Men who practice NFP with their wives

[gianna87]

Hi all,

My husband and I are 25-year-old newlyweds practicing natural family planning (NFP). We attended classes conducted by Couple to Couple League and wholeheartedly believe in NFP as a way to put off pregnancy, as well as to use to ultimately conceive.

As a woman, it seems to be much easier for me to abstain during my fertile period than it is for my husband (for obvious reasons, it would seem, since he is a guy). In his sex-driven moments (which are very frequent!), it is hard to keep him off me.

**Are there any men out there who practice NFP with their wives and can help with practices during the period of fertility? I am eager for my husband to connect with other men who abstain with their wives during fertility and to learn what you do when sexual intercourse is not an option.

Any help/advice/outreach would be VERY appreciated by the both of us! Thank you!

 

[codefro]

Hi all,

My husband and I are 25-year-old newlyweds practicing natural family planning (NFP). We attended classes conducted by Couple to Couple League and wholeheartedly believe in NFP as a way to put off pregnancy, as well as to use to ultimately conceive.

As a woman, it seems to be much easier for me to abstain during my fertile period than it is for my husband (for obvious reasons, it would seem, since he is a guy). In his sex-driven moments (which are very frequent!), it is hard to keep him off me.

**Are there any men out there who practice NFP with their wives and can help with practices during the period of fertility? I am eager for my husband to connect with other men who abstain with their wives during fertility and to learn what you do when sexual intercourse is not an option.

Any help/advice/outreach would be VERY appreciated by the both of us! Thank you!

It is hard. My wife lets me know ahead of time when the fertility week is coming and even if it gets intense, then right before she will say “Do you want a kid?” that can sometimes kill the mood. It’s good to devote that time to maybe doing things by yourselves, not with each other. Things like reading, praying, playing games, or something’s to keep your mind off your wife. Even watching tv together can be a temptation, hehe

 

[The_Bucket]

Without getting too personal, I have to say I understand where your husband is coming from. It’s tough for my wife during that fertile period but may even be tougher for me. After a few years of marriage and figuring out NFP, I am 100% aware of when that period is. Subtle and unconscious cues on her part, the way she talks or even how she smells. I don’t know what it is. But I know the situation.

I’d be real hesitant to say to stop all physical contact but I think a set of rules of what’s OK and what’s “too far” so no one’s feelings are hurt is probably your best bet. And I think bonding during that time with other things is probably a big plus too. I’ll agree with codefro that sitting around and watching TV is probably an invitation for minds to drift. That’s not remotely sinful obviously, but not helpful for the situation. So I’d take that time to do some active stuff. Big-time house cleanings, hikes, yard work, etc. Do it together and have fun, but make sure he gets tired out. Maybe you too.

Then you’ll be sure that the chores are done and energy returns for when the fertile period passes!

 

[Moore11]

We have used NFP in the past. We hate it. Probably because there really is not Just reason for us to abstain.

 

[Moore11]

It is hard. My wife lets me know ahead of time when the fertility week is coming and even if it gets intense, then right before she will say “Do you want a kid?”

Do you want a Kid?! Wow how life affirming and holy.

If my wife said “do you want a kid” It would kill the mood but only because I would want a child and “do you want a kid” sounds so trashy.

 

[tuscany]

**One couple I know had the same problem. The wife was always feeling like it always on her to be saying “not today”. After yet another one of their frequent fights over the very same thing, she finally said she was done, and handed him her charts, and told him that HE was now the one responsible for what happens…

Now, all she does is tell him each day what her body is doing, and he now keeps all the charts and records. HE now is the one responsible for knowing when it’s O,K, or when it’s not. He now feels more in charge, and more a part of everything, not just like he’s sitting on the side lines being told when it’s O.K… This has totally changed their marriage for them, because it took all the pressure off her, and he now sees in black and white on his own if the time is right. He is now the one that tells her when it’s O.K., so he is not sitting around thinking romantic thoughts like he used to, while her knowing the time wasn’t right and not thinking about it.

Each couple has to find out what works best for them BOTH, so they feel like they are working together. **

 

[The_Bucket]

Do you want a Kid?! Wow how life affirming and holy.

If my wife said “do you want a kid” It would kill the mood but only because I would want a child and “do you want a kid” sounds so trashy.

Oh come on now. There are situations where you can be somewhat unaware of the situation and then that line become appropriate. Maybe the answer would be “Sure!” Don’t presume that. I think my wife has said that a couple times but never in a derogatory fashion. We’ve got two kids in less than five years of marriage so I daresay that yes, I do want kids and in a decent abundance. There are, however, times where it’s best to wait a little while and that’s a blunt message. But blunt doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

 

[Moore11]

Oh come on now. There are situations where you can be somewhat unaware of the situation and then that line become appropriate. Maybe the answer would be “Sure!” Don’t presume that. I think my wife has said that a couple times but never in a derogatory fashion. We’ve got two kids in less than five years of marriage so I daresay that yes, I do want kids and in a decent abundance. There are, however, times where it’s best to wait a little while and that’s a blunt message. But blunt doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

I know but “hey, should we have a baby right now?” sounds a lot better than. " Whoa dude stop or we will have another kid." But to each their own I guess.

 

[The_Bucket]

I know but “hey, should we have a baby right now?” sounds a lot better than. " Whoa dude stop or we will have another kid." But to each their own I guess.

The tone does indeed matter.

 

[Moore11]

The tone does indeed matter.

Yeah. It just dawned on me that I am implying someone’s wife isnt ladylike and I did not mean to do that. Im going to just shut up now and hopefully you wont punch me out.

 

[MirandaRiver]

does nfp actually work??? or does it have a lot of ‘accidents’ along the way?

 

[Moore11]

does nfp actually work??? or does it have a lot of ‘accidents’ along the way?

We have never had NFP fail. Now WE have failed and had children when we werent planning to but that just means we probably didnt have just reasons to abstain anyway.
However. Most if not all of the people I have met in my lifetime who used ABC have had many failures of method. Hence the popularity of abortions!
My question to you is. With all the single mothers and unplanned pregnancies and children I have met. Does ABC ever work for an extended period of time?

 

[Gwendolen]

We have never had NFP fail. Now WE have failed and had children when we werent planning to but that just means we probably didnt have just reasons to abstain anyway.
However. Most if not all of the people I have met in my lifetime who used ABC have had many failures of method. Hence the popularity of abortions!
My question to you is. With all the single mothers and unplanned pregnancies and children I have met. Does ABC ever work for an extended period of time?

Can only speak from personal experience – new Catholic, so ABC not considered sinful for most of my marriage, as long as it was preventing conception not implantation. ABC was 100% effective at preventing pregnancy when used as directed, from age 24-42. The only “failure” (and it was a happy failure) was NFP which resulted in our last child being conceived a few months before we were planning on trying (following doctor’s instructions). As I aged, fertility signs changed, and became more erratic, less predictable.

 

[Moore11]

Can only speak from personal experience – new Catholic, so ABC not considered sinful for most of my marriage, as long as it was preventing conception not implantation. ABC was 100% effective at preventing pregnancy when used as directed, from age 24-42. The only “failure” (and it was a happy failure) was NFP which resulted in our last child being conceived a few months before we were planning on trying (following doctor’s instructions). As I aged, fertility signs changed, and became more erratic, less predictable.

How do you determine 100% effective? What method were you using?

 

[Gwendolen]

How do you determine 100% effective? What method were you using?

I did not conceive when we were using the ABC methods – the ONLY unplanned pg was the one using NFP – and even that one was only unplanned by a few months.

I’d typed out a post to explain and answer more, but this is already taking away too much from the OP’s question, and she is not at all interested in ABC, so I’ll leave it there.

 

[Moore11]

I did not conceive when we were using the ABC methods – the ONLY unplanned pg was the one using NFP – and even that one was only unplanned by a few months.

I’d typed out a post to explain and answer more, but this is already taking away too much from the OP’s question, and she is not at all interested in ABC, so I’ll leave it there.

I guess my point is that if you used condoms you could probably say that with accuracy but with hormonal ABC you cannot state that it was 100% successful in preventing a pregnancy. I know that is semantics but this is a subject of semantics.
Your story aside I think we can all agree that there are a ton of ABC babies out there. I am curious. Did NFP fail? or the implementation of it? You were sure of no ovulation but got pregnant anyway? That is rare. Possible but rare.

 

[Gwendolen]

I guess my point is that if you used condoms you could probably say that with accuracy but with hormonal ABC you cannot state that it was 100% successful in preventing a pregnancy. I know that is semantics but this is a subject of semantics.
Your story aside I think we can all agree that there are a ton of ABC babies out there. I am curious. Did NFP fail? or the implementation of it? You were sure of no ovulation but got pregnant anyway? That is rare. Possible but rare.

Like I tried to explain, ovulation was much more difficult to discern as I aged, and did not follow as predictable a pattern, fertility signs was more subtle when they were once more obvious. Obviously I misjudged.

The ABC that we used the longest was (is) the vasectomy my husband got after our last child several years ago. In the most distressing of ironies, a pregnancy that I had insisted on continuing and endured much, including multiple hospitalizations, and a strong possibility of disabled twins, ended in a crash c-section when one child died, and the other’s heart rate was very low – neither survived. This had caused some significant internal damage so that when our final child was delivered, during his c-section it was determined further pregnancies could be life threatening for both mother and child, so we ended our child bearing years at this time. Anyway, the “V” was done in a surgical manner to make conception as near to impossible as today’s technology would permit, on account of our circumstances. The surgeon has never seen a failure after the “all clear” had been given for this method. So yes, once again to answer your question, ABC seems to us to be more effective for us than NFP, given fertility signs have gotten harder for me to chart. Again, this information really doesn’t help the OP, who I’m sure does not want to use barrier methods, let alone a surgical permanent intervention.

I wasn’t trying to argue there are not ABC babies – someone had asked if ABC is ever effective in the long term, and I was reporting my experience.

 

[Moore11]

Like I tried to explain, ovulation was much more difficult to discern as I aged, and did not follow as predictable a pattern, fertility signs was more subtle when they were once more obvious. Obviously I misjudged.

The ABC that we used the longest was (is) the vasectomy my husband got after our last child several years ago. In the most distressing of ironies, a pregnancy that I had insisted on continuing and endured much, including multiple hospitalizations, and a strong possibility of disabled twins, ended in a crash c-section when one child died, and the other’s heart rate was very low – neither survived. This had caused some significant internal damage so that when our final child was delivered, during his c-section it was determined further pregnancies could be life threatening for both mother and child, so we ended our child bearing years at this time. Anyway, the “V” was done in a surgical manner to make conception as near to impossible as today’s technology would permit, on account of our circumstances. The surgeon has never seen a failure after the “all clear” had been given for this method. So yes, once again to answer your question, ABC seems to us to be more effective for us than NFP, given fertility signs have gotten harder for me to chart. Again, this information really doesn’t help the OP, who I’m sure does not want to use barrier methods, let alone a surgical permanent intervention.

I wasn’t trying to argue there are not ABC babies – someone had asked if ABC is ever effective in the long term, and I was reporting my experience.

that is heartbreaking. I would hardly call that ABC experience effective.
Sounds like you failed NFP not the other way around. Kind of like other methods when not applied correctly.

Sorry to hear about all of that pain. Sorry also for dragging it out of you when you probably didnt want to talk about it. But, such is an NFP thread. We are all willing participants with keyboards.

Anyway. Aside from that. Welcome to the Church! I am a convert as well as my wife!

 

[Aggies08]

We have only ever used NFP. No “accidents.” Really don’t like that word. Lots of physically exhausting exercise on abstinence days.

 

[jonny2012]

Is fellatio out of the question?