Me 20, her 24 - can it work?

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Harmony1988

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Well as the title suggests, I’m 20, and this girl I’m interested in is 24. We haven’t known each other that long, less than 2 months, but I am interested in her, and just trying to make a better friendship with her. She says, does things that make it look like she is kind of interested too, but it’s too early to say at this stage.

Despite all that, I never asked her age before, and I just figured it out yesterday, she is finishing uni this semester, whereas I finish sometime in 2010 or 2011.
 
I do not really think anyone can give you an answer to that - in some cases it works, in others - it does not. For a friend of mine, who was five years older than her husband, it didn’t… that does not mean it will not in your case.
 
^ ‘her husband’, she was already married then…so it did ‘work’ initially, but perhaps on the wrong things.

Anyways, you are right, guess I have to just see.

Cheers
 
hey hey…
well…im going to sit on the fence for this one. I think the age gap is ok and it can go either way. Well for me, I think 5yrs is my max. However, I had a similar incident with a friend of mine who was 24/25yrs. He asked me what I thought of him going out with a girl who was about more or less 5-7yrs younger. I told him, that because at the way girls and guys mature - both could be looking at a relationship from different angles. Meaning - that if I was 25yrs, I would be seriously looking for my soulmate and someone to marry within the next couple of yrs. While, at my age now, 18/19 - I think its more based on friendship/courtship type experience since I feel I am quite young to get married within the next 3yrs. However, I still do go out for the same purpose - to find that right person. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it depends on the level of seriousness and the attitudes of the 2 people toward the relationship. I hope that makes sense, but that is how i defined it to my friend.
and yeah - friendship is definitely the way to start!
well anyways, goodluck!

regards,
  • fanny
 
Fanny, thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, yea I guess it’s a bit of ‘see what happens’ scenario. I’m not at all put off by her age, though I was kind of surprised because I thought she was 21 and not 24. It’s just that I don’t want to lag her behind, I realize she might be looking to settle down at some point in the next few years, as she is starting a serious job soon, and as for me…well, I still have a while to go.

Cheers
 
mmm… i see. well, I dont think it is the fact that you are put off by her age since you obviously show interest in her. However, she might be put off by a guy being 4yrs younger. Although, honestly, I dont think thats such a big deal at 20-24yrs. but i do remember reading somewhere - i think it was something by Jason Evert - that women often do go for older men because of maturity and for security purposes. However, it is not always the case, but from friends experiences it can be. so watch out for that!

Well, I was just on his website, searching for where I read the above, but i cant exactly find it. But i found something that might confirm your doubt - he states, ‘If you want to date a guy four years older, wait until your twenties.’ You can parallel it to your situation but replacing the guy with the girl - so inevitably, I don’t see why not.

Just one more thing - ‘it is better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all.’ So basically, it is better to have asked her out and got rejected, than to have not asked at all. But i think, you should give it sometime before you ask her. Develop a strong friendship and pray for guidance. Dont rush things!Then when the time is right, you can ask.

alright, I hope that helped and goodluck again!
regards,
  • fanny
 
right now she is 120% your age. in fifteen year 111%. when you’re fifty she will be 108%, and at seventy five she’ll be 105% your age. it seems to me at that point 5% wouldnt really matter. so if there wont be a long term age problem why not just go out there and discern away and not worry about that issue.
 
Hey, yea I saw Jason Evert’s chastity talk a while back and I remembered those words really clearly haha :D.
‘it is better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all.’ So basically, it is better to have asked her out and got rejected, than to have not asked at all. But i think, you should give it sometime before you ask her. Develop a strong friendship and pray for guidance. Dont rush things!Then when the time is right, you can ask.
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Yea, that’s the hard part, hehe, but I will do just that, gotta risk the rejection some day.
 
aggiecatholic05 said:
right now she is 120% your age. in fifteen year 111%. when you’re fifty she will be 108%, and at seventy five she’ll be 105% your age. it seems to me at that point 5% wouldnt really matter. so if there wont be a long term age problem why not just go out there and discern away and not worry about that issue.
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It’s not the age that bothers me at all, it’s just about what comes with that age, she maybe looking to settle down and all and all that comes with family life, which I look forward to, but can’t jump the gun here and don’t want to lag her. But thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut! 😃 Guess it’s just a wait and see, thanks everyone 👍
 
my mother is 3 years older than my father.
they’ve been married for 30 years.
 
My father was 10 yrs older than my mother and were happily married for 34 years.

I can not see a problem with a 4 year age gap, but only time will tell.
 
I just learned the “ICK” factor last night thanks to DH. Here is the rule of the “ICK” factor:
Take your age and divide by 2. Add 7 to this number. This is the minimum age you can date without the “ICK” factor… this is the same for men and women.

Withing seconds of DH telling me this… my almost 17 yo dd said, “So a 14 yo can only date a 14 yo, but a 60yo can date a 37 yo.” DH said… well yes… because as you get older age doesn’t matter as much.

Then ds2, who is 18 said, “Shouldn’t there be a corollary about legal age?”… So I answered YES… no dating younger girls for a while… and we all laughed!
 
I don’t think the problem will be with you, but on her end.

Most 24 year old young ladies tend to favor men at least their age, and I’d say at least half of them prefer older men, some much older.

I know, life ain’t fair for a 20 year old guy. At 25, a young lady has all the advantages. She has a pool of dating potentials to draw from. She has all 3 options available to her. Younger, same, older. Those dynamics change when a man reaches say late 30s or early 40s, now he has all the options LOL.

Having said all *that, * and if she’s open to it, don’t see why it won’t work. But I’d say the deck is stacked. She’s subject to have some 29 - 35 year old guy call her, well established in his career, confident, with maturity and direction most 20 years have no concept of, and those traits are attractive.

I’m not sayin don’t make a move, all she can say is no. I mean, you won’t know till you try. I was 20 a long time ago, but still remember what it was like.

But take comfort, time is on* your *side.
 
Men are rarely appealing to women because of their age–it’s what they have to offer. Are they confident, successful in their career/vocation? Have a sense of purpose/direction for their lives? Have a sense of humor? Kind? Able to listen at least as much as they talk? Have interests/hobbies they like to share? Physically fit/healthy?

Work on developing yourself and you will have no trouble attracting women. A four year age difference may seem noticeable now–but I assure you in 10 years and beyond it will be completely insignificant.
 
Harmony1988 said:
Well as the title suggests, I’m 20, and this girl I’m interested in is 24. We haven’t known each other that long, less than 2 months, but I am interested in her, and just trying to make a better friendship with her. She says, does things that make it look like she is kind of interested too, but it’s too early to say at this stage.

Despite all that, I never asked her age before, and I just figured it out yesterday, she is finishing uni this semester, whereas I finish sometime in 2010 or 2011.
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I don’t think the issue here is so much age as it is where you are in life.

Most women are interested in older men or men of the same age, not so much because they are older, but because they are more likely to be in a position to financially support a household. In general, a woman who is finished with school and working is less interested in a man who is still finishing a bachelor’s degree. *(I’m preparing for the stories to the contrary.) *I think this is really kind of a biological inclination for the sake of any children that could eventually come of a relationship.

I don’t know your situation and I don’t know this woman. Since she is still in school now she may be less concerned about your status. And for all I know you are working full time at a lucrative job.

But you’ll never know unless you ask. Male confidence is usually a trait desired by women.
 
Harmony1988 said:
It’s not the age that bothers me at all, it’s just about what comes with that age, she maybe looking to settle down and all and all that comes with family life, which I look forward to, but can’t jump the gun here and don’t want to lag her. But thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut! 😃 Guess it’s just a wait and see, thanks everyone 👍
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I think you are way ahead of things here. People that love others can wait. If she has a timer running then you’ll know soon enough. Try being friends and see where things go. There is a big difference as you can tell in what is going on in your lives. Age really isn’t the issue here. I think its the difference in plans, expectations, and needs.

I’m four years older than DW. But we didn’t start dating each other until she was 27. We both had jobs at the same place and similar interests/goals/needs. You two are dissimilar in where you are in life. And you are right to see potential issues.

Don’t “give up.” But don’t have high expectations. Relax and see where things lead. Good luck!
 
BlestOne said:
I just learned the “ICK” factor last night thanks to DH. Here is the rule of the “ICK” factor:
Take your age and divide by 2. Add 7 to this number. This is the minimum age you can date without the “ICK” factor… this is the same for men and women.

Withing seconds of DH telling me this… my almost 17 yo dd said, “So a 14 yo can only date a 14 yo, but a 60yo can date a 37 yo.” DH said… well yes… because as you get older age doesn’t matter as much.

Then ds2, who is 18 said, “Shouldn’t there be a corollary about legal age?”… So I answered YES… no dating younger girls for a while… and we all laughed!
Click to expand...
So I should be fine then because she is 24:

24/2 + 7 = 19, and I’m nearly 21 😉
 
BamaRider said:
I don’t think the problem will be with you, but on her end.

Most 24 year old young ladies tend to favor men at least their age, and I’d say at least half of them prefer older men, some much older.

I know, life ain’t fair for a 20 year old guy. At 25, a young lady has all the advantages. She has a pool of dating potentials to draw from. She has all 3 options available to her. Younger, same, older. Those dynamics change when a man reaches say late 30s or early 40s, now he has all the options LOL.

Having said all *that, * and if she’s open to it, don’t see why it won’t work. But I’d say the deck is stacked. She’s subject to have some 29 - 35 year old guy call her, well established in his career, confident, with maturity and direction most 20 years have no concept of, and those traits are attractive.

I’m not sayin don’t make a move, all she can say is no. I mean, you won’t know till you try. I was 20 a long time ago, but still remember what it was like.

But take comfort, time is on* your *side.
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This is true, and I get an anxiety attack when I think of that because there is no way I’m going to be in a ‘well established’ career anytime soon. This is what I was worried about when referring to the age, not just the age itself, but the ‘future’ as she sees it, not that i blame her at all, it’s quite practical.
 
Island_Oak said:
Men are rarely appealing to women because of their age–it’s what they have to offer. Are they confident, successful in their career/vocation? Have a sense of purpose/direction for their lives? Have a sense of humor? Kind? Able to listen at least as much as they talk? Have interests/hobbies they like to share? Physically fit/healthy?

Work on developing yourself and you will have no trouble attracting women. A four year age difference may seem noticeable now–but I assure you in 10 years and beyond it will be completely insignificant.
Click to expand...
Thanks :cool:
 
This is true, and I get an anxiety attack when I think of that because there is no way I’m going to be in a ‘well established’ career anytime soon. This is what I was worried about when referring to the age, not just the age itself, but the ‘future’ as she sees it, not that i blame her at all, it’s quite practical
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Patience my good man, patience.

Right now she’s prolly on a different timeline than you. Don’t worry about it. Perhaps ya need to drop down and take a look at the 18-20 year olds?? LOL
 
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