P
Prodigal_40s
Guest
I’m in my 40’s and going through years and years of limbo in terms of career and personal relationships but recently I came back to embrace the faith. However, I look at the modern society and know that I’ve failed so far to contribute to meeting my requirements in communicating and being in communion with the Blessed Trinity in the Eucharist.
To give a less important but nonetheless relevant example, I was at mass this morning with my mother and sister and in the row in front a group of kids under 5 arrive just after the rest of the parish have received the Lord God in communion. Just before the blessing, I found that my patience with the children reading out the letters of the alphabet to represent aspects of the faith to them was tested. The children are quite loud and carry on as all small kids. After the letters, they were asked questions by the priest and then we sung ‘Away in a Manger’. I felt annoyed with myself at my irritation and some of their helpers (adult women around my age but mostly younger) didn’t notice my reaction. However when they turned around and looked at me they looked at each other and gave a shiver and made a sound expressing disgust. I take this very badly although in my lifetime, the number of times this has been done to me, you would think I’d be used to it ;0)!
I was in a bad mood for the afternoon and I considered that the lack of empathy from me and these women reflect my vanity and pride as well as theirs’.
It’s a very minor example of individualism and a real lack of empathy in our society. I’m not meeting the Holy Spirit half way. I’m a seething mess of rage, failure and an inability to ignore and not take the offence offered. The views that I have are coloured by rejection and pride has rendered me immobile; completely shut down; unwilling to take risks; closed to most although to open to those who confer any attention. I know that it’s impossible for people to understand what years of taking offence and going on the defence have done. I have confessed my sins but I find it hard to forgive especially when I have failed to meet my expectations.
I do notice that in places like Chapel in small towns if you haven’t obtained A + B + C by a certain age then doubts are felt and people’s minds work overtime. I don’t share these views but here I’m on the receiving end. If people only understood how pure others are or try to be in my case, they wouldn’t form these ideas.
Modern society encourages individualism and it never offers constructive advice on doing things with the grace that Christ confers on us when we take the blessed sacraments. I try to focus on that but get comfort from wallowing in the momentary satisfaction that anger and bitterness provides. I’ve also found that anger and pride quell the fear that comes from other’s thoughts as compensation and all of this holds me back from enjoying the fruits of Christ’s sacrifice. I try hard but the ‘red rag’ moments like today are a set back because they remind me of my failures in relationships and friendships.
How do you meet the Lord half way in grace when you’re being bullied and ridiculed or harassed? Please be completely honest because advice from theory is different when we’re in the trenches at work or busy shops or the ‘training exercise’ that I was in today? Visualise the situation, that neighbour is turning their music up; that young guy with the Subaru has just cut you up in the outside lane. Think…It’s easy but the difficult reaction is the option I’m trying to switch to.
To give a less important but nonetheless relevant example, I was at mass this morning with my mother and sister and in the row in front a group of kids under 5 arrive just after the rest of the parish have received the Lord God in communion. Just before the blessing, I found that my patience with the children reading out the letters of the alphabet to represent aspects of the faith to them was tested. The children are quite loud and carry on as all small kids. After the letters, they were asked questions by the priest and then we sung ‘Away in a Manger’. I felt annoyed with myself at my irritation and some of their helpers (adult women around my age but mostly younger) didn’t notice my reaction. However when they turned around and looked at me they looked at each other and gave a shiver and made a sound expressing disgust. I take this very badly although in my lifetime, the number of times this has been done to me, you would think I’d be used to it ;0)!
I was in a bad mood for the afternoon and I considered that the lack of empathy from me and these women reflect my vanity and pride as well as theirs’.
It’s a very minor example of individualism and a real lack of empathy in our society. I’m not meeting the Holy Spirit half way. I’m a seething mess of rage, failure and an inability to ignore and not take the offence offered. The views that I have are coloured by rejection and pride has rendered me immobile; completely shut down; unwilling to take risks; closed to most although to open to those who confer any attention. I know that it’s impossible for people to understand what years of taking offence and going on the defence have done. I have confessed my sins but I find it hard to forgive especially when I have failed to meet my expectations.
I do notice that in places like Chapel in small towns if you haven’t obtained A + B + C by a certain age then doubts are felt and people’s minds work overtime. I don’t share these views but here I’m on the receiving end. If people only understood how pure others are or try to be in my case, they wouldn’t form these ideas.
Modern society encourages individualism and it never offers constructive advice on doing things with the grace that Christ confers on us when we take the blessed sacraments. I try to focus on that but get comfort from wallowing in the momentary satisfaction that anger and bitterness provides. I’ve also found that anger and pride quell the fear that comes from other’s thoughts as compensation and all of this holds me back from enjoying the fruits of Christ’s sacrifice. I try hard but the ‘red rag’ moments like today are a set back because they remind me of my failures in relationships and friendships.
How do you meet the Lord half way in grace when you’re being bullied and ridiculed or harassed? Please be completely honest because advice from theory is different when we’re in the trenches at work or busy shops or the ‘training exercise’ that I was in today? Visualise the situation, that neighbour is turning their music up; that young guy with the Subaru has just cut you up in the outside lane. Think…It’s easy but the difficult reaction is the option I’m trying to switch to.
That and there’s a diocesan reconfiguration (eg. churches being closed) so if people think you could be a “spy” from another parish they are very rude. At a recent reconfiguration meeting the city police had to be called.