Meat on Fridays of Lent if Someone Else Accidentally Fixes It For You

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Hi everyone!

I’ve looked at Catholic Answers Forums for years now, but never had the occasion to post a question until now because I couldn’t find an answer for it. The question is this: If, on a Friday in Lent, you are visiting someone (friend, family member, etc.) who is either not Catholic or not familiar with the traditions of Lent and they prepare a meal that incorporates meat, being unaware that you cannot eat meat on that day, how should we, as Catholics, handle that? (*Edit: This is assuming that you forget to mention to them that it is Lent and that you cannot consume meat.)

I ask because we have several friends who are not Catholic or who are not devout Catholics and we interact with them on a regular basis. It is quite plausible that this situation could happen to my husband and I at some point, and I’m not sure that we’d know how to respond. My first instinct would be to refuse the meal or maybe pick around the meat, if it was cooked in such a way that the meat could be avoided and the rest of the dish eaten. But I wouldn’t want to offend the hospitality of the person who is hosting us for the meal. Thoughts? Concrete answers? Intuitions?

Thank you in advance!
GaelicGirl
 
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Tell them in advance that you don’t eat meat on Fridays in Lent, because it is a precept of the Church? Why can’t you do this?
 
If you know in advance you’re visiting somebody who’s not familiar with the Lent traditions, and a meal will be part of the visit, you might mention, “By the way, I just wanted to let you know, since that’s a Friday, Joe and I won’t be able to eat any meat that day because it’s a religious abstinence day for us. Anything else is okay, just not meat.” If you’re not sure if they will be preparing food, just tell them, “By the way, we aren’t expecting a meal, but just in case you were thinking of making anything…” and continue with the explanation about the meat.

If they cook the meat anyway, you can then refuse it knowing you at least gave them an advance warning that you wouldn’t be eating it.
 
I personally don’t eat meals out or in the house of anyone during Lent. If invited I simply say, I don’t during the Lenten period Catholics celebrate eat out or in the home of another as I fast , fast from meat, whatever your practice is and I don’t want to worry about inconveniencing anyone. I’d love to come another day, if it works out for you ,or you’re welcome to come my way either Friday or another day.
 
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These days, so many people I know are vegetarian or vegan or on some type of weight loss diet or medically restricted diet that a simple request like “no meat” is usually not an inconvenience for people I know. They can always just order up a veggie pizza or make a big pasta salad. In fact most of my friends planning gatherings will always plan for veggie food and meat food as a matter of course.

You can also suggest eating at a restaurant, or ordering food delivery, and then everyone can have what they like.
 
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I usually try to be charitable and grateful and eat what’s offered in the spirit that it’s given.

Then I re-make the sacrifice again another day.

But it’s easier to stay away from putting myself in that situation in the first place, so if someone wants to get together on Ash Wednesday or a Friday, it’s easier to say, “My calendar’s a bit complicated on that day. Shall we try for [one of these other days] instead?”

I once fasted from blood-meat for a particular intention for about two or three months, without mentioning it to anyone. The difficulty was that we had dinner at MIL’s house every Monday. Of course, there’s a big difference between a voluntary discipline and an obligation imposed on you by others. I think I managed to avoid eating any meat during that whole period. But not everyone can pull that off… or has small children at the table who are distracting enough that people don’t pay attention to what you do/don’t put on your plate. 🙂 It’s easier to pull off for an old-fashioned dinner of ten or twelve dishes! But it’s much harder to pull off for a meat-and-two-vegetables kind of meal. 🙂
 
"We would love to join you for dinner, but just a heads up that we do not eat meat on Fridays during Lent. "

You could, of course, offer to be the one cooking for dinner. 😉
 
When I studied abroad in Spain during a spring semester of college, I was a bit worried about reminding my 80-year old Catholic host mother that there was no meat on Ash Wednesday and all Fridays of Lent. Part of my study abroad program meant that my host mother would provide breakfast plus one other meal, which was usually lunch. I felt a little better when she prepared fish for lunch on Ash Wednesday, telling me she observed the fast. Relieved, I said, “me too.”

Pretty sure she then prepared something with meat in it nearly every single Friday of Lent (except Good Friday). 😳 Since my Spanish was not so great at that time and I had trouble really connecting with my host mother, I did not make a big deal of it, not wanting to be misunderstood or to put bad feelings between us.

I don’t know if that was right or not, but that’s the way it was. I think I have read that if you are in a situation where there is no meatless option available, you are not obligated to forego eating merely because something contains meat. Now I speak and understand Spanish much better that I would probably handle that situation differently, but at the time, I did what I thought was best for the situation.
 
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GaelicGirl said:
The question is this: If, on a Friday in Lent, you are visiting someone (friend, family member, etc.) who is either not Catholic or not familiar with the traditions of Lent and they prepare a meal that incorporates meat, being unaware that you cannot eat meat on that day, how should we, as Catholics, handle that?
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Yes, you can. Guests at meals where meat is served can eat the meal so as not to offend their host.
 
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These are all great suggestions, and of course, my husband and I try to remember to mention that sort of thing to anyone that we will be having meals with on the Fridays of Lent. However, my question was more oriented to if you forget to mention it (because we’re all human and all forget at some point) and they fix a meat dish. I like the suggestion that @midori gave of accepting what is given and not causing either embarrassment to the host or extra trouble if they offer to fix you something else, because I was taught that that could be a sort of sin in and of itself. And doing something else to make up for eating meat on another day would be do-able. I just wanted to see if anyone else, especially priests, had any (name removed by moderator)ut on the matter. Thanks again all!
 
GaelicGirl said:
If, on a Friday in Lent, you are visiting someone (friend, family member, etc.) who is either not Catholic or not familiar with the traditions of Lent and they prepare a meal that incorporates meat, being unaware that you cannot eat meat on that day, how should we, as Catholics, handle that?
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Eat dinner like normal. Enjoy the company of your friends or family. Don’t embarrass you host. Don’t be scrupulous.
 
She said she observed the rules of Ash Wednesday. Are you sure that meat abstinence was obligatory on the Fridays of Lent during that time in Spain? It’s not in Canada… only on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. For other Fridays of Lent, like Fridays throughout the year, we can substitute some other form of penance.
 
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GaelicGirl said:
I couldn’t find an answer for it.
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I am finding this hard to believe.

https://www.ewtn.com/expert/answers/fast_and_abstinence.htm
Those who are excused from fast or abstinence Besides those outside the age limits, those of unsound mind, the sick, the frail, pregnant or nursing women according to need for meat or nourishment, manual laborers according to need, guests at a meal who cannot excuse themselves without giving great offense or causing enmity and other situations of moral or physical impossibility to observe the penitential discipline.
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Thanks @robertmidwest for the responses. I couldn’t find an answer on the forums, since my search terms were fairly specific. I appreciate the link to EWTN, as it hadn’t occurred to me to look there.
 
robertmidwest said:
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GaelicGirl:
If, on a Friday in Lent, you are visiting someone (friend, family member, etc.) who is either not Catholic or not familiar with the traditions of Lent and they prepare a meal that incorporates meat, being unaware that you cannot eat meat on that day, how should we, as Catholics, handle that?
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Eat dinner like normal. Enjoy the company of your friends or family. Don’t embarrass you host. Don’t be scrupulous.
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This.

There is a great tale from the early church about two monks invited to dinner on a fast day.

The older participated in the meal, while the younger did not, sitting there without eating, and ratted out the older when they got back.

The abbot told him, “You know a great deal about rules, but understand NOtHING of charity!”

The same applies in the situation described here–requesting the hosts change the meal is akin to the bit about coming your hair rather than going about unkempt and with ashes when fasting.

hawk
 
i would assume that if the host was a good friend, you could simply ask him or her to put the “meat” in tupperware and take it home to eat some other day

why is an explanation necessary? i cook lots of stuff my family doesn’t touch 😦

the majority of it winds up in the garbage; ultimately, who cares?

you didn’t want to eat it; no further explanation should be necessary
 
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I’ve forgotten before, I just abstained the next day instead. Heck, do it for 2 extra days.
 
brian_custer said:
i would assume that if the host was a good friend, you could simply ask him or her to put the “meat” in tupperware and take it home to eat some other day

why is an explanation necessary? i cook lots of stuff my family doesn’t touch 😦

the majority of it winds up in the garbage; ultimately, who cares?

you didn’t want to eat it; no further explanation should be necessary
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^^ This. But I guess from this thread some people have the kind of “friends” who end up in the “Dear Ann Landers” letters.

I can possibly see this whole thing being an issue with a MIL or some other family member who feels “unappreciated” if others don’t eat their food, but if you cannot tell a friend - not a relative stranger who is doing you the favor of hosting you, but someone you voluntarily spend time with - that you can’t eat this or that and have them be okay with it, then what kind of a “friend” is that?

If my doctor told me “don’t eat meat”, would this “friend” serve it to me anyway and get put out if I didn’t eat it?

If I was an avowed vegetarian and did not eat meat ever, would this “friend” still make a meat dish and expect me to eat it?

How about if I or my spouse had a drinking problem we were trying to beat and the friend knew this and met us at the door with two bottles of good wine or a pitcher of Long Island Ice Tea and expected us to partake?

Why would you want to have a friend who didn’t respect your wishes or beliefs about a little thing like a meal?
 
robertmidwest said:
Are you married?
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Yes, I am, for almost 25 years.
And as I posted way earlier in this thread, there are a lot of non-meat eaters in my circle of friends and everybody knows to provide some easy veggie foods at social gatherings and/or just have everyone go out to a restaurant that offers a variety of things to eat.

It gets a little more difficult when someone needs “gluten free” for celiac or some other special diet for a health reason…so again…people go out to restaurants or order food. No biggie.

The only time it was possibly some issue is when it was a close family member, especially an older MIL who was anxious to see everybody enjoying the food that she cooked.
 
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