Mental Illness and God

[oikumene]

I suffer from chronic anxiety disorder. This malady is hereditary and has created a lot of problems in my life. I am in psychiatric care and under medication and lead a ‘normal’ life as much as possible. I never married because I have a sexual orientation curse. I had three major traumas in my life and committed various suicides that never succeeded. I always was a victim of other peoples mistakes in my life.

I pray everyday and receive the sacraments weekly. However it has been years since I felt peace and tranquility. I am doubting everything. I am doing my part but God is not doing His I am afraid.

Jesus said that if we are troubled we can go Him. I go to HIm everyday but nothing happens - in despair I was and in despair in remain.

It seems that I am living in a different reality where in this reality God does not exist. I really am jealous about saints - they were surely priveledged. I do not believe I have the same Spirit as they have since no new saints are being ‘created’ by the Church nowadays. 98% of saints were religious and do not know how lay people can be saints.

People who live in constant anxiety and ‘death’ is hardly a life. God remains silent and remote.

This how an atheist is born. I hope I am not one of them.

 

[TOP]

Hi,
I have some problems from ptsd and tend to see “messages” in alot of things. Some good , some bad. I require medication, therapy, and a good spiritual adviser to find balance at this time. For me, alot of things of this world are mere distractions and appear fake or like a copy of the life I had before I was helped by the Lord. When I’m involved in the world, I tend to forget the Lord and it can feel like a “dark night” afterwords. A Priest once said that a “dark night” is like being inside during a blizzard. Once it stops snowing, you go outside and your eyes can’t adjust, so everything turns to black, then slowly your eyes adjust and you can start to see how pure white everything really is. Maybe your eyes haven’t adjusted yet to the pure white that is close to you. Something to think about. This can last for years. Mine come and go. Obedience gets me through the tough times. He is with us always as He promised and you have a potentially valuable deposit of faith by being obedient without consolation. Your probably in a better spot then me because of it. I’m a kind of a spiritual whimp, so I get some help now and then. The Lord is merciful and a great teacher. He knows what He is doing, Hang in there. Peace, Tim

 

[oikumene]

Psalm 55 says

"1 Hear my prayer, O God;
don’t turn away from my plea!
2 Listen to me and answer me;
I am worn out by my worries."

Tim thanks for your encouragement. Deep in my heart I still love Him and miss Him so much.

 

[TOP]

Psalm 55 says

"1 Hear my prayer, O God;
don’t turn away from my plea!
2 Listen to me and answer me;
I am worn out by my worries."

Tim thanks for your encouragement. Deep in my heart I still love Him and miss Him so much.

Your welcome, I’m pretty sure He loves you too . Tim

 

[Dulcimer]

I suffer from chronic anxiety disorder. This malady is hereditary and has created a lot of problems in my life. I am in psychiatric care and under medication and lead a ‘normal’ life as much as possible. I never married because I have a sexual orientation curse. I had three major traumas in my life and committed various suicides that never succeeded. I always was a victim of other peoples mistakes in my life.

I pray everyday and receive the sacraments weekly. However it has been years since I felt peace and tranquility. I am doubting everything. I am doing my part but God is not doing His I am afraid.

Jesus said that if we are troubled we can go Him. I go to HIm everyday but nothing happens - in despair I was and in despair in remain.

It seems that I am living in a different reality where in this reality God does not exist. I really am jealous about saints - they were surely priveledged. I do not believe I have the same Spirit as they have since no new saints are being ‘created’ by the Church nowadays. 98% of saints were religious and do not know how lay people can be saints.

People who live in constant anxiety and ‘death’ is hardly a life. God remains silent and remote.

This how an atheist is born. I hope I am not one of them.

As a formerly [mis-]labeled mental health patient, I say very quietly that most of my problems were caused by the drugs that they put me on, some of which I was violently allergic to.

I recall the years of doubt and despair, and can truly say I have some idea of what you are experiencing right now.

I also have wrestled with issues of gender/sexuality confusion, so I hope I can speak with compassion there as well.

DO NOT LAY DOWN AND DIE…We are chemical/electrical beings and a great deal of what you are feeling can be put to a shift in the chemicals in your brain, and/or poor nutrition (often, necessary nutrients are depleted by modern prescription drugs).

As to the saints: If you feel the Saints of old had a better deal, re-read portions of the prophets in the OT as they cry out to God over and over, feeling abandoned and alone. Even Christ said “my God, why have you forsaken me?”

I don’t believe God ever abandons us; often I feel most alone when wrapped in His embrace…I am too miserable to feel it, and too consumed with my own pain…And when the chemicals change, and I can move around a little, I suddenly see his Grace covering me like a warm blanket.

I will pray for you. You are not alone.

–D <><

 

[Kathrin]

Hello there,
I can relate to what you say about anxiety - how living in almost constant anxiety can feel like not really living at all.
Please don’t give up hope that things will change again.
I ahve also suffered from severe anxiety, and there have been phases of yes years when I was afraid I might never feel happy and free again.
And if I had known what beautiful things were still to come… it would have been hard to believe.
Faith can push you through.
It is one very important thing I have learned in life: Things can always change again. I made the mistake of feeling almost hopeless more than once. When I should ahve learned…

By the way, one time when I finally felt better again it felt so wonderful I really thought it was wirth all the suffering. Because people who don’t go through all that are much more likely to take simple things for granted.

I had watched other people and thought, I wish I was as happy and free as they are… not making myself a prisoner in my own anxiety and compulsions… Being “like them” felt so far away, removed. Just living a life and not worrying constantly.
But things turned around again…

I like the words: God doesn’t give us more than He knows we can handle.

I am sending a prayer your way…

Kathrin