Meeting other orthodox Catholics our age, suggestions?

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weunice

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I am 31 and my wife is 27. We have three kids all under 3. For some reason we are “young” to be having kids around here. My wife has been to the local Catholic homeschooling group but she is, by far, the youngest member and we are only getting started there. Our problem is a complete lack of people in our age group who have young children. The only couple we know even close to our age, who are firmly orthodox, cannot have kids and are still about 5 years older than me. Our Protestant friends either cannot have kids or contracept to focus on their careers and since we have become Catholic things have been tense, even when nothing is said. The Catholic SAHM groups my wife has been to at local churches are usually women with husbands making BIG bucks. Some show up without their kids and talk about the things they can afford and espouse views that are thoroughly heterodox. This is extremely discouraging for my wife.

We need to meet people in a bad way. My wife needs a coffee mom and a way to take a break on occasion by having a trusted babysitter within a reasonable distance from our house. My wife needs help big time in the sanity department. I can only do so much. She needs adult contact with women and someone to lean on who can physically be present on occasion or open to visits. Our neighborhood has virtually no SAHM’s and I know this is what kept my mom sane through 6 kids. I am considering changing us over to the parish that is rather famous locally for its orthodoxy in order to encounter Catholic families who have kids and would be prone to have mom at home. I am not looking for hordes of people. Just one or two couples would be fine. The problem is that it is about a half hour drive. I am even considering selling the house just to get us closer (selling is something we plan to do soon anyway) …

I know … prayer … it works. Please assist with that. Some practical advice, however, would be greatly appreciated.
 
Geesh…where are you from? I am 32 and my wife will be 26 next month. We are in our 5th month of marriage so we don’t have any children yet but we aren’t contracepting either.

We are really blessed in that through the years (through the prolife movement and various Catholic things) I have a pretty large network of strong Catholics our age. We try to get together with different couples from time to time. Not all of them are close. I think that it helps us and I think it will be helpful when we have kids to have other couples that have Catholic kids for our kids to play with.

The only practical advice I have is for you to expand your Catholic network by getting involved in more things and to expand the length that you are willing to drive for fellowship.
Even getting together with Catholic friends once a month can do wonders for your psyche. Your wife can travel during the day with the kids to do things with the other orthodox stay at home mom and their kids.

As far as help watching the kids, you may have to ask a family member to do this if possible.
 
It might help to mention that we were received into the Church this past Easter and our current church has a very small group of very active Catholics but all of them are significantly older than us. Another local church has an apologetics group but once again, we are talking mid-40’s and older folks. We tried to get involved with EE and that didn’t work out too well. They meet very infrequently and I guess they weren’t too thrilled with us because they have never gotten back in touch with us after we signed up.

Jeff, I have been thinking along those lines myself. I have been frustrated with some of the efforts I have personally made that have ended in rather lackluster fashion. I have even considered Opus Dei or something along those lines to get me in contact with men hoping that I would be able to network through that to some young Catholic families.

We have strained relationships with friends and relatives over becoming Catholic and, even worse, by having 3 kids back to back. Some people in our society think there is some kind of mental instability involved in having more than one kid in a 3 year period, much less leaving open the possibility that more might be around the corner. I really think our kids are the problem … not OUR problem, but theirs … make sense?

I am from South Louisiana …
 
Yes, I see totally where you are coming from.

Let me suggest a temporary fix. Take a weekend and go to some sort of Catholic conference or event with your family. My wife and I go to the Defending the Faith conference at Franciscan University www.franciscanconferences.com and it gives us a spiritual shot in the arm each year. There are about 3,000 faithful Catholics who attend every year. Maybe the Catholic Answers cruise would be a good thing to go to if you can afford it. I would pick a large event where you might meet other young Catholic couples. You may never see them again but just being around them for a weekend might give you the shot in the arm you need to keep you going until you can get your network going in Louisiana.

Do a search online and see what you can come up with.

Maybe even approach your pastor with the idea of starting a diosian-wide group for young adults with families. That would give you an excuse to meet people in other parishes.

Good luck
 
Check out the Apostolate for Family Consecration:
www.familyland.org
They have Marriage Weekend, Family Fests-one week vacation filled with Catholic families, and a yearly conference.
They are near Steubenville Ohio.
 
I’m 28, my husband is 29. We have been married for 5 years and have one child, a 13 month old son. I am not a SAHM, but hopefully will be shortly. We go to mass at our “home” parish every week. Yet, we only socialize with one other family near our age that shares our views, and they are a 50 minute drive from us. At our parish, there are a lot of couples our age with children, but few of them share our “faithfulness”. There are also few SAHMs around my area…and those that are tend to be of a higher “spending limit”.

I guess what I am getting at is…You are not alone. I am sorry I do not have any answers for you, but I will pray you and your wife may meet more Friends, just as I pray my family will.

🙂 Lilder
 
Oh my, you sound like my husband and I. We just moved from Minnesota to Miami Florida and are in desperate need to find orthodox Catholics with kids our kids ages (2 and 4). We are 27 and 29. My family (whom we are living with) is great but like you said not a young couple going through the same things. I will pray that you find some people. The person who posted about the Steubenville Conferences may have a lead too, When we were in Minnesota we were very active in the Steubenville North High school Conference and found some amazing people that way. I know that there is a Steubenville High School Conference in LA maybe you can find some people by contacting the regional director and volunteering for the conference next year. Anyways we will pray for you.
 
Jeff wrote:

Maybe even approach your pastor with the idea of starting a diosian-wide group for young adults with families. That would give you an excuse to meet people in other parishes.
This is great advice and is exactly what has happended in our diocese. I also felt very alone as a faithful (at least trying 🙂 ) Catholic. It is something I prayed about for over a year. Then about 9 mos. ago my priest asked if i was interested in joining a men’s group that he was forming. Since he is solid, orthodox priest, I knew the group would be the same. And it is great. We meet 2 times a month and have about 30+ members. But in additoin we have family outings about twice a year (and I have been thinking of suggesting that we increase it to quarterly, for allthe reasons mentioned above).

It has been a blessing to my family, and I know it will continue to be so as my kids grow up .

So maybe Jeff’s idea is something you might want to consider. Find an orthodox priest who will support you and get the word out. (we were upfront that this is an orthodox group loyal to the Holy Father, Magerterium, and the Church’s teachings). You might feel alone in your parish, but when you pull a few faithful Catholics from many parishes and get together what a group you have- it truly is refreshing and edifying in this day and age! 👍
 
My husband and I sooooooooooo feel for you guys. We are both 24 (almost 25) and don’t know ANY young Catholic couples who live near us. We live outside of Philadelphia now, but I grew up in Kansas and have many good friends “back home” that are practicing, married Catholics. I miss them so much sometimes!

I think I am still adjusting to the differences of the east coast vs. the midwest, even though I have lived out here for two and a half years (we’ve been married one year on Monday :)). I just find that there are some major personality differences between “east coast women” and “midwest women.” My friends in Kansas are much more interested in talking about marriage and family then the women I have met at church (all of whom are much older, though) and other religious activities. It’s been VERY VERY disappointing to not have the friends I was sooooo used to having before I moved.

My husband has joined a Catholic men’s group, and even though the men are all 20-30+ years OLDER then him, it’s still been helpful. My parish is beginning a women’s bible study in September, and I am excited about that, even though I know the women will all be much older than me and of the “wealthy” SAHM genre that you spoke of 🙂

We’re not really sure what to do either. I’ve heard someone mention a group called “Couples for Christ” on the forum, but I went to the website and there wasn’t a whole lot of information.

We don’t have children yet, but it’s something we yearn for and are working toward. Yes, we are very persecuted for this desire by his family in particular, as well as some so-called friends, who act shocked and disturbed by the idea of us wanting to raise up holy souls to the Lord. We plan to homeschool our children as well, and this too is met with, “What is WRONG with you? Do you want socially inept children???”

At my old parish in Kansas, there was a group called “MYC” (Mothers of Young Children) who met weekly for playdates and coffee, with a bible study done monthly, I think. I’ve always thought that sounded really great–weekly contact with other Catholic SAHMs with catechesis mixed in! Is your wife open to starting up something like that?
 
You know, if there are enough of us out there we may want to consider starting our own national network so that young Catholic couples can more easily locate eachother for fellowship. Who has the time to do it?
 
I, too, can commiserate with you. Sometimes I feel so alone. I have more in common with people 30 years older than me than I do with my peers. I am 31 and my husband is 33. We have 4 kids, 10, 6, 4, and 1. Same deal, no ABC, pretty traditional Catholics, trying very hard, and usually, all alone. Our best friend is a non-catholic christian single dad. We have pretty similar views though. We invited him to see Fr. Corapi with us in Sept. and he accepted!! But, other than that, we also feel we have no friends. I feel especially lonely, since I know no other women who are like me. Would you consider moving to Ohio? I would love to be friends with your wife!! 🙂 But, seriously, Let me know if anyone finds a solution to this problem. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
Dear Weunice,

I have so been where you describe your wife being now. My husband and I are both 29, and I am carrying our 7th child. It was very hard for me at first, being a young sahm with many little children. We too had just moved to a new area early in our marriage. (We married at 19, started our family ASAP! :))

One suggestion I have is to give relationships time to build. When at first, it may seem less than ideal to buddy up with older or richer mothers, once those initial ‘barriers’ are overcome, she may find a great group of supportive mothers. She also has their experience to draw from, which I found invaluable. AND, these mothers are bound to know others, who they may introduce your wife to. I met a group of women, very much like you described, rich, older, had older kids, so the older ones were at home watching the younger ones and mom was out by herself alot, etc… All of these women, at one point said to me, "Oh, you’ve GOT to meet Clare, she is just about your age, and she has 3 children. So, finally I met Clare, she’s actually a few years younger than me, and I have twice as many children as her now! 😉 But, we’ve developed a great friendship.

My dearest friend though, is a good 10 years older than me. She just turned 40, and I’m not yet 30. She has 9 children, a few teenage girls even. Her daughters babysit my kids once in awhile, so my husband and I can go out for coffee, or I can run some errends real quick. And I have learned SO much from my dear older friend.

I hope you both find a nitche in your faith community. It can be hard. But, remember that friendships take time to develop, and the best friendships may not alway seem ‘perfect’ at first.

You are in my prayers.
 
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pittsburghjeff:
You know, if there are enough of us out there we may want to consider starting our own national network so that young Catholic couples can more easily locate eachother for fellowship. Who has the time to do it?
Click to expand...
Great Idea!!!
I don’t have bnunches of time…but I would be willing to try and help with something like this. Let me know!!
🙂 Lilder
 
Lilder and Princess Abby

This is what I had in mind of you are serious about this.

We should start by having a webpage…

Then we need to keep a list of all the people in the network. We should define what kind of people we are looking for (orthodox Catholic married couples under 40?).

Ideally, if we have a central database of these people, they can communicate with eachother. Someone can call and say, “who are the other young catholic couples in my area”?

We can even have regional get-togethers or picnics.

If you really wanted to put a lot into it, I suppose you could even organize a conference with Catholic speakers.

The group could be something simple or something elaborate depending on what time/effort/resources we put into it. Perhaps we should start just be collecting names and addresses and setting up a webpage. Then maybe notify some other Catholic pages or do a press release to get the word out.

Now that all being said, I am involved in so much right now. I work 3 jobs at times, i will be teaching CCD, I am on the board of a prolife group and a group that helps people with disabilities, and I work out, so I am stretched really thin. I’d be happy to help with what I could do though.

We should look to see if there already is a successful network like this. We dont want to re-invent the wheel.

God bless you

Jeff
 
Jeff-

If you decide to use a web page format, check out: my family.com

My Catholic men’s group uses it for communication, etc… It is very user friendly and free (or maybe just a minimal fee- not sure). Just a suggestion. God bless in your efforts!
 
My grandfather is in critical condition right now, and will prolly be taken off life support tomorrow…so sometime next week I will look into the website idea more. My hubby used to be in web design, so he should be able to help come up with something.

🙂 Lilder
 
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pittsburghjeff:
You know, if there are enough of us out there we may want to consider starting our own national network so that young Catholic couples can more easily locate eachother for fellowship. Who has the time to do it?
Click to expand...
There is an international Vatican approved Catholic Family Ministry called Couples For Christ (CFC).
Couples for Christ (CFC) is a ministry intended for the renewal and strengthening of Christian family life. It is an association of Christian couples who have committed themselves to the Lord and to one another, so that they may grow into maturity as men and women of God and fulfill their primary vocation of raising up their families under the lordship of Jesus Christ and for the service of the Kingdom of God. Couples for Christ is a work of Christ which raises up Christian couples and establishes Christian families committed to the work of evangelization and winning the world for Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. It grows mainly through the establishment of localized units in different parishes.

The CFC has branches which reaches all aspects of the Catholic-Christian family.

CFC-Kids For Christ (KFC) 4-12 years old
CFC-Youth For Christ (YFC) 13 - 21 years old (now in all 50 states)
CFC-Singles for Christ (SFC) 22 - 40ish for single professionals (and amateurs)
Couples for Christ (CFC) Valid married couples growing in the faith.
CFC-Handmaids of the Lord (HOLD) Mature single women, divorced or widowed or separated or whose spouse is unable to attend.
CFC-Servants of the Lord (SOLD) Mature single men, divorced or separated or widowed or whose spouse is unable to attend.

Currently the CFC is 1.4 million members strong in 118 countries.

PM or e-mail me if you would like to know more or find a CFC group in your area.
 
dhgray,

Do you know what the age range of the Couple for Christ groups typically is?

I think the concern that started this thread was a lack of fellowship among young orthodox Catholic couples in their 20’s and 30’s, many with young children. I don’t know much about Couples for Christ, but if it is like other ministries (most members of my K of C chapter are well into their 70’s) it may not fill that void. What are your impressions?
 
I am a little late jumping on this thread but here are my thoughts any way 🙂
We are early and mid 30’s and have two children with #3 on the way. WE are traditional faithful Catholics though we haven’t always been. I have met a lot of moms through my daughter’s school (awesome Catholic school) and through different ministries at church. Don’t underestimate the value of making friends with folks a little older than you. They make great surrogate parents! I would seriously entertain joining a different parish if they are more family oriented. I went nuts when I was at home with my first. I have no resources. With this child, it has been so nice. I have a nice circle of Catholic friends. I also recently went on a CRHP retreat (Christ renews his parish) and have met a great group of women in all ages. You might have to ventrue out of your comfort zone a little but hopefully you will find some folks. ALSO, tell your wife about www.catholicmom.com
We have a message board full of Catholic mommies who talk about daily life and living as a faithful Catholic. Not the same as one on one but it helps. I even met someone on there who lives right by me. Small world 😉
Good luck
D
 
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