Mental distress and contraception

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bigron28

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My wife and i have multiple children(we just had our last child a couple weeks ago)and are torn about using contraception. We know it is forbidden and have been true to that to this day. Our problem is now is that my wife realizes she cant mentally handle having another child at least not until our children are a few years older. The stress of raising so many young children(they are all under 3 years old except for one) is just too much for her and she has admitted as much. Does anybody know if this mental anguish would be justification for using contraception or should this be a question i should just be asking our priest?
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut in advance.
 
bigron28 said:
My wife and i have multiple children(we just had our last child a couple weeks ago)and are torn about using contraception. We know it is forbidden and have been true to that to this day. Our problem is now is that my wife realizes she cant mentally handle having another child at least not until our children are a few years older. The stress of raising so many young children(they are all under 3 years old except for one) is just too much for her and she has admitted as much. Does anybody know if this mental anguish would be justification for using contraception or should this be a question i should just be asking our priest?
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut in advance.
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Contraception is an intrinsic evil. It can never be justfied for any reason.

That said, if you have a serious reason to avoid another child for some time or indefinitely, you can use periodic continence through observation of fertilty signs (NFP).
 
Clearly, this is a situation that needs solved! It’s hard to have small children.
Unfortunately, contraception isn’t the answer. :(. That’s a hard thing to say and a hard thing to hear. It seems like it would be a very easy solution to a very big problem!
But the kids themselves aren’t the problem. Your wife’s stress level is.
We can’t give medical advice. But here are some ideas …
Has your wife talked to a counselor? Have you? Would you both be open to it, with an eye to managing stress?
What’s the stress from? New baby? That will let up soon as you all get used to having one more. Do you get enough time as a couple? Do you or your wife have unreasonable expectations of a clean house, perfectly folded clothes, or homemade dinner every night? Does it take a long time to do bedtime? Does your wife feel isolated? Does she have friends to talk to and see every day?
I hope of gets better. It’s hard to have so many dependant little people.
 
Unfortunately, there is never an ok reason to use contraception. I still would talk to a priest since he may have some solutions on how to handle this

I am sorry your wife is so stressed

Angie
 
bigron28 said:
Our problem is now is that my wife realizes she cant mentally handle having another child at least not until our children are a few years older.
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“A couple weeks” after having a child is hardly the time for your wife to determine what she can mentally handle for the next few years. It gets better.

Contraception, besides being intrinsically evil, is a copout, one that almost always lets the man off the hook for his end of the deal is conception and child-rearing. Real men would never consider abusing their wives by using contraception.
 
Congratulations on your new little one! 🍰

Contraception is not acceptable as it takes away a part of the union of the married couple’s embrace.

Contraception has other downfalls. Usually, they have harmful physical effects.

Contraception also come with the possibility of not being reliable in preventing unwanted pregnancy.

If we look at what the Church teaches, we can see that even if you removed God and the Church from the picture, Church teachings are the best for us and society.

May God bless you and your beautiful bride and children with His Peace.

On this beautiful Divine Mercy Sunday, may you and your wife be able to proclaim, “Jesus, I Trust in You” with your whole heart including trusting Him with your gifts of fertility.
 
aemcpa said:
Real men would never consider abusing their wives by using contraception.
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I take exception to this statement. My wife and I use contraception, and it is a decision that we made jointly, together. That doesn’t make me an abusive husband.
 
UUTDad said:
I take exception to this statement. My wife and I use contraception, and it is a decision that we made jointly, together. That doesn’t make me an abusive husband.
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You are abusing her body for your own sexual pleasure without having to take responsibility for what should be a possible natural consequence of the marital act.
 
aemcpa said:
You are abusing her body for your own sexual pleasure without having to take responsibility for what should be a possible natural consequence of the marital act.
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It’s not abuse if she is consenting to it, which she is.
 
I am a new Catholic and we are pregnant with our first NFP fail baby. We are excited and anticipating the possibility of adding a girl to the three boys and one girl we already have. My husband has gotten an unexpected generous raise in his salary so God is taking care of us. But I spent a week in panic because this will make my fifth child in ten years. I may very well have ten plus more years of fertility. How many children would that mean? So I understand the fear that arises for a woman contemplating the unknown.

But as a Protestant, I have used contraception and with several different methods, there are nasty side effects. And I do see the correlation where contraception has led to our promiscuous culture riddled with divorce and the contemplation of legalizing gay marriage. I. Appreciate the church’s teaching on keeping the bonds of marriage, sex and children sacred. I could have many more children. But I am sure that God will provide financially, physically and emotionally.
 
Natural Family Planning, when used properly, is as effective as birth control pills. There is more than one NFP method. NFP provides information to the couple about when the wife is fertile. The sympto-thermal method is apparently the most effective method (99%). Have you and your wife contacted the Couple to Couple League for advice and support?
You mentioned your wife is experiencing anguish about the thought of bearing more children. There is something the two of you can do about that!

Enjoy your family! God has blessed you and your wife! There will be some long days, but the years will pass by too quickly.
 
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bigron28:
Does anybody know if this mental anguish would be justification for using contraception or should this be a question i should just be asking our priest?
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Hey, bigron!

There’s no justification for using contraception, ever. If you don’t want to have any more babies, like 0% chance, the only acceptable way is abstinence.
 
UUTDad said:
I take exception to this statement. My wife and I use contraception, and it is a decision that we made jointly, together. That doesn’t make me an abusive husband.
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I wonder if women regret this “joint decision” when they get breast cancer later in life. That is, if she is on chemical contraceptive pills, for which that is a very high risk factor, as stated clearly in the PDR as required by the FDA. There are other forms of “contraception” such as drug store types, but those are not as effective. So I think that’s why it’s easy to use “the pill”. Easy, but short-sighted, if not actual denial.

It is somewhat amazing that the burden, and health risk, always falls on the women. Very rarely do we hear men volunteering to have vasectomies. How can it be a “joint” decision when the man takes no risk?
 
Rosella said:
How can it be a “joint” decision when the man takes no risk?
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Seeing that I never indicated what type of birth control we were using, it’s rather presumptuous of you to make assumptions about what type is being used in our case.
 
agapewolf said:
Lots of women stay with abusive husbands-- giving consent. Still abuse.
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Wow. That’s quite an attitude. I’m an abusive husband because my wife and I use contraception. Maybe you should just put me in jail!
 
I’m certainly on board with Church teaching about contraception. But I really don’t agree with the assertion that contraception = wife abuse. Many loving couples have good reason to avoid pregnancy, but still want to have sex for the unitive aspect, out of love for each other, not merely selfish desires. Contraception is the wrong means to acheive this, but equating it to abuse is absurd. It also ignores the reality that wives want to have sex too…it is not simply something that men impose on their poor wives, as though they would only ever have sex to get pregnant.
 
In regard of health, beside not being allow by the church, contraception is extremely toxic for a women body.

Why do you think there is an epidemic of cyst, cancer in this area and not to count the warning said to us about the use of tobacco and alcohol while using this. If i would disregard the church, i would go with the condom. But not being able to bare the thought of not having the communion, i would choose abstinence over not receiving communion.

On the other hand, you can talk to your doctor and get a certificate from your doctor attesting that your wife, cannot have any more children due to health. Perhaps, the priest will be able to do something about this. Talk with your priest anyway, he will point you in the right direction.

One thing that is ok, is natural birth prevention.

All the best!
 
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