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Mary_Estelle
Guest
To Convert 99. I will pray for you and you husband, that you will strengthened by the love of the Lord. Peace.
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esieffe
Guest
Well I can tell you from experience that it can go like this: a melancholic feeling creeps over you, you feel tired and depressed, it feels like you work all the time, and your not going anywhere, that nothing is going to change and this is how it is going to be till death. That is what it feels like.
The feeling can stay a few days and then you forget about it, and then it comes back. You daydream about getting in your car and going to Yellowstone and getting a job in the park and living in a log cabin. It passes. Its not always about chasing ladies, buying a cheesy sports car, leaving family. It suck though when you realized that you have passed midlife and you haven’t met your own expectations, that your just average.
Its amazing how threads show up here that just zero in on where you are at the moment.
The feeling can stay a few days and then you forget about it, and then it comes back. You daydream about getting in your car and going to Yellowstone and getting a job in the park and living in a log cabin. It passes. Its not always about chasing ladies, buying a cheesy sports car, leaving family. It suck though when you realized that you have passed midlife and you haven’t met your own expectations, that your just average.
Its amazing how threads show up here that just zero in on where you are at the moment.
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on_the_hill
Guest
My father-in-law bought a convertible. Then a motorcycle. He doesn’t spend much time with either one, though, because they’re not as fun as they seem. Plus, I wrecked the motorcycle.
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Xantippe
Guest
I think there can be a natural upward trajectory in terms of career that starts leveling out in the 40s/50s, and once you’ve achieved your career goals and your kids are bigger and no longer need you constantly, it’s natural to start asking, is this everything? Some of the mid-life stuff is hormonal and can and should be addressed medically, but at the same time, I think that spiritually, “is this all there is?” is actually a very worthwhile question. “I need to buy a motorcycle!” is obviously the wrong answer to the problem, but there are better answers.
I believe my husband had some sort of mid-life thing some time after he got tenure. He’d spent a couple decades working toward this and suddenly he had it–an academic job for life. Well, what now? It took him a while to realize that yes, there was still lots of worthwhile stuff for him to do.
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Xantippe
Guest
Does he let you drive the convertible?My father-in-law bought a convertible. Then a motorcycle. He doesn’t spend much time with either one, though, because they’re not as fun as they seem. Plus, I wrecked the motorcycle.
One of the grandpas in our family bought a yellow German sports car some years ago and had a lot of fun with it. Not so much now, but it was an unusual indulgence for a person that is normally very austere. (He eventually was trying to give it to our family. No thanks!!!)
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on_the_hill
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My wife and I drove ithe convertible rom the church to the reception when we got married.
The motorcycle is ok. It was a low speed wipeout and it only got a little scuffed. I was ok, too, thanks for asking.
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on_the_hill
Guest
It also might be a matter of money. For a lot of men, that time in their lives might be the first time they have enough disposable income to try doing things that weren’t possible before.
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underacloud
Guest
Right, there is certainly a spiritual element to it.
We are not made merely for this life, but for the life to come. Any sort of identity crisis should be considered from the perspective of the soul yearning for something higher. There is a restlessness that will never be resolved in this fallen world.
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E_7
Guest
Wow! This is the best advice I’ve been given that I truly needed without even knowing! Thank you so much. Just by posting here and there you already know me so well haha.Ok. I’m going to say something in all sincerity and charity.
Stop reading blogs, websites, and things that make you anxious. You are worried about way too many things. You have a young baby, and wonderful husband and life should be enjoyed and cherished at this moment. Instead of being worried that your baby is going to get germs from every surface and every person, get out and meet people! Make some friends. Arrange some mommy’s morning out dates with moms of other children, all ages.
It doesn’t really matter if they don’t do baby-led weaning, or they don’t make their wet wipes. Baths are just as good as showers. What does the Doctor say? Does he think you worry needlessly, or is he telling you that everything in the world is bad for the baby?
What matters is your sanity dear one.
Life’s too short to second guess every single move you’re going to make as a wife and mother.
Pray hard and often. Take good care of the baby and hubs…as best that you can, but truly. Take care of yourself. Make some friends of all ages. Maybe a newlywed, a mom like yourself and an older wise woman with grandchildren. Everyone can be your friend if you approach them with an open heart and mind.
Talk to your Dr. about your fears. Read some good books. You husband married you because he loves you. trust him. trust your gut. Loosen up.
Enjoy.
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Xantippe
Guest
Exactly.
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E_7
Guest
LolMy father-in-law bought a convertible. Then a motorcycle. He doesn’t spend much time with either one, though, because they’re not as fun as they seem. Plus, I wrecked the motorcycle.
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Xantippe
Guest
And time, too.
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hapidawg
Guest
A wise comment! As Catholics, we do not embrace all the psychobabble that the world throws at us. We need to live for the Lord and not be thrown into a box that was constructed by unbelievers. If we get consumed by worrying over things that will not necessarily happen, it can be controlling. Break free!I’m 48 and still waiting for mine to happen. My wife and I agree it probably won’t, since I never really grew up in the first place.
Kind of scary, now that I think about it. . . .
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EasterJoy
Guest
This is not restricted to one gender, either. Women can be seized with a serious bout of “Is this all there is? Did I make a huge mistake?” too. Perseverance is a grace to pray for, because perseverance does take grace.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Sounds like a normal reaction to stress to me.This is not the case. My husband is going through this and he doesn’t have poor character or morals. Just lots of difficult life situations we’ve been sent the past decade. Poverty, serious illness, scads of deaths in the family including his own child! If that isn’t reason enough for having a mid life crisis I don’t know what is!
Midlife crisis is a term used a lot by people to excuse some pretty scummy behavior.
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TK421
Guest
I had my midlife crisis when I was 25-27.
Which means I’ll be dead when I’m 50
Which means I’ll be dead when I’m 50
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Xantippe
Guest
Oh, I’ve heard that called the quarter life crisis.I had my midlife crisis when I was 25-27.
Which means I’ll be dead when I’m 50
That means you’ll live to 100+.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis
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mdleagedguy
Guest
In the years since I’ve turned 40, I have done the following:
Acquired a firearms collection. Always wanted to do that, but it’s not very practical and I haven’t had time to go shooting much. Maybe once a year. Glad I did it. They will be handed on to my boys.
Went to graduate school. Got my master’s. 4.0 GPA. Also not very practical. I will never be promoted where I work. Going elsewhere would entail a pay cut. Glad I did it though. It confirms that it is them (management where I work) and not me.
Got a motorcycle. Then got another, a Harley Davidson. Both are very practical. Low insurance, great gas mileage, and loads of fun. Glad I did it.
Engaged in pro-life activism. Nail in the coffin for my career after my name came out in the media. But it was already dead because I was the freakishly fecund guy with 8 kids in a heavily secular liberal state that frowns on that. Glad I did it.
Is this a “mid-life crisis?” I think that’s a rather sexist term, as if men my age go off their rocker and do bad things. I think we just continue to live our lives. Sometimes people make wrong choices, sometimes people make good choices. Once a guy reaches a certain age, new choices become a “mid-life crisis.” When I joined the military was that a “young adult crisis?” When I changed careers at 37 to benefit my family, what was that? When I returned to the Catholic faith at 32, certain people freaked out about that. Was it a ‘crisis’?
People develop and grow. Just because a man continues to do so after 40 doesn’t make it some sort of crisis. There can be bad choices or good choices. That can happen at any age.
Acquired a firearms collection. Always wanted to do that, but it’s not very practical and I haven’t had time to go shooting much. Maybe once a year. Glad I did it. They will be handed on to my boys.
Went to graduate school. Got my master’s. 4.0 GPA. Also not very practical. I will never be promoted where I work. Going elsewhere would entail a pay cut. Glad I did it though. It confirms that it is them (management where I work) and not me.
Got a motorcycle. Then got another, a Harley Davidson. Both are very practical. Low insurance, great gas mileage, and loads of fun. Glad I did it.
Engaged in pro-life activism. Nail in the coffin for my career after my name came out in the media. But it was already dead because I was the freakishly fecund guy with 8 kids in a heavily secular liberal state that frowns on that. Glad I did it.
Is this a “mid-life crisis?” I think that’s a rather sexist term, as if men my age go off their rocker and do bad things. I think we just continue to live our lives. Sometimes people make wrong choices, sometimes people make good choices. Once a guy reaches a certain age, new choices become a “mid-life crisis.” When I joined the military was that a “young adult crisis?” When I changed careers at 37 to benefit my family, what was that? When I returned to the Catholic faith at 32, certain people freaked out about that. Was it a ‘crisis’?
People develop and grow. Just because a man continues to do so after 40 doesn’t make it some sort of crisis. There can be bad choices or good choices. That can happen at any age.
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Gordon_Sims
Guest
Although I don’t think this applies in all situations, I tend to agree with that assessment in general. Same with the seven year itch. I have friends who have claimed to have gone through both. Oddly enough, none of them turned their “crises” or “itches” into anything worthwhile. Most used it as an excuse to cheat, frequent strip clubs (or worse), ruin their finances or leave their families. Although I’m sure stress has something to do with it, I’ve wondered just what brings this behavior about. I’m guessing part of it has to do with facing your mortality. The guys I know who went through this either had no faith-life to speak of, or were at a low point, spiritually speaking.
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