How does one reconcile this problem? My brother is marrying his longtime significant other who is divorced. Of course they are marrying outside the Church.
I feel like a hypocrite if I attend the wedding and a traitor to my family if I don’t. I fear I will be ostracized from my family if I do not attend. And, I feel like I am ignoring Church teachings if I do attend.
I have also considered skipping the wedding and attending only the reception but even that seems hypocritical.
Please help!
A few questions (these are merely rhetorical questions,
they don’t need an answer):
- Has your brother been living together with his significant other?
a) If so, have you gone over to dinner at their house or have you refused all invitations because of them living in sin?
b) If so, have you pulled your brother aside and talked to him about them having an illicit sexual relationship?
- Does your brother and/or future (invalid) sister in law go to Mass every week? When they do (assuming they are in a sexual relationship), do they receive Holy Communion?
a) If he (or they) do, have you mentioned it to him (them)?
b) If he (they) don’t, have you discussed with him (them) that it is obligatory to go to Mass each week and Holy Day of Obligation, even if, because of their relationship, they are not to receive Holy Communion?
- Since you are afraid of your family’s reaction to not attending, does your family, as a whole, regularly receive the sacraments?
a) If so, have you talked with your family about the importance of a marriage being valid in the eyes of the Church?
b) If not, have you talked to your family and tried to encourage them to come back to the sacraments?
- MOST IMPORTANTLY, have you actually talked to your brother about the importance of the marriage being valid in the eyes of the Church? Have they tried to get her earlier marriage declared null and been denied? (if denied, do you know the circumstances of why it was denied?)
The point of the above rhetorical questions is that if you have been doing your job as a Catholic…consistently and charitably defending the Faith, trying to bring your brother (or, possibly, your full family) back to the Faith and doing so out of a sense of concern for the state of his soul…your lack of recognition of the marriage and refusal to acknowledge it through your attendance should not be seen as any kind of a surprise and, I wouldn’t think, result in your ostracization (if they haven’t shunned you yet, then this shouldn’t result in your being shunned). If you’ve done all that and subsequently attend the “marriage” then you would be being inconsistent.
On the other hand, if you have closed your eyes to the situation up until this point and now decide to get a conscience, it’s a little late. It will be perceived as being Pharisaical, and rightfully so.
I think it is important to take a stand for the Faith, but that stand should be consistent throughout time.
