MEGED:Help! Don't Like My Priest/Criticism of Priests

[Newbie2]

A start might be to clarify what your family member sees as the “important jobs” that the deacon is doing that he feels the deacon is “bullying” himself into, and compare those with the deacon’s valid role at Mass. The deacon’s valid role includes proclaiming the Gospel, occasional preaching of the homily, preparation of the cup, the Prayer of the Faithful, and distribution of Communtion, invitation to the Sign of Peace, and the Dismissal. Had to believe any deacon would successfully “bully” himself into a role reserved for the priest.

As far as his preaching style and topics, that’s a separate issue.

I had the same thoughts…is the OP’s family member having issues with that deacon or the role of any deacon in their parish?

This, IMHO isn’t much different than having a priest that certain people don’t like. He’s there, he’s clergy so one has the choice to deal with it or switch parishes. Pretty simple choices, methinks.

 

[puzzleannie]

I might simply suggest that OP and others who have issues with their deacons learn to differentiate between the personality quirks of individual ordained persons, and educate themselves on the role of the deacon before criticizing. Among other things the deacon is supposed to proclaim the gospel, lead the prayer of the faithful, do the last blessing and certain other prescribed words and actions during Mass. Unless you know for absolute fact your deacon is usurping functions that belong properly to the priest it would be prudent to keep quiet.

 

[zab]

JReducation,
Thanks for your beautiful explanation in post #9. Either you get it or you don’t. There were even times when Jesus said to his disciples, “He who has ears let him hear.”

 

[SMHW]

I think that is pretty much what he does. I think this relative of mind is just imagining most of this, excluding the homily (I don’t even think thats bad.) Maybe I should explain what the Church has set out as vaild jobs for the deacon like you stated. Thank you. God Bless.

Not only does the deacon have certain jobs that he CAN do during Mass… There are certain jobs that he SHOULD do.

You might think of it this way: In Masses where there is no deacon, the priest has to step in to cover for the absent deacon. It’s not that the deacon is taking away the roles of the priest.

Of course if this is a case where the family member doesn’t like a specific deacon then that is a whole 'nuther matter.

 

[TheDoctor]

Whenever I hear about a deacon or priest who is not liked, it never seems to be dislike for them breaking or bending a church rule - it is dislike for doing things which annoy the complainer:
“His homilies are too long (or short)”
“He is not very friendly”
“He is way too touchy feely”
“He is too old to really know what the parish needs”
“He is too young to really understand the real world outside the seminary”
“He smacks his lips when he reads the Gospel”
“He is more comfortable talking with the (younger, older) members”
Maybe it’s just me, but when you try to balance out all of these trivial negatives with the fact that these men have been ordained and have chosen to give their life for Jesus and for us, the only reply I generally give the complainer is a sarcastic "Hey, Bob you are SO right, so when does YOUR ordination process start?

(Yeah, I know, I know, but I’m still struggling with the whole “patience of Job” thing).

 

[Lutheranteach]

What about priests who haven’t committed any liturgical abuse but are just — hate to say it — unpopular jerk?. At my SIL’s church they have two priests. One everyone raves about. One people avoid to the point where they have to mix up their mass schedule without telling parishoners. Father X gets about 750-800 people at a mass when it’s known he’ll be there. Father Y gets 150-200. Does not depend on times.Couples put off weddings and parents put off baptisms until Father Y is available because they do not want Father X. Father Y is really just not a pleasant person to be around. I always wonder if he’d be a better priest and person if someone told him he comes across as an arrogant know-it-all, who intrudes into people’s conversations. HE’s very knowledgeable, but his manner is just so off-putting.

 

[zab]

What about priests who haven’t committed any liturgical abuse but are just — hate to say it — unpopular jerk?. At my SIL’s church they have two priests. One everyone raves about. One people avoid to the point where they have to mix up their mass schedule without telling parishoners. Father X gets about 750-800 people at a mass when it’s known he’ll be there. Father Y gets 150-200. Does not depend on times.Couples put off weddings and parents put off baptisms until Father Y is available because they do not want Father X. Father Y is really just not a pleasant person to be around. I always wonder if he’d be a better priest and person if someone told him he comes across as an arrogant know-it-all, who intrudes into people’s conversations. HE’s very knowledgeable, but his manner is just so off-putting.

It is like this. I have ten children (well, they are all adults now). Each has distinctive gifts and personalities and sadly, half have fallen away from the Church. But they are still my children and I love them and pray for them and I would be hurt to hear others speak unkindly about them. We should treat our priests in a similar way.

 

[JReducation]

What about priests who haven’t committed any liturgical abuse but are just — hate to say it — unpopular jerk?. At my SIL’s church they have two priests. One everyone raves about. One people avoid to the point where they have to mix up their mass schedule without telling parishoners. Father X gets about 750-800 people at a mass when it’s known he’ll be there. Father Y gets 150-200. Does not depend on times.Couples put off weddings and parents put off baptisms until Father Y is available because they do not want Father X. Father Y is really just not a pleasant person to be around. I always wonder if he’d be a better priest and person if someone told him he comes across as an arrogant know-it-all, who intrudes into people’s conversations. HE’s very knowledgeable, but his manner is just so off-putting.

Every family has its difficult members. That being said, the Church has created systems and chains of command to avoid the abuse of the less popular. The example that you give does happen. There can be a priest who does nothing wrong, but is a difficult person. In the past, people felt free to make his life impossible. These systems protect him from that.

The problem that we have is that too many Catholics have read more into the directions. The rules say that the faithful have the right to present their concerns to those in authority. The rules do not say that you can make every issue a concern. There are things that happen, but they are isolated events. We have to wait patiently to see if it’s going to be an ongoing situation or if it was just a fluke, as I call it.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[Joe_Kelley]

This thread is quite funny. Unless there’s some kind of serious error taking place in liturgy or theology then there’s just one thing to do: suck it up. Its called life, I’m sorry but you need to get used to it. You’re not going to like everyone you have to deal with in life and church is no exception. . …

I figure that if Jesus can take it so can I.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

I always end up back at my father’s advice.

At Judgment God won’t ask who said the mass. He’ll just want to know, “Were you there?”

 

[mafdaddy]

I am currently experiencing a similar situation. My parish just got their 4th new priest in the 5 years I’ve attended. For starters I really liked the one who was there when I first started attending. The bishop decided to send him elsewhere for whatever reason and it’s never been the same. I didn’t care much for the one who replaced him but it wasn’t long until he was gone as well. The next one I liked (except for his sometimes lengthy homilies) but he became ill and had to step down. I liked him though. I was sad to hear that he had to go. Now this new one they sent us I mainly don’t care for because he has a really thick accent and it’s really hard to understand him most of the time. He also likes to move around a lot and such during his homilies (which are also too long by the way) kind of like a holiness or Baptist preacher. I am fortunate that there are 3 other parishes very close to my home that I can attend so I probably will do just that. I would say in response to the original poster’s dilemma, if you have the option of switching parishes then I don’t see anything wrong with that. If you’re staying within the Church that’s all that matters. I know many would say, “Give him a chance”, “Stick it out” and such and that’s fine. Do that. I did it but I can see that it’s not going to work for me with this guy. Of the 3 other parishes I mentioned there is one that I’ve been to a few times before and really liked so I’ll probably start going there. Who knows. The way the priest turnover rate is at my current parish this new one probably won’t be there long anyway so, on second thought, maybe I’ll just stay there and wait it out. Lol!

 

[Irishmom2]

Waaay old thread!!

 

[retire_early]

…Maybe it’s just me, but when you try to balance out all of these trivial negatives with the fact that these men have been ordained and have chosen to give their life for Jesus and for us, the only reply I generally give the complainer is a sarcastic "Hey, Bob you are SO right, so when does YOUR ordination process start?../quote]