D
duskyjewel
Guest
With all due respect to this poster, I wouldn’t want that woman living in my house everyday. Can you imagine the power over the quality of your life you would be handing her? shudder
- Status
Y
yessisan
Guest
Call me crazy, but who on Earth would want to live with the in-laws? That just brings problems to the marriage.
J
jmcrae
Guest
I was going to suggest that, too, but then I thought, you know, if she actually took you up on it, everything after would be all my fault, and I didn’t want that on my conscience.
T
thechrismyster
Guest
people get mad.
people get over it.
it’s for them to deal with. not you.
people get over it.
it’s for them to deal with. not you.
G
gam3rchic
Guest
Don’t mention it, I was glad you shared your story and I hope things will work out for you, wherever you are living!LOL, thanks.
Sorry to the OP for taking over your thread.
G
gam3rchic
Guest
My mom would never leave Youngstown b/c she is attatched to her family (my grandma and aunts) living here as well. She will die in Youngstown, which is fine with me, but that doens’t mean I have to have the same life. I wish I could be close to my mom and for my husband to have this good job at the same time, but it just can’t be that way I guess…besides, with how she’s been acting, I’m thinking maybe a move would be best…for her and me!!
G
gam3rchic
Guest
Ah, good to know there is somebody out there who realizes Youngstown for what it is…b/c my mom is in total denial!
K
KCT
Guest
I don’t know how old your mom is, but older people often have a hard time w/ change. When my mom moved in w/ us, and we were buiding the apartment, she insisted she had to have a full size oven/ stove and a double sink. (she hates to cook!) She had always had those things and changing to “apartment size” appliances would have signified too big a change. I don’t think she was ready to deal with that.Ah, good to know there is somebody out there who realizes Youngstown for what it is…b/c my mom is in total denial!
Now she admits that she hardly ever uses the oven, and only uses one burner on the stove! (But we went along with it because she was paying for the appliances and it’s what she wanted.)
If your mom has lived in Youngstown all her life, she probably can’t admit it’s not like it was growing up. —KCT
S
stmaxfan
Guest
I can’t believe this-- I am going through the exact same situation right now. We have lived in a Chicago suburb for 14 years. My parents moved out here 7 years ago. When they moved out here, my marriage was not in good shape. Never confided in them, but they could see some problems. For the past 2 years though, God has healed and restored us and we are like newlyweds. Parents are not happy with dh because of the past.
He will be getting a promotion and we will be moving 7 hrs away within a year. Well, my mother was screaming at me that when we move down there we will be in the same boat financially (broke, most of the time) and nothing will ever change and she really started ragging on dh. I mean really saying mean, hurtful things. My dad is just plain not talking to me. I understand they are hurt, because we live across the street and we are taking away 5 grandchildren, but this is a good opportunity and, in prayer, I feel very strongly that this is the will of God for us. One of my kids has a disability, but I am trusting that if God wants us to move, He will find a good school/services for him.
I think God is allowing us time to be a family (dh will get home from work 2 hrs earlier after we move) and grow in faith and love, now that he has healed us. I know this is right, but it is so upsetting that my parents can’t see past their own needs to what is good for us. I , too, think that if somehow all of this doesn’t work out they would gloat about it instead of offering sympathy.
I am looking at this as a wake up call for my parents as well, because they don’t spend enough time with my kids and they complain about them (they complain about EVERYTHING) a lot. When I invite them over for dinner thay act like I am inconveniencing them. When I ask them to babysit, they give me a hard time (they usually come through, but lay the guilt on thick first). They spend their days shopping, watching TV and decorating the house. Sometimes when we visit, they ask us to leave at a specific time so they can watch a TV show they like.
With other things they are good. They are very good with my disabled son. They have watched the kids overnight a couple of times so dh and I could go on a marriage retreat. But then there was that time we won tix to Amsterdam and they wouldn’t watch the kids and we couldn’t go… They are big into control.
So, I guess the ultimate question is: How do you deal with parents that have good intentions, but are mean-spirited? Maybe the answer is to simply do God’s will for your own life and pray and make sacrifices for your parents and leave it all in God’s hands…
He will be getting a promotion and we will be moving 7 hrs away within a year. Well, my mother was screaming at me that when we move down there we will be in the same boat financially (broke, most of the time) and nothing will ever change and she really started ragging on dh. I mean really saying mean, hurtful things. My dad is just plain not talking to me. I understand they are hurt, because we live across the street and we are taking away 5 grandchildren, but this is a good opportunity and, in prayer, I feel very strongly that this is the will of God for us. One of my kids has a disability, but I am trusting that if God wants us to move, He will find a good school/services for him.
I think God is allowing us time to be a family (dh will get home from work 2 hrs earlier after we move) and grow in faith and love, now that he has healed us. I know this is right, but it is so upsetting that my parents can’t see past their own needs to what is good for us. I , too, think that if somehow all of this doesn’t work out they would gloat about it instead of offering sympathy.
I am looking at this as a wake up call for my parents as well, because they don’t spend enough time with my kids and they complain about them (they complain about EVERYTHING) a lot. When I invite them over for dinner thay act like I am inconveniencing them. When I ask them to babysit, they give me a hard time (they usually come through, but lay the guilt on thick first). They spend their days shopping, watching TV and decorating the house. Sometimes when we visit, they ask us to leave at a specific time so they can watch a TV show they like.
With other things they are good. They are very good with my disabled son. They have watched the kids overnight a couple of times so dh and I could go on a marriage retreat. But then there was that time we won tix to Amsterdam and they wouldn’t watch the kids and we couldn’t go… They are big into control.
So, I guess the ultimate question is: How do you deal with parents that have good intentions, but are mean-spirited? Maybe the answer is to simply do God’s will for your own life and pray and make sacrifices for your parents and leave it all in God’s hands…
J
JW10631
Guest
My grandparents had to accept the fact that my parents left Western Pennsylvania for Northeastern Ohio when I was a little tyke. There were a few rough spots over the years but it really was for the best.Ah, good to know there is somebody out there who realizes Youngstown for what it is…b/c my mom is in total denial!
When I finished college my dad *wanted *me to move - to Atlanta, because he liked it. So I moved to DC. Then, he missed me. In DC, I got a job that led me to move back to Pittsburgh. I met my best friend who introduced me to my wife. Sometimes it’s best to go.
The mindset in Youngstown is not so different from my family in Pennsylvania. They act like it would take an act of Congress to travel to the next town.
Across the state? Forget about it!
E
estesbob
Guest
You love them, you respect them and you do what is best for your family.
G
gam3rchic
Guest
Sorry you are going through something similar…hope everything works out…btw, congrats to DH for the promotion
G
gam3rchic
Guest
Update…
Well, I’m getting my gallbladder removed tomorrow, so the fact that I’m having surgery has calmed my mother a little bit about me moving as she is now preoccupied with being worried for me tomorrow.
At least it’s a small relief for a while…
Well, I’m getting my gallbladder removed tomorrow, so the fact that I’m having surgery has calmed my mother a little bit about me moving as she is now preoccupied with being worried for me tomorrow.
At least it’s a small relief for a while…
S
stmaxfan
Guest
Gam,
Hope your surgery goes well. If your mother is anything like mine, she can’t just be peaceful. She needs something to either worry or be mad about at all times. It is good that there is a distraction with your surgery. It may diffuse the situation a bit. Maybe when she goes back to the moving thing it won’t be as bad…
I prayed and offered up all the times my mother has ever hurt me for her salvation. It made me feel like at least I was doing something. I am trying to pray for my parents even more now. It is possible that in these situations God is allowing us to see that our parents need prayer. Your surgery would be perfect to offer up!
Blessings to you and your family!
Hope your surgery goes well. If your mother is anything like mine, she can’t just be peaceful. She needs something to either worry or be mad about at all times. It is good that there is a distraction with your surgery. It may diffuse the situation a bit. Maybe when she goes back to the moving thing it won’t be as bad…
I prayed and offered up all the times my mother has ever hurt me for her salvation. It made me feel like at least I was doing something. I am trying to pray for my parents even more now. It is possible that in these situations God is allowing us to see that our parents need prayer. Your surgery would be perfect to offer up!
Blessings to you and your family!
- Status