead. So the question that the devote mother has is the following: May I attend the wedding of my daughter, who is marrying outside of the Catholic Church to a man who refused to have his first marriage examined for grounds of annulment? I’m afraid that if I do go to the wedding I will be turning my back on God.
Click to expand...
My son , married in the church, was divorced then remarried without an annulment.
It was a difficult decision my wife and I faced,my son and his future wife had gotten a hall, caterer,and deposited a lot of money before informing us of their plans.
My wife instantly knew she could not attend, I agonized over this until I this question came to me. “How have you taken care of the child I sent you?”
 
Your friend needs to speak with a priest. A forum is not really a suitable place to deal with this. All these rules on attendance or not are to try to bring the person back to the faith. They are a prudential judgment as to what’s best to do. There are several layers of concern: the Catholic, the non-Catholic spouse, other Catholic family members, non-Catholic family members, the Catholic community, the non-Catholic community and future children.

The analysis requires a detailed understanding of the situation. Hence, talk with a priest. In the US today without further information, I would go as I believe that going, in general, is the far better response. I would fear an irreparable breach and loss of the child.

That being said, I reiterate, talk with a priest to get all the facts. The whole point is to do what is best thought to bring the child back to the faith without leading others astray. It’s a balancing act. It’s murky. Do your best.
 
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