Meaning of marriage

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PatMac53

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My daughter is married to a man who is uninterested in sexual relations. It is taking its toll on their relationship (the marriage is young) especially as she feels she saved herself until marriage. I cannot say anything - I’m the mother in law. Any helpful ideas anyone?🤷
 
Your daughter should not be discussing this with you. Encourage her to seek professional therapy and keep intimate issues between herself and her husband private.
 
Lorelei12 said:
Your daughter should not be discussing this with you.
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Seriously??? Yeah, I guess you’re right – it’s a really bad thing when newlyweds go to their parents for advice… :nope: :rolleyes:
Encourage her to seek professional therapy and keep intimate issues between herself and her husband private.
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Now, I’m with you if you’re saying “there isn’t any action that her mom can actually take in this situation.” But, to suggest that a child shouldn’t feel like she can take a problem to her parents and ask their advice? Ludicrous…
 
It’s okay to discuss marital issues with the parents, as long as the parents continue to support (both people within) the marriage, and don’t automatically take their child’s side.
 
PatMac53 said:
My daughter is married to a man who is uninterested in sexual relations. It is taking its toll on their relationship (the marriage is young) especially as she feels she saved herself until marriage. I cannot say anything - I’m the mother in law. Any helpful ideas anyone?🤷
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That is strange indeed. The advice I would give my daughter is that she needs to pursue counseling together with him and alone if he won’t go, encourage him to go to the doctor, and consult her pastor on the situation.

You don’t say if he expressed this to her before marriage, suddenly changed after marriage, whether she is otherwise happy, wants to stay in the marriage, or what her intentions are if he does not resolve this issue.

If they haven’t had any relations *at all *since being married, then your daughter can also take this situation to her pastor and pursue dissolution of the bond on the grounds of lack of consummation. It has to go to the Pope, but can be done. That would certainly be a last resort.

Something is very wrong.
 
Lorelei12 said:
Your daughter should not be discussing this with you. Encourage her to seek professional therapy and keep intimate issues between herself and her husband private.
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In general I agree that spouses shouldn’t air their issues to their parents or other family members. But this is a young bride confronted with a very unusual and distressing situation. I am not surprised she turned to her mother, an older and wiser married person.

I think it was, in this case, a good move on the part of the daughter.
 
1ke said:
That is strange indeed. The advice I would give my daughter is that she needs to pursue counseling together with him and alone if he won’t go, encourage him to go to the doctor, and consult her pastor on the situation.

You don’t say if he expressed this to her before marriage, suddenly changed after marriage, whether she is otherwise happy, wants to stay in the marriage, or what her intentions are if he does not resolve this issue.

If they haven’t had any relations *at all *since being married, then your daughter can also take this situation to her pastor and pursue dissolution of the bond on the grounds of lack of consummation. It has to go to the Pope, but can be done. That would certainly be a last resort.

Something is very wrong.
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Yes if he did not ever tell her before marriage that he never wished to have intimate relations,
Then yes Catechism does say that is completely solid.grounds and okay for her to tell her pastor she wishes to have an annulment because in that situation the marriage vows were never consummated in the marital act, so the marriage vows can be null and void if you apply through your local priest for annulment.

You can tell your daughter this. And if that is the story, who can tell her husband she can apply for annulment, and ask does he want to pursue catholic marriage counselling first if he wishes to save the marriage.

If he will not be moved on his decision, and never informed her of this before marriage, your daughter has three choices:
Counselling as a couple, (or on her own on advice to help him)
Annulment,
Or continue in that marriage
 
I hope that my daughter will feel comfortable enough to talk to me about sensitive stuff when she’s an adult. You must be a good mom, OP, to instill that confidence in your daughter.

What is the husband’s reason for lack of relations? That’s really what it comes down to. Perhaps he found he has an issue with performance that he’s embarrased about. Maybe he’s addicted to porn and real sex isn’t fulfilling. Maybe he’s having an affair. How she handles this problem depends on the root cause- does she have any clue? What has he said when asked?
 
Regina7 said:
I hope that my daughter will feel comfortable enough to talk to me about sensitive stuff when she’s an adult. You must be a good mom, OP, to instill that confidence in your daughter.

What is the husband’s reason for lack of relations? That’s really what it comes down to. Perhaps he found he has an issue with performance that he’s embarrased about. Maybe he’s addicted to porn and real sex isn’t fulfilling. Maybe he’s having an affair. How she handles this problem depends on the root cause- does she have any clue? What has he said when asked?
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I hesitated to say anything since we don’t know, but IN GENERAL, most healthy men do not lack a sexual appetite. They are generally sating it in one way or another. I do not want to cast aspersions, but statistically, it is less likely that he does not desire sex from his lovely wife than it is that he has a release for his desires elsewhere (and statistically, this is more likely to be pornography or masturbation than an affair).

I hope for neither, but wanted to share as a man married for eight years who knows a lot of Catholic men. Our desires are there, and must be properly channeled in the way our Lord intended.
 
1ke said:
In general I agree that spouses shouldn’t air their issues to their parents or other family members. But this is a young bride confronted with a very unusual and distressing situation. I am not surprised she turned to her mother, an older and wiser married person.

I think it was, in this case, a good move on the part of the daughter.
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I think it probably depends on what is meant by “uninterested”. I took it to mean “not as interested as she is”, which I think is a private matter and not something I’d consider my in laws’ business, if that were the case.

Entirely another matter, of course, if “uninterested” means “complete refusal”. Perhaps the OP will return to clarify.
 
Gorgias said:
Seriously??? Yeah, I guess you’re right – it’s a really bad thing when newlyweds go to their parents for advice… :nope: :rolleyes:

Now, I’m with you if you’re saying “there isn’t any action that her mom can actually take in this situation.” But, to suggest that a child shouldn’t feel like she can take a problem to her parents and ask their advice? Ludicrous…
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Except that now…suppose the husband turns out to have a medical problem that he was unaware of before the marriage. Now, his mother in law knows all about their intimate issues.

Of course there are situations where parents can be helpful to their children’s marriages. I don’t think that, generally, sexual matters are an appropriate area for that kind of “advice”. That being said, I think there is a lot here that none of us know.

I also wonder if the advice on this thread would be different if it were a wife who was “uninterested”- would people still think it was appropriate for a man to discuss it with his parents?
 
Lorelei12 said:
Except that now…suppose the husband turns out to have a medical problem that he was unaware of before the marriage. Now, his mother in law knows all about their intimate issues.

Of course there are situations where parents can be helpful to their children’s marriages. I don’t think that, generally, sexual matters are an appropriate area for that kind of “advice”. That being said, I think there is a lot here that none of us know.

I also wonder if the advice on this thread would be different if it were a wife who was “uninterested”- would people still think it was appropriate for a man to discuss it with his parents?
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Well, who are they supposed to discuss it with? I’m assuming most of their friends are of a similar age and don’t have much marriage experience.
 
Regina7 said:
Well, who are they supposed to discuss it with? I’m assuming most of their friends are of a similar age and don’t have much marriage experience.
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A doctor, if medical issues are suspected. A therapist, either alone or together, if they cannot work it out themselves. A priest, if one or the other has concerns about validity of the marriage or this is a case of lack of consummation.

It’s not appropriate to discuss with friends either. I’d be upset if my husband went around discussing our intimate life with either his parents or friends.
 
oldrover said:
It’s okay to discuss marital issues with the parents, as long as the parents continue to support (both people within) the marriage, and don’t automatically take their child’s side.
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No, it’s not. This is a complete betrayal and the best thing the OP can do is let her daughter know that. When/if the husband finds out that his MIL is privy to his embarrassing sexual issues, he is not going to feel comfortable around his in laws or trust his wife.

Completely unacceptable.
 
Thank you for your comments. I think I was wrong to post this here. I am not inviting any more replies.
 
I don’t understand…Are you the mother in law or the mother? Why do you call her your daughter if you are the mother in law…please explain cuz I have lots to share regarding this topic thanks
 
Mayita30 said:
I don’t understand…Are you the mother in law or the mother? Why do you call her your daughter if you are the mother in law…please explain cuz I have lots to share regarding this topic thanks
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I think she means that since she is the mother-in-law of her daughter’s husband, she cannot say something to him about it. Yes, that would be awkward.:o
 
PatMac53 said:
My daughter is married to a man who is uninterested in sexual relations. It is taking its toll on their relationship (the marriage is young) especially as she feels she saved herself until marriage. I cannot say anything - I’m the mother in law. Any helpful ideas anyone?🤷
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Something is seriously wrong there. And it is grounds for annulment. I hope you encourage her to see a priest! And then he can see them together. The priest will definitely want to talk to him and see what’s going on with him.

You did not say that she is Catholic like you, or that she had married in the Church. Even if she had not, she could still see a priest who would tell her the Catholic view on this, which is the true view of marriage, so it will only benefit her.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
No, it’s not. This is a complete betrayal and the best thing the OP can do is let her daughter know that. When/if the husband finds out that his MIL is privy to his embarrassing sexual issues, he is not going to feel comfortable around his in laws or trust his wife.

Completely unacceptable.
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I agree with this. The reason there are professionals and priest need to keep all information confidential is because there are certain topics you just don’t tell about your marriage.
 
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