Met Online - Getting her to meet?

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HappyPerson said:
If she is refusing to meet, these are possible situations.
  1. She fears that you may be a predator.
  2. She has a major flaw that she is hiding from you and is afraid you won’t like her when that flaw is revealed, thus she wants to keep the fantasy alive as long as possible caring nothing about how that may hurt you in the long run.
  3. She has a real life boyfriend that she is hiding from you. (Hence why she is claiming that you and her are only friends.)
I would say give her an absolute MAXIMUM of one more month to meet you, or at the very least for her to make plans to meet you on a SPECIFIC day(within two months), and if she refuses, refuse to continue talking to her on any level. That’s NOT being pushy. It’s asserting your right not to be treated like a doormat, and preventing her from assuming a dictatorship role in your relationship.
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I was with you for the first half of your post, but then you lost me with you talk of refusing to be a doormat. People who worry about being treated badly too much miss out on a lot in life. I understand that nobody should be a doormat. But, your post reminded me of a very unhappy man I once dated who, whenever things didn’t go as he’d like, would start to worry that he was being taken advantage of. He was paranoid that I was cheating on him or taking him for granted or whatever… by the end, he was convinced that I was leading a double life as a prostitute. He was a very miserable, lonely, person.

Worrying about being taken advantage of doesn’t really do any good and will just mean you miss out on something positive. You can stand firm in yourself and not take flack without thinking in terms of preventing being used or whatever.
 
ComputerGeek25 said:
Simply being “scared” or “nervous” or “I’ve been hurt before” is not good enough reason not to meet. If these feelings get in the way, then perhaps the person is not ready to seriously date.
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I agree with this. On the one hand, it’s not good to push the woman to meet sooner than she is ready. On the other, two months of extensive phone calls and emails should be enough for her to feel ready to meet in a neutral location. If a guy makes it clear that he won’t expect anything than a brief meeting in a public place - like an early dinner where you both meet at the restaurant - then she shouldn’t have a problem with that.
 
HOPEFUL_IN_UK said:
I agree with this. On the one hand, it’s not good to push the woman to meet sooner than she is ready. On the other, two months of extensive phone calls and emails should be enough for her to feel ready to meet in a neutral location. If a guy makes it clear that he won’t expect anything than a brief meeting in a public place - like an early dinner where you both meet at the restaurant - then she shouldn’t have a problem with that.
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I think that I mentioned that I was going to try the meeting a public place to get a soda and that still didn’t work.

I still don’t understand why it took her so long to feel ready to meet me. We had gotten to know each other very well and then with the webcams, she still wasn’t ready for over a month after that to set something up. She said she liked me and thought I was great, but wouldn’t give us the chance that we had planned for.

I’m just glad that she finally gave in and let us meet, and that things are going well now.
 
chevalier said:
I’m a bit confused. Would you care to explain a bit?
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I’m not sure what you are asking about…

In some of my other posts I have said quite a few different things about how our relationship has gone.

If you are confused about her saying she liked me and thought I was a great guy then…We have now been talking online and on the phone some pretty much every nite for almost 6 months and been going out for almost 3 (But didn’t meet until around a month ago). - We got very comfortable with each other though on messenger and the webcams helped. We have been very open since the beginning. Telling each other that the plan was to become more, that we hadn’t been in relationships or kissed anyone, we talke about morals, and more.

I had done some stuff for her and things as well. I guess she thought I was great before we met because, I did thoughtful things for her from: sending her a card for her birthday, stuff for our anniversary, complementing her a lot, and just other things about me. (I put a lot into things I care about.)

The other thing you might be confused about is where I said she wouldn’t meet like we planned to be more. From the beginning (met on catholicmatch.com) we each told each other that we was only talking to the other, we considered ourselves “friends” because we was planning to become more in time, we flirted some and it seemed like we was more than friends, even though we weren’t a couple (but we did some things like one). - I just couldn’t understand why she took so long to give us a chance and meet. She obviously knew the real me and liked me, but was too scared to try it forever. But finally we met and things are going pretty well.
 
I’m glad it’s going well! Sounds like she was just a bit more skittish than most, but not for any nefarious reason. 🙂
 
idontknow said:
I’m not sure what you are asking about…

In some of my other posts I have said quite a few different things about how our relationship has gone.

If you are confused about her saying she liked me and thought I was a great guy then…We have now been talking online and on the phone some pretty much every nite for almost 6 months and been going out for almost 3 (But didn’t meet until around a month ago). - We got very comfortable with each other though on messenger and the webcams helped. We have been very open since the beginning. Telling each other that the plan was to become more, that we hadn’t been in relationships or kissed anyone, we talke about morals, and more.

I had done some stuff for her and things as well. I guess she thought I was great before we met because, I did thoughtful things for her from: sending her a card for her birthday, stuff for our anniversary, complementing her a lot, and just other things about me. (I put a lot into things I care about.)

The other thing you might be confused about is where I said she wouldn’t meet like we planned to be more. From the beginning (met on catholicmatch.com) we each told each other that we was only talking to the other, we considered ourselves “friends” because we was planning to become more in time, we flirted some and it seemed like we was more than friends, even though we weren’t a couple (but we did some things like one). - I just couldn’t understand why she took so long to give us a chance and meet. She obviously knew the real me and liked me, but was too scared to try it forever. But finally we met and things are going pretty well.
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I see. “Wouldn’t give us the chance we had planned for,” sounded as if she had backed out of your plans of meeting. I thought that was the case. Now it seems the chance was becoming more than friends and you thought she would back out of that. I see. Thanks for explanation.
 
Just thought I’d update you guys again on my relationship, if anyone is still interested.

I made the right choice by continuing to wait for that girl to give me a chance. She really was just shy and scared to put herself out there (a little too much). - Ok, so a couple of weeks before Christmas, I asked her to Marry me, and she said yes! So we are now engaged and are getting married July 17, 2010. So she was the right one after all.

Thanx again to anyone that gave me advice.
 
Thanx. I guess being patient did pay off…
  • PS, Catholic Match is a really good site for people that are looking for a certain special someone.
 
I also met my husband online. (We’ve been married 3 1/2 yrs.) I was cautious about meeting in person because of all the horror stories about criminals. But, you do have to meet in person eventually to have a real relationship. I would talk on the phone a few times first, and if you still want to meet her, meet in a public location not at either of your homes (I did not give out my address at first), and be aware that she may be wary of giving out personal information or walking down dark alleys, getting in your car, or anything like that with you at first. However, at some point you do have to be as sure as you ever can be, and trust your own judgement and ability to take care of yourself.

I don’t know that I would phrase it as an ultimatum, but if she still refuses to meet after several months, I would move on, or at least develop other friendships that might turn into more (of course, let her know you are doing this).

My husband and I exchanged emails for about two weeks, I believe. It was 4 or 5 emails. Then, we talked on the phone twice, a week apart, then met at a restaurant once, then went on a regular date where he picked me up. In retrospect, I probably should have waited longer to give out my address, but I was in love as soon as we met in person, and was not as cautious as one probably should be. Anyway, it did work out.

Good luck – if she doesn’t want to meet, there are lots of fish in the sea! I’m sure God has someone who would love to meet you in person.
 
Okay – somehow I didn’t see that last page saying you actually met and are now engaged before I posted. So, ignore my last post, and congratulations.
 
idontknow said:
Just thought I’d update you guys again on my relationship, if anyone is still interested.

I made the right choice by continuing to wait for that girl to give me a chance. She really was just shy and scared to put herself out there (a little too much). - Ok, so a couple of weeks before Christmas, I asked her to Marry me, and she said yes! So we are now engaged and are getting married July 17, 2010. So she was the right one after all.

Thanx again to anyone that gave me advice.
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I started reading this without looking at the date. Halfway through it I saw when it was started. Then I hoped the reason it was here again was for an update…

Congratulations! May God bless you and guide you both!
 
I too met my DH on Ave Maria Singles! I had been a member for three years, My DH just a few weeks, lucky duck didn’t have to wait for me!
Our timeline went like this:
Dec.20 th he wrote to me.
Jan. 4 I read his letter
March He came down (8 hours ) to see me Got engaged He asked me the second day we saw each other, but we both knew after 6 weeks. Spent many hours online and on cell phone:)
April - Sept. Saw each other once a month
October 29th married:)
Four years and three kids later we are still very happily married.
He was not the first one I wrote to or met, be patient, my DH was so worth waiting for, a match made in heaven.
 
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