Meeting someone new - conversation topics?

[Gertabelle]

In the context of male-female relationships: When meeting (or talking with) a man (or a woman) for the first time (or subsequent times), what sort of things might we talk about?

I’m 39 years old, a single mom (DS is three), and I’ve been trying to have conversations with a couple of men I met through a Catholic singles website. And I feel completely stupid. I don’t know what to say. If I were just having a conversation with a stranger, it would be no big deal, but because I met these men on a “single’s site” I’m all muddled.

I also feel pretty dumb about how to progress in these relationships. This isn’t dating or courting, just getting to know a couple other single Catholics in the area. I’ve read Father Morrow’s Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World and am now reading The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden. Both excellent books with excellent advice for us older folks discerning God’s call in their lives – and doing that chastely!

So here’s my question: What are good topics for those early conversations? And what questions do you ask to get to those conversation topics?** And what topics should absolutely be avoided?**

I’m looking for topics that have some depth to them, but not ones that would be better left for when the relationship develops into courtship. That is, I’m not wanting to get into the details of anyone’s unchaste past.

All my previous “dating” experience was with men I already knew, so meeting men who are complete strangers, who are also “looking” is just throwing me for a loop.

Thanks and God bless you.
Gertie

 

[anamchara]

Hi Gertie, I would just be yourself and talk about what interests you. Sounds like you read a lot so that would be a start. It sounds like a nice safe place to converse so maybe ask questions that might spark conversation. Sometimes people like it when you ask them questions. Maybe where they are from? Or where did they grow up? If you are a movie fan then how about what movie just came out and if they’ve seen it?

It’s nice when you can find people that have your same interests or goals in life, even if it doesn’t lead anywhere it’s a good place to start. Maybe you will find a nice kindred spirit out there.

 

[Katie1723]

The past is the past, and we all have one. I would stick to current events and the obvious one, the Catholic faith. And kids, since you have one, make him a part of the relationship from the beginning.
Kathy

 

[Teakafrog]

Well, there’s always religion and politics!

If you met them on a Catholic singles site, you should be free to talk about the religion part. Ask about their parish, if they’re involved in any groups there–like Knights or something. Ask what other things they do–in a bowling league? like to swim? roadtrips? that kind of thing. Ask about their job, what would they rather be doing? Is there some part of it that may be interesting? Ask about where they live–anything to do there? Family nearby?
I know someone will give you better answers than this, but it’s a start.

 

[chevalier]

There’s no such thing as good or bad topics. You just need to make sure the other person has something to contribute, isn’t bored etc etc, in other words, that he can participate fully in the conversation. You won’t be happy anyway if you can’t talk about things which are important to you - like if the other person isn’t interested or if it causes strifes.

 

[anamchara]

The past is the past, and we all have one. I would stick to current events and the obvious one, the Catholic faith. And kids, since you have one, make him a part of the relationship from the beginning.
Kathy

Well put Kathy

 

[Gertabelle]

And kids, since you have one, make him a part of the relationship from the beginning.
Kathy

Thanks for the advice. I’m pretty savvy as a mom – that is, I put my son’s needs first. How would you suggest he be involved in the relationship in a safe and healthy manner?

Gertie

 

[Mirdath]

Ah, I can relate to this one. I strongly suggest scholarly topics, particularly history and literature, and the sciences later on if either of you are personally or professionally inclined to them Far harder to go wrong with an intellectual basis than any other, and as emotions rise, harmony will become apparent, yes?

If you take this advice, whether you initiate as the elder/wiser or not, the spirit of loving curiosity can be a marvelous bridge between people who feel distant.

Also, if he doesn’t know how to properly ROCK, well, at the age of 39, you have plenty to teach…go get’m. Your kids will be proud, no matter what, if music is key.

 

[DiannaK]

Thanks for the advice. I’m pretty savvy as a mom – that is, I put my son’s needs first. How would you suggest he be involved in the relationship in a safe and healthy manner?

Gertie

I’ll stick my 2 cents in here …

When I was a single dating mom, this is what I did.
Everyone I dated, or even talked to, knew I had a child. I tended to plan my social schedule around my daughter’s calendar. I only went out on days I did not have her.

As I later told my daughter … I wanted to make sure the men I dated were decent people before I introduced them to my daughter. In other words, if they weren’t going to be around in a few months, there wasn’t any sense in introducing Abby to them. Know what I mean?

I let my gut feeling, as well as Abby’s reactions be my guide. With my first BF after my divorce, Abby wanted to know how long I had known him … then wanted to know why she hadn’t met him immediately when I started dating him.

Take things very slow. You want to see how this person will react around children, but I think the adult relationship is important as well. Make sense??
Also … expect your child to have some negative things to say about the situation. It’s a big change for them. Having said that, children can also exude words of wisdom. Listen to their concerns, too.

Good luck!

 

[Gertabelle]

Thanks to everyone for the advice. I ended up having a lovely conversation with a gentleman this week. Guess I was nervous for nothing. We talked about discernment, chastity (a book I’d read, a book he’d read), music for mass, work, and other things. Just having that sort of conversation with someone living their faith was wonderful.

I’ve come to the realization that, as DiannaK says, I need to take things very slowly. God’s timing is perfect and I’m in no rush. I’m taking this summer off (I’m a teacher) to pray more, attend daily mass, and spend some time reflecting on my past choices and God’s mercy in rescuing me from those choices.

God bless.
Gertie