MIL moving in with us

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We’ve been married for 20 years. I forgot about that bible quote.
 
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Do you think he would speak with your priest or a counselor? It sounds like he needs to hear it from someone else.
 
He really made me think I was a horrible person for not agreeing to something that any good, Catholic wife would immediately agree to without hesitation. I truly was looking for someone to explain it to me where I would see his point.

I’ve come to learn that this is not what God intends for our marriage; already on rocky ground.
 
Living with in laws is challenging enough when a marriage is good, I cannot imagine how this is going to work for you. Have you discussed how this will work? Will she be a guest always, or contributing to how the house runs by pitching in! Will she respect boundaries? Will she be able to stay out of your business? What recourse will you have if his mom gets between you two?

You and your husband need to have a long discussion about this.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Living with in laws is challenging enough when a marriage is good, I cannot imagine how this is going to work for you. Have you discussed how this will work? Will she be a guest always, or contributing to how the house runs by pitching in! Will she respect boundaries? Will she be able to stay out of your business? What recourse will you have if his mom gets between you two?

You and your husband need to have a long discussion about this.
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He said he will put no stipulations on her. He said he won’t make her feel unwelcome by pressuring her to leave. I asked if he could lay “ground rules” for her and me and again he refused because it would make her feel unwelcome.

She has proven how she doesn’t respect my boundaries in the past 20 years and will provide me with unsolicited advice. I have kept my distance as she has abused the respect I have given her.

I have given her my place at the table, sitting in the front seat when dh has driven and she mistook my kindness and tried to parent my children and tell them not to do things that I allow them to do. They weren’t doing anything disrespectful, it was just her asserting her authority over them needlessly, even when I’m around. (Just one example of many).

I took back my rightful place and no longer relegated myself to taking the backseat to her.

But I know it’ll be another battle to dealing with her on a regular basis and it will test every resolve I can possibly muster.

And that’s separate from the issues I’ve been having with dh. I don’t know how I’ll be able to endure 2 people that are very difficult to be with making my life so bitter.
 
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Hello.

Children do not help their parents by allowing them to be in situations where they can remain toxic. Would you offer an alcoholic a drink?

Honoring your mother-in-law would be helping her to face her behavior.

You are in my prayers. Please pray for me.
 
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NO.

It is uncharitable to let her move in.

Is there any threat of violence here?
 
No threat of violence. I don’t understand why he’s so adamant about moving her in against my wishes.

Lately, I’ve told him that I’m trying to submit to his position of the head of our family. It seems he is asserting his God-given role and make decisions because he knows I’m trying to be submissive as a wife. I believe he’s abusing his power.
 
Hello.

Have you ever tried going to Al-Anon? It is for anyone who has ever been affected by the effects of alcoholism - which is pretty much our entire population.

They have meetings all over the country and online meetings. It’s only a suggestion.

You are in my prayers, please pray for me.

I’d also almost suggest you see a lawyer, but I don’t know if it’s such a good idea… it’s only a random thought…
 
no1special said:
She’s toxic and has created constant discord with her own family. She’s opinionated, negative and critical.
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First, your user name makes me sad.

Second, I know that this phrase is very popular in the world today. We are called by Christ to love our enemies, to do good to people who do mean things to us, to not return evil for evil.

My advice is to understand that actions or words may be “toxic”, but, your MIL is a beloved child of God.

Can you get some Catholic counseling for yourself? I’ve found we cannot change other people but we can change how we react to them.
 
I’d really advise against using that quote against him.

In the time that was spoken, when a man’s father died the oldest son took his mother in to live with him. The mother was most definitely given the place of honor in the home by her daughter in law, it was not even a question. It would have been considered a great sin to refuse to allow your MIL into the home when she was widowed.
 
TheLittleLady said:
I’d really advise against using that quote against him.

In the time that was spoken, when a man’s father died the oldest son took his mother in to live with him. The mother was most definitely given the place of honor in the home by her daughter in law, it was not even a question. It would have been considered a great sin to refuse to allow your MIL into the home when she was widowed.
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So, would it be sinful for me to dread her staying with us?
 
“Dread” is not a sin unless it becomes despair. Dread is an emotion.

You really need to have a Spiritual Director to help, but, until then maybe read The Little Flower’s book “The Little Way”. She speaks of learning to live with another nun who was mean and difficult.
 
TheLittleLady said:
I’d really advise against using that quote against him.

In the time that was spoken, when a man’s father died the oldest son took his mother in to live with him. The mother was most definitely given the place of honor in the home by her daughter in law, it was not even a question. It would have been considered a great sin to refuse to allow your MIL into the home when she was widowed.
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This quote is used fairly open during Catholic weddings. It was spoken about in mine. We will have to disagree. His wife takes precedence over his mother.
 
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