Members of CAF who are/were gay, homosexual, or SSA now living Chastely

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michelleds

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That was a difficult thread title to write!

Anyone who is willing to identify themselves as someone who would fall within the purview of that title, I’d love to hear from you and hear your story. I think that there is actually a fair number of us now on CAF and I’d like to see our stories gathered in one place. This will make it easier for those who come on CAF looking for hope and inspiration to find them rather than using the troublesome search function. maybe we can even get this sticky-fied.

I’ll be posting my own story later this afternoon.

Thanks and God bless! (and thank you InSearchofGrace for the inspiration for this thread).
 
Well I am a happily married woman who happens to be a bisexual. I noticed being attracted to both genders when I was around 10 (when I started puberty). I never have been in a relationship with a woman and still find myself attracted to both genders.

I have been called horrible names (even on CAF), I have been harassed and put down even though I choose to live chastely. I was judged harshly when I went to a courage meeting (they told me that my marriage was a sham because bisexuality “doesn’t exist” and that I really don’t love my husband and I am actually a lesbian, which is all not true) so I refuse to go to any of those again. Yes I also have gone to Catholic counseling, which was not too much better.

It is hard to find loving people that support and love me even though I struggle with SSA. I lucked out in finding my husband who loves and supports me. If it wasn’t for his love, support, and understanding I would feel so alone in this. He helps me stay strong and stay chaste.
 
Let’s see if I can condense this!!! Before five years old new I was different. When friends spoke of being" mommy and daddy", I knew I’d grow up and be “mommy and mommy.”
I was always a “Tom Boy”.And had a very deep love for my best friend-God at a very early age.–It was in my teens that I heard a very poor and hateful version of “Church” teaching. A well meaning but ill-informed “teacher” explained “God created adam and eve not Adam and steve…Fags are going to hell.” That didn’t fit the God I knew. Because of her, the Church lost credibility in my eyes. And I about that time started buying into the erroneous idea that if I didn’t express my Homosexuality, I was destined to be miserable and maladjusted and destined for suicide.
I spent 25yrs or more as an “Out Lesbian” and runaway from the Church. In 1999,I met a woman who was Catholic. Her faith was very important to her and she practiced it , although she also believed the Church was wrong about gay relationships. I started going back to Mass with her.We eventually moved in together, bought a home, business, vehicles together. Our lives were totally entwined. We prayed together worked together, played together,laughed and cried together. Her family became my family.(My family became her heartache but that’s another story!)-- Seven years into our relationship our sexual activity became almost non-existent.( and our prayer life increased dramatically) We just excused that away as a result of being overworked, overstressed,lack of sleep and peri-menapausal.But we were also spending a lot of time talking about how friends, aquaintainces and the world in general had so many problems because of the misuse of sex
( though we still hadn’t made the connection in our own lives).
I started going to daily Mass and increasingly people there were wanting me to get more involved. I longed to do so, but knew I wasn’t truly in communion with the Church and as a matter of integrity I didn’t want to sneak in through the back door.But I started praying and searching for answers. I found them. Realized I needed to make our abstainance by default a conscious decision. I was terrified. I wanted to do it, but knew I risked turning both our worlds upside down.Our home life, family life,business life,our total lives were shared in common
I meditated a lot on our Lord in Gethsemane. I prayed to Him for strength. I heard Him say
" do what you can, I’ve got the rest!"–I was a big chicken and said here’s all I can do: I proposed to my partner abstaining from sex as a conscious choice for a few months as a sort of spiritual exercise. So that I could focus on my prayer life and maybe do some things at Church for a while. Lame, I know. But HE did HAVE THE REST!! She looked at me and said, “maybe not for a few months, or a few years, but for forever.” It seems the Holy Spirit had been working on her as well. We spent that afternoon laughing and crying and just in total amazement at what the Lord can do if we let Him.
We both received the Sacrament of Reconcilliation and for about 5yrs now we have lived chastely and as Sisters in Christ with the prayerful support of our pastor and Bishop.
And we are not alone. It’s amazing the number of couples we’ve met who have been through similar things. Many people are so quick to caution about “the near occassion of sin”. This is somnething that we are aware of. But honestly, for us there is no temptation. And we do- both of us- love each other. And have agreed that if ever it would become an issue,we will seperate our household.But we don’t see each other in that way anymore. Our lives and our love have been transformed.-From the begining we prayed that the Holy Spirit would guide us in the will of God. This is where He has led us. And we continue that prayer.
 
If you could, could you make larger spaces in your post. I want to read it, but it is hard to read.
 
raaucoin, what a beautiful testimony! God speed. He is obviously in charge of your lives because you asked Him to be!!!👍👍👍
 
I’m bisexual. I have had a girlfriend. While I knew I had those urges since I was about 12/13, I didn’t feel comfortable expressing them, or acknowledging them, because I felt inside that they were wrong. I was put off the Catholic Church because I thought that people with SSA were shunned, yet I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it wasn’t the case at all - it was acknowledged as something that occurs even if its not wanted and that so long as you are chaste it’s alright. This made me feel a lot better about myself and it is certainly a comforting thing to me to know that I’m not intrinsicly… wrong. If that makes sense. It’s a horrible way to put it but thats how I felt when I was expressing my bisexuality - like it wasn’t right, even though I knew that the sexual attraction I have to women was something that was “natural” from myself, it that makes sense. It still felt wrong at the same time.

I currently have a boyfriend and I have been with him for more than 2 years, we have discussed the future and we can both see it with each other. I still have SSA but I feel that since I have been received into the Church that it is something I have the power to keep at bay. I’m not saying the attractions have decreased or disapeered, but I feel like I have the ability to resist them that I didn’t have before. Sort of like the knowledge that I need in order to do that.
 
Raaucoin, thank you for sharing your story! mine is similar to yours.

JoArtist, thank you as well for sharing and I’m very happy for you and your husband!

I’m 43 (44 next month), female, and until the summer of 2010, I strongly and vociferously identified as a lesbian. I have been out and out there in all ways since I was 18 years old. I was a very active sinner, chasing hedonism and “experiences” with complete abandon.

As a child, I had mystical experiences, loved Jesus, and believed that I would be a missionary and marry a preacher. My mom says that when I was a child and adolescent, I didn’t really care about anything except Jesus–demanding that an image of Jesus be placed on top of the Christmas tree rather than the traditional star because Christmas was all about Jesus, for instance, when I was under 5 years old.

Somewhere in my early teens, my world started to shift on its axis. I read a passage in a trashy novel about 2 women being sexual, peers at school started rumors that I was gay, and a young woman who was five years older than me, that I looked up to at church, came out as a lesbian.

The thoughtforms were planted and they quickly overtook me. i fought them but at some point, I just gave up all pretense of seeking to live according to God’s plan. To this day, I’m not really sure why. Most likely it was a combination of factors not the least of which was continued exposure to lesbianism/bisexuality in the media of the mid-80’s (movies, made for TV shows, books, autobiographies, and MS magazine) all of which said it was perfectly normal. In addition, my family life was far from ideal–we went to church whenever the doors were open, but my mom was unpredictably and horribly physically, emotionally and spiritually abusive on a nearly daily basis, and my dad had lost his vision, was on disability, and was suffering health problems stemming from being a diabetic from age 2.

I swear Raaucoin above stole my line…I also came to believe quite strongly that if I didn’t embrace my homosexuality, i would be miserable, maladjusted and would die.

I did date 3 different boys during my teen years. I also kissed or made out with several in addition to those 3. I liked being liked, but I couldn’t seem to feel what I was supposed to feel, at least not in my own head. Interestingly enough, I never really found that with other women either, it’s just easier to be friends with members of your own gender.

Shortly before my 18th birthday, I abandoned God, moral teachings, and pretty much everything good. I sought God in all of the wrong places and people for 20 odd years.

Eventually sickened by the increasing depravity that I was witnessing out there on the edge, I stepped away. I tried to convert to Judaism, then tried to find a Protestant church that would accept me. the problem was that every church I went to that was accepting of gays, I didn’t want to belong to. I’d basically given up when a friend suggested the Catholic Church. Thus began a path that once I stepped on it, I never looked back. Within a month or so of my first meeting with the priest, I stopped having sex with the woman I was dating, and over the last 18 months, I’ve gone from identifying as “gay but chaste” to “former gay”.

When I finally came to the Church, it felt like coming home. I am crazy in love with Jesus and beyond grateful that God brought me back. “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Pet 3:9
 
Moral disorders can come to be because of our volition or because of other factors. That does not matter as long as we understand that they are our cross and we choose to hinder them from controlling our behaviors. What is sad is that people only look and talk of SSA as if it were the only moral disorder, that is not true and many of of us that do not suffer of SSA might still suffer of other ones that could be considered more acceptable by society but they are equally bad.
Addiction to substances including tobacco, to behaviors including pornography, and to feelings including anger are disorders and sometime they are easier to hide and harder to fight. I admire the guts of someone that suffers of SSA and comes out in public to learn to deal with it.
I am addicted to nicotine even if I have not smoked in more than 20 years. Every time that someone smokes next to me the smell disgusts me but my brain gets excited. I do not hide it but I do not share it either even when people talk about this habit, speaking about it makes me feel stupid.
 
Michelleds
It is pretty amazing the similarities- I see more of my story in the details of yours. And that you mentioned the Lord’s patience…! I often speak and tell people how greatful I am not only for His infinite Mercy but also eternal Patience.
Thank you for starting this thread. It is important that people see it is possible to live as God asks. There is so much in the world that says it’s impossible.

Maureen Brilla if there is anything beautiful in my story it is only that God loves! And He is a persistant lover.

He doesn’t ask anything of us that He isn’t willing to help us do and be.And the treasure we have in His Saints to pray for and with us–I just can’t say how greatful I am for their intercession. St. Dominic helped me find VERITAS (truth); Teresa of Avilla helped me to trust in the friendship of Jesus, John Paul II led me to His Theology of the Body when I was ready to truly understand the teachings of the Church.and every Saint and saint I’ve known- I called on for help. And ultimately it is the grace I recieve from the Sacraments that strengthen and sustain me. If anyone faces difficulty in this area- turn to the help we have in the Sacraments of Reconcilliation and Eucharist. You can’t fight the fight if you are weak, malnourished and depleted.
 
JoArtist said:
Well I am a happily married woman who happens to be a bisexual. I noticed being attracted to both genders when I was around 10 (when I started puberty). I never have been in a relationship with a woman and still find myself attracted to both genders.

I have been called horrible names (even on CAF), I have been harassed and put down even though I choose to live chastely.** I was judged harshly when I went to a courage meeting (they told me that my marriage was a sham because bisexuality “doesn’t exist” and that I really don’t love my husband and I am actually a lesbian, which is all not true) so I refuse to go to any of those again. Yes I also have gone to Catholic counseling, which was not too much better.**

It is hard to find loving people that support and love me even though I struggle with SSA. I lucked out in finding my husband who loves and supports me. If it wasn’t for his love, support, and understanding I would feel so alone in this. He helps me stay strong and stay chaste.
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:eek:…:mad:…:(…

:console:
 
Come on, I know that there are more of you out there. I’ve seen posts along this line from several guys who haven’t posted yet.

Just those personal stories of those who fit into the descriptor of the thread title please. I’d really like to keep this as non-derailed as possible. thanks
 
michelleds said:
Come on, I know that there are more of you out there. I’ve seen posts along this line from several guys who haven’t posted yet.

Just those personal stories of those who fit into the descriptor of the thread title please. I’d really like to keep this as non-derailed as possible. thanks
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(Just an advice, if you want to invite other members to this thread, there is a way of doing so. It is possible they simply have not seen it.)
 
Well…guess I’m “outing” myself here on CAF but this has been a major issue in my life…🤷
I always knew that I loved women from the time I was a little girl. I loved men, too, and still do. Bisexuality is REAL, I don’t get why people deny it.
Had crushes on both sexes during HS, dated both sexes (girls secretly) in HS. No hang-ups in any way, I was pretty hedonistic throughout HS and college and dated whomever I wanted.
I was in a long-term relationship with a woman I thought I cared for very deeply when I met my husband. He had all the qualities I knew I wanted in a person; not necessarily male or female, but just his person-ness. 😛
At that point I had identified as a lesbian and felt that I would spend my life with another woman; I was vociferously feminist, liberal, etc., etc. I felt that I could raise children without a father figure, as incredible as it seems to me now. I was basically an agnostic.
Cautiously, after meeting my husband and breaking up with my gf, I tested the waters of heterosexual monogamy. My whole world view changed. I realized that I wanted to marry (:eek: and I didn’t even believe in marriage) my husband and have his children, and give my family the best possible life I could. It was no longer about me and my desires, but about our love for each other and the probability of raising a family.
This didn’t occur overnight and it wasn’t without repercussion. I lost friends (so what), etc. I never cared, really, although it took a little more time to purge myself of many liberal ideals: abortion, and so on.
Fast forward to the present: after 27 years our love is still going strong and if possible, we are more in love every single day. We’ve raised a beautiful family and have lovely grandchildren.
BUT, and this is important - It has been a very difficult journey for me in several ways. There have been many temptations along the way, there have been slips and falls, there’s been heartache. I sincerely wish straight people could realize what it is like to have to constantly be on guard with members of your own sex, to constantly battle demons of homosexuality and the lustful desires of the flesh. I am a very passionate person and at times have been in despair. I am blessed to have a husband who understands me.
It would be wrong for me to say it’s easy, but it is perfectly possible to marry and live a heterosexual life and raise a family. God’s grace is amazing to me.
 
Musician, thank you! thank you for being brave and putting yourself out there and telling your story. What an inspiration you are! may God continue to richly bless you.
 
Thanks to everyone who is sharing on this thread. I am reading the stories and in tears of gratitude, for God’s grace, mercy, love, and the love of our Church. (Sorry that JoArtist had some of the opposite - not all of us understand, evidently.)

:console:
 
I guess I belong on this thread too.

I am a male in my twenties who struggles with same-sex attraction. I am not out to anyone, family or friends. I come from a large Catholic family and my parents would be absolutely devastated to learn of this. I fear that it may even drive my father to ending his life, he already suffers with depression and this would just tip him over the edge.

My story has some unique (possibly) aspects to it that I am afraid to post on here for fear of someone reading it and realizing who I am. I know this may seem strange but would make sense if you knew what i was talking about. If you message me I can tell you my story.

All I can say for now is that I am chaste and am trying desperately to live a good and holy life. I have a lot of confusion about my feelings, where they come from, what I’m supposed to do with them etc. They are making me very miserable. Coming out is just not an option for me, I would lose everyone.

From the outside I seem like a very happy and successful individual, many people would think that I am living a carefree life. I do love life and people and new experiences and I come across as a very positive and energetic person. It’s not a front, I know that that is who I am but I also have this inner turmoil that nobody can see. My biggest fear is that when all this comes out it will ruin me. I don’t know what i’ll do then.My other problem is that I do get a lot of attention from girls and could easily be in a relationship. There is a strong emphasis on marriage in my family, i’m sure people are wondering what’s going on.

I used to be able to get on with these emotions and never think about them too much, but something happened in my life a few months ago and now they are all I can think about. Literally. First thing in the morning, last thing at night. They are what led me to CAF to try and find answers.

I know this isn’t much of my personal story more my current feelings. Sorry. I’ve posted on other threads and while some people I found helpful and encouraging, others I found just wanted all of this debate and arguing back and pretty much trying to make out that this struggle maybe isn’t as bad as it seems and there are other just as bad/worse so “deal with it”. It made my head hurt. I know to them I might’ve sounded like whiney pain in the *** but I can’t help that this is how I’m feeling right now and I really didn’t know where else to turn.

I continue to pray and seek peace.
 
Wanttobefree said:
I am a male in my twenties who struggles with same-sex attraction. I am not out to anyone, family or friends. I come from a large Catholic family and my parents would be absolutely devastated to learn of this. I fear that it may even drive my father to ending his life, he already suffers with depression and this would just tip him over the edge.
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I absolutely feel for you, sir. It’s still recent enough for myself that I remember some of the intense struggles of being in that place. The feeling that if you ‘come clean’ then the resulting reactions are your responsibility, and also the fear that if people knew everything about you, they would cease to see you the same way.

I also came from a large Catholic family and ended up sending some ripples downstream when I came out to my family. I’m happy to say after some negative and some positive reactions (more positive than I would have expected) that things are pretty much back to normal. It DOES get better. I’m confident that this serves a purpose we don’t yet fully understand and that God doesn’t make mistakes.

I wouldn’t presume to know if coming out to your friends / family is something you’re actively considering or not, but you’re more than free to chat it up anytime, man. In my experience, we’re never as alone as we fear ourselves to be.
 
I’m a man in my early 40’s and I’ve had same-sex attraction for as long as I can remember. To be honest, it’s something I’m not 100% comfortable talking about, even with a “fake” CAF name, so I’ll just put down what I’m happy with. As with a previous poster, I’m not “out” to anybody - especially not my family. I’m an only child, and I dread to think what effect it would have on my parents if they ever found out!

Although I’m trying to live according to Church teaching in this area, there are certain aspects of chastity I have long-term problems with. Particularly a long-term - I suppose the only word that fits is addiction - to a specific sexual sin. I try to go to confession regularly - weekly, if possible - attend Mass regularly and receive Holy Communion when my conscience permits me to do so.

If anybody wants to talk privately - PM or e-mail - I’m happy to do so, it’s just that as I say, I’m not used to talking too much about it in public.😦
 
I am a 29 year old male who has been attracted to men for as long as I can remember, I have never had a girlfriend or ever felt sexually attracted to women whatsoever. I have had extensive sexual experiences with men, been addicted to drugs, and am totally out to my family and friends.
I have lived the lifestyle, hit my bottom with sex and drug addiction, and am now 2 years clean and sober (by the grace of God and a 12 step recovery program). Somewhere through all the craziness of my life I re-found God, and made many attempts to enter the Church after discovering the Eucharist.
It has been a struggle converting my lifestyle to the Church; part of me finds peace beyond all understanding in surrendering my sinful tendencies to God, and another part of me feels constricted and unacknowledged by the Church. Thankfully there are some good people in places like this that give support. What has helped me the most is the sacrament of Reconciliation, and adoration with God, who truly understands beyond all understanding.
Although people with same-sex attraction tend to be looked down upon in the Church, I think that is changing, in that people seem to be more supportive of the particular struggle we face. I just pray that prejudice and condemnation are eradicated, and replaced with an awareness of being united on the common path to purity.
I’ll keep you all in my prayers tonight.
 
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