MERGED: Confessionals (Grills)

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Okay I’m a convert, so I’ve only been going to confession for a few years. My church has a room for confession that is angled from the door, which had a fixed grille so you could come in and kneel without being seen, but also a chair facing the priest for face to face confession.

We got a new priest over the summer and he has removed the grille. I have only been to confession a few times since then, and the first few times it was still there. When I went and it was gone I was taken aback and was hardly able to mumble through my confession. I have only been a couple of times since.

Is this normal? I feel like I should have the option to not be face-to-face. I emailed the priest and told him caused me anxiety, and he just said “do not worry about confessing face to face”. That doesn’t help me.

I’m confused, this is new to me, I don’t like being forced to confess face to face (I have an issue with anxiety to start out with). I don’t like being dismissed and just told " don’t worry about it" when I bring it up to my priest. I felt like it was a valid concern but instead of discussing the reason it was changed or anything he just said “don’t worry about it”.
 
misspriss said:
Okay I’m a convert, so I’ve only been going to confession for a few years. My church has a room for confession that is angled from the door, which had a fixed grille so you could come in and kneel without being seen, but also a chair facing the priest for face to face confession.

We got a new priest over the summer and he has removed the grille. I have only been to confession a few times since then, and the first few times it was still there. When I went and it was gone I was taken aback and was hardly able to mumble through my confession. I have only been a couple of times since.

Is this normal? I feel like I should have the option to not be face-to-face. I emailed the priest and told him caused me anxiety, and he just said “do not worry about confessing face to face”. That doesn’t help me.

I’m confused, this is new to me, I don’t like being forced to confess face to face (I have an issue with anxiety to start out with). I don’t like being dismissed and just told " don’t worry about it" when I bring it up to my priest. I felt like it was a valid concern but instead of discussing the reason it was changed or anything he just said “don’t worry about it”.
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This should not have been done. I greatly prefer face-to-face confession and have no problem if it the only option available, but it really angers me when the clear directives of the Church are not followed. In the Latin rite, confessionals must have a fixed grille to allow for confession behind the screen. I would try to further dialog with him. Ask him again why it was changed, in light of clear canon law on this subject. I don’t know that I would personally escalate to the bishop or anything, but it is an option if you don’t get anywhere with the pastor himself. It is more my style to just find somewhere where I am more comfortable and not rock the boat.
 
misspriss said:
Okay I’m a convert, so I’ve only been going to confession for a few years. My church has a room for confession that is angled from the door, which had a fixed grille so you could come in and kneel without being seen, but also a chair facing the priest for face to face confession.

We got a new priest over the summer and he has removed the grille. I have only been to confession a few times since then, and the first few times it was still there. When I went and it was gone I was taken aback and was hardly able to mumble through my confession. I have only been a couple of times since.

Is this normal? I feel like I should have the option to not be face-to-face. I emailed the priest and told him caused me anxiety, and he just said “do not worry about confessing face to face”. That doesn’t help me.

I’m confused, this is new to me, I don’t like being forced to confess face to face (I have an issue with anxiety to start out with). I don’t like being dismissed and just told " don’t worry about it" when I bring it up to my priest. I felt like it was a valid concern but instead of discussing the reason it was changed or anything he just said “don’t worry about it”.
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Under normal circumstances, like this, you should not be forced to go to confession face to face ( I dislike it too). I would find another a parish to go to for confession from now on, until your priest puts the grill back or gets transferred.
 
Is it a requirement for churches to offer both face-to-face confessions and not face-to-face? I ask because the church I regularly go to for Confession is a very small church and the confessional is an ordinary room in the back of the church, and there is no non face-to-face Confession offered.
 
Your parish could buy a portable kneeler with a screen attached. I’ve seen this used in a parish I sometimes go to Confession in.
 
Yes, all parishes are obliged to offer anonymous confession. I’m not actually aware of any requirement to offer face to face.
 
Catholic1954 said:
Under normal circumstances, like this, you should not be forced to go to confession face to face ( I dislike it too). I would find another a parish to go to for confession from now on, until your priest puts the grill back or gets transferred.
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Thanks. The other parish I attend on occasion has a room with a glass door, there is a grill but the priest sees whoever comes in the door so that makes me uncomfortable too. I think partly it’s me as I have the anxiety, I guess I’ll keep visiting different churches.

It’s hard enough to get to confession with two small children!
 
Anonymous confession is required to be available, face-to-face is optional.
 
Razer144000 said:
Is it a requirement for churches to offer both face-to-face confessions and not face-to-face? I ask because the church I regularly go to for Confession is a very small church and the confessional is an ordinary room in the back of the church, and there is no non face-to-face Confession offered.
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Yes, it is a requirement for every church to have confessionals with a screen (aka grate or grill).

There is no requirement for a face-to-face option.

Can. 964 §1. The proper place to hear sacramental confessions is a church or oratory.

§2. The conference of bishops is to establish norms regarding the confessional; it is to take care, however, that there are always confessionals with a fixed grate between the penitent and the confessor in an open place so that the faithful who wish to can use them freely.

§3. Confessions are not to be heard outside a confessional without a just cause.
 
phil19034 said:
Have your parish purchase one of these.

churchproducts.com/church-confessional-screens.html

Note: there are other companies and perhaps one that is cheaper. Or someone can install a curtain from the ceiling
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A while ago I had occasion to be in a place for a little over 2 weeks as a priest. We had no confessional. I went to a retail store (starts with a W) and bought a portable clothes rack for $10 and about 4 yards of cheap fabric (about $1 per yard). Instant confessional.

When I was done, I had a clothes rack to take home.
 
FrDavid96 said:
A while ago I had occasion to be in a place for a little over 2 weeks as a priest. We had no confessional. I went to a retail store (starts with a W) and bought a portable clothes rack for $10 and about 4 yards of cheap fabric (about $1 per yard). Instant confessional.

When I was done, I had a clothes rack to take home.
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👍
 
I’m curious - why do people find it more difficult to confess face-to-face? I recently made my first confession, and I had the choice of going to a priest who knows me incredibly well, one who knows me quite well, and two I didn’t know. I chose the one I knew best because I thought it would be easier to talk to someone who wasn’t a stranger, and for me it was. I kept my head down for a lot of it, because I was really nervous, but when I had finally blurted everything out (though I’m not sure it made much sense) it was comforting to hear his voice and be able to look up and see that there was no scorn or anger or judgment on his face (not that I really expected there to be, but irrational fears are called irrational for a reason). It was an incredibly positive experience, and I think that was in part because I received that reassurance that I can confess the things that are weighing heaviest on me and only receive mercy.
 
casslean said:
I’m curious - why do people find it more difficult to confess face-to-face? I recently made my first confession, and I had the choice of going to a priest who knows me incredibly well, one who knows me quite well, and two I didn’t know. I chose the one I knew best because I thought it would be easier to talk to someone who wasn’t a stranger, and for me it was. I kept my head down for a lot of it, because I was really nervous, but when I had finally blurted everything out (though I’m not sure it made much sense) it was comforting to hear his voice and be able to look up and see that there was no scorn or anger or judgment on his face (not that I really expected there to be, but irrational fears are called irrational for a reason). It was an incredibly positive experience, and I think that was in part because I received that reassurance that I can confess the things that are weighing heaviest on me and only receive mercy.
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I usually prefer “behind the screen,” as it allows me to focus on the sinfulness and offense to God. However, now and then, my sin really seems to have a more community implication (something like, say, “gossip”), and then I confess face-to-face because I want a person in front of me to represent those I may have harmed. (Yes. I’m very random and arbitrary about it.)
 
casslean said:
I’m curious - why do people find it more difficult to confess face-to-face? I recently made my first confession, and I had the choice of going to a priest who knows me incredibly well, one who knows me quite well, and two I didn’t know. I chose the one I knew best because I thought it would be easier to talk to someone who wasn’t a stranger, and for me it was.
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This is my experience as well. I’m quite shy and baring my soul to a stranger is so much harder than doing so to a trusted father. I’ll confess to a stranger if I have to, but I will seek out a priest who knows me if I can.

Poll after poll of CAF shows that we are in the minority, however. It is perceived as “traditional” and is what anybody over 50 or so grew up with, and I suppose the comfort of doing what one has always done is important. Also, some prefer the relative anonymity. Being a Byzantine Catholic, I have never had the perception of anonymity in my own rite, so I don’t expect it anywhere.
I kept my head down for a lot of it, because I was really nervous, but when I had finally blurted everything out (though I’m not sure it made much sense) it was comforting to hear his voice and be able to look up and see that there was no scorn or anger or judgment on his face (not that I really expected there to be, but irrational fears are called irrational for a reason). It was an incredibly positive experience, and I think that was in part because I received that reassurance that I can confess the things that are weighing heaviest on me and only receive mercy.
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We have been given such a great gift in this sacrament. I’m always a bit amazed that Catholics don’t take advantage of it more.
 
casslean said:
I’m curious - why do people find it more difficult to confess face-to-face? I recently made my first confession, and I had the choice of going to a priest who knows me incredibly well, one who knows me quite well, and two I didn’t know. I chose the one I knew best because I thought it would be easier to talk to someone who wasn’t a stranger, and for me it was. I kept my head down for a lot of it, because I was really nervous, but when I had finally blurted everything out (though I’m not sure it made much sense) it was comforting to hear his voice and be able to look up and see that there was no scorn or anger or judgment on his face (not that I really expected there to be, but irrational fears are called irrational for a reason). It was an incredibly positive experience, and I think that was in part because I received that reassurance that I can confess the things that are weighing heaviest on me and only receive mercy.
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It’s not that I find it difficult to confess face to face, but rather that I don’t want it to turn into a mini spiritual counseling session; I attend spiritual direction for that. In my experience confession while separated through a screen makes my confessions go more smoothly as it is less conversational. Some people want a more conversational style or feel better with the human interactions. Personally I did too when I first converted, but as I came to accept that I was bearing my soul to Christ, my personal relationship with a given priest meant less and less. When I cannot see the confessor it is much easier for me to remember that it is Christ, and not simply a man, that is taking the weight of my sins.
 
I am reminded of a conversation I once heard between two friends, one Catholic, one not. They were talking about their younger years in high school and the subject of confession came up. The non-Catholic said something like, “well, what did you tell your priest in confession?” The Catholic replied, “Uh, not the truth–I knew him too well.”

It is just because of such fears that the option for anonymity must be maintained.

Personally, I prefer behind the screen confessions because they take less time and the line moves faster.
 
JimG said:
I am reminded of a conversation I once heard between two friends, one Catholic, one not. They were talking about their younger years in high school and the subject of confession came up. The non-Catholic said something like, “well, what did you tell your priest in confession?” The Catholic replied, “Uh, not the truth–I knew him too well.”

It is just because of such fears that the option for anonymity must be maintained.
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I wonder what people did for the first 1500 years of Christianity, before the screen was introduced? Maybe it was a problem. I have heard that a person used to be required to confess to his or her own pastor, and when the rule changed to allow traveling priests who came in for parish missions to hear confessions, that option became quite popular.
 
casslean said:
I’m curious - why do people find it more difficult to confess face-to-face? I recently made my first confession, and I had the choice of going to a priest who knows me incredibly well, one who knows me quite well, and two I didn’t know. I chose the one I knew best because I thought it would be easier to talk to someone who wasn’t a stranger, and for me it was. I kept my head down for a lot of it, because I was really nervous, but when I had finally blurted everything out (though I’m not sure it made much sense) it was comforting to hear his voice and be able to look up and see that there was no scorn or anger or judgment on his face (not that I really expected there to be, but irrational fears are called irrational for a reason). It was an incredibly positive experience, and I think that was in part because I received that reassurance that I can confess the things that are weighing heaviest on me and only receive mercy.
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I, being a convert, did not know the priest very well when I made my first confession or those subsequent. I struggled with sins of sexual nature and did not and do not feel comfortable confessing face to face about them.

I have anxiety and tend to become so anxious about the face-to-face part that I forget what I am saying, and it just ends up being an entirely traumatizing experience instead of healing. I mean overall it is healing, but I leave the confessional with a racing heartbeat and high anxiety hormone levels.

My most memorable confession was when I went to confession on a business trip, COMPLETELY anonymous. I don’t think face to face was even an option. Despite the fact that I did not know the priest, he was able to ask a few brief questions (marital status, etc) to give me good brief counsel without being face to face or knowing me.

When I’m kneeling behind the screen, I can concentrate on my words and what is in my heart, without stressing over facing someone who I will have to see again in and shake hands with after mass. That being said, I have confessed face to face when I had to, so it’s not un-doable. But I would rather skip the anxiety and leave with just the peace that comes from the sacrament.
 
I prefer anonymous confession. I don’t worry about the anxiety or difficulty during confession, it’s what might happen AFTER that worries me. I know priests have heard it all, but I’m afraid that the priest will think less of me, and retain the memories of my sins into the future. Like, oh there goes Mrs. so-and-so, the one who did (blank). I actually try to go to confession outside my own town when possible.

Also, I had a bad experience with my own parish priest once at confession. I could tell he just didn’t “get” what I was saying, and I think it was frustrating for both of us. After that I felt slightly irritated with him, and I decided that for me, it is just best to keep confession separate from the rest of my parish life.
 
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