M
montanaman
Guest
This may be one of those threads that seems stupid and melodramatic in a few days. I hope so. But right now I need to blow off some pressure before I just lose it.
In a nutshell, here’s the situation: I’m in the midst of building a business, and my wife thinks I can’t stand her.
Longer version: the business brings in just enough for us to live on, and the slow season is coming up. Based on past experience, during the holidays, we’ll be lucky to make enough to pay the rent. Some things have improved over the last couple of years – I have better marketing, a great reputation locally in the industry, etc. – but I think it’s still going to get tight. I have to prepare for this somehow, and I’ve even started looking for a job just in case. My every waking moment is taken up with the business, which is the problem, as you might have guessed.
She says I act as though she’s a burden on me. She tries – and succeeds very well – in “creating a soft place to land” here at home. She’s a wonderful wife and mother. And while “sharing my feelings” is about as pleasant as shoving a hot needle into my eye, I do try to let her know these things.
I’m trying as hard as I can to balance everything, but it appears I’m failing miserably. It’s not as though I ENJOY being a workaholic. It’s just that if I don’t do XYZ, we don’t eat. We rent, have old cars, don’t have any toys, and don’t get any vacations. I’m fine with that as long as everything works and we have a place to live and enough food to eat. But it takes a LOT of effort to keep the lights on. I thought we were managing, but as we go into the slow season, it looks like money’s going to get really tight, my wife feels alone, and I don’t want anything to do with God. I’m not saying I’ve lost my faith, but bottom line: God will do what God will do, and we have to fend for ourselves.
I think the next two days will probably be hell, and it kills me that I’ve been trying – nearly killing myself – to do everything right.
This has always been my fear, by the way. I coasted through life until I was married and we had our first child. Then, I “switched on,” I guess you’d say. But I’ve always worried that I’d fail if I tried anything. Not surprisingly, when you don’t try anything, you fail anyway. And now I’m almost literally breaking my back every day trying to provide for this family, and it’s all falling apart.
She feels like she’s apologized for everything she can apologize for. I’m sick of apologizing all the time. I’ll probably go apologize now, even though I’m not sure I’m at fault for anything, but I can’t take marital problems at the worst time of the year for them. Maybe it all just comes down to the fact that I don’t “express my feelings” the way I should. I guess I can work on that, but it’s pretty damned hard to communicate these things when I’m so hollowed out that, when I get a rare moment of free time, all I can do is sit there and drool while staring into space.
Anyway, thanks for “listening.” I guess that’s all I’ve got.
In a nutshell, here’s the situation: I’m in the midst of building a business, and my wife thinks I can’t stand her.
Longer version: the business brings in just enough for us to live on, and the slow season is coming up. Based on past experience, during the holidays, we’ll be lucky to make enough to pay the rent. Some things have improved over the last couple of years – I have better marketing, a great reputation locally in the industry, etc. – but I think it’s still going to get tight. I have to prepare for this somehow, and I’ve even started looking for a job just in case. My every waking moment is taken up with the business, which is the problem, as you might have guessed.
She says I act as though she’s a burden on me. She tries – and succeeds very well – in “creating a soft place to land” here at home. She’s a wonderful wife and mother. And while “sharing my feelings” is about as pleasant as shoving a hot needle into my eye, I do try to let her know these things.
I’m trying as hard as I can to balance everything, but it appears I’m failing miserably. It’s not as though I ENJOY being a workaholic. It’s just that if I don’t do XYZ, we don’t eat. We rent, have old cars, don’t have any toys, and don’t get any vacations. I’m fine with that as long as everything works and we have a place to live and enough food to eat. But it takes a LOT of effort to keep the lights on. I thought we were managing, but as we go into the slow season, it looks like money’s going to get really tight, my wife feels alone, and I don’t want anything to do with God. I’m not saying I’ve lost my faith, but bottom line: God will do what God will do, and we have to fend for ourselves.
I think the next two days will probably be hell, and it kills me that I’ve been trying – nearly killing myself – to do everything right.
This has always been my fear, by the way. I coasted through life until I was married and we had our first child. Then, I “switched on,” I guess you’d say. But I’ve always worried that I’d fail if I tried anything. Not surprisingly, when you don’t try anything, you fail anyway. And now I’m almost literally breaking my back every day trying to provide for this family, and it’s all falling apart.
She feels like she’s apologized for everything she can apologize for. I’m sick of apologizing all the time. I’ll probably go apologize now, even though I’m not sure I’m at fault for anything, but I can’t take marital problems at the worst time of the year for them. Maybe it all just comes down to the fact that I don’t “express my feelings” the way I should. I guess I can work on that, but it’s pretty damned hard to communicate these things when I’m so hollowed out that, when I get a rare moment of free time, all I can do is sit there and drool while staring into space.
Anyway, thanks for “listening.” I guess that’s all I’ve got.
