Men and Catholicism

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Nancie_Lew

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I have a cousin who is Catholic. She is single (25 years old) and told me that there are few Catholic men for her to date. She went on to say that there are far more Catholic women than Catholic men in every age group and that Catholicism just doesn’t appeal to men…period. Why would that be? In Islam there are plenty of men…why not Catholicism?
 
  1. Sometimes there are too many effeminate priests.
  2. The music is too syrupy and written in too high a key.
  3. Men have little to do.
These are three answers I’ve heard for lack of male participation at RC masses.

Eastern Catholics sometimes face problem 1 but do not have a problem with 2 and 3. Therefore I believe we don’t have quite the problem. Then again we are very very much smaller than are the RCs

CDL
 
Funny thing, I do always wonder where the Catholic ladies are. As in my age and single. And I live in a Catholic country. I’ve actually seen one today and she smiled at me, I was like, “Oh my, they exist!” Didn’t even come up with a good evening. 😃 Seriously, though, if you want someone who agrees with the teaching 100%, won’t do artificial contraception, won’t go relativist the more you talk etc etc, it’s going to be difficult. Especially if you have other preferences, don’t know… pretty, smart, whatever. I trust in Providence and since I’m of the mind that there’s no god but God and Ratzinger is His prophet, if it’s necessary that I die without offspring, I shall. 😉 Oh well, I’m almost sure she will find someone. Maybe it’s time to stop dating and start getting involved with some group of people or initiative where she can find a like minded person? I don’t think dating is a great way to find a Catholic spouse and I generally dislike the whole concept. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t miss a coffee with a nice girl, but I don’t like the construct of dating. To me it’s friends or lovers, nothing in between and if there actually is anything, it’s to be treated as lovers, which means exclusive and looking at engagement or treated as (almost) engagement. Anything else feels like spin the bottle game.
 
chevalier said:
Funny thing, I do always wonder where the Catholic ladies are. As in my age and single. And I live in a Catholic country. I’ve actually seen one today and she smiled at me, I was like, “Oh my, they exist!” Didn’t even come up with a good evening. 😃 Seriously, though, if you want someone who agrees with the teaching 100%, won’t do artificial contraception, won’t go relativist the more you talk etc etc, it’s going to be difficult. Especially if you have other preferences, don’t know… pretty, smart, whatever. I trust in Providence and since I’m of the mind that there’s no god but God and Ratzinger is His prophet, if it’s necessary that I die without offspring, I shall. 😉 Oh well, I’m almost sure she will find someone. Maybe it’s time to stop dating and start getting involved with some group of people or initiative where she can find a like minded person? I don’t think dating is a great way to find a Catholic spouse and I generally dislike the whole concept. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t miss a coffee with a nice girl, but I don’t like the construct of dating. To me it’s friends or lovers, nothing in between and if there actually is anything, it’s to be treated as lovers, which means exclusive and looking at engagement or treated as (almost) engagement. Anything else feels like spin the bottle game.
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I wasn’t asking about the dating situation in the church. I read an article that said 70% of church going Catholics are women and that Catholic men think their religion is for girly men. The article went on to criticize women for taking over the leadership roles in the church. I just wanted to see if the men on this forum agreed with the article I read. The churches emphasis placed on Marian devotion also turns many men off.
 
Nancie_Lew said:
In Islam there are plenty of men…why not Catholicism?
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Actually, Christianity in the United States skews female.
The Barna Research Group found that women are significantly more likely to go to church. In a 2000 survey, 45 percent of women said they attended a Christian service during the previous week, compared to 35 percent of men.
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Women are twice as likely as men to be involved in discipleship activities at church, the study found. Also, 50 percent more women than men said they’d attended adult Sunday school the previous week. One in seven women said they’d served in a leadership role at church, not including the role of pastor; 9 percent of men have held leadership positions.
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A Duke University study of congregational life found that the typical adult audience at a U.S. congregation is 61 percent female. The U.S. population is 51.1 percent female.
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decaturdaily.com/decaturdaily/religion/060701/church.shtml

As for Muslims, I don’t have statistics to back me up but I wonder if it is a cultural thing. I am guessing that male Muslims who are raised in the West are less likely to attend services than women.
 
Nancie_Lew said:
I wasn’t asking about the dating situation in the church. I read an article that said 70% of church going Catholics are women and that Catholic men think their religion is for girly men. The article went on to criticize women for taking over the leadership roles in the church. I just wanted to see if the men on this forum agreed with the article I read. The churches emphasis placed on Marian devotion also turns many men off.
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I’m sorry in that case. To reply to your concerns, yes I can see how men could be put off by women taking leadership roles or deciding in organisational or aesthetical matters, giving them a distinct feminine character making men feel intruded on or subjugated. Personally I need a lot of stimulus for such a feeling, but I have experienced it. I think it religious feminism, which mostly requires a conscious choice of attitude. I don’t have a slightest problem with Marian devotion. In fact, the exact opposite is true. I pray to Blessed Virgin Mary a lot despite the fact I rarely pray to saints. My father believes she has me in her special care and I believe that’s true given certain happenings in my life.
 
American Roman Catholicism and Mainline Protestantism is design for females. You sing syrupy songs and too many of the priests are effeminate. Moreover, there is little for men to do. The wreckovations in liturgy and architecture of the 1970s on didn’t help much either.

Our Eastern Catholic Church has retained our patrimony, have singable and meaty songs, and masculine men. Men play major roles especially around the altar. We have about 48% men in full participation.

CDL
 
that Catholic men think their religion is for girly men.
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American Roman Catholicism and Mainline Protestantism is design for females.
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Oh, puleeze. Where did both of you non- RCs come up with this stuff? Too bad you haven’t been to my parish … our men are wonderful, strong, MEN, not girly men, not he men, but men as they’re made to be. They mentor our kids as coaches and boy scout leaders (yes, there are positive boy scout experiences), they are involved in parish finances and as lectors and ushers and EMCs and they run fundraisers and serve on parish committees and run fundraisers alongside their wives, etc. Is this the girly stuff you’re talking about? If so, what the heck do you want them to be doing? How else do they serve their faith, their parish, their families?
 
dwc said:
Oh, puleeze. Where did both of you non- RCs come up with this stuff? Too bad you haven’t been to my parish … our men are wonderful, strong, MEN, not girly men, not he men, but men as they’re made to be. They mentor our kids as coaches and boy scout leaders (yes, there are positive boy scout experiences), they are involved in parish finances and as lectors and ushers and EMCs and they run fundraisers and serve on parish committees and run fundraisers alongside their wives, etc. Is this the girly stuff you’re talking about? If so, what the heck do you want them to be doing? How else do they serve their faith, their parish, their families?
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I’m glad to read this. It’s good to know that their are healthy parishes out there. I’m not unfamiliar with RC life. I may be wrong but from my observation the more traditional a parish the more likely it is that men are more active. Is this true beyond my experience as well?

CDL
 
Women dominate religions, even in other faiths including Islam. In fact, the majority of females in Islamic nations are devote followers of their religion. We only see the men because women in those countries are not allowed to speak publicly.

The reason why there are few men in the Catholic Church, is the same reason why few men are making the commitment to get married. They feel there is a need they can get what they want, without commitment.

So too with religion. They can get a little religion from just about anywhere, and it’s enough to fill their need.

But having religion and having faith are two different things. Faith, is God’s revelation of himself to us, however he makes that happen. Religion, is how we respond to that faith.

Our culture for the most part is agnostic/pagan. People can create for themselves a self-designed religion which fits the platitudes of their own lifestyles, without any of the sacrifices real religion, such as Catholicism requires. It’s an easy lure, but one that is sure to fail.

I don’t see Catholicism as being effeminate and a reason for the lack of men. I think that’s merely an easy answer to throw out on the issue.

Jim
 
Please explain alongside in that context? 😉
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Er, did I mispeak?:o I meant run fundraisers alongside their wives in the sense that in my parish, when we do fundraisers, most often it’s assigned to a husband/wife and they do the work as a couple.
 
I have yet to meet a effeminate priest.

And if men aren’t Christians simply because of the music, then I wouldn’t want to bother dating them anyway!

Of all Christianity i think Catholicism is the most “manly.” I don’t get how women run the Church when the only ones in leadership positions are men! (Though I do agree that most Protestant churches are run by the women)
 
dwc said:
Er, did I mispeak?:o I meant run fundraisers alongside their wives in the sense that in my parish, when we do fundraisers, most often it’s assigned to a husband/wife and they do the work as a couple.
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Sorry, I think I understood “alongside” in some context of following or supporting, then I probably tried to turn it into a joke at a late night hour, leading to an inevitable disaster. 😉
 
Nancie_Lew said:
I have a cousin who is Catholic. She is single (25 years old) and told me that there are few Catholic men for her to date. She went on to say that there are far more Catholic women than Catholic men in every age group and that Catholicism just doesn’t appeal to men…period. Why would that be? In Islam there are plenty of men…why not Catholicism?
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I would say that unless your cousin is ready to marry that she should refrain from one on one “dating” anyway. A single person can have an active social life by doing “group dates” where singles get a group together for fun activities without the possible expectations that usually come with dating one on one. Once people have met someone they think could possibly be spouse material then more time can be spent getting to know each other in situations that won’t lead to a near occasion of sin. I have quite a few young Catholic friends who have done this and met their spouses. There are some good Catholic books on discernment for marriage and appropriate courtship.

If she wants to meet faithful Catholic men who could potentially be a husband, then I echo the advice to join activities where these men will be. I met a lot of wonderful, faithful Catholic men in their 20’s and early 30’s while volunteering for our high school ministry. It was about 1/2 singles (evenly balanced between men and women) and 1/2 married couples who were volunteering. I’ve also met lots of nice folks working on the parish carnival committee and other things. Married people generally have single friends and/or siblings whom they might introduce once they get to know a nice single woman also.

There are also Catholic singles groups within each diocese even if a certain parish may not have one. I also have a friend who met her husband on www.avemariasingles.com
This site is only for people who have already discerned that marriage is their vocation and they must be faithful to church teachings and ready to meet their spouse. People often marry who are in different states or even countries because it is important enough to find a good Catholic spouse no matter the distance.
 
This is interesting in light of the fact that so many boxers and football players are devote Christians.

Perhaps, it’s the media’s lack of pointing these men of faith out, that leads men to see Christianity lacking masculinity?

Either way. What led me to Christianity is Christ himself. Faith must come before religion, or else religion seems foolish, to both men and women.

Jim
 
I think your view of the ratio of Men/Women in Catholicism may relate to where you spend your time.

If you restrict your time to mass, all of our ushers and priests are men. Most of the EMHC are women. Lectors and Cantors are balanced.

If you look at the committees we have a nice balance except they are weighted more to the old rather than the young. (mostly retired people).

If you look to the active groups: Youth are balanced. Men’s club (men) is far larger than Altar society (women). Groundskeeping and outreach is more balanced.

Small Christian communities is more women dominated (talk about feelings and religious experience isn’t a big draw for men) but adult faith formation is mostly men (apologetics stuff).

When you know who does what the overall picture in our parish seems quite balanced.
 
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