Mental Disorder

[howdytest]

It’s a hard situation, but i’m glad you guys can relate. There are alot of things still up in the air, but all i know for certain is that i will continue to be there for her…probably just as a friend. After a lot of prayer and reflection, maybe i’ll have a better idea as to the path God wants for me.

 

[sing]

Honestly, I’m surprised that her parents haven’t taken steps to help her. She had an older sister who committed suicide. Depression issues are very genetic and I’m just shocked mom and dad aren’t able to pick up on the obvious signs she must be showing (especially if she’s living at home)… mom and dad need a clue!
I wonder if the parents are, in any way, contributing to her lack of desire to seek help. Are they against medical treatment of depression issues? (some people have a difficult time viewing depression as truly a MEDICAL issue… blame it on other things, etc)…

Her parents are definitely part of the problem. Whether they have abused her or allowed abuse, they’ve contributed to this problem. Parents who raise children like this aren’t going to be very helpful to their children.

 

[howdytest]

I don’t know the role the parents have played. I do know that this girl hides most of her problems. She has told me she didn’t want her parents to think she was weak or unable to handle life. More likely than not, she’s hiding these problems from them now. Granted, i don’t live with her, but just hanging out with her, i would have confused her for shy sooner than i would have called her on being depressed.

So lets not bash the parents. We can’t read minds. At some point, especially at this age, there needs to be a level of communication about such things. A level of communication that this girl isn’t willing to bring about.

 

[sing]

So lets not bash the parents. We can’t read minds. At some point, especially at this age, there needs to be a level of communication about such things. A level of communication that this girl isn’t willing to bring about.

I have been a cutter and dealt with depression for years. My sisters have had the same and/or similar problems. I’ve known lots of other people with depression, self-injury, and other related problems.

90 percent of the time, there’s been some significant trauma that directly or indirectly involves parents.

I think you should do some research. She doesn’t want her parents to think she’s weak or can’t handle life? On its own, this phrase doesn’t mean much, but in the context you have given, it doesn’t sound good. It is similar to the experiences of a lot of other cutters who have been damaged by parents. Cutting is often seen as a punishment(often for being weak) or a form of control(cutters can feel like they have no control over their lives) that one has over one’s body.

Obviously I don’t know this chick and I don’t know her parents, but self-injury isn’t something a person does when they feel a little down. It takes a certain mindset that is mainly caused by abuse, neglect, or some other form of environmental trauma. There is something seriously wrong here.

 

[ecp007]

Be a friend to this girl, to get her into professional counciling. Talk to her university, or the local suicide crisis hot line.

However, do not consider a romatic relationship with her. My father “fell in love” with a beautiful, Catholic, good hearted woman with “Mental Issues”. He was smart and successful, and figured he would be able to “help” her. I love my parents, but being the child of a crazy person sucks. I’m 41, and it still sucks. And my mother loves me. She was never suicidal / selfish / needy. But I dread when the phone rings b/c I don’t want to deal with her.

Please think about the consequences of a romantic relationship, a lifetime is a long time, and your marriage decisions don’t only impact you and your wife, but also your future kids as well.

 

[RWMorris]

With this girl’s problems, I can’t see a future here for you two. Unless you want a lifetime of misery and sorrow.
Just my two cents…

 

[rebusrms]

you have had a lot of good advice and some real stupid advice. Speaking as a former cutter and suffer from several depression I take offense to those that have written this girl off. I am married , for 14 years, and have three kids who are glad to have me for a dad. Unlike others who rudely say it sucks being raised by someone with mental illness. My kids love me and respect me. They don’t see me as a burden to carry. Enough about the insensitive folks in the peanut gallery. I pray you continue to befriend this girl. God could be using you as a tool to help her out of her depression. My wife saved me and continues to save me. I’m not saying marry her but at least continue to be a positive influence in her life. You are in my prayers.