Men will love it and women will laugh, maybe

  • Thread starter Thread starter nana3
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
My wife is out of town so I read these rules to her over the phone. When I got done she said "so you think I’m fat?"It took me a few moments to realize she was joking.
 
estesbob said:
My wife is out of town so I read these rules to her over the phone. When I got done she said "so you think I’m fat?"It took me a few moments to realize she was joking.
Click to expand...
When your wife asks if you think she’s fat, just stare at her for a moment so she repeats the question. Then say:

“Oh, I’m sorry! I was too distracted by your cuteness to notice you asked a question.”👍
 
Chris_LaRock said:
When your wife asks if you think she’s fat, just stare at her for a moment so she repeats the question. Then say:

“Oh, I’m sorry! I was too distracted by your cuteness to notice you asked a question.”👍
Click to expand...
That is good…I’ll have to remember that one.👍
 
Chris_LaRock said:
When your wife asks if you think she’s fat, just stare at her for a moment so she repeats the question. Then say:

“Oh, I’m sorry! I was too distracted by your cuteness to notice you asked a question.”👍
Click to expand...
Biggest mistake I ever made in our marriage was when my wife was pregnant with our first child. She was seven months pregnant and nearly in tears looked to me and said" I feel fat". I said “baby you are fat”. My child came very close to be fatherless that day.
 
catharina said:
Totally agree with you.

If the dudes can be rude about it with wives, MAYBE they learn when potty-training the offspring begins. OR - maybe not. (As for such wives? They could have done much better, IMO.)
Click to expand...
Catharina - will you be my friend?

Rude dudes make me squirm in pity for the women who have them.

Note: derisive laughs are laughs too.
 
dakotagirl said:
Catharina - will you be my friend?

Rude dudes make me squirm in pity for the women who have them.

Note: derisive laughs are laughs too.
Click to expand...
Be your friend? Consider it DONE. Me too - total pity for women who settled for men who lack the brains to figure out that at some point ALL PEOPLE SIT DOWN ON THE TOILET.
 
😃

Hehe.

Well, hints are fallible and colours come in abundance but it’s not worth discussing which is which. 😉
 
OK guys… here is the real truth… at 3am when women get up to pee… it is usually after laying there for 1/2 hour deciding if they can fall back asleep and wait until morning. So when we finally go… we really have to go BAD so we run to the bathroom, flip on the switch as we start to turn around we are pulling down said undergarments…just to save time… so by the time we are in front of the toilet we are in the facing away direction which is why we fall in if you guys leave the seat up… or in easier terms… we back in… so we don’t necessarily see the seat position until it is too late. Then we scream as ice cold water hits our tush… we wake you up… and THEN you get the earful about the seat… wouldn’t it just be easier to put the seat down and avoid the 3 am scolding???
 
nana3 said:
  1. Men are NOT mind readers.
    Neither are women.
  2. Learn to work the toilet seat.Learn to work the answering machine.
  3. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.Then mute the commentary and commercials. And respect my tea break.
  4. Crying is blackmail.And I have a list of demands.
  5. Ask for what you want.We’ll develop a code for use in front of people. I counter by banning yelling.
  6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.Think about it is a perfectly acceptable answer to certain kinds of questions too. Some require more.
  7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.Rant about how unreasonable other people are toward you only if you want my real opinion.
  8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.Not in History Girl’s house.
  9. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.Yup. Back at you.
  10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER one.Back at you.
  11. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Right back at you.
  12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials …Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say when I have just asked what you’re thinking about, NOT while I am sleeping, eating, arguing with someone else, driving, running for a bus or doing business.
  13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.And the Carribbean Islands are India?
  14. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.And 95% of art was never made? OK. This is teal. Start there.
  15. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.Start on my feet.
  16. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. If we ask what you want to do and you say you don’t know we will assume you will like anything we come up with.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
    Yup.
  17. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.Yup. Back at you.
  18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is FINE… REALLY.Toss me those mechanic overalls and the glitter wig.
  19. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking ab out unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.Don’t ask us why we like someone else better than you unless you are prepared to accept such concepts as dignity and attention.
  20. You have enough clothes.You have seen enough games.
  21. You have too many shoes.You have too many tools for fixing things you don’t have.
  22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!I am home. my friend’s place is a home.
  23. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
    OK, then, you can have the couch permanently.
Click to expand...
 
BlestOne said:
OK guys… here is the real truth… at 3am when women get up to pee… **it is usually after laying there for 1/2 hour deciding if they can fall back asleep and wait until morning. ** So when we finally go… we really have to go BAD so we run to the bathroom, flip on the switch as we start to turn around we are pulling down said undergarments…just to save time… so by the time we are in front of the toilet we are in the facing away direction which is why we fall in if you guys leave the seat up… or in easier terms… we back in… so we don’t necessarily see the seat position until it is too late. Then we scream as ice cold water hits our tush… we wake you up… and THEN you get the earful about the seat… wouldn’t it just be easier to put the seat down and avoid the 3 am scolding???
Click to expand...
perhaps you should be quicker at making decisions?

haha, i had to
 
wynd said:
Or just look where you’re sitting. 😉
Click to expand...
Like you no doubt do when blurry-eyed and half awake. It’s no problem for men to not be able to see at 3 AM because if the seat is down all you have to do is face the toilet and feel for the seat. We gals don’t touch the seat unless we absolutely have to–when cleaning up after the guys who can’t seem to “shoot” straight. Why not show a little gratitude and courtesy or has that gone out of fashion in this new, cold, and logical age? Besides, it’s to your own advantage. If you expect your wife to dance you’d better treat her nice. Yes?
 
According to that I’m not a real man…

But anyways… this thread is a hoot.

Plus I’m on the side with the women… if you are smart you’ll leave the seat down… it’s only polite!

Plus women got better gifts than us men did, so may as well put up with the complaining sometime and do what God did, take away from your own pride and let her do what she wants… (she does have one of your ribs ya know!)
 
I try to put both the seat and lid down every time because the toilet is as much of an eyesore that way. I think I was trained that way since I was little. So it’s not a big deal for me to continue to do this.
But as for women complaining about how their men adjust the toilet…so long as you are capable of readjusting it yourself (which takes less than 3 seconds), why even care?

Any person old enough to go potty completely by themselves, can adjust the seat how they want for that particular use.
Any user errors are the fault of the current user, not the previous one.
Della said:
the guys who can’t seem to “shoot” straight.
Click to expand...
First, I clean up after myself.
Second, a lot of the “mess” is from things like backsplash, the stream going sideways (unexpectedly), or the rare “two streams” (no joke; though you can still laugh if you want!). There can be a big mess even if our aim is perfect.
Sometimes backsplash happens without notice. It’s still our job to notice, of course.
All men, me included, need to clean up after themselves. I just wanted to make some women here realize that things aren’t as simple when you don’t fire at point blank.
This is not a joke, but still kinda funny 😉
 
Women really should know better. Y’all INVENTED the sneaky solution to human conflict resolution. 😉

If you want your man to lower the toilet seat, you aren’t going to get it by nagging him and browbeating him. You get it by establishing a division of household work that has HIM clean the toilets.

The rest takes care of itself. Man or not, sitting is much less messy than standing. For this middle age guy, standing is for urinals and trees, not anything I own and have to clean…
 
manualman said:
Women really should know better. Y’all INVENTED the sneaky solution to human conflict resolution. 😉

If you want your man to lower the toilet seat, you aren’t going to get it by nagging him and browbeating him. You get it by establishing a division of household work that has HIM clean the toilets.

The rest takes care of itself. Man or not, sitting is much less messy than standing. For this middle age guy, standing is for urinals and trees, not anything I own and have to clean…
Click to expand...
My dh will scrub the bowl with a toilet brush, but that’s as much as he’ll do. I have to get up close and personal with the thing.

Still, he’s the one who dumps the overgrown leftovers from the back of the fridge, so it all evens out in the end. 😃
 
catharina said:
we who are real women do lower it -
so the little children won’t fall in.
Click to expand...
Guys, just lower the seat. Only women are bothered by such mundane things. How many men forget and accidentalyl fall into the toilet? Women should just be more consiencious.
Em_in_FL said:
“Fine,” God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. “And what do we have left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms…”
Click to expand...
Now, which is more useful or practical? I would much rather be able to pee standing up, but alas, it is what it is.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top