Methodist and Catholics

[BrewMax]

OK… I have read all the posts and while some have given you useful information, others have not. I am going to give you a perspective from the other side of the fence and maybe that will help.

I have a step daughter that we see every other weekend. When she was younger, her mother was not interested in her spiritual development so her father and I asked permission for her to go to Catholic PSR and receive first communion at our church. Her mother agreed. Since her mother has her most of the time, we were concerned about many of the same things you are as well. I would say that since mom has her most of the time, you will need to comply with reasonable requests from mom.

Personally, I don’t think her request that you don’t take her to your service is reasonable. In our case, my step daughter goes to mass when she is with us, we make sure she goes to confession and she also receives communion at our church. When she is with her mom, she goes to their Methodist service but does not go to communion. Now here is the kicker… when she is old enough to go through confirmation prep, she HAS to go to mass every week. Whether she is with mom or us, this is mandatory. So, when this comes up… my step daughter will literally have to choose what she is willing to do to be Catholic.

Going to a Methodist service is a little bit different than Catholic mass. If you want to respect the faith your step daughter is being brought up in… when things come up, or questions are asked, about the differences… be honest, if you don’t know say so, but encourage her to ask anyway! Some of the differences that pertain to a child’s catechisis would be things like the number of sacraments and the difference in the teachings about true presence.

Do you understand why she may not receive communion at your church? The reason is that Catholics believe in the true body and blood in the Eucharist. We also believe that to receive communion in a non Catholic church would be like saying we are in communion with the teachings of that church and they are in communion with the Catholic church.

I have to go right now but I will try to write more later about some of the conflicts and how we have settled them and stuff like that.

I do not think that this is fair or reasonable for the step mom who is obviously an active member of her church. I would say that this might be a different discussion if the mom was an active Catholic but she is obviously not. I would say it is much more important for the kids to be involved with the step mom who is involved in her church than to try and open up a relatively new issue to introduce them to the Catholic church in which their mother hasn’t attended in years. This would introduce unwelcomed confusion for the kids which they obviously do not need.

 

[BlestOne]

I do not think that this is fair or reasonable for the step mom who is obviously an active member of her church. I would say that this might be a different discussion if the mom was an active Catholic but she is obviously not. I would say it is much more important for the kids to be involved with the step mom who is involved in her church than to try and open up a relatively new issue to introduce them to the Catholic church in which their mother hasn’t attended in years. This would introduce unwelcomed confusion for the kids which they obviously do not need.

Well… first of all, you have to remember that the mom is still the mom and as such, she does have a say. Second, we have to give the mom the benefit of the doubt… maybe the step mom has set a good example for the mom and she now sees that the child should have a spiritual education. Next, I would have to point out that I did say that the step mom should take her to Methodist services when the child is there, the only stipulation is that she shouldn’t let her go to communion as not to confuse the child or lead her to do something that would get her in trouble with her mom. Overall, we have to remember the best interest of the child. Trust me, I know how mom’s can make kids lives miserable if they think that the stepmom is doing something that the mom is not for the child. I have fought the battle… in reverse but with very similar circumstances. My step daughter’s mom has started attending services more regularly as a result of the child’s love and excitement to learn. No solution will be perfect for everyone, but this is what compromise is about.

 

[MariaG]

Thank you all so much for your very helpful advice.

I am learning so much from this site and from your posts. I am realizing the the mother’s intent in most of this is not necessarily to have her children raised Catholic as much as it is to cause problems between my husband and I.

I have considered attending Catholic Mass. However, I am head of the Children’s Ministry Team at my own church and lead our Children’s Church. In order to attend another church, i would have to relinquish these duties.

Both parents committed to raising thier children Catholic at their baptisms. However, neither parent is following that vow. The mother has not attended church since I have known her. She does not go to confession . . . and there are other lifestyle choices she is making that are not very Catholic (or Christian, for that matter). Scott and I have been attending church together, and this aggravates her. They never attended as a couple.

Again, I do not want to cause issues between them, or problems for the children. However, I want to continue my involvement in my church. . . and I want to be able to include them in my faith. I hope we could all agree that being Christians should be a priority over being Methodist or Catholic. Eternal salvation is of utmost importance. . . and hearing the Gospel is what helps them learn the importance of that.

For those who pointed out faults with the Methodist beliefs, I am aware of those things. They have come to pass since I have been a part of the church and I do not agree with them. My local church does not agree with the abortion issue. I know if we have a new pastor, things could change, and I might be forced to consider my options. However, at the level of Children’s Church, I know what is taught. I am responsible for planning what is taught. I can assure you, none of our teaching conflict with Catholic beliefs. We do not teach about Communion, the Sacraments, or abortion. We teach Bible stories, the Beatitudes, the Lord’s Prayer, etc.

I will keep all of your thoughts in mind as we go forward and would be glad to hear further thoughts. I stress, I do want what is best for the kids. . .

Thanks again,

Lemony

That would be very tough. Being so involved in your church. I know that even in my own church, I have to constantly be on watch that in doing my children’s and youth ministries, that my children do not suffer from neglect while I attend to those duties and I can’t imagine trying to do so with having my ministry at a different denomination than my kids church .

Fortunately, a wiser mind than mine came up with a good alternative that would allow you to help the children fulfill their Sunday obligation and you to do your children’s ministry.

It would not always be easy. But you definitely don’t want this issue of the children going to Mass to become a tool that the ex uses to drive a wedge into visitations, if she chooses to be nasty. If that happens, both kids could easily be turned away from Christ, much less any church denomination.

I don’t know what the visitation details are but what I typically see is Friday afternoon/evening to Sunday afternoon evening. You could take the children to Mass Saturday evening for the Vigil Mass, usually around 5:00 -5:30. Encourage your husband to come with and all go out to dinner afterward or have something ready in the slow cooker when you get home. Taking them to Mass the evening before will help them fulfill their Sunday obligation and you should still be able to fulfill your duties at your church.

I also commend you for your thoughtful concern in this matter.

 

[jaz1976]

This certainly is a difficult situation and there are opinions on everyside of it. I think we should all be thankful for the fact that lemonylyons is such a good Christian example to these children. That will go along way in their lives.

I don’t think that she should be obliged to put her faith on the back burner every other Sunday just because the childrens mother is being negligent in her parental responsibilities (shame on her).

Don’t get me wrong, it is my prayer that all come Home to the Catholic Church, but lemonylyons is following her convictions, while being respectful towards the Catholic Church, and providing the children with a Christian education. It sounds like she doesn’t need everyones advice or prayers, the mother of the children does.