Men threatened by smarter women? Really?

[marymary1975]

Weeeell, how realistic is it to tell somebody, “Have a totally different personality!”

Amy Chua (the famous Tiger Mom) seems plenty intense, but she’s married with two kids.

It is not a.personality issue, it is one, as Easterjoy mention, being arrogant and second, wanting to behave as if they were at work within personal.relationships. Many of these women actually have great personalities and are very sweet (like my best friend from.law school. Wonderful.girl at a personal level but when she is introduced to someone.she starts acting like if she were in front of a judge) but when they meet people, just to give you one specigic. example, they start using legalise and complicated words, instead of talking like a.normal human being. They know perfectly how to talk with a normal vocabulary but for some.reason when they are introduced to someone they feel.The need to show off and start using this vocabulary that no one understands and they start giving the impression that they will rip your head off.

In all case, is actually the opposite. It would be asking them to show their actual personality instead of trying to present an image of arrogance and power so people would say wow she is really the boss.

 

[marymary1975]

I think there are more women willing to put up with a spouse who thinks he is all that because he makes a lot of money. Women are a little bit more likely to let that character flaw go without challenging it directly.

Of course, the other problem is that feminism in our time encourages women to believe their own projections about the attitudes and motives of others over what other people tell them directly. They are not just given permission to reject negative feedback about their arrogance, but positively encouraged to automatically interpret it as misogyny!! They are so concerned that someone might dismiss them unfairly that they will not allow anyone to call them on objectively bad behavior!

If you tell a male lawyer that he is a pushy jerk, he may say, “well, too bad.” He does not say, “you man-hating bigot! You wouldn’t say I’m a pushy jerk if I were a female lawyer.” He might say, “you wouldn’t dare to say I’m a pushy jerk if I were a female lawyer,” but that is because the female lawyers hves been encouraged by certain misguided women’s rights advocates to reject the suggestion that a woman can be too pushy, strident, or full of herself.

I agree 100% with you on this.

 

[Sarcelle]

Yes this seems to be a massive problem between female lawyers. I have multiple acquantainces and friends.from.law.school who ended up having children through sperm donation and one of the justifications they throw out is the whole I ma not in a relationship because men are threatened by smart women.so I gotta get pregnant before time.runs out. Too.sad that they don’t understand that what pushes men away is their attitudes.

I agree. Who wants to be around anyone with a bad attitude, male or female?

 

[EasterJoy]

It is not a.personality issue, it is one, as Easterjoy mention, being arrogant and second, wanting to behave as if they were at work within personal.relationships. Many of these women actually have great personalities and are very sweet (like my best friend from.law school. Wonderful.girl at a personal level but when she is introduced to someone.she starts acting like if she were in front of a judge) but when they meet people, just to give you one specigic. example, they start using legalise and complicated words, instead of talking like a.normal human being. They know perfectly how to talk with a normal vocabulary but for some.reason when they are introduced to someone they feel.The need to show off and start using this vocabulary that no one understands and they start giving the impression that they will rip your head off.

In all case, is actually the opposite. It would be asking them to show their actual personality instead of trying to present an image of arrogance and power so people would say wow she is really the boss.

I would guess it is also easier to find a woman willing to marry someone who unwittingly comes off as arrogant bore; I agree with you on that.

Among the smart people I know, their main problem in finding spouses was that they worked too many hours to socialize outside of their work circle, and they did not want to date in their work circle, in case the relationship ended badly. That is Problem #1 for both men and women.

Is there some “how can I show off how much better my plumage is than the next guy’s when your plumage is better than mine and his put together?” Sure, there probably is. We are still in a world that judges men and women differently, one that judges men in snide ways when they cannot compete with their wives in career accomplishments. That should not make a difference, it doesn’t make a difference with everyone, but it probably does still make a difference among some. There are gifts that people can have that intimidate more potential mates than they attract. Being a female who makes loads of cash because she has a mind like a steel trap and does not suffer fools gladly probably does that. That woman only has to find one guy, true, but she’s likely to find the men she attracts to be on an a similar footing with hers in some area of human endeavor.

 

[Sarcelle]

I would guess it is also easier to find a woman willing to marry someone who unwittingly comes off as arrogant bore; I agree with you on that.

Among the smart people I know, their main problem in finding spouses was that they worked too many hours to socialize outside of their work circle, and they did not want to date in their work circle, in case the relationship ended badly. That is Problem #1 for both men and women.

Is there some “how can I show off how much better my plumage is than the next guy’s when your plumage is better than mine and his put together?” Sure, there probably is. We are still in a world that judges men and women differently, one that judges men in snide ways when they cannot compete with their wives in career accomplishments. That should not make a difference, it doesn’t make a difference with everyone, but it probably does still make a difference among some. There are gifts that people can have that intimidate more potential mates than they attract. Being a female who makes loads of cash because she has a mind like a steel trap and does not suffer fools gladly probably does that. That woman only has to find one guy, true, but she’s likely to find the men she attracts to be on an a similar footing with hers in some area of human endeavor.

I will not date anyone I work with. This is a rule I observe. I did it once and will never do it again.

However I am always at a work so I never date. I live like a nun, with my life dominated by work, church and prayer.

 

[Norseman82]

The last lady I dated was a PhD candidate in physics and for a while worked at CERN in Switzerland on the Large Hadron Collider project (the one that people thought would produce a black hole). I joked with her that I had to be nice to her, otherwise she would blow up the world.

 

[Faxero]

I will not date anyone I work with. This is a rule I observe. I did it once and will never do it again.

However I am always at a work so I never date. I live like a nun, with my life dominated by work, church and prayer.

Um…I don’t mean to pry, but why is it wrong to date people whom you work with?

The last lady I dated was a PhD candidate in physics and for a while worked at CERN in Switzerland on the Large Hadron Collider project (the one that people thought would produce a black hole). I joked with her that I had to be nice to her, otherwise she would blow up the world.

Her reaction?

 

[Xantippe]

Um…I don’t mean to pry, but why is it wrong to date people whom you work with?

Because if it doesn’t work out, you still have to see them every day.

Also, if it doesn’t work out, private information about you may wind up being shared far and wide at your place of work. And yeah, any couple that dates in good faith will eventually wind up sharing sensitive personal information that would be damaging at work, even if there’s no culpability involved. If your mom is a hoarder or mentally ill or alcoholic, you probably don’t want your coworkers to know about it, but it would be natural and important to share that information with a serious boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

[Norseman82]

Um…I don’t mean to pry, but why is it wrong to date people whom you work with?

I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this aspect, but there may be anti-fraternization rules, especially if there is a reporting relationship or if they work too close. Plus, there could be issues or charges of harassment (whether valid or not) if something goes wrong.

Her reaction?

She wasn’t offended. We continued to date for a few months, until she decided to join a religious community (apparently she was discerning even before we met, and the last I checked, she is now a habited sister).

 

[Sarcelle]

Um…I don’t mean to pry, but why is it wrong to date people whom you work with?

What Xantippe and Norseman said.

 

[Rose71]

This is where feminism has let women down massively! Women of my generation (born in the 1970s) really had no idea how to behave - especially us Catholics

Here’s the ‘Rules’ According to Generation X (RC branch) for Intelligent Women

1. Use the gifts God has given you - work hard at school and get a career!
2. Be humble and ladylike and don’t answer back
3. But… It’s no longer a ‘Man’s World’ Don’t be afraid to stand up, speak out and question!
4. Get a degree…get a PhD…aspire to be CEO!
5. Keep focussed on your study and your career - boys can wait!
6. Did we mention, artificial birth control and IVF are wrong?
7. By the way, you really ought to have found a good Catholic man by the age of 25, because those eggs won’t last forever!
8. Don’t go making the first move - it’s not ladylike and men like the chase!
9. But men are simple creatures and the First Law of Cosmo says that it’s okay to stalk them, seduce them and move on if they don’t match up to your expectations…
10. Looks don’t matter
11. But you must always make the best of your appearance and aspire to look amazing
    12)You’ve worked hard…you’ve acheived financial independence - be proud, sister!
12. But if you haven’t found a man by 30, you’re being too fussy!

No wonder most of us didn’t know how to react when approached by a man with a gleam in his eye! Intelligent women (like men) tend to over-analyse too and trying to process all of the above takes its toll.

I was lucky (eventually) and met someone who loved me just for being myself!

 

[Xantippe]

This is where feminism has let women down massively! Women of my generation (born in the 1970s) really had no idea how to behave - especially us Catholics

Here’s the ‘Rules’ According to Generation X (RC branch) for Intelligent Women

1. Use the gifts God has given you - work hard at school and get a career!
2. Be humble and ladylike and don’t answer back
3. But… It’s no longer a ‘Man’s World’ Don’t be afraid to stand up, speak out and question!
4. Get a degree…get a PhD…aspire to be CEO!
5. Keep focussed on your study and your career - boys can wait!
6. Did we mention, artificial birth control and IVF are wrong?
7. By the way, you really ought to have found a good Catholic man by the age of 25, because those eggs won’t last forever!
8. Don’t go making the first move - it’s not ladylike and men like the chase!
9. But men are simple creatures and the First Law of Cosmo says that it’s okay to stalk them, seduce them and move on if they don’t match up to your expectations…
10. Looks don’t matter
11. But you must always make the best of your appearance and aspire to look amazing
    12)You’ve worked hard…you’ve acheived financial independence - be proud, sister!
12. But if you haven’t found a man by 30, you’re being too fussy!

No wonder most of us didn’t know how to react when approached by a man with a gleam in his eye! Intelligent women (like men) tend to over-analyse too and trying to process all of the above takes its toll.

I was lucky (eventually) and met someone who loved me just for being myself!

That was very good! So confusing!

You had me worried, right until the final line.

I’m also a 70s baby (born in the Protestant division), and as I recall, it wasn’t even that explicit–I was supposed to do school and then everything else would just magically work out. It kinda sorta did, but there were a number of years in my late teens/early twenties where I could have used more and better advice.

At the time, I had the Bible and InterVarsity and I had the occasional Cosmo or Glamour magazine, but nothing in between. I feel like there are a lot more and better resources now (for instance Seraphic Singles/Edinburgh Housewife), but of course there’s also way more garbage than there used to be–there’s more of everything, and it’s hard to sort out.

 

[Rose71]

There was a brilliant sketch show in England years ago, where an Asian lady dragged her adult son to Father Christmas and insisted he was found a wife for Christmas.

“He’s not fussy” she said, “Just a nice, quiet virgin with a PhD!”

That was the trouble, for Christians, Muslims and other faiths: there was this presumption that if you worked your socks off and achieved, you would just magically find a like-minded spouse…never mind the 2 of you would have no idea how to talk to one another

 

[Xantippe]

There was a brilliant sketch show in England years ago, where an Asian lady dragged her adult son to Father Christmas and insisted he was found a wife for Christmas.

“He’s not fussy” she said, “Just a nice, quiet virgin with a PhD!”

Funny!

I suppose an MD would do in a pinch.