Medical phobia and avoiding pregnancy

[Viki63]

What triggers my phobia with pregnancy? Pretty much everything. Pregnancy opens you up to a whole slew of possible medical complications, and is a completely medical endeavor, even if it goes as normally as possible. Ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, morning sickness, discharges and spotting, weird movement sensations, round ligament pain, high blood pressure, preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, placental abruption, swollen feet, preterm labor, false labor, labor, tearing, blood tests, mucous plugs, c-sections, mastitis, the list goes on.

Your list scares me, and I’ve been pregnant twice. Actually, I wouldn’t say pregnancy is a medical endeavor, that’s just what modern women tend to make it. I’d say it’s a natural endeavor,
In my two pregnancies I experienced a few evenings of nausea, about two weeks of gestational diabetes. and labor. Certainly no one would experience all of those complications that you list. Remember, we are supposed to pray for grace to bear the trials that come to us, not all the trials that might possibly come! C.S. Lewis says a lot about this.

As others have said, more difficult than pregnancy might be some situations that come with motherhood in itself – such as the time I went to kiss my daughter and she sneezed a faceful of mucous all over me. Or the time at a packed Christmas mass when my toddler son vomited all over me and would have gotten bystanders if I hadn’t held up my coat.

Treatment would probably be your best bet, since life will bring you many trials otherwise.

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[SusanneT]

Whilst I sympathise with the OP’s phobia and applaud the principle of adoption I can’t see any justification for contraception, which is quite simply sinful.

By all means adopt but unless and until the phobia is cured or abates (I suspect God might step to that in pregnancy) the only option is abstinence, or if that threatens the marriage then NFP.

 

[pensmama87]

Interesting question.
I know someone like this, however, she is a non-catholic christian and so there is no obligation to have kids.
I am interested to hear how it is dealt with in a catholic setting, however.
I am very sorry to hear about your phobia, however, you are blessed with a husband who understands your fears.

There is no Catholic obligation to have kids.

The sin is contraception.

 

[heidi_storage]

Your list scares me, and I’ve been pregnant twice. Actually, I wouldn’t say pregnancy is a medical endeavor, that’s just what modern women tend to make it. I’d say it’s a natural endeavor,
In my two pregnancies I experienced a few evenings of nausea, about two weeks of gestational diabetes. and labor. Certainly no one would experience all of those complications that you list. Remember, we are supposed to pray for grace to bear the trials that come to us, not all the trials that might possibly come! C.S. Lewis says a lot about this.

Treatment would probably be your best bet, since life will bring you many trials otherwise.

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Nah, her list is totally realistic. Childbirth and pregnancy is indeed a natural endeavor, but it’s killed and injured a whooole lot of women and babies throughout history. That’s why it’s important to get prenatal care, and why it’s riskier to give birth outside of a hospital than in it.

That said–yes, she ought to seek treatment for her phobia; we’ll probably all need plenty of medical care, unless we die suddenly while in perfect health.

 

[pensmama87]

Nah, her list is totally realistic. Childbirth and pregnancy is indeed a natural endeavor, but it’s killed and injured a whooole lot of women and babies throughout history. That’s why it’s important to get prenatal care, and** why it’s riskier to give birth outside of a hospital than in it**.

That said–yes, she ought to seek treatment for her phobia; we’ll probably all need plenty of medical care, unless we die suddenly while in perfect health.

That depends on the woman, the pregnancy, the non-hospital setting and the attendants, and a host of other factors - including how you define “risk.”

But that’s neither here nor there. The fact is that as a phobia, it’s irrational fear, which is affecting the OP’s marital life and ability to live her marriage as God intended. Contraception has no place in marriage.

 

[Allegra]

Nah, her list is totally realistic. Childbirth and pregnancy is indeed a natural endeavor, but it’s killed and injured a whooole lot of women and babies throughout history. That’s why it’s important to get prenatal care, and why it’s riskier to give birth outside of a hospital than in it.

That said–yes, she ought to seek treatment for her phobia; we’ll probably all need plenty of medical care, unless we die suddenly while in perfect health.

It’s realistic in the sense that any of those things COULD happen. However, it’s unrealistic to think that all of those things WOULD happen. Lots of women have perfectly normal pregnancies and only require very basic observation throughout and during delivery. It is highly unlikely that all of those things will happen to the OP.

 

[QuestLove]

There is no Catholic obligation to have kids.

The sin is contraception.

Thanks for the clarification.
I know about the contraception view.
But did not realise there was no obligation to have biological kids. Is this in general for all catholics, or is it because the OP has a phobia?

 

[heidi_storage]

It’s realistic in the sense that any of those things COULD happen. However, it’s unrealistic to think that all of those things WOULD happen. Lots of women have perfectly normal pregnancies and only require very basic observation throughout and during delivery. It is highly unlikely that all of those things will happen to the OP.

Indeed, but the OP is not foolish to be aware of those complications. What is harmful is being frightened of these complications and of their treatment.

 

[Spark2]

It’s realistic in the sense that any of those things COULD happen. However, it’s unrealistic to think that all of those things WOULD happen. Lots of women have perfectly normal pregnancies and only require very basic observation throughout and during delivery. It is highly unlikely that all of those things will happen to the OP./QUOT

Please OP, consider hard. This is very serious.

I have a needle/medical issue phobia and ALL these things happened to me during pregnancy. I ended up with a surprise multiple birth and the number of horrific, painful triggering things was incredibly high and so traumatic that I struggle with it years later. I am phobic. Phobic for me does not mean frightened; phobic means I blackened my husband’s eye when I was attempting to have blood drawn and I tried to escape. Phobic means I had to be restrained for any procedures.

And I had ALL the procedures. In my twin birth, I had diabetes, hundreds of blood draws, several epidurals, a broken rub from attempting to push out a child, one painful vaginal birth followed by one excruciating C section that I was both awake and unmedicated for as they cut me open as I waited for the drugs to fully kick in, a placental abruption, a hemorage, a stopped heart, a resuscitation and a very severe illness that confined me to the ICU for days after the birth. My twins were damaged in all this and one has a brain injury. I truly wish I had been left to die.

This has hurt me deeply. I regret my pregnancy. I am not especially bonded with my twins and I feel no positive emotions towards my parenting experience. I have a deep sadness about that but the resentment over the pain, fear and anger is incredibly pervasive. Unless you are willing to accept this possibility if unwanted interventions, I’d get in a permanent form of birth control - maybe an iud and a barrier method? Oh, and no worries about me going to hell from other readers. Believe me, I already live there.

 

[heidi_storage]

Spark2, I’m so sorry for your pain. I wish you healing and peace.

 

[ThePCWife]

I guess I also find the idea that someone can handle the gauntlet that is adopting (in America at least) kind of weird given their medical phobia. If the OP is like quite a few American mothers, she’ll be either taking the kids to her appointments or she’ll be delaying care until it’s very bad. Neither scenario of which solves her problem and which are going to bring parenting challenges above the ones adoption often carries (everyone can’t get a brand new health-issue free baby).

To me, I would be reluctant to recommend for adoption someone who has a severe phobia they refuse to treat that directly affects their ability to parent a child.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I have a question about birth control. I have a strong medical phobia and, although I have had counseling for it, cannot stand the idea of pregnancy and childbirth…

On the one hand I 100% sympathize with you because I too can not imagine going through a pregnancy, on the other hand my sympathy has a limit since I thus chose to remain single. Perhaps not a very loving attitude on my part, but nonetheless how I feel

I felt called to adoption.

The possibility of having biological children AND adopting is perfectly acceptable

I always felt that maybe God gave me a phobia as insurance that I follow my heart for adoption,

I would be more inclined to think God gave you a phobia as a reminder to always trust him. I am on medication for an anxiety disorder that makes me trust him constantly. Over the years, I have learned to trust him so much, the dose in my medication has come down

I know I do not want biological kids ,

I know I want to win the lotto and be a millionaire, hasn’t been God’s will yet

He told me about the supremacy of conscience, and basically said that we needed to seriously learn about the Church’s teachings on the Theology of the Body/contraception and would need to be willing to “stand naked before God” with our actions if we still chose to use contraception. He was not condemning ,

He was not condemning since as a good priest, he was not judging. But… after really learning about the Theology of the Body, no one can use contraceptives guilt free

We desperately want to be parents and look forward to raising our children in the faith. ,

To do that means teaching them contraceptives are sin

We have been using birth control with a clear conscience and have no idea if we are fertile or not.,

So in other words, you could be infertile and sinning for no reason. A big gamble to take with your souls

And please understand that a phobia is not just a lack of trust in God or something. It is a full-body terror, and there is absolutely no way I could currently have unprotected sex .,

I totally understand having a phobia and struggling with trusting God. However to an unmarried woman… it is hard to understand a phobia of pregnancy without a phobia of sex. They both seem painful.

I’m also sure that 9 months of intense anxiety in a pregnancy would not be healthy for me or a baby (and there is no way that 9 months of bodily changes would not constantly trigger my phobia). .,

True it is not healthy for the baby, but it is no reason to avoid pregnancy. The same argument holds for Down Syndrome. Just because one knows the baby will be born with it is no reason to abort.

I guess my question is, does the Church have any other insight to give for this situation? It seems like so many of the admonitions against contraception are about selfishness and seeking pleasure only, but we don’t look at our sexuality that way at all. I love giving myself to him and knowing that he is giving himself to me. .,

NO NO NO NO. It is selfish to think of avoiding your struggles ie phobias instead of trusting God. It is NOT fully giving yourselves since you are not open to life

I struggle with the idea that people think we are sinning .,

Huh? Come judgment day, you will be answering to the Lord Jesus Christ so quit worrying about what others think and start worrying about what God thinks

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Anyways, I’d love to hear your thoughts on our situation. .

My thoughts, I wish I could have made my point in a more loving way. However, this seems to me to be the same as every other sin and struggle a person could have. The solution is to keep praying and moving towards God

 

[pensmama87]

Thanks for the clarification.
I know about the contraception view.
But did not realise there was no obligation to have biological kids. Is this in general for all catholics, or is it because the OP has a phobia?

In general, for all Catholics.

One must leave marital acts open to the possibility. So, most married couples are likely to have kids. But there are always reasons this might not happen, and there is no sin on the part of the couple who does not have biological children.

(And, it IS morally permissible to use periodic abstinence indefinitely - the woman who did the NFP presentation for our marriage preparation class had used NFP successfully to avoid pregnancy for the entirety of her marriage due to a life-threatening medical condition.)

You might be asking if it would be OK for a couple to not want or not be willing to accept children - and that can be problematic from a Catholic point of view.

 

[CatholicSheila]

I recently saw an article which showed that a recent study has shown that natural methods, if done correctly, are as effective as artificial birth control.

here (You won’t recognise the site - it’s a respected Australian news source)

To sum it up it found that the contraceptive pill results in 3 pregnancies per 1000 in the first year if used correctly. The temperature based apps found 5 pregnancies per 1000 in the first year if used correctly.

I understand phobia and if it has been diagnosed then I would think that would be a valid reason to prevent pregnancy however artificial methods are a sin. It seems a huge risk to take with your soul if there are other options. Have you done any research into natural methods? They may be harder than the pill but they work if used properly.

Before anyone says ‘you can’t use natural family with a contraption mentality!’ you can use it to prevent pregnancy if you have good reason. Health reasons are generally seen as acceptable reason to use it continually. Mental health is just as valid as physical health.

 

[SilverLight]

Yes. This. You must get treatment first and foremost. I know it “failed” before but keep at it. Sound mental health is required for adoption. (We cannot adopt for this reason!) They will find your medical info somehow so simply not telling them is not an option.

As for the contraception, it is simply not allowed by Catholic couples. For any reason. You need to learn about Natural Family Planning (NFP) from the priest who brought you into the Catholic Church. Every diocese has NFP classes. Ask your priest!

I have actually never seen my church have that before or talk about it. Actually no one talked to me about NFP either. They thankfully leave it up to you and do not pressure. I don’t respond well to pressure in situations like that.

 

[Allegra]

There is no Catholic obligation to have kids.

The sin is contraception.

Right. Furthermore, the OP would be perfectly fine if she and her husband used NFP to avoid pregnancy indefinitely, due to the need to care for adopted children, or even until her phobia is resolved, provided they do so through moral means. Periodic abstinence is their best solution for now. She should still seek treatment for her phobia. Until that is under control, I think she ought to hold off the adoption process.