Me, My Mother and My Little Brother

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I love my Mom and my little brother. Many of you may recall that my parents moved in with me in august of 2007 and my father passed away shortly after that. My mom, who is 84 and lost her vision to macular degeneration, still lives with me. Some of you may also recall that my younger brother, who lives in Alaska, had very advanced cancer, yet he beat the odds and responded well to his treatment.

Currently, my brother is in Seattle getting his final cancer treatment. While the doctors say he is cured, this final treatment will help to reduce the possibility of his cancer recurring in the near future. Full time live-in care givers are required as this is very difficult treatment regimen. In my brother’s case, his girlfriend is his care giver

My brother called me today. His girlfriend has developed some type of kidney ailment and must return home to Anchorage. My brother still has about two more weeks in his treatment program before he can go home.

As there is no one else, I will take an emergency leave from work. I had warned my boss and co-workers that something like this may happen so it was not a problem getting the time off. Besides, since I am a database administrator, all I need is an decent internet connection and I can work remotely quite easily.

While the problem with work is resolved and I have helped ensure that my brother is going to get the care and help he needs, that leaves just one problem.

My mother.

:juggle:

While she can get by on her own fairly well, I am concerned about leave an elderly blind woman with heart trouble whom I love like, well, a mother, alone for that long. One of my co-workers, who is a friend, offered to take her shopping or at least check in on her, but he will really only be able to do that once.

Tomorrow, I am getting together with several of my friends and I will ask if a couple of them will look in on my mom. She does not need someone everyday, but it would be nice to make sure that she has not dropped something and can’t find it or if she is having some trouble with her health.

It is about a 3-1/2 hour drive between my home and the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (a GREAT place by the way! 👍 ). I would prefer not to have to make the drive back and forth very often. If I do, I would likely have to leave my brother alone as he may not be permitted to travel.

Your prayers, suggestions or even just a kind word are welcome. 🙂
 
Prayers, prayers, and more prayers!

The selflessness you demonstrate with all of this is inspiring. ❤️
 
First, I’ll certainly pray for you and this very difficult situation. I do have a suggestion with regard to your mother; there are various elder care organizations that might offer what you need. We used one called Home Instead while my mother-in-law lived with us until her Alzheimer’s became too advanced. I believe you are required to use them a certain number of hours weekly, if I recall correctly, but we found their rates quite reasonable.

There are also more and more senior services available, as the population ages. I bet there are senior services listed in your phone book that might be helpful. Most local governments have resources that could direct you to the type of help you need. Is there an Area Council on Aging near you?
 
Truly_Beloved said:
Prayers, prayers, and more prayers!

The selflessness you demonstrate with all of this is inspiring. ❤️
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😊

Um, thank you. But I really do not look at it as selfless. It just needs to be done, I love my brother and my mother and I am in a position to help. My brother and my mother would do the same for me.
 
dixieagle said:
First, I’ll certainly pray for you and this very difficult situation. I do have a suggestion with regard to your mother; there are various elder care organizations that might offer what you need. We used one called Home Instead while my mother-in-law lived with us until her Alzheimer’s became too advanced. I believe you are required to use them a certain number of hours weekly, if I recall correctly, but we found their rates quite reasonable.

There are also more and more senior services available, as the population ages. I bet there are senior services listed in your phone book that might be helpful. Most local governments have resources that could direct you to the type of help you need. Is there an Area Council on Aging near you?
Click to expand...
This is a good suggestion. Thank you. I have looked at this a couple of time over the past 18 months or so. There is a lead time involved and a qualification process. Unfortunately, I do not think it is possible for me to get something set up by next week. That and my mother bristles at the idea of “elder care”.
 
I have much respect for you ,for the love and generosity of your spirit.My prayers will be with you.
Regading asking some of your good friends to drop and see how your mother is doing,may be a too casual arrangement.
I would seek a more structured monitoring.Is she in Medicaid?In Medicare?
I believe the Medicaid government program provides for some in home care for the
very elderly, free of charge. You may want to call a social worker for this information.
If that does not work,check the visiting nurses Assoc. They are professionals that will check your mom’s blood pressure and other vital signs and make sure she is taking her medications.They may accept the Medicaid insurance also.
I hope these ideas will help you.I wish the best for your loving family.
 
Perhaps people in your Parish could help? Have you checked there?
 
It sounds like you’ve also got a great work environment that they would let you work remotely like that! 👍
 
I hope and pray someone from your parish will step up and help out. Do you have a Catholic Charities around you?

Praying for health and peace in your family. This sounds like an incredibly stressful time.
 
rpp said:
That is where all my friends are. I will be talking to them tomorrow.
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The friend are a great idea, and hopefully they can be of help, but how about calling the Parish office and telling them about your situation? They are often great at getting the word out to the K of C and SVDP members as well as other lay ministry members who can help.

I love to personally help if I could, but my prayers for you and mom and little brother will have to suffice. 🙂
 
RPP, thank you for doing so much for your family, you think it just needs to be done, but there are alot of others who don’t care so much. My prayers are with you as there are no easy answers. I know that when I needed some help with a health concern, the Christians Womens Group and Human concerns committee at my parish was a God send. They are often looking for families to help with meals, and if all you need is someone to drop by each day, for a cup of coffee and make sure all is well and call you if it isn’t, it should be easy. Make sure you talk to the Leader of each of those groups and explain the need.
I am going to wager a bet that since the best of your friends are at church…so are hers. Just ask them to take turns stopping in for a cup of tea in your absence!

My Prayers go out for all 3 of you, with a laugh, because I still call my 6’3" 25 yo brother, “my Baby Brother!” (Just cuz we love’m)
 
Hi “rpp” 👋 My mother lives with me, too. I’m sole caregiver.

If your mother is able to be left alone, over night… I would suggest calling “Home Instead” Senior Care. I have info for the Portland area. If this isn’t your area, I’m sure they can direct you.

Home Instead Senior Care (503) 248-0695

5520 SW MacAdam Ave Ste 250, *Portland, *OR *97239

“Home Instead” can be very expensive… which is why I had to discontinue them for my mother, and quit my own job. But since I don’t know your financial circumstances… and since it may only be for a couple of weeks… they might be an option for you. They DO provide great care.

I believe you can get them for just a few hours a day. Someone could come in, perhaps… and make sure your mom is dressed and fed, and maybe tucked into bed for the night. etc.

Hope this helps. God bless you for what you do for your Mom and brother.

MV 🙂
 
You have received great advice, and I just wanted to add that you and your family are in my prayers. Today’s homily at my parish, dealt with this very thing, when we consider honoring our mother and father. You are doing just that, by putting their needs first. Our priest said that we are to ‘take care of our own,’ and especially our parents and grandparents when they are in need. God bless, rpp.
 
Hello again:I do not know if someone has already mentioned to you the devise called"Medic Alert"(I believe), that consists of a necklace with a panic button.Should your Mom accidentally fall, for example, all she has to do is press the button to communicate with a representative and tell her to call you,ambulance or police as need be.
I do not know how expensive this service is,but it would be worth to find out to give you peace of mind while you tend to your brother.God Bless.
 
How are you coming in your search for a solution? We are still praying for yoy
 
Thank you all for the great ideas, information and, most importantly, your prayers. There has been a significant change so let me update you all.

Yesterday (Monday) the doctors told my us that my brother only needs to come in to see him twice a week instead of everyday. In light of this, he decided to stay with me in my home and we will make the 3-1/2 hour drive to see his doctor only on the days he has an appointment. This means that my brother, my mother and I are all in my home right now and I do not have to be away from home overnight. The end of my brother’s treatment is in sight.

Since I went up on Sunday after Mass and my brother and I got back to my house late last night, my Mom only had to spend one night by herself!

Thanks again for all your prayers! 🙂
 
How wonderful, God is so good!!! Continued prayers for all (and still check with your friends to see if they can’t help out once in awhile to give you some relief and to help out when you will have to be gone at times), I am sure that if I were in your Parish, and as some others have said, we’d be happy to help out. In fact, I am going to call and make an appointment with our Parish and tell my Pator that I would be available for just this kind of thing, thank you for inspiring me to help in this way.
 
“rpp” So glad to hear that everything is working out for you, your mom and your brother. God bless all of you.
 
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