Meeting women.. and courtship

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Blood_Angel

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As somebody that isn’t Catholic, surrounded by sin and alcohol I see some things that drive me crazy. But I have a short story, about this subject and just wondering your opinion, because as normal, I seek answers and values in your religion.

I was getting drunk at the bar I always drink at every saturday. But last night, I met this girl through a female friend (Whom I had chatted up and managed to make out with, months back) and really didn’t acknowledge this new girl at all, but later I was approached by this girl, saying she was alone and her friend had gone home already.
Although I was drunk, I am sure that we made some kind of connection, however small it was, because one minute we were strangers and next I managed to touch her arm, her hair and well, most likely scared her off.

Admittedly, I am prone to misread situations, and constantly looking for love in the wrong places, such as, a bar. Anyway, I found this girl on facebook and saw that I have a lot in common with her and knew, last night, that this girl was special. I am not saying that I am in love with this girl, because that’s just silly. But I am saying, it’s possible that there are better matches than others, which you know in your heart alone which people, they are or not.

Long story short. How do Catholics begin a relationship with a girl and how do they know it’s “the one” or another question is how many relationships do you have to go through, before marriage?
 
I think for any Christian-I wasn’t Catholic at the time-or for non-believers for that matter, it should come down to “trusting”, to waiting for it to happen rather than trying to force the issue. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t actively look for mates, we just need to not be in such a hurry that we forget that God’s in control. A marriage partner you want is someone you’re supremely comfortable with-a friend and helpmate as well as all the other things marriage implies-they’ll be family, after all.
 
There’s an old saying that ladies sometimes use. “Need to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince”

Well, for gentlemen, it’s the opposite. You need to date alot of women before you find your princess.

You’ll know when she is “the one”. It’s innate-there is just a “spark” when you think of her and when you see her-you’ll be knocked out. Each time she enters a room.

How do you find her? Simple. Be yourself, trust in God, and always remember to have fun dating. If it doesn’t work out, your richer for knowing her anyway. I’ve had several exes, and my life is enriched by them, even if it didn’t work out, and even if it ended badly.

The whole “courting” thing is for a different argument! 😉
 
Catholics do this the same way any other God fearing people find like minded people, and generally speaking, they don’t think they’re going to meet someone worth dating in a bar!

All I can say about trying to meet suitable people in that type of environment is, “the odds are good, but the goods are odd!”
 
Blood_Angel said:
As somebody that isn’t Catholic, surrounded by sin and alcohol I see some things that drive me crazy. But I have a short story, about this subject and just wondering your opinion, because as normal, I seek answers and values in your religion.

I was getting drunk at the bar I always drink at every saturday. But last night, I met this girl through a female friend (Whom I had chatted up and managed to make out with, months back) and really didn’t acknowledge this new girl at all, but later I was approached by this girl, saying she was alone and her friend had gone home already.
Although I was drunk, I am sure that we made some kind of connection, however small it was, because one minute we were strangers and next I managed to touch her arm, her hair and well, most likely scared her off.

Admittedly, I am prone to misread situations, and constantly looking for love in the wrong places, such as, a bar. Anyway, I found this girl on facebook and saw that I have a lot in common with her and knew, last night, that this girl was special. I am not saying that I am in love with this girl, because that’s just silly. But I am saying, it’s possible that there are better matches than others, which you know in your heart alone which people, they are or not.

Long story short. How do Catholics begin a relationship with a girl and how do they know it’s “the one” or another question is how many relationships do you have to go through, before marriage?
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No offense, but you sound like you’re stalking her!!! Harassing someone can get you in trouble!!
 
The Church doesn’t prescribe any particular mating ritual for Catholics seeking a spouse. I’m sure there are as many unique courtship stories as there are married Catholics in this world. You’ll know a woman is ‘the one’ after you get to know her and know that you two can mesh your morals, values, views on religion, politics, family, money management, etc., etc., etc. In other words, you know you can build a healthy married life with her.

Now, you might very well meet a woman, think she’s it, and then discover there’s something about her, or the way you two interact, that makes you realize that you can’t be with this women for the long term, that it’s time to move on. Or, she might decide she can’t be with you. It happens. The two of you might not get to that point until you’ve known each other for some time, which is it is so very, very important not to rush into a relationship with anyone.

You mentioned something in your post I find a bit troubling. You said that, while drunk, you’d “managed to touch her arm, her hair and well, most likely scared her off.” Yes, most of us have done regrettable things while in our cups, including myself, but if you are serious about relationship-building, you’re going to have to keep your hands to yourself while intoxicated.
 
Rascalking said:
There’s an old saying that ladies sometimes use. “Need to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince”

Well, for gentlemen, it’s the opposite. You need to date alot of women before you find your princess.
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Doesn’t sound too different too me King 😛 😉

You know hun - the best advice I can give you is to look for a woman where the woman isn’t looking for a man. That’s where you’ll see her true colors. See her shine - in her element, just being herself.

Least that would be my best guess, but I don’t know much about love and relationships in fact I’m a hot mess. 🤷 :o
 
Blood_Angel said:
As somebody that isn’t Catholic, surrounded by sin and alcohol I see some things that drive me crazy. But I have a short story, about this subject and just wondering your opinion, because as normal, I seek answers and values in your religion.

I was getting drunk at the bar I always drink at every saturday. But last night, I met this girl through a female friend (Whom I had chatted up and managed to make out with, months back) and really didn’t acknowledge this new girl at all, but later I was approached by this girl, saying she was alone and her friend had gone home already.
Although I was drunk, I am sure that we made some kind of connection, however small it was, because one minute we were strangers and next I managed to touch her arm, her hair and well, most likely scared her off.

Admittedly, I am prone to misread situations, and constantly looking for love in the wrong places, such as, a bar. Anyway, I found this girl on facebook and saw that I have a lot in common with her and knew, last night, that this girl was special. I am not saying that I am in love with this girl, because that’s just silly. But I am saying, it’s possible that there are better matches than others, which you know in your heart alone which people, they are or not.

Long story short. How do Catholics begin a relationship with a girl and how do they know it’s “the one” or another question is how many relationships do you have to go through, before marriage?
Click to expand...
It begins with how she looks and her behavior. After observing a young lady and her interactions with others, I would go over and introduce myself. If we have a pleasant conversation and she is nice, I might consider asking her out. Unfortunately, while dinner would be fine, the movie, which used to be an automatic follow through, is usually not an option today. We would do something else. If she was athletic, we might meet for tennis. Or we could go to a park, a museum or to her parents’ home. After all, relationships will eventually involve family. We could watch old movies and TV shows or go to a Bible study.

Once you realize that both of you enjoy each other’s company no matter what you do together, then you might consider this young lady for courtship. Traditionally, the father and mother are informed that you are courting their daughter. During courtship, you talk about where the relationship might go and your plans for the future. Where to live, children and so on. If you decide she is the one, you sit down with the father and announce that you intend to marry her. This should be done for one simple reason: young men often don’t think too clearly when they are in love. The father will bring up the practical matters that need to be settled before an engagement starts.

Once engaged, the couple needs to establish their goals and let their expectations for the future be known. It is during the engagement period that the couple deepens the relationship with honesty, and prayer. God should be consulted as you journey toward what should be a lifelong vocation, not to be entered into lightly.

That’s Catholic courtship, and the steps leading up to marriage. And both parties should understand that they can still change their minds up to and including their wedding day. One person may just decide he or she is just not ready. And both are free to pursue another relationship. There are no set number of relationships that people need to go through, but keep in mind that dating should be about fun and just enjoying the other person’s company. You should be able to tell - sometimes quickly and sometimes not too quickly – if the other person is the one.

Peace,
Ed
 
Thanks for the advice. For a start, I need to stop getting drunk and keep a healthy mind to make the right judgements. I feel that I’m in a hurry, because I can’t find what I’m looking for in myself, so I’m searching for it, in others. If that makes sense. I find the lifestyle I live in, both ugly and exausting, I feel drawn to Catholicism even more for that reason.
 
Blood_Angel said:
Thanks for the advice. For a start, I need to stop getting drunk and keep a healthy mind to make the right judgements. I feel that I’m in a hurry, because I can’t find what I’m looking for in myself, so I’m searching for it, in others. If that makes sense. I find the lifestyle I live in, both ugly and exausting, I feel drawn to Catholicism even more for that reason.
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I heard the HECK outta that. Partying is fun, exciting, every night it’s something different - but in the end, it’s all fake. To be real, I don’t even remember like - years out of my life where I was just so caught up in by own BS.

I’ll never get those years back. My girls will be like, ‘hey you remember that one time…’

😦 ‘Nope…girl I was faded’

I’m not talking about being scandalous - I never had that promiscuity problem I’ve always been a serial monogamist - but in general. And when I had my kid I promised myself I didn’t ever want to forget any part of her. Not only that, but after years of heavy partying - and then stopping, your tolerance goes out the door. Dude I drink one beer and I’m done, lol, with a hangover the next morning. I think my liver’s shot.

POINT BEING. At one point, you just want something REAL in life. Something that lasts. Something that’s solid. I love Catholicism, because for me - it aligned with all the realness I learned from living life. I know, what I know because I’ve seen, like you said, some ugly @** isht in my life and everything they say is based on that truth. There is so much wisdom here…I just wish I could soak it up faster 😉
 
Pardon my bluntness here: It is being done out of genuine concern for your health, spiritual, mental, and physical.

If you are experiencing lapses of memory while you are drinking, your drinking is out of control and you are exhibiting a cardinal symptom of alcoholism. You need to quit drinking. Period. Full stop. No cutting back, no rationing drinks, no spacing out the time between the occasions you drink. You need to quit now before this gets worse and really damages your life.

Then you need to get down to assessing the causes and conditions about yourself that have turned you into a problem drinker, and doing something about them. The Church can help you here. So can a good counselor. Even better, so can both. Ask your doctor and a priest. They will be thrilled to be able to help, if you really want to quit drinking. You’ve already mentioned that you find this lifestyle intriguing, yet unfulfilling and frankly, getting wearisome. It has the potential for getting a lot worse than that.

After you have quit drinking and started working on the personality/moral/spiritual issues that have brought about this in the first place, THEN start to seek out God’s will for you in a relationship leading to courtship and marriage.

Sorry to sound so tough. But in good conscience I could not read the way this thread was evolving without saying something, hopefully to get you to realize that you are treading on very thin ice here.
 
I’m not saying this to be mean, but if your idea of dating starts with getting drunk and inappropriately touching a stranger (seriously, dude, her hair?), then subsequently facebook stalking her and deciding that said stranger is “special,” I think you’ve got larger issues to worry about than “finding the right one.”

It sounds like you might need to work on your social skills a bit. Have your friends set you up with someone nice that they think you might like. Go to a movie and then lunch or something. Save the hair touching for date two.

You can worry about the “right one” stuff later.
 
Filippo_Bruno said:
Switch to coffeehouses.
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If your into that kinda thing. My guess is that if your into clubbing a coffeehouse won’t cut it.

You know what I heard about the other day? Its this group, Bay Area Singles ← I think.

Anyways, you become a member, and they have these events every so often. River rafting, rock-climbing, hiking, bicycling, etc etc etc. You sign up for whichever events you like, all you have to do is pay the fee and they take care of all the food and accomodations.

But everyone just shows up and their single. And your doing something active so it’s sort of an ice breaker, you can see how people are, have fun…IDK I thought that sounded really fun.

Maybe they have something like that in your area. 🤷
 
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