Men threatened by smarter women? Really?

[EasterJoy]

Come to think of it, there was a sarcastic saying back when I worked in Russia: Ya nachal’nik, ty durak (I’m the boss, you’re an idiot). The meaning of that was, since I’m the boss, I know everything and can’t possibly learn anything from you, the employee, who happens to be doing the job and knows all the particular details of the situation.

It’s not a very functional style of management.

The take-home message is to never hide who you are from people who might want to date you. If they’re looking for an idiot, it would be a shame to waste their time.

The same goes for misrepresenting your devotion to the faith. Very bad idea.

 

[marymary1975]

Some men are threatened by smarter women, because they’ve told me precisely that. “I could never date you, because I couldn’t cope with having a girlfriend or wife that is that much smarter than I am. I just couldn’t.” Evidence does not get any more concrete than that!

I also know men, however, who have a minimum intelligence they need in a girlfriend or spouse, rather than a maximum. They’d happily marry someone like Madam Curie, but they could not cope with someone who, although nice and probably more worthy in Heaven’s eyes than they are, was not mentally capable of talking with them about the things that are the most impoortant to them. They don’t see it as “she isn’t worthy of me,” but rather, “she would not be the right match for me.”

BTW, I don’t think any of this is peculiar to men. Most women are looking for a spouse who is in some particular range of intelligence and/or academic accomplishment (which are different things), just as they are looking for someone in a particular range of social capability and temperament. What that range is depends on the woman, but people do care how much intelligence their spouse has, whether academic or social, and there is sometimes such a thing as too much of a good thing.

Some.men would.not.date smarter woman but as I said it is more.related to jealousy and.low.self.esteem (what you mention.to.me.goes more.along.the line.of.self.esteem).not.because they are exactly “threatened”. And.as I.said this doesn’t seem.to be the majority of the cases.

The vast majority of the cases of smart women who.cannot get a date has to do with her attitude, not with her intelligence. Sincerely in my personal.experience I cannot.tell.of one smart woman that I personally knows, that complains about men feeling threatened by her intelligence, that does not have an attitude and that does not present herself to others as if she is going to.rip.someone’s head.off.

 

[EasterJoy]

I was once advised by my principal (for a temp teaching job) that I might need to be dumber in interviews. He said, “I love it when the teachers who report to me are smarter than me, and you’re definitely smarter than me, but lots of other principals are intimidated by it, especially when you’re young.” It was probably the strangest compliment I ever received. “Playing dumb” is not the thing I’d associate with an interview.

Re: the Dunning-Kruger effect, it’s kind of reassuring to know that even if I feel hopelessly incompetent, it might mean there’s some smidgen of hope for me after all.

I think it goes with the job of principal to wonder how many other principals got where they are by some variation on the Peter Principle.

It is important not to seem self-important or know-it-all in an effort to impress. Moreover, a principal is not wrong to want a teacher who takes her audience into account when she talks with other adults. A teacher who intimidates a principal could have communication problems with parents, too, after all. Having said that, I hope you did not literally “play dumb” in your interviews. That is a good way to be passed over by the better principal, the one you want to hire you!

The same goes for dating. Learning the common touch is a social skill, but taking any pains to act as if you are less intellectually capable than you are is a bad strategy for finding someone who will value your intellect.

 

[EasterJoy]

Some.men would.not.date smarter woman but as I said it is more.related to jealousy and.low.self.esteem (what you mention.to.me.goes more.along.the line.of.self.esteem).not.because they are exactly “threatened”. And.as I.said this doesn’t seem.to be the majority of the cases.

The vast majority of the cases of smart women who.cannot get a date has to do with her attitude, not with her intelligence. Sincerely in my personal.experience I cannot.tell.of one smart woman that I personally knows, that complains about men feeling threatened by her intelligence, that does not have an attitude and that does not present herself to others as if she is going to.rip.someone’s head.off.

Do you know that many smart women who cannot get a date? I don’t. I certainly don’t know one who actually complains about men not wanting to date her because of her intelligence. Who would say something like that? Talk about sounding as if you’re carrying around a big bunch of sour grapes!

I do know abrasive women who don’t attract dates who chalk it up to the men being threatened by their intelligence. That is not their problem. I have had guys tell me that they wouldn’t date someone a lot smarter than they were, even some who were A students themselves, but the truth is that most smart women meet plenty of men who are very smart themselves. Those are the guys who aren’t afraid to date a woman smarter than they are, particularly when they get into their 20s. (Teens? Another story…)

 

[marymary1975]

Do you know that many smart women who cannot get a date? I don’t. I certainly don’t know one who actually complains about men not wanting to date her because of her intelligence. Who would say something like that? Talk about sounding as if you’re carrying around a big bunch of sour grapes!

I do know abrasive women who don’t attract dates who chalk it up to the men being threatened by their intelligence. That is not their problem. I have had guys tell me that they wouldn’t date someone a lot smarter than they were, even some who were A students themselves, but the truth is that most smart women meet plenty of men who are very smart themselves. Those are the guys who aren’t afraid to date a woman smarter than they are, particularly when they get into their 20s. (Teens? Another story…)

Yes I do, if you ask me, I think.I know.more.than I would. This is because.of.my profession ~ lawyer. Female lawyers/judges appear to have serious issues dating and.they complain.that it is.because they are too.smart. The second group of women I know like that come.from.my job. These are professional.middle aged women with very high corporate positions. All the ones.that are not married are constantly complaining that men feel.threatened because they are smart and successful.

And yes they do know plenty of smart men, but as my husband says their problem is that they are so abarasive that I think they scare the guys away. On the other hand all my female.lawyers friends and women with high positions at work who are married do not have that abrasive personality. I think many of.These women.feel like if they have to prove themselves to the world and they are.unhappy because of that. Definitely they are carrying a bag of.sour grapes.

 

[marymary1975]

I never said I had a weakness in any area of intelligence or that my husband has a higher level of intra-personality then I do.
Actually, I don’t know…as far as I am a aware, there is no objective way to measure intra-personality.

But I do believe the success of a marriage is completely dependent on each spouse’s level of intra-personality.
The maturity level to handle finances, hold down a job and raise children should be reasonably high.
As far as I’m aware…this level of intelligence comes from life experience. One develops it over time.

Objectively speaking…I happen to be more intelligent then my husband. We know this because it’s been measured objectively more then once.

However…outward appearances are deceiving. You’d never be able to truly tell this fact by looking at us.
If one were to look at our stats…and have a brief conversation with us…one would reasonably assume that he is more intelligent.

He finished his degree first, he has progressed to a much higher pay-grade in the military then I have (though he is the bread-winner and has had the opportunity to progress), he is eloquent and well-read…while I’m a little more scatter-brained and rough around the edges.

We married each other because we are about as close to equal as we could see in a subjective manner…based on every level of intelligence that we could perceive.

We dated and discerned and got married. We are truly equals and he isn’t my teacher, parent or leader.
He is just my husband and we submit to each other. I don’t blindly submit to him in every aspect of our lives or marriage.

I’m not entirely sure how you would go about verifying your belief that a women you choose to marry is less intelligent…besides your own personal opinion.
Would you require her to take an intelligence test?
What happens if she was actually smarter then you?
Would you dump her to find a wife who was dumber?

Why is it so important that you need to be the undisputed leader within your marriage besides your interpretation of scripture…is it an ego thing?

The Church emphasizes that husband and wife must mutually submit to each other.
What is your take on this statement?

 

[Xantippe]

I have to add that the Proverbs 31 woman sounds plenty smart, and it sounds like her husband appreciates her gifts.

“She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.”

“She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.”

(That is way harder than it sounds, by the way–a lot of small business people don’t realize when they are losing money.)

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.””

 

[pensmama87]

I think it goes with the job of principal to wonder how many other principals got where they are by some variation on the Peter Principle.

It is important not to seem self-important or know-it-all in an effort to impress. Moreover, a principal is not wrong to want a teacher who takes her audience into account when she talks with other adults. A teacher who intimidates a principal could have communication problems with parents, too, after all. Having said that, I hope you did not literally “play dumb” in your interviews. That is a good way to be passed over by the better principal, the one you want to hire you!

The same goes for dating. Learning the common touch is a social skill, but taking any pains to act as if you are less intellectually capable than you are is a bad strategy for finding someone who will value your intellect.

I didn’t play dumb. It would be very hard for me to do that (at least without also seeming sarcastic.) I did ask him if I seemed arrogant or unapproachable and he said no. I did get on well with students and parents and must have performed well in interviews because I got asked back a lot. It just surprised me to think that there were bosses who wanted dumb employees.

Of course, I wouldn’t want to work for such a boss (or date/marry such a man.)

 

[EasterJoy]

Yes I do, if you ask me, I think.I know.more.than I would. This is because.of.my profession ~ lawyer. Female lawyers/judges appear to have serious issues dating and.they complain.that it is.because they are too.smart. The second group of women I know like that come.from.my job. These are professional.middle aged women with very high corporate positions. All the ones.that are not married are constantly complaining that men feel.threatened because they are smart and successful.

And yes they do know plenty of smart men, but as my husband says their problem is that they are so abarasive that I think they scare the guys away. On the other hand all my female.lawyers friends and women with high positions at work who are married do not have that abrasive personality. I think many of.These women.feel like if they have to prove themselves to the world and they are.unhappy because of that. Definitely they are carrying a bag of.sour grapes.

Lawyers who can’t get a date? Now that’s a confounding variable.

I see what you mean. The smart women I know were all in the sciences. They could hardly beat the male scientists off with a stick–wow, you’re a woman and I don’t even have to leave lab to find you! And you know all the characters in Star Trek and you are used to being around men who care how their clothing looks! How cool is that?

I have seen women in a meeting with a group of men, had the woman make a point and get totally ignored, and then have one of the guys make exactly the same point and get total agreement as if it were the first time anyone said anything like that. We women just looked at each other in disbelief. Those things do happen. You have to learn to cope with it without getting bitter, though, because no one is good enough that they’ll attract listeners by being bitter. It is going away, though. Students in grade school aren’t hearing the gender-specific expectations they once did, and I think that helps a great deal. When people come by their biases innocently, it is difficult for them to even see them as biases.

 

[Inisfallen]

Doesn’t worry me.

My wife graduated from Harvard College and Harvard Law School, is a lawyer, and makes more money than I do. She’s definitely smarter than me.

No problem. We’re happily married and our daughter is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given in my life.

 

[Xantippe]

Doesn’t worry me.

My wife graduated from Harvard College and Harvard Law School, is a lawyer, and makes more money than I do. She’s definitely smarter than me.

No problem. We’re happily married and our daughter is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given in my life.

Awwww.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

I wouldn’t know…

 

[Sarcelle]

Yes I do, if you ask me, I think.I know.more.than I would. This is because.of.my profession ~ lawyer. Female lawyers/judges appear to have serious issues dating and.they complain.that it is.because they are too.smart. The second group of women I know like that come.from.my job. These are professional.middle aged women with very high corporate positions. All the ones.that are not married are constantly complaining that men feel.threatened because they are smart and successful.

And yes they do know plenty of smart men, but as my husband says their problem is that they are so abarasive that I think they scare the guys away. On the other hand all my female.lawyers friends and women with high positions at work who are married do not have that abrasive personality. I think many of.These women.feel like if they have to prove themselves to the world and they are.unhappy because of that. Definitely they are carrying a bag of.sour grapes.

Interesting.

I work with a bunch of engineers in the railroad industry so my work environment may be different than yours.

There are a lot of things that can go wrong in this industry that can keep one humble. Especially if what does go wrong can cost lives.

 

[mdleagedguy]

“Men threatened by smarter women? Really?”

Yes! That would be me. If I’m walking in a dark alley late at night and I see a smart woman approaching, I make sure I have my hand on my pepper spray and look for an escape route. The best rule for dealing with trouble is to avoid it to begin with. I try to avoid places where I may encounter a smart woman, such as libraries, book clubs, laboratories, universities, etc. If I absolutely must go to one of those places, I make sure I’m packing heat. If one encounters a smart woman out in the wilderness, it’s best to make lots of noise and try to make yourself bigger than the smart woman so she goes away. Alternatively, make sure your hiking buddy can’t run as fast as you can so that you can escape while your buddy is being eaten.

 

[E_7]

Yes.

Bear in mind that traditionally, women have been told to dumb themselves down in order to snag a guy.

(I think it does probably work, but what a booby prize for her!)

So, especially if you’re dealing with a woman from a culture or sub-culture where that advice about dumbing down is still operational, you may not be able to figure out that she is actually way, way smarter than you.

Also, come to think of it, there’s the Dunning-Kruger effect–the incompetent don’t realize that they are incompetent.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

That reminds me of a country in the middle east (Pakistan, maybe) that women are allowed to study and get a undergrad degree, but cannot work.

“Men threatened by smarter women? Really?”

Yes! That would be me. If I’m walking in a dark alley late at night and I see a smart woman approaching, I make sure I have my hand on my pepper spray and look for an escape route. The best rule for dealing with trouble is to avoid it to begin with. I try to avoid places where I may encounter a smart woman, such as libraries, book clubs, laboratories, universities, etc. If I absolutely must go to one of those places, I make sure I’m packing heat. If one encounters a smart woman out in the wilderness, it’s best to make lots of noise and try to make yourself bigger than the smart woman so she goes away. Alternatively, make sure your hiking buddy can’t run as fast as you can so that you can escape while your buddy is being eaten.

LOL

 

[AnnArbor]

:nope: I wasn’t joking.

Scripture is quite clear that Men are to be leaders. My personal sensibilities incline me to believe that a proper spouse would be less intelligent than I am. She must certainly be intelligent, no doubt, but not more than myself.

I’m not trying to sound misogynistic . If you are offended, than note the key term: ‘personal sensibilities’. I am aware of my feelings not being facts.

---

Just curious – how would you do with a woman as a supervisor at work?

 

[RACJ]

“Men threatened by smarter women? Really?”

Yes! That would be me. If I’m walking in a dark alley late at night and I see a smart woman approaching, I make sure I have my hand on my pepper spray and look for an escape route. The best rule for dealing with trouble is to avoid it to begin with. I try to avoid places where I may encounter a smart woman, such as libraries, book clubs, laboratories, universities, etc. If I absolutely must go to one of those places, I make sure I’m packing heat. If one encounters a smart woman out in the wilderness, it’s best to make lots of noise and try to make yourself bigger than the smart woman so she goes away. Alternatively, make sure your hiking buddy can’t run as fast as you can so that you can escape while your buddy is being eaten.

You sound well-prepared, Sir. Godspeed in your furious attempts at self-preservation. If only every man were so wise! npatrol:

 

[mdleagedguy]

You sound well-prepared, Sir. Godspeed in your furious attempts at self-preservation. If only every man were so wise! npatrol:

You can’t be too careful. Those smart women are quite crafty, and I don’t mean the scrapbooking kind of crafty. They are intelligent and have any number of ways they can threaten a man. Best to hole up in a monastery where they can’t get to you.

 

[Xantippe]

“Men threatened by smarter women? Really?”

Yes! That would be me. If I’m walking in a dark alley late at night and I see a smart woman approaching, I make sure I have my hand on my pepper spray and look for an escape route. The best rule for dealing with trouble is to avoid it to begin with. I try to avoid places where I may encounter a smart woman, such as libraries, book clubs, laboratories, universities, etc. If I absolutely must go to one of those places, I make sure I’m packing heat. If one encounters a smart woman out in the wilderness, it’s best to make lots of noise and try to make yourself bigger than the smart woman so she goes away. Alternatively, make sure your hiking buddy can’t run as fast as you can so that you can escape while your buddy is being eaten.

You’re funny!

When camping, don’t forget to store your edibles in “smarter woman barrels” well outside of your tent–100 feet from your campsite is recommended or alternately suspended in a tree. (Unfortunately, they do tend to get into them, especially the ones with chocolate–but your safety is paramount.)

alaskacenters.gov/bear-barrel-rental.cfm

rei.com/learn/expert-advice/bear-resistant-canisters.html

 

[EasterJoy]

:nope: I wasn’t joking.

Scripture is quite clear that Men are to be leaders. My personal sensibilities incline me to believe that a proper spouse would be less intelligent than I am. She must certainly be intelligent, no doubt, but not more than myself.

I’m not trying to sound misogynistic . If you are offended, than note the key term: ‘personal sensibilities’. I am aware of my feelings not being facts.

Do you think bishops should also be careful not to ordain any men who are smarter than they are? Should generals carefully weed out candidates for officer training who are smarter than they are? Should the Pope keep bishops out of his Curia who are smarter than he is?

I don’t mean “different intelligences.” I mean for you to consider choices who are obviously smarter, wiser, and more with it in every measurable way than the authority figure who is choosing them and will be leading them. Should leaders shrink from leading people who are clearly smarter than they are, automatically concluding that high intelligence and the ability to submit to legitimate authority are mutually exclusive?

More to the point, do you believe that it is the most intelligent clergy who are the most likely to rebel against their bishops’ authority?