Men and Women on the "same page" when it comes to pornography threads?

[Simon_X]

I do think that men are more susceptible to porn than women. As a result there are probably more men who are porn addicts. Women may simply view it as some bad habit which one could easily give up, while to men it can be more addictive than nicotine or cocaine. However, women are equally its victims because they are generally the ones objectified. The porn business has become so huge that it now apparently has its own version of the academy awards for ‘adult’ actors, actresses, and producers.

First, I do agree with everything the ladies have posted, I don’t think there’s any disagreement on the nastiness and problems porn has brought into people’s lives. That, we all agree with. I must say though, that JimG is getting closer to the differences I think exist in how we all approach the issue.

JimG, I believe, is hitting the nail on the head when he says porn is like cocaine or nicotine rather than a nasty habit to some (not all) men. That’s kind of what I see in some of the advice given to guys when they state their porn problems and ask for advice. No wrong or right way, it’s just how people approach the issue, probably based on our life experiences.

By the way, I agree 100%, porn or sex type stuff is everywhere now and I am not sure what can be done to get it out of our culture. This is a world wide problem. But how do you put the genie back in the bottle…

 

[surfinpure]

JimG, I believe, is hitting the nail on the head when he says porn is like cocaine or nicotine rather than a nasty habit to some (not all) men. That’s kind of what I see in some of the advice given to guys when they state their porn problems and ask for advice. No wrong or right way, it’s just how people approach the issue, probably based on our life experiences.

This point cannot be ignored. I think, just as men would do well to understand the damaging effects pornography has on women (indeed, some men are tempted to believe it harms nobody but themselves), women need to understand that this hazardous material can be every bit as addicting as alcohol and hardcore drugs. While there is ultimately no “excuse” for a man viewing pornography, there needs to be compassion on the part of women concerning men who desperately want to find a way out of the habit that’s killing them.

Before we were married, my husband-to-be had just such a problem, and it nearly destroyed him psychologically and emotionally. Recovery took months, and he still has the scars, because when a mind has been so poisoned it may never completely heal. It took me quite a while (and after the fact) to fully comprehend what pornography had done to him, and when I did, I could no longer sustain anger, but felt only pity.

 

[Simon_X]

This point cannot be ignored. I think, just as men would do well to understand the damaging effects pornography has on women (indeed, some men are tempted to believe it harms nobody but themselves), women need to understand that this hazardous material can be every bit as addicting as alcohol and hardcore drugs. While there is ultimately no “excuse” for a man viewing pornography, there needs to be compassion on the part of women concerning men who desperately want to find a way out of the habit that’s killing them.

Before we were married, my husband-to-be had just such a problem, and it nearly destroyed him psychologically and emotionally. Recovery took months, and he still has the scars, because when a mind has been so poisoned it may never completely heal. It took me quite a while (and after the fact) to fully comprehend what pornography had done to him, and when I did, I could no longer sustain anger, but felt only pity.

Thanks for posting that Surfin, I was beginning to think this was strictly a guy point of view thing regarding porn’s deep pull on men. Again, not offering any excuses for it. I know it’s not easy to write about thinks that hit so close to home.

Couple years ago, I heard Dr. Laura say she didn’t believe porn was an addiction as so much of a habit that could easily be broken given enough will power. But I’ve also read that porn can be as addictive in our brains as coke or even heroin. I lean more to that school of thought than Dr Laura’s.

 

[surfinpure]

Thanks for posting that Surfin, I was beginning to think this was strictly a guy point of view thing regarding porn’s deep pull on men. Again, not offering any excuses for it. I know it’s not easy to write about thinks that hit so close to home.

Couple years ago, I heard Dr. Laura say she didn’t believe porn was an addiction as so much of a habit that could easily be broken given enough will power. But I’ve also read that porn can be as addictive in our brains as coke or even heroin. I lean more to that school of thought than Dr Laura’s.

Well, it’s only a guy point of view so long as women remain uninformed about that side of the story. The long and short of it is: pornography is dangerous and destructive to every human alive, male and female, young and old. I can think of no life that remains unthreatened by this evil. The great lie of Satan is that this is a “private” sin, and it harms nobody. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I’m afraid Dr. Laura hasn’t even done her responsible job in studying the scientific research regarding the addictiveness of pornography. That’s a shame. One would think such an influential figure would do a little more digging before spouting off.

 

[luvmykids]

The hideous indluence of pornography on our culture has now reached all areas of our life. The recent pornography “film” awards were recently publicized on the news as if they were no different to the Academy Awards -I’m talking about the 7pm news here folks. It has also influenced the way women feel they should dress, look and behave. The United Kingdom Association of Plastic Surgery has recently declared the huge rise in females having genital cosmetic surgery. This is a result of the popularity of the Brazillian wax and woman wanting their genital area to look more like “the ones they see in porn movies”. Women are becoming so insecure of being COMPARED to the women their men view in porn films that they feel they have to become just like them. This is depressing in the extreme.Let’s look at hair. Sales of long blonde hair extensions have reached new heights and this is a direct result of the majority of porn sars sporting this look. (Think of the “girls” in the Playboy Mansion. One of the young girls retailers here was recently selling t-shirts that say “WE LOVE PARIS HILTON” and equally mindless rubbish like that. What kind of role model is Paris Hilton. Well to celebrate her recent birthday she went to Vegas with the Pussycat Dolls and did a striptease on stage then languished in her undies in a giant champagne glass.

Pornography is on the internet, tv, we can even get it on our phones now. It has invaded every aspect of our culture -and it is spreading. Did you know the there is a lingerie brand called Love Kylie and I read the following quote on a parenting website “Love Kylie is fun, sexy and sassy”. It is also designed for the 12 and under market 12 market. When sex is so pervasive in our culture, even our young are now vulnerable and being exposed to the putrid idea that women have to olay the whore.

Yes, as you can see I HATE PORN, I loathe it. I have been a victim of it and found it so hurtful (as bad as cheating), and it made me so insecure about myself. What I have written is only the tip of the iceburg when it comes to the subject. In answer to your question it is obvious that the majority of men MUST see it differently otherwise it would not have become as acceptable and as mainstream as it is today. I may write more later.

This is a great post! The part I bolded in this post expresses exactly how I feel. This is only one of the reasons we decided to homeschool our 4 boys, but a big one! We began to realize that porn has so permeated everything in our daily lives, that it even has trickled down to the children. They have so many media outlets, ipods that have movies on them, cell phones, etc…they were begining to bring these things on the bus! I have even noticed little girls behaving in ways I never saw as a girl their ages. I had asked myself why they were behaving this way, and then I realized it is the media. Girls pick this up as little as 2 years old. They see the way women are portrayed even on commercials. Sex sells!! That’s why it is used for advertising too. They begin to believe that this is how females behave.

My husband and I have vowed to do the best we can to protect our children from this for as long as possible, because I think the earlier they are exposed, the more damage is done! It makes me sick!!

 

[Simon_X]

Well, it’s only a guy point of view so long as women remain uninformed about that side of the story. The long and short of it is: pornography is dangerous and destructive to every human alive, male and female, young and old. I can think of no life that remains unthreatened by this evil. The great lie of Satan is that this is a “private” sin, and it harms nobody. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I’m afraid Dr. Laura hasn’t even done her responsible job in studying the scientific research regarding the addictiveness of pornography. That’s a shame. One would think such an influential figure would do a little more digging before spouting off.

Amen Surfin, this ties in nicely with Luvmykids post above, I was just thinking about this whole issue. I would have no idea where to buy illegal drugs (if I ever so desired), but porn is so available it’s insane. I can get it right here on my computer, mags at the bookstore (major big name stores), and even adult DVDs right down the street at the neighborhood shopping mall.

This is one of Satan’s biggest weapons, hitting right at the core of our families…

 

[AussieAnn]

Amen Surfin, this ties in nicely with Luvmykids post above, I was just thinking about this whole issue. I would have no idea where to buy illegal drugs (if I ever so desired), but porn is so available it’s insane. I can get it right here on my computer, mags at the bookstore (major big name stores), and even adult DVDs right down the street at the neighborhood shopping mall.

This is one of Satan’s biggest weapons, hitting right at the core of our families…

This is a wonderful statement and so true. It is so heartenning to hear such words coming from a male being voiced in a public forum. I also agree with previous comments that we should view it as a disease or an addiction for males rather than just a “dirty little habit”.

HOWEVER, My point has been to try to show how difficult it is now to get alot of not just males, but society in general to feel that is is so evil as porn is so MAINSTREAM and accepted now and a societal “norm” that alot of people, (myself included) have been made to feel sexually prudish or scoffed at and just “behind the times” because I am against it. The event of porn becoming mainstream is changing everyones opinion of it , and for the worse. The acceptance of it is so worrying and the people that lobby against it have become the minority groups. They are viewed as wowsers, killjoys and sexually inadequate. I think the majority would be females but also males. It is thus harder for males to vocally oppose pornography as they are generally so much more sensitive to their masculine (and sexual) image. I hope you understand what I’m getting at!

 

[fbl9]

i for one have to agree with Aussie Ann.i don’t know if it would be safe for a guy to jion a group of females protesting porn.the old double standard guys are looked up to if they are promiscus and ladies are despised for the same?never could figure that one out.society in general says it is alright to be looked at as a desireable object.fashion as an example sharp clothes mean one is to be highly favored.maybe some of this immoral attitude goes hand in hand with hey we are just animals it is natural for them and so why not us?

 

[Simon_X]

i for one have to agree with Aussie Ann.i don’t know if it would be safe for a guy to jion a group of females protesting porn.the old double standard guys are looked up to if they are promiscus and ladies are despised for the same?never could figure that one out.society in general says it is alright to be looked at as a desireable object.fashion as an example sharp clothes mean one is to be highly favored.maybe some of this immoral attitude goes hand in hand with hey we are just animals it is natural for them and so why not us?/QUOTE

Actually, we do have a little support for that already where I am from. Our ex Governor, Senator, and past major university coach, now the athletic director (any guesses anybody) has put his name and picture on billboards around town stating “Real Men Don’t Use Porn” for an anti-porn campaign. So there are some out there willing to stick their necks out for this…

This thread is getting a lot of hits, but not many responses, wish more guys would weigh in.

 

[surfinpure]

I’m afraid that until more men begin to fight pornography the way women have been, we aren’t going to do so much as break even in this battle. It has to become a men’s issue, because that’s where it starts.

 

[luvmykids]

I’m afraid that until more men begin to fight pornography the way women have been, we aren’t going to do so much as break even in this battle. It has to become a men’s issue, because that’s where it starts.

My thoughts exactly, because they are the majority of the market for it.

 

[Simon_X]

I’m afraid that until more men begin to fight pornography the way women have been, we aren’t going to do so much as break even in this battle. It has to become a men’s issue, because that’s where it starts.

(Not directed at you Surfin, you’re great support!)

But, it is and it isn’t, there’s also lots of stuff out there guy’s don’t participate in, but women do. Desperate Housewives, Lipstick Jungle, Glamour Magazine, Cosmo, ect…just got back from the store and there’s junk on the newsracks at checkout too…ugh

 

[fbl9]

I’m afraid that until more men begin to fight pornography the way women have been, we aren’t going to do so much as break even in this battle. It has to become a men’s issue, because that’s where it starts.

absolutely.agreed.at least the p.industry has one less supporter thanks to the grace of God.if it wasn’t for my desire for this type of thing it would not be where it is today now if only more males figured this out how much better it would be.

 

[Simon_X]

absolutely.agreed.at least the p.industry has one less supporter thanks to the grace of God.if it wasn’t for my desire for this type of thing it would not be where it is today now if only more males figured this out how much better it would be.

Agreed, and judging by some of the recent threads, more guys are waking up and asking for help and way to combat this stuff…

 

[surfinpure]

(Not directed at you Surfin, you’re great support!)

But, it is and it isn’t, there’s also lots of stuff out there guy’s don’t participate in, but women do. Desperate Housewives, Lipstick Jungle, Glamour Magazine, Cosmo, ect…just got back from the store and there’s junk on the newsracks at checkout too…ugh

All of these are problematic, absolutely. The “Cosmo Effect” certainly stems from the objectification of women, but also from the modern women’s sense of sexual “freedom.” Women’s lib did as much to turn women into objects as pornography has. It taught women to be flirtatious, loose, and cheap. It told them they ought to pursue men as sex objects as much as men pursue them. It taught them the hideous old phrase, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”

So there are two categories of women who do the Cosmo thing. The more innocent ones simply want to live up to the impossible standards of the fake, sexualized magazine women, so that men will value them. The other, less innocent ones want to learn how to wield their beauty like a weapon – a weapon of indimidation against their own sex, and of power against the opposite sex. These women are competitive and predatory, and they are everywhere. They are the other, little discussed half of the “Cosmo Problem.”

 

[Simon_X]

All of these are problematic, absolutely. The “Cosmo Effect” certainly stems from the objectification of women, but also from the modern women’s sense of sexual “freedom.” Women’s lib did as much to turn women into objects as pornography has. It taught women to be flirtatious, loose, and cheap. It told them they ought to pursue men as sex objects as much as men pursue them. It taught them the hideous old phrase, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”

So there are two categories of women who do the Cosmo thing. The more innocent ones simply want to live up to the impossible standards of the fake, sexualized magazine women, so that men will value them. The other, less innocent ones want to learn how to wield their beauty like a weapon – a weapon of indimidation against their own sex, and of power against the opposite sex. These women are competitive and predatory, and they are everywhere. They are the other, little discussed half of the “Cosmo Problem.”

Thanks again Surfin,

Again, great insight.

Here’s something that relates to your Cosmo predatory comment. Have you ever noticed a little trend in the trashy TV shows I mentioned (Desp Housewives, Jungle). From the commercials I’ve seen, the women in those shows seem to be predatory regarding their pursuit of younger men. Is that like the flip side of guy porn?

 

[hasikelee]

Are men and women who read the various posts/threads regarding the subject of pornography on the “same page”? Or, do men and women see this in a totally different way. There have been many threads posted recently on this topic, and it seems some folks view this problem a lot differently than others.

Is there a difference between the sexes on this?

What do you think?

Well, I don’t know about others on this forum, but hubby and I do see it differently. We both agree it is sinful and not to be a part of our life, but our perception of its dangers/evils are different.

I see it as hindering intimacy and causing psychological abnormalities, such as intense fantasies that become self-absorbed and unrealistic expectations of bodily abilities/functions.

He sees it as indulging in a carnal and lustful side, giving into your lower senses and betraying your spouse. He thinks it is a form of infidelity.

I guess our ideas on it are pretty typical. I view it in relationship terms, he views it in visual/physical terms.

 

[luvmykids]

… I would have no idea where to buy illegal drugs (if I ever so desired), but porn is so available it’s insane. I can get it right here on my computer, mags at the bookstore (major big name stores), and even adult DVDs right down the street at the neighborhood shopping mall.

This is one of Satan’s biggest weapons, hitting right at the core of our families…

This post’s point was just proven again when hundreds of CAF posters received a porn PM this morning. Apparently under religion, the user who sent the PM listed the word “damned”… Isn’t that nice?

 

[surfinpure]

Thanks again Surfin,

Again, great insight.

Here’s something that relates to your Cosmo predatory comment. Have you ever noticed a little trend in the trashy TV shows I mentioned (Desp Housewives, Jungle). From the commercials I’ve seen, the women in those shows seem to be predatory regarding their pursuit of younger men. Is that like the flip side of guy porn?

Yes, I have. There has been a real gender-reversal since the “sexual revolution” in which women are the pursuers and men the pursued. But women can only play at being the “stronger sex” for so long before reality sets in … as it already has. Men are now free to take full advantage of many women, because the women, while all along thinking they are “liberated,” have made themselves defenseless. It is the women who bear the greatest burdens of casual sex: single parenthood, social isolation, emotional scarring, rejection, loneliness, loss of respect, etc. Yet the modern “feminists” continue to push women right out of their dignity. No matter how hard women try, they will never be men. And so long as they act like men, they lose their natural strength as women.

Incidentally, all of these ideas and more can be found in a book I highly recommend: What Our Mother’s Didn’t Tell Us, by Danielle Crittenden. Both men and women stand to benefit a lot by what she has to say.

 

[fbl9]

Well, I don’t know about others on this forum, but hubby and I do see it differently. We both agree it is sinful and not to be a part of our life, but our perception of its dangers/evils are different.

I see it as hindering intimacy and causing psychological abnormalities, such as intense fantasies that become self-absorbed and unrealistic expectations of bodily abilities/functions.

He sees it as indulging in a carnal and lustful side, giving into your lower senses and betraying your spouse. He thinks it is a form of infidelity.

I guess our ideas on it are pretty typical. I view it in relationship terms, he views it in visual/physical terms.

your last sentence i think answers the op’s question fully.and it is also the reason porn works so well for males.this part i have posted elsewhere but i’ll stick it here too…last night instead of sleeping my mind was wandering as usual,i remebered reading something in one of St.Paul’s letters kinda like this>>>if there is a man in your midst who enjoys looking at women cast him out>>>in our age the only thing that has changed is porn makes this activity much faster and easier then in St.Paul’s day…