mean and evil

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rinnie

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Ok here is a long story i am going to try to make short. My sister in law is a very miserable person. For the last 35 years she has lied and caused trouble for my family. Three years ago was the last straw. My brother got really sick and died. She did everything in her power to make this death as hard as possible for my mom. Like it wasnt hard enough. she is married to my other brother. Now to get to the point my mom finally washed her hands of this girl. It took her 35 years of hell and loosing my brother to finally say enough. My brother who she is married to has turned a blind eye, always has always will. Now she is trying her best to get back into the family to cause trouble again, She cant stand to see us have peace. And trust me after loosing a son my parents have had it rough enough. So far my mom and dad just keep away from her. But its not going to last. I know no matter how hard we try shes comming back. What is your advice.
 
I say tell her you can’t stand her and if she ever comes near you again you’ll call the police and get a restraining order.
 
mschrank said:
I say tell her you can’t stand her and if she ever comes near you again you’ll call the police and get a restraining order.
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You are not going to believe this but this is the Truth So help me, Her own Father did that to her about ten years ago.
 
rinnie said:
You are not going to believe this but this is the Truth So help me, Her own Father did that to her about ten years ago.
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I believe you. It may come as a surprise but many people on this forum have had problems with family members who have mental illensses.

Does your sister-in-law have any children? If she has custody of your parent’s grandchildren, it will be impossible for them to not let her in their lives. After all, they want to see their grandkids.

But if there are no grandkids then I don’t see how she can force herself into your lifes. Simply refuse to take her calls.

Pray for her though. If she is mentally unstable then her own life is probably miserable.
 
We are way past that point. And yes its seems you know her well. You know the story, Christmas the time wasnt right, so they were late or didnt come at all. If they did no matter what anyone said it was wrong. Then whatever holiday they did come they ruined. It took my younger brothers death for my mom to say, NO MORE LIES. No more abuse. She has abused the kids and everyone she has come in contact with. Now i can just feel her starting something. My mom and dad live here in the summer Florida in the winter. When they come home i feel something. You may think im crazy but i know im right i always am. My dad is going in on Tuesday to have surgery, and my mom is a nervous wreck and i know when they come home in april she will be in rare form with something. She always used my older brother as a excuse to get her way. She knew my mothers love for him. But after my younger brother died my mom just exploded. And quit taking it. She couldnt believe after 35 years of pulling tricks and lies my mom quit putting up with it. My mom said if she had to come to the house with my brother any longer then he didnt have to come. Well she got her way, he quit comming. But then he started comming on his own. And for 3 years now no fights no lies no trouble. Shes is still in disbelief that we wont put up with her no more. But i know shes up to something. She cant stand that we can live without her. SHe cant stand that we are at peace now.
 
My husband’s sister-in-law sounds remarkably similar to this woman. She has single-handedly ripped my husband’s family to shreds. My father-in-law and mother-in-law are now dead. I sometimes feel as if this woman drove them to their deaths, but I realize that is not charitable. I spoke to my priest about this–my husband’s family is not Catholic (my husband is, of course) but I have always felt that my in-laws did not have sufficient resources to deal with a crazy, bitter, nut-case. My priest told me to pray for her–but that we were not required to make her a part of our lives. Fortunately, she (and my husband’s brother) live 5 hours away–Texas is a big state. We have not seen them since my mother-in-law died. I certainly don’t wish them ill, but neither do I feel the need to include them in family functions. Fortunately for us, they don’t seem inclined to include us, either.
 
udoc89 said:
My husband’s sister-in-law sounds remarkably similar to this woman.
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Are you talking about your sister, or was your husband married before? Kind of confusing language, though I can understand if you just don’t want to refer to her as “my sister”.
 
Thankyou so much for understanding. I guess sometimes you just have to vent. When my brother was dying she came to the hospital room. My mother was holding my little brother in her arms he was on his last breath and told my mother right in front of my dying brother that his son was going to go to jail as soon as my brother died. People just dont understand what kind of person i am talking about. My mother asked me after my brother died if i thought that she was trying to kill her too. You know there has to be a difference between a sick and twisted mind and a evil one. there just has to. And Dear God my poor brother. I pray to God every day that he didnt hear that.
 
Markstorm said:
Are you talking about your sister, or was your husband married before? Kind of confusing language, though I can understand if you just don’t want to refer to her as “my sister”.
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Sorry if I was unclear! No–she definitely is NOT my sister. Thank you, Lord!🙂 I have two darling sisters. She is my brother-in-law’s wife. I have a hard time referring to her as my sister-in-law. The situation is, of course, worse for my husband.
 
rinnie,

I am with you. There is one particular family member in my family and it is hard to be around her for more than 15 minutes.

I think that, like some other people posted here, that there is always these kind of people in all families.

I hope you can find a solution to getting her out of your way as much as possible. That is what we do with this relative. We avoid her as much as we can.
 
We had, in our family, for years an Aunt we lovingly refered to as Aunt B**ch behind her back. She had an incredible personality disorder that made it impossible for her to like any more than two members of the family at the same time. If she liked two of us, then she hated the rest and on and on and on.

The saddest part is what she did to her sons, my cousins. The oldest one is a complete nut case and demanding, spoiled, won’t stay sober, would never lower himself to getting a plain old job because it was never glamorous enough, blah blah blah. The younger one has built a wonderful law career in our town, has a loving wife, two loving children and his son is now engaged…and he has all of us.

When Aunt B died it was as though a huge weight had been lifted from our shoulders. We all tried to love her, but she made it very hard. Today, because of the personalities we have, we are able to tell ‘Crazy Auntie Stories’ and laugh ourselves silly.

You give your mother and dad a big hug for me. You tell them that they are in the prayers of a lot of people right now, that they stay safe and protected and strong. Then ask your Guardian Angel to speak to the SIL’s GA and ask that he keep her away from people she wants to hurt.

Of course, that may mean the SIL’s GA has to lock her in a closet but HEY whatever works…👍
 
Oh my you people really understand. I swear if it didnt happen to me i would not and could not believe it. You try so so hard to give these people the benefit of the doubt. I guess thats how we are taught to forgive and forget. But my mom and dad did it for 35 years. And look where it got them. But they, like alot of you say pray for her. Well i learned i cant no more. But then one day Father said then pray that she doesnt hurt anyone else. Now that i can do and i swear i Do every day. Again hearing how others have gotten it too and how they got through does help. And what is blowing my mind the most is the more i read the more it so alike. Like for instance one of the kids, the one whos life is built around money, power. thats one of her kids to the tee. ITs like the same family. I guess its true evil never dies huh. But we have God and i guess thats all we need. But please pray for my parents, My mom is going to have a heck of a week, THis tues Dad is going to some procedure done to his heart. i guess thats why im worried. not about him, He has the best person in the world looking out for him. His operation is in GOds hands, Its just this is when she strikes, ive learned that when you are the most unprepared. Like the bible says the thief in the night, We just dont know when the robber is going to appear. thanks again
 
sounds like your parents have the problem, they either continue to accept her abuse, or they write her out of there life. YOu state they made a final break at the time of their son’s death, yet you have her being invited to family Christmas party.
Why?
If you want to break with a mean evil relative, do it. If you don’t do it and allow the abuse, that is called codependency and enabling. discussing the situation with third parties won;t help. cutting her out of your life up to and including any formal legal redress required has to be consistent if it is going to work.

if anyone in the family has evidence or even strong suspicion of child abuse and does not report they aid, abet, support and enable the abuse and share the guilt.
 
You must have misunderstood me. there has been no Family Christmas since my brothers death. We have not seen her since my Mom asked her not to come the last time. About 6-8 months after my brothers death. As far as the abuse of the children that was something that came out later in life. As i said she has done well in hiding her lies. But like all lies, that come out. Sadly enough it was my brothers death that all was unfolded. My family was called liars, just didnt like her, etc. But now the world knows whats shes like. But the hard part is for my parents to cut off the other son, As i said it took 35 years but they have. They still have contact with him but dont want anything to do with her. so as you can see loosing one son was bad enough try 2. But for the time being he comes and goes but she is still trying to get back in to hurt us. Untill you have someone like that you wouldnt understand. My parents are getting old and tired. And they love and miss my brother so. But they just have to stay strong. But at what a price they have to pay.
 
You seem worked up about something that doesn’t involve you. It is a matter between your parents and your sister-in-law. Your mother has done what she can and it’s great that you support her decision, but then that should be it. I’m concerned about your bringing the matter to a public forum like this because it borders on gossip and hurting the reputation of another person (thou shalt not kill).

You ask for help on how to deal with this woman but she’s not dealing with you, she’s working her way back in to your mother’s life so there is no advice we can offer you to help your mom.

Your posts indicate anger and resentment on your part toward this woman. Justified, to be certain, but harboring negative emotions like that are not good for a Christian soul. You need to find a way to let go of it, to recognize that there’s something seriously wrong with your sister in law that is out of your hands (and in the Lord’s) so that you can sincerely prayer for her in a loving way, not a bitter way. You say that you can pray for her not to hurt others. Can you see that you are placing restrictions on your prayer relationship with God by doing that? Pray instead that He soften your heart, that he takes away your anxiety and hatred toward this woman because she is His daughter and you know that He would not want you to have a hardened heart toward her.

You can’t change her by your actions. You can’t affect her relationship with your mother by your actions. You can influence the way the thought of her affects you.

People aren’t born mean, and evil is a word reserved for the truly, truly lost people. This is not your sister in law. Your sister in law is the product of the life she was born into and yes, she is not a nice person by what you state. But we Christians are never granted permission to hate those who are hurting the most, and trust me, she’s hurting; that’s why she lashes out the way she does.

Doesn’t mean it’s your place or your mother’s to make life better for her. She has to do that for herself. Doesn’t mean you have to let her into your house or go to hers. But if your mom lets her into her house you have the option to stay far away, or if you choose to be there to protect your mother, then you still have to respect your mother’s wishes. If she wants you to put on a happy face and not be bitter toward the woman, you have to be able to do that. If you can’t bring yourself to honor your mother’s wishes then stay away until you can. In the meantime, pray, not just for the sister in law and your parents, but for you, too.
 
I think you hit the nail on the head. And yes you are right. I am very worried, anxious. I guess its because for 3 years she has tried to strike and we have just let it go. But see after 35 years of abuse we were ready for it. When she saw that we finally quit believing her lies, she just kept up terrible things. My brother died of a brain tumor and 1 year later she told my nephew my other brother had cancer. But see we knew she would do all she could to try to get back in the family and hurt us. And it didnt work that time. But we dont hate her. We hate the things she does. To everyone. And i guess what i am asking and no one may know the answer can you really get rid of someone like that once and for all. Has anyone truely done it. But it seems when we are caught off guard is when she strikes, and this is going to be such a bad week. But im sorry i guess i was just looking for someone who really has been thru this to maybe help me to get through it better. I guess my parents have been thru so much and im trying so hard to protect them and i cant. But i swear im not trying to do this to hurt her reputation. Thats why im on here, No one knows who she is or i. And i swear i have no reason to lie, i know God hate liars. I guess its just better to keep it inside and pray for the best. Please pray for all of us.
 
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