MIL in tears b/c I did not take communion at Episcopal church

[mercygate]

It’s amazing how insensitive people can be about these things. Especially, at least in my experience, Protestants vs. Catholics. They seem to think we are just being exclusive and snobbish with no good reason.

I got a real shock from my stepmom, who along with my Dad has seemed respectful of our being Catholic, when she said that if DH and I died and they ended up with the kids (we were discussing making wills and such) they would take them to a Christian church, but not Catholic. And that it wouldn’t really matter that much, would it? I told her that it would at least matter to my oldest, who has already been confirmed and is serious about her faith. The thing that bothered me was that it was thrown out like a challenge, like daring me to say just how much it would matter! I was so shocked that I don’t think I made the point very well outside of what I said about my oldest. There is a huge difference, and as former Catholics both of them know that. I felt like I was being challenged to prove just how uppity and separatist Catholics are and confirm that idea.

Your MIL may be purposely stirring the pot to cause trouble, or she may just not realize how very intolerant she really is being. Be kind and respectful, but don’t back down… we are in this Church because we believe it has the truth.

Affirmative. In our will, my spouse and I designated a Catholic relative as our child’s guardian. When my Jewish/agnostic/secularist FIL found out about it, he pitched a fit you could hear all the way to Brooklyn. How we had hurt him, and slapped him in the face, and insulted him, and embarrassed him in front of the Catholic cousin we had named as guardian and yadda yadda yadda. Bottom line: he has always despised Christianity, especially the Catholic Church, and would definitely have kept anything related to the faith away from our daughter.

So the OP is right: stand your ground. If the private one-on-one with the MIL doesn’t go well, do it again with your husband present. He’s the one, as the husband of his beloved wife, to tell his mom where her privileges cease.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

I am delighted to hear this! But I must admit to a certain curiousity, how does one b*tch slap not in a mean way?

That is just one of the meaning, and not the one I was intending.
And I don’t think u can’t b slap someone in a non-mean way.

 

[minnieg]

OK…OK…:yup: (said in a contemplative manner, not an impatient kid manner)

Y’all are really coming through and speaking to my situation. I think kage_ar and Orion are right, that DH could be really helpful. I had been thinking that he wouldn’t really be interested in my dilemma, but he loves me deeply and knows how much my faith means to me. He talks a lot about how important it is for us to back each other up (usually, it’s cuz he needs backing up…and he’s right!). He also might rather enjoy an opportunity to set his mother straight again; the poor guy has an entire childhood to make up for!! Only half joking…

I’m beginning to feel peace about this now. I have a while to pray about it and hope that anything I say might bring us closer and maybe even her closer to the Catholic Church - yes, with a big C.

Thanks guys. I’ll still be checking, and I’m gonna print out all these great answers.

 

[Leopard]

…I don’t think u can’t … slap someone in a non-mean way.

Wait a second, that’s a tripple negative. Let me figure it out… “don’t” and “can’t” cancel out… You do think you can slap someone in a non-mean way?

My wife says she disagrees and I’d better not try it.

 

[minnieg]

PatienceandLove - being purposely confusing, and very funny.

Leopard, I wouldn’t try that with your wife, either, lest you want to be p0wn3d back.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

Wait a second, that’s a tripple negative. Let me figure it out… “don’t” and “can’t” cancel out… You do think you can slap someone in a non-mean way?

My wife says she disagrees and I’d better not try it.

How about “I don’t think it’s possible to b-slap someone in a non-mean way”

And I am an English major- I make up punctuation and grammar rules as I go.

 

[NMJenny]

SMHW;2616974:

SMHW - I think this is where the problem lies. She knows that Catholics don’t receive in other churches. She feels this is wrong, wrong, wrong. And that I am a victim of orthodox Catholic meanies. She has mentioned a friend who “grew up believing it is a sin to receive in other churches” and “is dealing with all that guilt” laid on her by the church. This friend told her about Catholics in Florida that are working toward a change. .

Apparently your MIL doesn’t realize that there are many Episcopal Churches that don’t practice open communion…

 

[Kiki]

I can totally empathize with you! My MIL is also Episcopalian. My children ( 10 & 11) & I recently converted due to how liberal the Episcopal church has become. My husband has stil not converted, but attends Mass with us. My MIL is very liberal & strong willed. I can totally see her doing the same thing. We live a long distance away so we haven’t had to attend church with her in years. She did come to our Easter Vigil Mass & it was my children’s First Communion & my Confirmation. I had just the opposite thing happen…**my MIL went up & took communion!!! She knows very well that it wasn’t allowed. My FIL & his side is all Catholic. I am not sure why she did it. I didn’t confront her. My family was all there & did not receive. It makes it very hard because we were all Episcopalian. My MIL is a wonderful woman & is a great person, just very liberal. I am raising our childen very **conservative & so far she has not said anything to go against what we teach them.

I will pray that you & your MIL can work this out. If your children will continue going to services with her you must talk with her & make it clear your beliefs/ point of view must be respected or else not allow them to attend with her. That is just my opinion.

Good Luck!

 

[minnieg]

I went to my nephew’s baptism in the Episcopal church this past weekend. Everything was lovely, but I felt the stares from MIL when neither I nor my kids went up for communion. She made a point of telling a child sitting with my kids (a family friend, and - as luck would have it - MIL’s godchild) to go on up to communion.

I’m glad to have “survived” another instance, but am alternatively grateful/sorry that we haven’t had “the talk”.

DH rocks and says, “You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.” His great experience in defying his mother has come to some good! (somewhat joking)

Just wanted to update you. Y’all don’t know how you helped settle me on this!

 

[mercygate]

I went to my nephew’s baptism in the Episcopal church this past weekend. Everything was lovely, but I felt the stares from MIL when neither I nor my kids went up for communion. She made a point of telling a child sitting with my kids (a family friend, and - as luck would have it - MIL’s godchild) to go on up to communion.

I’m glad to have “survived” another instance, but am alternatively grateful/sorry that we haven’t had “the talk”.

DH rocks and says, “You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.” His great experience in defying his mother has come to some good! (somewhat joking)

Just wanted to update you. Y’all don’t know how you helped settle me on this!

I’m not very confrontational, but I would just respond to a glare with: “Mom, you look so displeased. But please try to understand that the disicpline of our faith does not permit us to receive Communion in the Episcopal Church.”

My guess is that she’ll back down. She’ll respect you for that – even if it makes her furious to do so.

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

At least you have the support of your DH That’s sure to help a lot.

Heck, I did the opposite. I attend chuch with my Episcopalian brother and his family at times. I had NO idea (why, I’m not sure) that I wasn’t supposed to take communion there. For some stupid reason, I knew they (and other non-approved religions) couldn’t take communion in the Catholic church, but I didn’t realize I shouldn’t have since “everyone” was welcome. I haven’t taken it since I read somewhere on these boards that that was a “no-no.”

Good luck to you in this and future issues that might arise.

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

At least you have the support of your DH That’s sure to help a lot.

Heck, I did the opposite. I attend chuch with my Episcopalian brother and his family at times. I had NO idea (why, I’m not sure) that I wasn’t supposed to take communion there. For some stupid reason, I knew they (and members of some other religions) couldn’t take communion in the Catholic church, but I didn’t realize I shouldn’t have since “everyone” was welcome. I haven’t taken it since I read somewhere on these boards that that was a “no-no.”

Good luck to you in this and future issues that might arise.

 

[LSK]

One of the nicest things about being surrounded by people who claim to be very liberal and open and accepting is that you can always make it a point of thanking them for being so open and accepting of your beliefs.

I have a family member who decided, at the age of 64, that she was going to become an Episcopalian because women can be ‘ordained priests’. She came to visit us and went on and on and on and on (and on) about how incredibly liberal her church was and how wonderful it was to be ‘housed under a messy tent’ (these were her words and no, I didn’t really understand it). At some point she took a breath and I was able to say, “Oh it is so wonderful that you have found a place to be open-minded and inclusive - and the best part is knowing you will accept my beliefs without question or comment because not doing so would go against YOUR beliefs”

She actually stopped talking long enough to look surprised. Then she had to say, “Oh…yes, you’re right”.

I then gave her the address of the Episcopal Church down the street from the Parish. She went to services and came back pretty upset…turns out they are so conservative they might as well be Catholic.

lololoolololol…

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

“Oh it is so wonderful that you have found a place to be open-minded and inclusive - and the best part is knowing you will accept my beliefs without question or comment because not doing so would go against YOUR beliefs”

She actually stopped talking long enough to look surprised. Then she had to say, “Oh…yes, you’re right”

Wonderful way to address it!!! I love this - very tactful!

 

[PaulinVA]

LSK - Yep, that’s the “big tent”. Some Episcopal parishes are extremely liberal, and some are what they call “Anglo-Catholic”.

The Elizabethan Settlement, which created the church of England, allowed for basically Catholic or protestant beliefs; transubstantiation or consubstantiation; Calvinism, whatever.

You will find all sorts of Episcopalian parishes.

 

[minnieg]

You all are continuing to bolster me and add to my understanding as well as my repertoire of possible responses.

Thank you!

 

[St_Gabriel]

I went to my nephew’s baptism in the Episcopal church this past weekend. Everything was lovely, but I felt the stares from MIL when neither I nor my kids went up for communion. She made a point of telling a child sitting with my kids (a family friend, and - as luck would have it - MIL’s godchild) to go on up to communion.

I’m glad to have “survived” another instance, but am alternatively grateful/sorry that we haven’t had “the talk”.

DH rocks and says, “You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.” His great experience in defying his mother has come to some good! (somewhat joking)

Just wanted to update you. Y’all don’t know how you helped settle me on this!

It’s good to know that you are staying strong and that you have a very supportive husband. I have protestant relatives and every once in a while this topic comes up (weddings, funerals, baptisms). My MIL tried to convince us that she was given the eucharist and precious blood at a catholic funeral.

It’s not uncharitable not to receive in other churches (especially the anglican church because I’ve been told by an Anglican preacher that their’s is a symbol of unity. A unity that in truth doesn’t exist. So don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

My MIL tried to convince us that she was given the eucharist and precious blood at a catholic funeral.

I’m not sure why she had to convince you – she probably did receive communion in a Catholic church. You can argue about whether she SHOULD have received, but if someone goes forward they’re not likely to be turned away.

 

[St_Gabriel]

I’m not sure why she had to convince you – she probably did receive communion in a Catholic church. You can argue about whether she SHOULD have received, but if someone goes forward they’re not likely to be turned away.

It was the leaven bread which made us doubt. Plus, the fact that I’ve never seen them give the precious blood out at a funeral (at the funeral home). But you’re right, it could happen.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

It was the leaven bread which made us doubt. Plus, the fact that I’ve never seen them give the precious blood out at a funeral (at the funeral home). But you’re right, it could happen.

Ah, if it wasn’t a funeral Mass but something in a funeral home, that’s different. You’re right…

I’ve just run into the situation with a relative where she left the Catholic Church after her second (or maybe it was her third) marriage. She occasionally will come to Mass but when I’ve said she can’t receive communion she assures me that she can indeed and proceeds to go forward. Short of creating a scene in the middle of Mass, I figure I’ll leave it for Jesus to figure out later. Though I have to admit there are times when I’d love to see a lightning bolt strike.