Meatless (non-Lent) Fridays and dinner invitations

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Augustine53

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My wife, kids, and I became Catholics in 2014 and in attempt to follow the recommendations of the USCCB we do not eat meat on any Friday of the year. I realize it is not mandatory but some form of penance is and we went with the traditional avenue for meatless Fridays.

The issue we are running in to is that we have many Protestant friends and not a single Catholic in our families (not to mention most Catholics limit this practice to Lent), therefore this makes for some awkward Friday dinner invites and always gives me the feeling that its somewhat of an imposition and not the best way to evangelize. We also don’t want to be rude and not eat food that is prepared for us if we are just invited to a BBQ for example with other couples and we are just eating pasta salad.

When it is just our family - it’s no meat, but out of charity and good manners is it fine to just not mention the meat thing when we are invited on a Friday and just eat what’s put in front of us. I kind of feel like an annoying vegetarian at times.

Thoughts?
 
Augustine53 said:
My wife, kids, and I became Catholics in 2014 and in attempt to follow the recommendations of the USCCB we do not eat meat on any Friday of the year. I realize it is not mandatory but some form of penance is and we went with the traditional avenue for meatless Fridays.

The issue we are running in to is that we have many Protestant friends and not a single Catholic in our families (not to mention most Catholics limit this practice to Lent), therefore this makes for some awkward Friday dinner invites and always gives me the feeling that its somewhat of an imposition and not the best way to evangelize. We also don’t want to be rude and not eat food that is prepared for us if we are just invited to a BBQ for example with other couples and we are just eating pasta salad.

When it is just our family - it’s no meat, but out of charity and good manners is it fine to just not mention the meat thing when we are invited on a Friday and just eat what’s put in front of us. I kind of feel like an annoying vegetarian at times.

Thoughts?
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Since there is no obligation under penalty of sin to have a meatless Friday provided you substitute some other form of penance, why not just do that on those Fridays you feel compelled to accept a dinner invitation? God is not a tyrant, neither is the Church. It is fine to want to maintain elements of tradition in your life, but it is not nessecary to be rigid when the Church herself is flexible. That kind of strict but unnecessary legalism can be spiritually damaging; I learned that the hard way when I reverted back to the Church.

In my case my wife is Protestant and I don’t want to impose restraints on her. So I chose the penance route, mainly cleaning the house on Fridays since she still works and I’m retired.
 
Augustine53 said:
My wife, kids, and I became Catholics in 2014 and in attempt to follow the recommendations of the USCCB we do not eat meat on any Friday of the year. I realize it is not mandatory but some form of penance is and we went with the traditional avenue for meatless Fridays.

The issue we are running in to is that we have many Protestant friends and not a single Catholic in our families (not to mention most Catholics limit this practice to Lent), therefore this makes for some awkward Friday dinner invites and always gives me the feeling that its somewhat of an imposition and not the best way to evangelize. We also don’t want to be rude and not eat food that is prepared for us if we are just invited to a BBQ for example with other couples and we are just eating pasta salad.

When it is just our family - it’s no meat, but out of charity and good manners is it fine to just not mention the meat thing when we are invited on a Friday and just eat what’s put in front of us. I kind of feel like an annoying vegetarian at times.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
I also abstain on Fridays. When I run into your situation, I partake, and will abstain from meat the next day that we spend at home.
 
Saint Josemaria Escriva would tell people “Don’t choose mortifications that mortify others.”

I think that applies in this situation. I know someone who generally fasts on Fridays. But if his colleagues go out for a team lunch, especially if there’s the opportunity to develop a friendship with someone, he participates and chooses some other mortification for that day.
 
Augustine53 said:
When it is just our family - it’s no meat, but out of charity and good manners is it fine to just not mention the meat thing when we are invited on a Friday and just eat what’s put in front of us. I kind of feel like an annoying vegetarian at times.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Sounds all right to me.

I did want to point out, however, that if you were to choose the other route and stand firm in your decision to abstain from meat on Fridays, it would be neither uncharitable nor ill-mannered to do so assuming you were kind in pointing it out to your hosts and gave them lots of advance notice. On the other hand, I don’t find other people’s dietary practices annoying whether they are by choice or by obligation and am happy to accommodate them when we entertain. Most people I know are the same. YMMV.
 
As some may be aware, in England and Wales the bishops re-established an act of common witness for Friday penance in 2011- namely abstaining from meat; for us in the UK there’s a little less room for manoeuvre.

Whilst this can sometimes feel like an imposition, one would hope that friends and family will also respect our observance. Many people are used to catering for vegetarians now and so it should not be an issue. If invited to a BBQ why not take along some fish steaks for everyone to enjoy? Maybe you’ll even encourage others to go meat-free on a Friday too. 🙂
 
I am a vegetarian for many reasons, but when I am a guest I try to just eat the vegetables and fruit unless someone notices and asks. At other events it is no big deal and we talk about why, if any one cares. But as a guest I eat what is served. If anyone knows me and points it out I laugh it off and say I am flexitarian and the food looks so good I am making an exception.
 
The advice on this thread is good.

A very wise man here on CAF, a Franciscan, told the story of how he was on a mission trip and a very poor woman cooked Chicken on Friday. She was so glad that he was staying at her home and cooked what was for her a very expensive meal in celebration. How could he refuse?
Matt_Collins said:
Saint Josemaria Escriva would tell people “Don’t choose mortifications that mortify others.”
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This was especially enjoyable to read. Thanks Matt.

-Tim-
 
UpUpAndAway said:
Sounds all right to me.

I did want to point out, however, that if you were to choose the other route and stand firm in your decision to abstain from meat on Fridays, it would be neither uncharitable nor ill-mannered to do so assuming you were kind in pointing it out to your hosts and gave them lots of advance notice. On the other hand, I don’t find other people’s dietary practices annoying whether they are by choice or by obligation and am happy to accommodate them when we entertain. Most people I know are the same. YMMV.
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For a long time I have felt that it’s preferable to do a positive thing as a spiritual exercise rather than to avoid a negative, and I’ve found it to require more thought.

In my family we have people who are allergic to nuts, peanuts, dairy, eggs, fish, and shellfish and others who are lactose and gluten intolerant. I cannot tell you how happy I was when our relatives who had been following a vegetarian diet fell in love with beef; it simplified my life enormously. These types of food allergies are becoming more and more common, and I would be very hesitant to add another restriction for a hostess who may already juggling other food issues, especially since it was one I chose and not one that was imposed upon me.
 
Maybe you could pray an *extra *Rosary in reparation for sin on your way to the dinner?
 
St_Francis said:
Maybe you could pray an *extra *Rosary in reparation for sin on your way to the dinner?
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I was going to say this… or Chant/sing the Divine Chaplet in the car.

Or you could use your smartphone (if you have one) and play the Liturgy of the Hours in the car and everyone could pray it (if you don’t already do that).

You could buy the DivineOffice app(s) from divineoffice.com
 
Augustine53 said:
My wife, kids, and I became Catholics in 2014 and in attempt to follow the recommendations of the USCCB we do not eat meat on any Friday of the year. I realize it is not mandatory but some form of penance is and we went with the traditional avenue for meatless Fridays.

The issue we are running in to is that we have many Protestant friends and not a single Catholic in our families (not to mention most Catholics limit this practice to Lent), therefore this makes for some awkward Friday dinner invites and always gives me the feeling that its somewhat of an imposition and not the best way to evangelize. We also don’t want to be rude and not eat food that is prepared for us if we are just invited to a BBQ for example with other couples and we are just eating pasta salad.

When it is just our family - it’s no meat, but out of charity and good manners is it fine to just not mention the meat thing when we are invited on a Friday and just eat what’s put in front of us. I kind of feel like an annoying vegetarian at times.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Eat the meat and find another form of family penance on those Fridays.
 
Augustine53 said:
My wife, kids, and I became Catholics in 2014 and in attempt to follow the recommendations of the USCCB we do not eat meat on any Friday of the year. I realize it is not mandatory but some form of penance is and we went with the traditional avenue for meatless Fridays.

The issue we are running in to is that we have many Protestant friends and not a single Catholic in our families (not to mention most Catholics limit this practice to Lent), therefore this makes for some awkward Friday dinner invites and always gives me the feeling that its somewhat of an imposition and not the best way to evangelize. We also don’t want to be rude and not eat food that is prepared for us if we are just invited to a BBQ for example with other couples and we are just eating pasta salad.

When it is just our family - it’s no meat, but out of charity and good manners is it fine to just not mention the meat thing when we are invited on a Friday and just eat what’s put in front of us. I kind of feel like an annoying vegetarian at times.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Yes, it is perfectly okay to eat what is put in front of you without mentioning Friday penance, or trying to use it as a moment for evangelism.

I go out with friends for lunch quite often on Fridays, and my choices are always no-meat, unless we’re at a place that is famous for its meat. When people ask about it, I just tell them I am abstaining from meat for today, without explaining why - most of them assume I’m on a diet of some kind, and ask no further questions.

If someone has worked hard to prepare a meal for me, and it has meat in it, I thank them for it, and I eat it.
 
Because of my job I asked an apologist on here. I was told by one of the priests to say an extra rosary or reflect on the mysteries (for example of a charitable act).
 
St_Francis said:
Maybe you could pray an *extra *Rosary in reparation for sin on your way to the dinner?
Click to expand...
Because of my job I asked an apologist on here. I was told by one of the priests to say an extra rosary or reflect on the mysteries (for example of a charitable act).
 
While I am inclined to agree with others who suggest that you do another penance, there is also another way to approach it.

Because you are guests of non-Catholics, and perhaps non-believers at times, I would suggest that if this matters seriously to you, that when you mention it to the host/hostess, that you don’t speak about the bishops’ conference, or your bishop; but rather approach it from a very personal point of view: say that the Church no longer requires abstaining from meat; however, out of love for the sacrifice Christ made, you personally prefer to make the small sacrifice of not eating meat on Friday.

As to not saying anything at all, if someone is going to spend money on meat, saying something right away allows them to rearrange plans to accommodate your penance, allows you to do some very personal evangelization (not something Catholics generally appear very good at) and you don’t go to the dinner and not eat a piece of meat that was prepared for you. Often, the meat has not even been purchased when the invitation is made, so that allows the cook/chef to make changes before spending on meat. And you have the opportunity to do a bit of evangelization from a very personal perspective.

As has been noted, there are other reasons people may have dietary issues, meat, gluten, or otherwise, so most people who are inviting others to dinner should be accommodating to this also. Either way, it is your choice. Just don’t go without saying something before, and then not eat meat they are serving - last time I passed the meat case, my wallet had conniptions at the prices.
 
AngelusDomini said:
As some may be aware, in England and Wales the bishops re-established an act of common witness for Friday penance in 2011- namely abstaining from meat; for us in the UK there’s a little less room for manoeuvre.

🙂
Click to expand...
It’s still not a matter of mortal sin in England and Wales, though.

See the briefing notes which were issued with the Press Release at the time.
 
Augustine53 said:
When it is just our family - it’s no meat, but out of charity and good manners is it fine to just not mention the meat thing when we are invited on a Friday and just eat what’s put in front of us. I kind of feel like an annoying vegetarian at times.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Well, being “an annoying vegetarian” ;), I certainly don’t just eat what is put in front of me out of charity or good manners. Would you expect a Jewish person to eat pork chops or a Hindu to eat ribeye steak simply because that is what was made? How about someone that is gluten and dairy intollerant; is it rude for them to not eat pizza?

That being said I don’t expect others to go out of the way to accommodate my diet. I have attended plenty of BBQs where I didn’t eat meat and in 25 years it has never been a problem. I find most people are fine with people not eating everything. Sometimes the host will provide an alternative other times I bring my own substitute. It’s never been a big deal either way.

Long and short is not to feel like you have to hide being Catholic just to conform to other’s expectations or because you think they will disapprove. To be honest if you know why the tradition of abstaining from meat exists then it can be a way to evangelize if someone asks.
 
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