"Meeting and Greeting" before Mass

[RosslynV]

Does this really serve any purpose?

I’ve been exposed to this at a few parishes. Of course I shook the hands of those around me. Ok, so what?! I didn’t come to Mass to socialize. I do not mind doing so after Mass though.

I do not recall making any new friends on all the occasions I’ve shook hands with strangers b4 Mass. So really, I think it’s sorta a pointless gesture.

thanks in advance.

 

[Cat]

You will probably not make friends by merely shaking hands with strangers.

First, you have to recognize that they are not “strangers,” they are your brothers and sisters in Christ, members of your Church family.

Second, you have to get beyond just “meeting and greeting” and shaking hands. You have to talk. Converse. Discuss. Try asking questions of those you are shaking hands with. Get to know them a little.

Third, select people who will be realistic possibilities as future friends. Certainly we should be friendly and greet anyone that God brings into our sphere. But if you are looking for friends, seek out people who are close to your own age, and who appear to be in the same life situation that you are in. E.g., if you are young parents, put more time into greeting other young parents. Or if you are retired, put more time into greeting other retirees. Yes, you might be able to find a close friend among people who are totally different than you, but logically, you’re more likely to become close friends with someone who shares your age, life situation, income level, time availability, sex, etc.

Fourth, eventually, get beyond just “meeting and greeting” and talking, and ASK your potential friends to go our for breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, a drink, etc. It’s kind of difficult to be “friends” when the only time you see each other is before or after Mass. You have to do things together, and often, eating/drinking together is a great way to get started. I personally would invite someone to a restaurant or coffee shop at first, but only because I’m a little wary of asking someone that I don’t really know well to come to my house. But perhaps you’re more open than I am. At any rate, ASK. If they say "no,’ don’t take it personally; people often have already made their plans. But I can tell you that if you asked ME out to coffee after a Mass, I would probably go with joy! I love making new friends in the Body of Christ!

Finally–and I say this with kindness–try to lose the “attitude.” If you walk around with the attitude that “this is a pointless gesture,” you’ll never make friends during a “meet and greet” time. If you have other ways of making friends among those who attend your parish, then perhaps for you it is a pointless gesture and don’t worry about it. But the best attitude would be to look at “meet and greet” times as opportunities to make contacts with fellow Christians who are all trying to follow Jesus and make it to heaven, not as some kind of “intrusion” into your Mass time.

I hope this post is helpful to you and others. Good luck to you!
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[VeritasLuxMea]

Though the focus of the Mass should always and ever be on Christ, there are reasons why we worship as a community. Whenever this occurs to me, I try to remember the lonely widow or troubled elderly man for whom Mass is one of the only forms of human interaction for the week. There are people for whom every little interaction, every smile or kind word by a Christian brother or sister has the potential of bolstering their spirits to make it through the next week. I try to remind myself that there are worse things than being encouraged to offer a kind smile to a brother or sister of the faith.

 

[RosslynV]

Very candid responses!! I appreciate your insight. I hope you both don’t think i want to be antisocial. These pre Mass meet and greets are usually encouraged by the presiding priest. They usually last 30 seconds. I can’t strike up any conversation in that time! So in this sense, the hand shaking and introductions seem to be a waste of time.

 

[Sarabande]

I think part of the reason why the pre-mass “meet-and-greet” often don’t work in various parishes in terms of creating a community atmosphere is because of what you mentioned. It’s something that is added half-way. They want community, but can’t fit it in full-force because if they take longer than 30 seconds or so (which is about how long I’ve experienced it in different parishes) it could prolong the length of mass and then would run into the next mass. That kind of socialisation doesn’t really fit into the order of mass, nor several seconds right before it.

I personally find the practice very forced. You can tell that most people don’t want to do it, but try to put on a good face. They can’t wait to get it done and over with. It might be the area where I’m from, though.

I think what they need to do it is maybe pick the brains of their Protestant brothers and sisters who have a lot of experience and success with creating a community atmosphere outside of their services. I’m amazed at some of the Protestant services I’ve attended as a contract musician when the majority of people stay after the service to socialise in the hall. Their services are “high-church”, nothing added to it and very traditional, in terms of their order of service, like a high-church episcopal mass or Lutheran service. Yet they are able to keep the people after mass to practice the community aspect of their church. Now, I have attended mass at Catholic churches where they were successful with the after-mass community, but I don’t know how they do it. Perhaps because they were small city-block or rural, farming parishes that made the differences.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi Rosslyn,

Those people greeting you are there for a reason.

Unless I am misunderstanding your post, I am talking about the people who welcome you and shake your hand as your enter the church.

I used to be on a Welcoming committee at the last parish that I was at.

They are there to help people who are coming into the church.

They are there to greet them, but they are also probably there to answer any questions that someone new to the parish might have, for example,

Let’s say that I was new or visiting, and I wanted to know what time the week day masses were. I could ask about that as I was coming in the door and into the church.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Very candid responses!! I appreciate your insight. I hope you both don’t think i want to be antisocial. These pre Mass meet and greets are usually encouraged by the presiding priest. They usually last 30 seconds. I can’t strike up any conversation in that time! So in this sense, the hand shaking and introductions seem to be a waste of time.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to suggest that you are anti-social.

 

[Sarabande]

Hi Rosslyn,

Those people greeting you are there for a reason.

Unless I am misunderstanding your post, I am talking about the people who welcome you and shake your hand as your enter the church.

I used to be on a Welcoming committee at the last parish that I was at.

They are there to help people who are coming into the church.

They are there to greet them, but they are also probably there to answer any questions that someone new to the parish might have, for example,

Let’s say that I was new or visiting, and I wanted to know what time the week day masses were. I could ask about that as I was coming in the door and into the church.

I may have been misunderstanding the Rosslyn’s post, myself, but I think she was talking about the “meet-and-greet” that sometimes occurs either right before the processional hymn begins or right after the processional hymn. For the former, a cantor or lector will invite people to turn to the person beside and behind them to meet and greet. For the latter, the priest will invite the congregation to do it. It lasts about 15-30 seconds.

What you are talking about I think is very nice and welcoming and doesn’t feel forced at all. You don’t feel like you have engage in a long conversation, yet gives you friendly human interaction and allows you to feel like you may be part of a small-town atmosphere, especially if you are in a very large suburban parish where you might feel more like a number.

 

[frobert]

Does this really serve any purpose?

I’ve been exposed to this at a few parishes. Of course I shook the hands of those around me. Ok, so what?! I didn’t come to Mass to socialize. I do not mind doing so after Mass though.

I do not recall making any new friends on all the occasions I’ve shook hands with strangers b4 Mass. So really, I think it’s sorta a pointless gesture.

thanks in advance.

It can a pointless gesture or a symbol of community and sharing in the life of Christ.

 

[Sliw]

The parish I usually attend does it. I am not a huge fan of it, mainly because it already adds to a casual atmosphere that is further bolstered by our pastor not beginning Mass with the Sign of the Cross (something that I had to see a few more times to make it worth noting to him in the near future. Just deciding the most tactful and respectful way to bring it up).

I am just mostly glad they dropped the “God calls each of us by name. Names are important to us and identify ourselves to others. Please rise and greet your neighbors by name, especially those you may not know”–then Entrance Procession. This is the only parish for a fairly large community (I estimated roughly 80-90 sets of 20-30ft pews that are quite full). Of course I do not know you–even if we were all generally involved in parish activities, there are hundreds of families registered here…That felt very forced.

 

[Cat]

I’m so sorry, I misunderstood that this was taking place in the nave right before Mass. So obviously, there is no way to converse.

It’s still a good time to look closely, not just glance, at those around you, and try to discern whether anyone would enjoy being friends with you, or if anyone needs a loving word after the Mass. We can tell a lot by looking at someone’s facial expressions, eyes, etc.

And obeying our priest without any complaint or inner rebellion is never pointless. When we were children, Dad would ask us to do some things that we didn’t understand at the time. It was only when we were older and more experienced that we understood why Daddy was asking us to do those things.

 

[Joannm]

It is also important to remember that the gathered assembly is one of the modes of Christ’s presence and written in the Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy, par. 7. So when we greet those around us before the Mass we are greeting Christ present in them.

 

[L_Marshall]

I personally don’t think the “Meet & Greets” encouraged by some priests before Mass (or worse: during Mass) are useful or productive.

I understand the desire to form a Christian community, but I think: 1) This can’t be done in a few seconds; 2) The time chosen for this is often inappropriate.

To expand on the two reasons:
1) To form a community requires knowledge of each other, and there is no way this can be done in 30 seconds every day. This would best be done over a longer social period, but since most people just want a nice homily about how great they are, and to be out in less than an hour so they can bring their children to soccer practice (since that’s more important than Mass anyways, right?), this is what it’s cheapened to. People spend 30 seconds greeting others before Mass to show they’re a Christian Community, just like how they give $5 to a homeless man at Christmas, then ignore him the rest of the year to show that they’re charitable. This is a symptom of our times, where the supreme trinity is me, myself, and I; and all that matters is our feelings and instant gratification.

2) The time which immediately proceeds Mass is a time to prepare ourselves to participate in the supreme prayer of the Church, and to witness the unbloody re-presentation of the Calvary. While the Christian Community is important in this event, they are not the focus, but they all focus beyond themselves (and the priest), and on Christ.

My recommendation on the matter:
The hardest battle is to get people to commit to something. This takes pastoral ingenuity, a lot of “shoulder-tapping,” a lot of time, and networking. But if a parish can manage to have coffee and maybe some pastry after Mass on Sunday, and really get the majority of parishioners to stay and create a real, authentic community, it’s a huge step forward. Don’t just stick everyone in a room and expect them to mingle on their own, put have some parishioners who are a) personable; b) sociable start conversations and introduce people to one another. It takes a lot of work, but it’s one of the best things a parish can do. If the community is involved and lively, solutions for money, volunteering, and other things will come easier.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I would like to know when and where this originated. I’m kind of worried because this might be my fault!

When I was in high school our youth minister wanted feedback on how to make the Mass more …*something *(I can’t remember the word) for us as youth. Well, being poorly catechized we voiced our frustrations and ideas about and for the liturgy. One was why we nearly go through the whole Mass before acknowledging our neighbor at the sign of peace. It would have been better to offer some basic catechesis to us as young people but probably the whole parish and perhaps the diocese. Instead, this new practice of greeting our neighbor was instituted. It could have sprung up independently in different places or it could have spread (“hey they do this neat thing at my cousin’s church!”) from my hometown parish.

 

[smndtupidisaftr]

Does this really serve any purpose?

I’ve been exposed to this at a few parishes. Of course I shook the hands of those around me. Ok, so what?! I didn’t come to Mass to socialize. I do not mind doing so after Mass though.

I do not recall making any new friends on all the occasions I’ve shook hands with strangers b4 Mass. So really, I think it’s sorta a pointless gesture.

thanks in advance.

I loathe the practice, but there are far more important abuses than this.

 

[OraLabora]

My wife is an Anglican and belongs to a parish in town A. I am a Catholic and belong to a parish in town B, but there’s also a Catholic church in town A.

In my parish, pre-Mass is very quiet. Sometimes acquaintances chat with each other on the steps outside. But inside, you can hear a pin drop and the way I was taught is what most folks do: kneel in quiet prayer.

At my wife’s Anglican parish in town A, before their mass it’s mayhem, friends chatting, greeting, children running around until called to the Sunday School, etc. Quiet prayer would be just about impossible.

Once due to a snowstorm I missed my Mass in town B so I went to the Catholic church in town A. To my surprise I found it was just like my wife’s Anglican mass. Total chaos, noisy, etc.

I concluded it was a very local “cultural” thing. Town A is a mix of anglophones and francophones, whereas town B is mostly francophone.

The towns are exactly 12 miles (20 km) apart. Go figure

I just chalk it up to “that’s the way it is”. The times I do attend my wife’s Anglican church, I don’t mind it so much because many of our mutual friends belong to that church and I don’t see them all that often. But for my purposes before Mass I prefer silence. I usually do go to Mass at our local abbey where of course the monks do their best to maintain and enforce a silent and monastic atmosphere.

 

[SMHW]

Does this really serve any purpose?

I’ve been exposed to this at a few parishes. Of course I shook the hands of those around me. Ok, so what?! I didn’t come to Mass to socialize. I do not mind doing so after Mass though.

I do not recall making any new friends on all the occasions I’ve shook hands with strangers b4 Mass. So really, I think it’s sorta a pointless gesture.

thanks in advance.

I think one of the reasons that the meet and greet was introduced was the hope that those who LOVE this kind of exchange will get it out their system early and thus not prolong the sign of peace later on. And it does get people to at least recognize their fellow parishioners in case they see them later at the kids’ school or at the big box store.

Does it shorten the sign of peace? Probably in some cases but it may prolong it in others.

 

[captainrick]

Does this really serve any purpose?

I’ve been exposed to this at a few parishes. Of course I shook the hands of those around me. Ok, so what?! I didn’t come to Mass to socialize. I do not mind doing so after Mass though.

I do not recall making any new friends on all the occasions I’ve shook hands with strangers b4 Mass. So really, I think it’s sorta a pointless gesture.

thanks in advance.

(I grew up Methodist, so bear with me if I use incorrect terminology)

Is this greeting in the sanctuary or in another area (lobby, or whatever)? I think once in the sanctuary there should be no socializing until after Mass.

In my UMC church, our early service finished at about 9:30, the next one began at ten. Between services we had refreshments (coffee, pastries) in the entrance area (lobby, vestibule???).

The people who routinely attended the early service could socialize with those coming in for the late service. Not just shaking hands, but getting to know one another. I liked that tradition.

 

[Corki]

You will probably not make friends by merely shaking hands with strangers.

First, you have to recognize that they are not “strangers,” they are your brothers and sisters in Christ, members of your Church family.

Second, you have to get beyond just “meeting and greeting” and shaking hands. You have to talk. Converse. Discuss. Try asking questions of those you are shaking hands with. Get to know them a little.

.

Good points if the “meet and greet” is out in the narthex. But I think the OP was talking about those moments some parishes try to introduce while everyone is already in the nave but Mass hasn’t started yet.

If is very hard to converse, discuss or ask questions while at the same time maintaining a respectful silence in Church.

 

[Halligator]

I’ve been to a few parishes that do this. (If you mean the “turn around and greet your neighbor” sort of thing… The parishes I’ve been in did this before the procession.)

I don’t mind it, in fact I like it because it gives me (usually a stranger at the Mass) a chance to make myself less strange to those around me. I say, “Hi, I’m Arthur,” which is not something I do at the Peace.

The Peace is always a bit awkward for a single. I have to wait til the families are done hugging before I can shake a hand or two.

Arthur