Me adopt? Insane

[Crickabelle]

Before this post scares anyone away from adopting infants…

StudentMI, thank you for sharing your story…

 

[Crickabelle]

Agreed. I’m 46 with a 2 year old we are adopting . . . I am frequently asked if they are my grandchildren.

SamH, may your family be blessed…

I and my husband are also 46. Without limiting God, we’d be looking for a child (or perhaps two siblings) between the ages of 7 and 14. Further, it comes together before my 50th birthday, or the thought is abandoned and I look for other ways to be relevant in the lives of the discarded.

 

[Crickabelle]

Please consider your health issues and your ages. These are children who have sustained losses, sometimes many losses. If there is a chance that your health could decline, that you and your husband will not feel up to being active participants in a child’s life, or may even pass away, you will have added to this child’s sense of abandonment …

You cannot study this issue too thoroughly. God’s will is often not easily discerned and if your husband is unenthusiastic I would take that as a strong indication. How do your grown children feel about this idea? They do not have the right to dictate your life, but they have some insight into your parenting skills. If they are enthusiastic, then you probably have what it takes. If not, ask them why.

Eleanor, you have made some excellent observations. Thank you.

 

[AnastasiaRomano]

As an adoptive parent myself, I have a few thoughts:

1. Don’t rush things, and don’t pressure your husband. Pray. If this is God’s will for your family, God can and will change his heart – you don’t have to change it. Don’t nag, don’t pester, just pray. Pray long, and hard. Pray that God would reveal His perfect will to both you and your husband.
2. Seek out ways now that you can be involved in the lives of at-risk or foster children in your community. E.g. Big Brothers/Big Sisters or a similar mentor program, a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) volunteer for a foster child, volunteering at a local domestic violence or family shelter, volunteering at a local children’s shelter or group home, volunteering for Catholic Charities… Whatever is available in your area.
3. If after serious prayer you continue to feel God calling you to adoption, check out some books at your local library about older child adoption. A few titles off the top of my head: Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Courter (the author was adopted from US foster care as a preteen), Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck, and The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis. All these are a start into understanding the experiences and behavior of children that have experienced early trauma. (But, referring to point #1 above, don’t nag your husband to read these books in the hopes of changing his mind on adoption. Let God do any heart-changing, if that is in His will.)

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Even simply programs like reading to a child or tutoring need lots of volunteers and can be very rewarding. I read with children in the elementary school school for years and loved it. Even at an hour a week it can be hard for someone who has their own young children to do. The program was always looking for more help.

Adopting is a lifetime commitment. I recommend you do lots of reseach and lots of praying! :hug1:

You need to educate yourself about adoption and what would be involved with an older child. Since your husband is against it, that is a red flag. Maybe you should focus on becoming foster parents or big brother big sister or even try to tutor it be involved in helping children that need it. With your health and a spouse against it, these are other means to be involved with children that need a caring adult in their life. You seem like a very caring person that still has a lot to give. These other way might work out with your husband but still is giving to someone else that needs it and there a are a lot of children that do.