Maybe converting wasn't the right idea

[jlyn1110]

I joined the Catholic Church at the '08 Easter Vigil after several years of praying and trying to sort things out. And now I’m starting to second guess the decision I made.

I’m 22 and was raised in a nominally Christian home. My mom took us to an Episcopalian church for a few years when we were kids, but I didn’t receive any sort of religious training past the 8th grade, until I decided to convert. It’s really tough being Catholic in a houseful of non-Catholics; I really don’t know how much they want to know about the day-to-day of my faith life.

Before I officially converted, I started seeing a guy who was raised in a Catholic home. He is more observant than your average ‘Cafeteria’ Catholic, but by no means does he follow all tenants and precepts of the Church. We have been dating nearly 2 years. Our relationship is intimate . He sees nothing particularly wrong with it; I tend to go back and forth on the issue. Neither of us forced the other into anything.

I guess I’m posting here because I’d really like to have a fuller experience of faith and the Church’s offerings without losing what I already have. Despite what may appear to be a shaky foundation, my boyfriend and I really do have a good relationship. We make it a point to attend Mass together. I can imagine myself marrying this man!

I’m frustrated. I feel so guilty for the sinfulness of our relationship. I know that we both could use a good Confession and some spiritual direction. I am terrified of Confession. The RCIA group I participated in left a lot to be desired. I was never really prepared for the sacrament of Confession and I am so, so scared of being reprimanded. I think everything was easier when I was simply a nominal Christian. I’m feeling like I want that back.

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense - I want to be a good Catholic and be free from the massive guilt I feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What helped you get through it?

 

[Sina]

Hi there
Just saw your post and read it. Nothing major to add because I feel in your position sometimes too. I converted when I was 19 and was previously of the Lutheran persuasion. It is a constant struggle to fight sin. You can’t do it without Jesus, let me tell you that. Going to confession can be scary but you will feel so good afterwards. You will believe that Jesus forgives you. You will not be reprimanded. The priest is not there to judge you.

Nobody said being Catholic is easy. Before I converted ( and I think I was quite young ), I thought being Catholic would be easy. I knew so many Cafeteria Catholics and it didn’t seem to be too hard to be them. The easy path isn’t the way. You know that!

You probably also know that the Catholic church is the true and actual church established by Christ Himself. Otherwise you wouldn’t have converted. You aren’t perfect, nobody is.

What I suggest is to reach out to some kind of group in your parish like a young couples group. You need some fellowship. Who was your sponsor at RCIA? Your boyfriend? You need to have a serious discussion with your boyfriend about how your being intimate with each other is sinful and causing a lot of guilt.

I think we all struggle with different types of sins at different times in our lives. When you do get married, are you going to be able to follow the faith’s teaching in not using artificial birth control? (ABC). Do you know about NFP? I didn’t think about these things before converting. Now I struggle. But who doesn’t? Your faith journey is a constant struggle… and you can’t overcome your struggles by abandoning your faith and just being a Cafeteria Catholic.

I am sure you will get all kinds of great responses here. Meanwhile, I will pray for you.

 

[jmcrae]

I joined the Catholic Church at the '08 Easter Vigil after several years of praying and trying to sort things out. And now I’m starting to second guess the decision I made.

I’m 22 and was raised in a nominally Christian home. My mom took us to an Episcopalian church for a few years when we were kids, but I didn’t receive any sort of religious training past the 8th grade, until I decided to convert. It’s really tough being Catholic in a houseful of non-Catholics; I really don’t know how much they want to know about the day-to-day of my faith life.

I am in the same situation - in my case, they don’t want to know anything at all. Make friends at Church, and discuss your spiritual life with them.

Before I officially converted, I started seeing a guy who was raised in a Catholic home. He is more observant than your average ‘Cafeteria’ Catholic, but by no means does he follow all tenants and precepts of the Church. We have been dating nearly 2 years. Our relationship is intimate . He sees nothing particularly wrong with it; I tend to go back and forth on the issue. Neither of us forced the other into anything.

Have you discussed it with him? The first step is, you need to discuss it with your boyfriend - let him know your concerns. One assumes that you are using some form of birth control, which he has to also know is a second sin that compounds the first sin. Ask him whether he loves you enough to want to help you get to Heaven, by assisting you to become the most virtuous person possible.

His answer will determine the future of your relationship.

You also need to ask yourself whether you love him enough to want to help him get to Heaven. Because this is what marriage is based on - helping each other get to Heaven.

I guess I’m posting here because I’d really like to have a fuller experience of faith and the Church’s offerings without losing what I already have. Despite what may appear to be a shaky foundation, my boyfriend and I really do have a good relationship. We make it a point to attend Mass together. I can imagine myself marrying this man!

That’s really nice.

I’m frustrated. I feel so guilty for the sinfulness of our relationship. I know that we both could use a good Confession and some spiritual direction. I am terrified of Confession. The RCIA group I participated in left a lot to be desired. I was never really prepared for the sacrament of Confession and I am so, so scared of being reprimanded.

You will not be reprimanded in the Confessional. The priest is on your side. He is there to help you; not to yell at you.

I think everything was easier when I was simply a nominal Christian. I’m feeling like I want that back.

The easy road does not lead to Heaven, though. As you already know.

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense - I want to be a good Catholic and be free from the massive guilt I feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What helped you get through it?

Going frequently to Confession is what helped me - going at least once a week, whether I “needed to,” or not.

 

[Jennifer_G]

I joined the Catholic Church at the '08 Easter Vigil after several years of praying and trying to sort things out. And now I’m starting to second guess the decision I made.

I’m 22 and was raised in a nominally Christian home. My mom took us to an Episcopalian church for a few years when we were kids, but I didn’t receive any sort of religious training past the 8th grade, until I decided to convert. It’s really tough being Catholic in a houseful of non-Catholics; I really don’t know how much they want to know about the day-to-day of my faith life.

Before I officially converted, I started seeing a guy who was raised in a Catholic home. He is more observant than your average ‘Cafeteria’ Catholic, but by no means does he follow all tenants and precepts of the Church. We have been dating nearly 2 years. Our relationship is intimate . He sees nothing particularly wrong with it; I tend to go back and forth on the issue. Neither of us forced the other into anything.

I guess I’m posting here because I’d really like to have a fuller experience of faith and the Church’s offerings without losing what I already have. Despite what may appear to be a shaky foundation, my boyfriend and I really do have a good relationship. We make it a point to attend Mass together. I can imagine myself marrying this man!

I’m frustrated. I feel so guilty for the sinfulness of our relationship. I know that we both could use a good Confession and some spiritual direction. I am terrified of Confession. The RCIA group I participated in left a lot to be desired. I was never really prepared for the sacrament of Confession and I am so, so scared of being reprimanded. I think everything was easier when I was simply a nominal Christian. I’m feeling like I want that back.

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense - I want to be a good Catholic and be free from the massive guilt I feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What helped you get through it?

If only I had a tape of our RCIA classes on confession. (We actually covered it over the last few months of classes - questions about confession was the #1 topic as it got closer to the Easter Vigil) Our Msgr is a very funny priest - full of one liners, and if there was anyone who was nervous about confession, I think he put them all at ease. One of the younger priests heard the class laughing (Msgr gave some really funny examples (not real confessions, of course) of what does and doesn’t happen in the confessional) and said, “Who knew confession could be so fun?”.

Don’t be afraid of embarrasing the priest - the priest has pretty much heard it all. The priest at our RCIA class was telling us how he would hear confessions from nuns, then go to one of the prisons and heard confessions from criminals. (He joked, the nuns would bake him a cake, and if the criminals baked a cake, it would probably have some metal object in it). He also said there’s nothing that the priest hasn’t heard before. They can’t even tell anyone what you confessed. As Msgr said, they can’t even step out of the confessional and say, “WHOOO! That one was a doozy!”. The priest can even give you advice to remedy a situation. If you don’t confess any mortal sins, then you shouldn’t be receiving communion, too.

 

[quiet52]

jlyn1110 I joined the Catholic Church at the '08 Easter Vigil after several years of praying and trying to sort things out. And now I’m starting to second guess the decision I made. …

Before I officially converted, I started seeing a guy who was raised in a Catholic home. He is more observant than your average ‘Cafeteria’ Catholic, but by no means does he follow all tenants and precepts of the Church. We have been dating nearly 2 years. Our relationship is intimate . He sees nothing particularly wrong with it; I tend to go back and forth on the issue. Neither of us forced the other into anything.

I guess I’m posting here because I’d really like to have a fuller experience of faith and the Church’s offerings without losing what I already have. Despite what may appear to be a shaky foundation, my boyfriend and I really do have a good relationship. We make it a point to attend Mass together. I can imagine myself marrying this man!

I’m frustrated. I feel so guilty for the sinfulness of our relationship. I know that we both could use a good Confession and some spiritual direction. I am terrified of Confession. The RCIA group I participated in left a lot to be desired. I was never really prepared for the sacrament of Confession and I am so, so scared of being reprimanded. I think everything was easier when I was simply a nominal Christian. I’m feeling like I want that back.

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense - I want to be a good Catholic and be free from the massive guilt I feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What helped you get through it?

jlyn, if you were sexually active last spring, you weren’t truly ready to join the Catholic Church because you did not yet accept her teachings – or you just weren’t yet ready to follow them. Did your sponsor and/or RCIA leader know about this?

If you truly want to be a “good Catholic” you must further educate yourself on what that means. Sexual abstinence outside of marriage, and chastity, are more than “precepts” of the Church – these are Christ’s laws which must be observed by the faithful.

You are not being faithful. Sin always seems easier than faithfulness – and you’re wanting the “easy button.” You’re allowing Satan and his minions to really play you. Evil is so frequently presented in nice packages. Why do you want to be a “cafeteria Catholic” and why is it okay for you to remain connected to one? Is sex really more important to you than God? You wrote that you and your boyfriend have a “good” relationship. If he is not willing to abstain from sex prior to marriage (which neither of you have committed to, it seems), do you honestly believe he’ll abstain when necessary, unbegrudgingly, during marriage? Do you really believe that your boyfriend values you, and God’s participation in a relationship, more than his immediate sexual desires? No doubt there’s good to be found, but your relationship is not “good” when both of you know you are sinning.

I’m glad you and your boyfriend are attending Mass, but I hope you and he are not receiving the Eucharist. I encourage you to take responsibility for your faith journey, and learn more about the faith, now – decide whether you want your faith to be planted in sand or in healthy soil. Make an appointment a.s.a.p. with your pastor for help – not just about the sacrament of Reconciliation, but about solidifying your faith. Stop blaming your RCIA process for any inadequate preparation – faith formation is lifelong and you can decide to take the easy route, be passive, and sin, or to take it seriously by being a faithful disciple.

If and when your boyfriend eventually marry – do you want a marriage supported by a strong faith (and understanding of it) or do you want to continue to be blown by the winds of desire, fickleness, apathy, and lukewarmness?

Here are a few websites to help get you started – but I encourage you to pray with humility and yearning to be righteous – and again, I strongly encourage you to make an appointment with your pastor.

christopherwest.com/page.asp?ContentID=15

onemoresoul.com/

ccli.org/nfp/morality/b-martino.php

catholicplanet.com/information/Catholic-Teaching-on-Sexuallity.pdf

geocities.com/Heartland/2964/pre-marital.html

 

[quiet52]

P.S. Please encourage your boyfriend to make an appointment with your pastor, also.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

I joined the Catholic Church at the '08…I’m 22 …

My opinion is this is the pains of youth I have bad news for you - when the pains of youth are gone you simply get other pains, so my advice is to try to learn to handle frustration and controversy

Before I officially converted, I started seeing a guy who was raised in a Catholic home. He is more observant than your average ‘Cafeteria’ Catholic, but by no means does he follow all tenants and precepts of the Church.

Did you know the Church as formal precepts?

*II. THE PRECEPTS OF THE CHURCH

2041 The precepts of the Church are set in the context of a moral life bound to and nourished by liturgical life. The obligatory character of these positive laws decreed by the pastoral authorities is meant to guarantee to the faithful the very necessary minimum in the spirit of prayer and moral effort, in the growth in love of God and neighbor:

2042 The first precept (“You shall attend Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation and rest from servile labor”) requires the faithful to sanctify the day commemorating the Resurrection of the Lord as well as the principal liturgical feasts honoring the mysteries of the Lord, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and the saints; in the first place, by participating in the Eucharistic celebration, in which the Christian community is gathered, and by resting from those works and activities which could impede such a sanctification of these days.82

The second precept (“You shall confess your sins at least once a year”) ensures preparation for the Eucharist by the reception of the sacrament of reconciliation, which continues Baptism’s work of conversion and forgiveness.83

The third precept (“You shall receive the sacrament of the Eucharist at least during the Easter season”) guarantees as a minimum the reception of the Lord’s Body and Blood in connection with the Paschal feasts, the origin and center of the Christian liturgy.84

2043 The fourth precept (“You shall observe the days of fasting and abstinence established by the Church”) ensures the times of ascesis and penance which prepare us for the liturgical feasts and help us acquire mastery over our instincts and freedom of heart.85

The fifth precept (“You shall help to provide for the needs of the Church”) means that the faithful are obliged to assist with the material needs of the Church, each according to his own ability.86The faithful also have the duty of providing for the material needs of the Church, each according to his own abilities.87 *

I am not aware of formal tenants, however most consider the Nicene Creed a general summation of catholism

We have been dating nearly 2 years. Our relationship is intimate . He sees nothing particularly wrong with it; I tend to go back and forth on the issue. Neither of us forced the other into anything.

He has come to accept a separation from the church’s teaching on this issue, he knows differently. Yet this is common, my daughters have done the same as have many if not most. And the Dads I know were not happy about it. (see no one gets a free and easy life)

I guess I’m posting here because I’d really like to have a fuller experience of faith and the Church’s offerings without losing what I already have. Despite what may appear to be a shaky foundation, my boyfriend and I really do have a good relationship. We make it a point to attend Mass together. I can imagine myself marrying this man!

I’m frustrated. I feel so guilty for the sinfulness of our relationship.

my opinion is this can only be worked out between you two

I know that we both could use a good Confession and some spiritual direction. I am terrified of Confession. The RCIA group I participated in left a lot to be desired. I was never really prepared for the sacrament of Confession and I am so, so scared of being reprimanded.

obviously a problem here. Have you ever been to confession? Those not baptized are not required to go to confession during RCIA and this condition is created. We all dread going, and we all walk out going this wasn’t so bad I am going to go more often. Then the dread sets back in. It is human to hide your weakness, and human to stress over your weakness. One option for you is to go back to RCIA it is an open format so attend, year after year if you want. You will learn more every year, and the process will change you.

I think everything was easier when I was simply a nominal Christian. I’m feeling like I want that back.

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense - I want to be a good Catholic and be free from the massive guilt I feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What helped you get through it?

You’re not alone on “catholic guilt” or how easy it was to be a Protestant. Many Protestant preachers have a terrible time when they become educated and learn the many truths about their religion and its history in Catholism and Judaism. Now you know and you will never unlearn. The good news is as you age the religious part is easier.

I wish you well, please post any issues, we are all here to help you

 

[Eucharisted]

I joined the Catholic Church at the '08 Easter Vigil after several years of praying and trying to sort things out. And now I’m starting to second guess the decision I made.

I’m 22 and was raised in a nominally Christian home. My mom took us to an Episcopalian church for a few years when we were kids, but I didn’t receive any sort of religious training past the 8th grade, until I decided to convert. It’s really tough being Catholic in a houseful of non-Catholics; I really don’t know how much they want to know about the day-to-day of my faith life.

Before I officially converted, I started seeing a guy who was raised in a Catholic home. He is more observant than your average ‘Cafeteria’ Catholic, but by no means does he follow all tenants and precepts of the Church. We have been dating nearly 2 years. Our relationship is intimate . He sees nothing particularly wrong with it; I tend to go back and forth on the issue. Neither of us forced the other into anything.

I guess I’m posting here because I’d really like to have a fuller experience of faith and the Church’s offerings without losing what I already have. Despite what may appear to be a shaky foundation, my boyfriend and I really do have a good relationship. We make it a point to attend Mass together. I can imagine myself marrying this man!

I’m frustrated. I feel so guilty for the sinfulness of our relationship. I know that we both could use a good Confession and some spiritual direction. I am terrified of Confession. The RCIA group I participated in left a lot to be desired. I was never really prepared for the sacrament of Confession and I am so, so scared of being reprimanded. I think everything was easier when I was simply a nominal Christian. I’m feeling like I want that back.

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense - I want to be a good Catholic and be free from the massive guilt I feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What helped you get through it?

First off, consider the Passion of Christ. When you feel a temptation to sin, such as against chastity, take hold of your crucifix and say to Jesus, “My Jesus, Your grace is enough!” Meditation on His Passion will make your spiritual enemies flee, for they fear the Holy Cross, which is the power of the Lord.

Secondly, if you are not aware, fornication (sex between unmarried persons) is a mortal sin. Now you may not have known that it was a sin, so the gravity of the sin is diminished; however, while this may give your soul consolation in regards to going to confession, it must not give your soul relief in sin, as if the sin is nothing to worry about. Sin is sin, an offense against God, and God cannot bear sin, He cannot love someone who sins. But when a sinner turns to Him with trust, even if it is not complete trust, than God cannot help but lavish His Mercy on the sinner.

Thirdly, make an examination of conscience. You need to be reconciled sacramentally with God and with His Church. Frequent confession will help you become aware of the deadliness of sin and prompt you to pray more and do more penance. Examine your conscience, make a list of your sins on a piece of paper if you must, and reveal every single mortal sin to the confessor.

Fourthly, do not trouble yourself over the number of your sins. Trust in God, who is infinitely merciful. Fear sin, yes, but do not fear approaching God because of your sins. He knows you are unworthy of Himself, but He trascends your unworthiness because He is God. He eagerly desires to give you His Mercy, the flames of His Love burning His Sacred Heart, clamouring to be spent. So have recourse to the Divine Mercy and fear not God. The closer you get to the Lord, who is Holiness Itself, the more you will detest sin and hunger to be holy, to be like the Lord.

Fifthly, do not fear the priest. He is just an instrument of God’s Mercy. You confess your sins not to him but to God through him. He is God’s representative, not God Himself. It is like the screen in the confessional; between penitent and confessor is a screen, and so it is between the sinner and merciful God, and that screen is the priest. Do not worry what the priest will think of you than; only think about God’s Mercy and it will console your soul greatly.

Sixthly, advice is not a necessary part of confession, but if it is given, heed it, for the words of the priest are the words of the Lord; he is Jesus’ representative on earth. Listen with your ear and your heart. Ask God to open your heart and incline your ear to His words, for without Him you can do nothing good, but with Him you can do everything good. Such is the Mercy of the Lord.

Finally, if the priest gives you a penance you do not understand - for example, if he tells you to do something that you cannot do without God - than ask him for clarification. It is a good and right to ask such questions, because if the soul leaves in confusion, it will be worst off than it was before entering the confessional and will not be able to do penance.

Oh, and one more thing: meditation on the Passion is an excellent way to come to perfect contrition.

 

[jlyn1110]

Thank you all for replying.

I couldn’t clear my head and focus at Mass today. The readings and homily for the Feast of the Holy Family made me think more critically about how things are going for me. This afternoon would have been a perfect time to talk with my boyfriend about the tremendous guilt I’ve been feeling, but he missed Mass due to a change in the Mass schedule (we’re in different places for the Christmas break).

My project this week is to go to Confession and work out how this conversation will go when we are face-to-face again. If you could please keep Ryan and I in your prayers, I think that would help a lot.

 

[damooster]

Thank you all for replying.

I couldn’t clear my head and focus at Mass today. The readings and homily for the Feast of the Holy Family made me think more critically about how things are going for me. This afternoon would have been a perfect time to talk with my boyfriend about the tremendous guilt I’ve been feeling, but he missed Mass due to a change in the Mass schedule (we’re in different places for the Christmas break).

My project this week is to go to Confession and work out how this conversation will go when we are face-to-face again. If you could please keep Ryan and I in your prayers, I think that would help a lot.

I wish you the best of luck and you both are in my prayers. Please let us know how it all turns out!

 

[baltobetsy]

Thank you all for replying.

I couldn’t clear my head and focus at Mass today. The readings and homily for the Feast of the Holy Family made me think more critically about how things are going for me. This afternoon would have been a perfect time to talk with my boyfriend about the tremendous guilt I’ve been feeling, but he missed Mass due to a change in the Mass schedule (we’re in different places for the Christmas break).

My project this week is to go to Confession and work out how this conversation will go when we are face-to-face again. If you could please keep Ryan and I in your prayers, I think that would help a lot.

What a great grace you have received. I’ll pray for you that you make the most of it! God bless you.

Betsy

 

[revelations]

Hi jlyn1110,

I also converted last easter from an episcopal background, almost the same situation. You can read my old posts if you’re really interested in my story…it’s out there somewhere.

Anyways, enough of me. The guilt you feel is normal, I felt the same way about a year ago this time. It is part of your conversion experience. Jesus gives you these feelings to help spur you on your spiritual journey. At least that’s the way i look at it. When I feel guilty about something, I know right away that I have offended the spirit that lives within me. Know that the Lord is shining blessing upon you.

These little “revelations” are filled with great graces, inspiring you to take the next step with your faith and be serious about it. Confession is that step. The evil one, he is real, will try to keep you from this sacrament. Until you have confessed, you cannot go on receiving holy communion because now you are aware of your sinfulness and you must be reconciled to the Lord. In fact the both of you must stop receiving communion until you have come clean with Jesus.

With regards to your boyfriend, he might not be having the same conversion that you are. Be prepared that it might be hard for him at the beginning to “stop” (you know what i mean). I’m 24 yrs old and my fiance and I are working as hard as we can to remain chaste for the next 8 months until we are married, but it is tough. Have faith that God will help you both through this trying time to see the light on the other side.

Make an appointment with your priest, tell him your feelings and your fears of confession. I am 100% certain he will be able to help you with all your fears and concerns, as well as with your b/f’s situation. And remember, when you go to confession you are talking with Jesus, who speaks through the priest.

My dear I feel your pain, it is tough to be young and catholic in this world. The Lord is with you, pray always.

-revelations

 

[3Sanctus]

As a convert (I was confirmed and received my first Holy Communion on the Easter vigil of 2006) who grew up Southern Baptist I definitely feel your pain, especially with the whole family thing.

At first my father was the only one who was the least bit supportive in my family (which really just consists of my two divorced parents since I’m an only child), while my mother would make nasty comments and said some less than charitable things to my father about my desire to convert (I have said my own share of uncharitable things as well, may God have mercy on my soul) and it was rough. With time it’s gotten at least somewhat better. I just try to share orthodox Christianity with her whenever I can, even if it’s not in an overtly Catholic manner. For example, by giving her prayer-related books as presents. While I can’t right-out give her a copy of the breviary or some such thing, any step in the right direction helps for all of us.

As for the sinfulness of us poor, wretched humans, don’t be so hard on yourself. Realize your sinfulness, but then realize the only thing in existence that matters is God. Quite literally all things depend on Him and His Glory, so all that matters is keeping yourself in communion with Him through His Church. Confession’s never really fun when you’re doing it, but everytime I leave the confessional I feel relieved, blessed that I can now freely receive Our Lord at Mass, and think some along the lines of “whew, now I can hopefully keep out of Hell.”

In all seriousness and succintness, simply contemplate just what God is and what He means to any sinful mortal and remember that we’re all capable of being saints, which is what God made us to be, we just have to let Him do His thing.

 

[CassiusLonginus]

I’m 24 yrs old and my fiance and I are working as hard as we can to remain chaste for the next 8 months until we are married, but it is tough.

Just a side note to you, revelations. It doesn’t have to be tough. Just get a chaperone for the two of you. Until you marry, your fiance should be your best friend, not your worst near occasion (or actual occasion) of sin, which we must avoid from the outset. You don’t want to have to avoid your fiance for the next 8 months, do you? Seriously, this should be a time of strong preparation for you, lots of prayer and mortification. Do you want to prepare for your vocation the right way, or the wrong way? Get a chaperone…It’ll keep you out of the confessional every other day. I know.

Regarding the OP…Pray five decades of the rosary on your knees and call to make an appointment with a priest. Two positive things you can do in the next 20 minutes. God bless!
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You still here jlyn? GO NOW!

 

[3Sanctus]

Praying five decades of the Rosary is always adviseable. Keep in mind it provides a Plenary Indulgence (provided it is accompanied by the necessary Confession, Communion, and prayer for the Holy Father), which is always useful to us wretched human types.

 

[CassiusLonginus]

Praying five decades of the Rosary is always adviseable. Keep in mind it provides a Plenary Indulgence (provided it is accompanied by the necessary Confession, Communion, and prayer for the Holy Father), which is always useful to us wretched human types.

That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

 

[Sheeniac]

Praying five decades of the Rosary is always adviseable. Keep in mind it provides a Plenary Indulgence (provided it is accompanied by the necessary Confession, Communion, and prayer for the Holy Father), which is always useful to us wretched human types.

Close… it’s only a plenary indulgence if the rosary is prayed in a church or family group, or religious Community.

Otherwise, it’s a partial.

 

[Eileen_T]

I joined the Catholic Church at the '08 Easter Vigil after several years of praying and trying to sort things out. And now I’m starting to second guess the decision I made.

I’m 22 and was raised in a nominally Christian home. My mom took us to an Episcopalian church for a few years when we were kids, but I didn’t receive any sort of religious training past the 8th grade, until I decided to convert. It’s really tough being Catholic in a houseful of non-Catholics; I really don’t know how much they want to know about the day-to-day of my faith life.

Before I officially converted, I started seeing a guy who was raised in a Catholic home. He is more observant than your average ‘Cafeteria’ Catholic, but by no means does he follow all tenants and precepts of the Church. We have been dating nearly 2 years. Our relationship is intimate . He sees nothing particularly wrong with it; I tend to go back and forth on the issue. Neither of us forced the other into anything.

I guess I’m posting here because I’d really like to have a fuller experience of faith and the Church’s offerings without losing what I already have. Despite what may appear to be a shaky foundation, my boyfriend and I really do have a good relationship. We make it a point to attend Mass together. I can imagine myself marrying this man!

No.1 - Call and make an appointment to see a priest (as another poster recommended, talk about your fear of confession).

No.2 - when you talk to the priest, discuss your boyfriend and the relationship in depth. As soon as a person starts thinking about marriage they should talk to a priest before the relationship goes any further. My priest complains that couples think getting married is like they see on TV. You make the decision and expect to be married in a few weeks.

I don’t care if the guy has/hasn’t talked about marriage, if you are “being intimate” you are creating a bond, and if you are using contraceptives the bond is based on a lie.

No 3 -No one and no thing is worth going to hell for all eternity. If he loves you he will want what is right for you, if he doesn’t you are better off knowing NOW!

I’m frustrated. I feel so guilty for the sinfulness of our relationship. I know that we both could use a good Confession and some spiritual direction. I am terrified of Confession. The RCIA group I participated in left a lot to be desired. I was never really prepared for the sacrament of Confession and I am so, so scared of being reprimanded. I think everything was easier when I was simply a nominal Christian. I’m feeling like I want that back.

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense - I want to be a good Catholic and be free from the massive guilt I feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What helped you get through it?

Guilt is healthy. It is a signpost that tells us we are going the wrong way. Praying the rosary is good but if you are having difficulty pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

 

[brigid12]

I joined the Catholic Church at the '08 Easter Vigil after several years of praying and trying to sort things out. And now I’m starting to second guess the decision I made.

I’m 22 and was raised in a nominally Christian home. My mom took us to an Episcopalian church for a few years when we were kids, but I didn’t receive any sort of religious training past the 8th grade, until I decided to convert. It’s really tough being Catholic in a houseful of non-Catholics; I really don’t know how much they want to know about the day-to-day of my faith life.

Before I officially converted, I started seeing a guy who was raised in a Catholic home. He is more observant than your average ‘Cafeteria’ Catholic, but by no means does he follow all tenants and precepts of the Church. We have been dating nearly 2 years. Our relationship is intimate . He sees nothing particularly wrong with it; I tend to go back and forth on the issue. Neither of us forced the other into anything.

I guess I’m posting here because I’d really like to have a fuller experience of faith and the Church’s offerings without losing what I already have. Despite what may appear to be a shaky foundation, my boyfriend and I really do have a good relationship. We make it a point to attend Mass together. I can imagine myself marrying this man!

I’m frustrated. I feel so guilty for the sinfulness of our relationship. I know that we both could use a good Confession and some spiritual direction. I am terrified of Confession. The RCIA group I participated in left a lot to be desired. I was never really prepared for the sacrament of Confession and I am so, so scared of being reprimanded. I think everything was easier when I was simply a nominal Christian. I’m feeling like I want that back.

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense - I want to be a good Catholic and be free from the massive guilt I feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What helped you get through it?

Guilt is helpful only if and when it leads you to repentance. If you want to be absolved of your guilty feelings than convert - really - from your heart. That means paying attention to all sin, mortal especially, with a firm purpose of amendment (firmly choosing not to do it again), contrition (realizing that every time you commit sin you are rejecting God), then going (even with anticipatory fear) to confession. (I, personally, have very rarely heard of any priest admonishing a person admitting to a serious sin.) **If you truly want God, then follow His Commandments.
** If you truly love your boyfriend, then you want what is best for his eternal soul. If he truly loves you, then he wants this for you, too. What better way to find out how he really feels, than to allow yourself to be the totally beautiful person God intended for you to be (His intentions shown in Scripture definetly included physical intimacy only in marriage). God created us. God tells us to love others as we love ourselves. That means, logically, that we need to show God that we aren’t perverting His creation. Love your boyfriend - chastely, as God intended. If the relationship is lost, then obviously it wasn’t what you truly wanted it to be in the first place. If it’s not, than both of your immortal souls are that much closer to Him!