Men threatened by smarter women? Really?

[pensmama87]

My husband never earned a college degree. I have a graduate degree. Before I quit full- time when my daughter was born, he still earned 3x as much as I did.

So degrees don’t always equal more money.

I definitely agree with this. I didn’t mean for my comment to be about money.

 

[E_7]

I remember during our early courtship that my husband told me that he didn’t have any intelectual conversation with me yet. I was shocked and a bit disappointed because I thought we did. Maybe during that time talking about morals, the Church and stuff was not intellectual for him. He was a lapsed Catholic for the most years of his life.

Recently, he confessed that he wouldn’t have courted me if I didn’t have at least a bachelor’s degree and that it was a plus that it was in the STEM area. He is the one with higher degrees and doing research. It wasn’t until our late engagement when he was opening up to me and telling me about his work, the research, the behavioral modeling, explaining concepts, etc. that were a whole new world for me. And it made me feel really happy even though I didn’t understand.

I confess I sometimes feel incompetent, but he reassures me that I’m not and that he doesn’t see me like that at all.

 

[Xantippe]

I remember during our early courtship that my husband told me that he didn’t have any intelectual conversation with me yet. I was shocked and a bit disappointed because I thought we did. Maybe during that time talking about morals, the Church and stuff was not intellectual for him. He was a lapsed Catholic for the most years of his life.

Recently, he confessed that he wouldn’t have courted me if I didn’t have at least a bachelor’s degree and that it was a plus that it was in the STEM area. He is the one with higher degrees and doing research. It wasn’t until our late engagement when he was opening up to me and telling me about his work, the research, the behavioral modeling, explaining concepts, etc. that were a whole new world for me. And it made me feel really happy even though I didn’t understand.

I confess I sometimes feel incompetent, but he reassures me that I’m not and that he doesn’t see me like that at all.

The menfolk (bless their hearts!) do often really enjoy explaining things to women–particularly pretty young women.

 

[white_sheep]

Degrees have little bearing on intelligence, or really even education level. Almost all of the people I have met that I thought were highly intelligent had not been to college.

 

[PLinz]

If people are too stupid, they can’t follow you.

Just a FYI.

And your basis for such a claim?

 

[PLinz]

The menfolk (bless their hearts!) do often really enjoy explaining things to women–particularly pretty young women.

Do you have a source for that myth?

 

[Xantippe]

And your basis for such a claim?

It’s just common sense that in any organization (even one so small as a family), smarter, more capable people are easier to manage. For instance, preschoolers are (on average) smarter than toddlers and also easier to manage, while school children are (on average) smarter than preschoolers and also easier to manage.

The smarter and more capable people are, the less supervision they need and the easier it is to manage them.

That’s just common sense.

(Teenagers do seem to be an exception to this rule, but I’d argue that what makes them hardest to deal with is their periodic outbreaks of stupidity.)

 

[Anglewannabe]

Ouch, Angie. You were treated abominably by this man. I am sorry.

this man??? Sadly more than one. However, trust me, I know they are the minority and I just pick the wrong ones

 

[Xantippe]

Do you have a source for that myth?

The new term is “mansplaining,” but that phenomenon has been part of the wily woman’s arsenal since time immemorial. Ask a man to explain something to you or help you with something and watch him melt!

(I’ve never done that myself, but it’s been conventional wisdom since forever. I do notice, though, that the “ask man to help you with something” doesn’t work nearly as well with an actual husband.)

 

[Faxero]

this man??? Sadly more than one. However, trust me, I know they are the minority and I just pick the wrong ones

uch: We thought you were talking about an individual. Next time say “they” instead of “he”.

 

[Augustine]

And your basis for such a claim?

This: forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=13405162&postcount=9

 

[AnnArbor]

I would prefer to date a female who is less intelligent than I am. God designed us males to be leaders. It is impractical to lead those who are more intelligent than you are.

Leaders by nature should be the most intelligent ones in the group; the ones who are most capable. It would be impractical to submit to a man who is less capable than you are.

If anyone disagrees with my worldview, I’d like to hear it.

I assume you were joking – it is bizarre, though, how many people do actually think leaders are supposed to be male.

 

[marymary1975]

I disagree with the idea that men are threatened by smarter women. I am in.a profession where you would.get the typical.smarter women that it is said threatens men and on top of that I have a high position in a corporation in which I am surrounded by your typical smart, extremely successful, executive women. Because of this, I am very familiar with many women in these situation, that besides the fact (not to throw flowers at me) that I am pretty smart and successful so I technically should.fall.into.the situation.

The problem.with smart and successful women is not that men feel threatened by them. The problem.is that smart and successful.women in first instance do not appear to be friendly and no man likes a woman that does not appear to be friendly. Even worst, most smart women have a lot.of trouble with leaving the business and smart attitude at work and they transfer the business professional behavior into personal.relationships. No one likes that. To make it worst many times is not concious and the woman may actually be the nicest person in the world, but in a first instance when she is introduced to someone she immediately takes the professional.attitude out. They have a lot of difficulty being just herself specially when they meet new people. Men don’t.like that. And because they don’t realize what they are doing wrong, the myth has come.out that men.feel.threatened by smarter women.

I am.happily married and I make more money than my husband. I have the heavy and busy corporate job and I get to.deal.with important people. My own husband jokes constantly I am.way smarter than him (through I don’t agree on that one with him). He never had an issue dating me.and he provides.himself.on his smart wife. However, he tells.Me.that he wouldn’t.have never dated.the majority of the women in our professional.field.or.most smart women. I never had an.issue with men either but it.is because I do know to take out the.business.mentality when I.go.home, and when I am.with my personal.relationships I am just a.friendly Catholic.girl.that people.could not.picture me at work. I am just a.regular human being.when.I am.out of.work.and.I.don’t need to.probe to.My friends.and family that I can talk with fancy.words.and I don’t.need to prove how.smart and knowledgeable I am. Unfortunately many smart women do feel.that they have to prove themselves always to.the world and in.consequence they appear as not friendly and even.as mean sometimes.

One.of.My very good girlfriends was complaining to.Me.about this issue a few years ago. She was over 35 and couldn’t find a.decent man. She said to me I think men are afraid of.a.smart woman like me. My friend.is a very nice person and has great values and is a.wonderful.person but again, when she gets introduced to someone she uses big words and appears as mean. So I told her that the problem.was not that but that she gives the impression that she is a mean person. She didn’t know.and she had trouble.believing me until.She started asking other what impression she was giving. She finally realized that at first glance she was appearing.as someone.She is not. Then she started changing her attitude and now she is engaged.

So in a.nutshell, the problem.is.not.intelligence.but how do you project yourself in personal.relationships. .Of course there are men with low.esteem.that.would cringe at the idea of a.woman more successful than them, but again that is not.feeling threatened. That is plain jealousy and self esteem issues. There are many men that are perfectly ok.with smart women but if the smart women presents herself.as if she is going to.be your boss all.the time.and will rip your head off if you don’t speak about quantum physics, be sure that those men will.run to the hills when they meet those kinds of women.

 

[marymary1975]

A couple of years into our Marriage both my husband and I took IQ tests.

Well, he took the test and I was curious.

When he was done he told me he scored at 120…which is good. It’s above average.

So I took the test. I think I scored a 130 plus or minus a few points. He looked at the score and didn’t say anything at first.

Then he made a comment on marrying such a smart girl.

I jokingly asked him if he was intimidated by it and he was quick to say no!

Later on I checked the browser history and discovered he went back in and took the test again a few more times.

Well, too bad! He’s stuck with me at this point!

Funny!

I can’t imagine what a woman smarter than my husband would look like, because she’d immediately be whisked away by the federal government to Area 51.

Both of you made.Me.laugh so much!!!

The reason why my husband jokes that I am much smarter than him is simply because as a child.he struggled with Dyslexia so he really struggled at school in the areas of reading and writing. So he says I am much smarter than him because I am pretty good in the areas of writing.

I don’t agree with that because if you ask me having had to deal with Dyslexia to then go to College and grad school and then opening your own business, and be good at it, you gotta be really smart. I could not phantom myself being where I am had I had to deal with some.kind.of disability. Plus he is good in finances and numbers. Me, I may be.really smart in certain.areas.but math and.finances are not my cup of tea. So I think is more that we are both really smart, it is just that the areas in which we are good at are different areas.

 

[Xantippe]

I assume you were joking – it is bizarre, though, how many people do actually think leaders are supposed to be male.

It would be a total disaster for a woman to have 3+ kids and no leadership ability.

To be effective, parents have to be leaders.

 

[EasterJoy]

I disagree with the idea that men are threatened by smarter women.

Some men are threatened by smarter women, because they’ve told me precisely that. “I could never date you, because I couldn’t cope with having a girlfriend or wife that is that much smarter than I am. I just couldn’t.” Evidence does not get any more concrete than that!

I also know men, however, who have a minimum intelligence they need in a girlfriend or spouse, rather than a maximum. They’d happily marry someone like Madam Curie, but they could not cope with someone who, although nice and probably more worthy in Heaven’s eyes than they are, was not mentally capable of talking with them about the things that are the most important to them. They don’t see it as “she isn’t worthy of me,” but rather, “she would not be the right match for me.”

BTW, I don’t think any of this is peculiar to men. Most women are looking for a spouse who is in some particular range of intelligence and/or academic accomplishment (which are different things), just as they are looking for someone in a particular range of social capability and temperament. What that range is depends on the woman, but people do care how much intelligence their spouse has, whether academic or social, and there is sometimes such a thing as too much of a good thing.

 

[PLinz]

It’s just common sense that in any organization (even one so small as a family), smarter, more capable people are easier to manage. For instance, preschoolers are (on average) smarter than toddlers and also easier to manage, while school children are (on average) smarter than preschoolers and also easier to manage.

The smarter and more capable people are, the less supervision they need and the easier it is to manage them.

That’s just common sense.

(Teenagers do seem to be an exception to this rule, but I’d argue that what makes them hardest to deal with is their periodic outbreaks of stupidity.)

Okay, so you don’t have a basis for your claim. Thanks for clearing that up.

 

[PLinz]

The new term is “mansplaining,” but that phenomenon has been part of the wily woman’s arsenal since time immemorial. Ask a man to explain something to you or help you with something and watch him melt!

“mansplaining” is a censor/stop word. Though, you did manage to answer the question, in so far as providing “a source for that myth.”

 

[1990Domer]

It sounds like something women tell their friends is the reason some guy didn’t want to date them.

But maybe there are some men who don’t want to date smarter women. And maybe there are some women who don’t want to date smarter men.

Now what?

We were told that smart women were dogs and wouldn’t put out…

 

[EasterJoy]

…maybe there are some men who don’t want to date smarter women. And maybe there are some women who don’t want to date smarter men.

Now what?

Exactly. No matter what makes you attractive to some, the same thing will make you unattractive to someone else. The only universal is that there are probably a few things so repugnant that they always register as a minus. Honest to goodness, though, considering some of the couples I’ve seen, I am not sure I could guess what that is! As the old lady once said, in reassurance to her grandson, “Dear, there isn’t a scraggly horse out there, but that you can find a scraggly bush to tie it to.”