MERGED: Attending weddings of divorced/co-habiting okay?

[808Catholic]

See my post above. As to the sin of adultery one need not be Catholic to commit such.

Thank you Bookcat for the references. I will remember them for the future. God Bless you.

 

[Bookcat]

The church does not have any hard rules regarding wedding attendance. It is a matter of personal judgement as to whether to attend. I would recommend against being a formal member of the wedding party, however.

General moral principles will always apply. See below.

Lots from Catholic Answers staff on the subject:

catholic.com/search/content/WEDDING%20ATTENDANCE

Read more than one -there are different responders there.

In all things:* truth with great love and gentleness*.

To which I will add the section from the Catechism that would apply to many things in life:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

• by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
• by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
• by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
• by protecting evil-doers.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm#V

 

[Iconodule]

My Dear AmericanCatholic,

In the Eastern Church, we have the teaching of oikonomia (οἰκονομία) - or economy - within our theology and praxis. Though it has several meanings, it is typically applied to areas of housekeeping, if you will, usually implying good management or handling of something.

In short, oikonomia is discretionary deviation from the letter of the law in order to adhere to the spirit of the law and charity. This is the opposite of legalism - akribia (ακριβεια) - a strict adherence to the letter of the law of the church.

Sounds like a discussion with your priest of spiritual father might be helpful.

ICXC NIKA!

 

[Bookcat]

My Dear AmericanCatholic,

In the Eastern Church, we have the teaching of oikonomia (οἰκονομία) - or economy - within our theology and praxis. Though it has several meanings, it is typically applied to areas of housekeeping, if you will, usually implying good management or handling of something.

In short, oikonomia is discretionary deviation from the letter of the law in order to adhere to the spirit of the law and charity.
.

Note: From what you note as being the proposed meaning of such - there would be no oikonomia (οἰκονομία) in regards to say gravely sinful actions or the approval or praise of such. One may not approve say of fornication or adultery (which attempting to marry another person -while another marriage exists- is) or murder or bank robbery or abortion. Oikonomia (οἰκονομία) whatever meaning it carries - is not in terms of such matters.

Now in terms of this question I refer again back to the articles from the Catholic Answers Apologists that go into various aspects of this question. As well as the section from the Catechism.

 

[Iconodule]

Thank you for the referral.

The divergence in our two points of view are an even better testament to AmericanCatholic’s need to discuss this with his or her priest/spiritual father than any suggestion we might make.

Note: I have been granted dispensation under οἰκονομία to attend a wedding with similar circumstances. Good counsel is a must!

ICXC NIKA!

 

[phil19034]

I think you need to determine which would do MORE damage. Attending or not attending. Speak to your pastor and/or spirtual director.

However, since this is your brother, if you do attend be completely honest with him and let me know how you feel. Also, make sure that you speak with your parents, and other family members too.

Make sure your entire family knows that you disagree (without sounding like a spoiled child). If you attend, you can be honest by saying that you are only attending because you love him, and that you do not approve of the SITUATION. Do NOT say you do not approve of the wedding. Say you do not approve of the “situation.” That way he takes it less personally.

If it was a co-worker or friend who you could not have a candid conversation with, then skipping the wedding is good. But if you skip your brother’s wedding and don’t tell him why, then you are not helping anyone.

Make sure he knows how you feel. Make sure he knows you love him. Make sure he knows that you don’t have anything against his bride. Make sure he knows you want him to be happy. It’s that you simply do not approve of the situation they are in. If they asked you to be in the wedding, politely refuse because of this and that you would be more comfortable in the pews.

Finally, make sure other close friends and family know how you feel too, that way if you attend, you are not providing scandal, because everyone will know that you do not approve.

I hope this help and God Bless.

 

[Bookcat]

Thank you for the referral.

The divergence in our two points of view are an even better testament to AmericanCatholic’s need to discuss this with his or her priest/spiritual father than any suggestion we might make.

ICXC NIKA!

The Eastern Churches are going to quite agree with what I noted:

One may not approve say of fornication or adultery or murder or bank robbery or abortion. Oikonomia (οἰκονομία) whatever meaning it carries - is not in terms of such matters.

Such is universal within the One Catholic Church.

Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

• by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
• by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
• by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
• by protecting evil-doers.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm#V

---

As to the Question of attending -again those articles from the Staff Apologists go into much that is not necessary to repeat here but needs to be read there.

catholic.com/blog/jim-blackburn/should-i-attend-the-wedding-or-not

catholic.com/blog/jim-blackburn/more-on-wedding-attendance

catholic.com/blog/michelle-arnold/to-attend-or-not-to-attend

catholic.com/quickquestions/am-i-right-to-refrain-from-attending-the-episcopalian-wedding-of-a-divorced-catholic- (CA staff Priest)

(etc catholic.com/search/content/WEDDING%20ATTENDANCE)

 

[Iconodule]

Thanks once again. I will stick with the counsel of my priest and metropolitan, and share as best I can.

 

[Bookcat]

Thanks once again. I will stick with the counsel of my priest and metropolitan, and share as best I can.

And such counsel cannot diverge from the teaching of the Church. If it does something was misunderstood in the question. One may not approve gravely sinful actions or other sinful actions (see CCC).

As to counsel regarding potential attending of an invalid marriage -if you read those links you will find that there can be a divergence in judgment on if there could be possible times where one might attend - avoiding scandal etc. I myself do not follow such an idea but I note that it has been proposed (go read the links). But even if there could be a moral attendance where the attendance is somehow removed from any approval - one must not approve or praise or celebrate in any way gravely sinful actions or states in life. So myself I do not know how that practicably could be done. I do not attend any such attempted weddings.

 

[Iconodule]

And such counsel cannot diverge from the teaching of the Church.

And it did not.

 

[Bookcat]

And it did not.

Good.

For if they taught that one could approve gravely sinful actions or other sinful actions (see CCC) that would be problematic!

Unfortunately at times even a Priest can error. But so can we all!

 

[Iconodule]

Indeed.

The counsel I received was very specific. I had to make it clear to my priest that i understood that my attendance was not a seal of approval, that my motivation for attending was out of love for those present. Love could not bear my not attending, so I was granted the dispensation. Those present knew me and my faith. It would have been much more of a negative witness (pardon the protestant jargon) of my faith to not attend.

 

[praestat_fides]

I attended a Pagan wedding this summer even though I was kind of freaked out about going.

 

[BettyBoop416]

As to the sin of adultery one need not be Catholic to commit such.

Of course not. The confusion arises when different religious groups define the sin of adultery differently, as evidenced by the fact that many protestant groups do not consider it adultery when a legally divorced individual remarries. To expect members of such religions to follow Catholic teaching on this subject is probably not very realistic.

 

[Bookcat]

Of course not. The confusion arises when different religious groups define the sin of adultery differently, as evidenced by the fact that many protestant groups do not consider it adultery when a legally divorced individual remarries. To expect members of such religions to follow Catholic teaching on this subject is probably not very realistic.

But *we *know what adultery is.

It tis about us acting on our knowledge - and avoiding approving what is objectively adultery.

 

[twf]

This is a matter to discuss with one’s priest, not on a forum. There are too many conflicting answers. This is a matter of prudential judgment.