Personally I think that religious instruction among adults should only be offered when there is a willing and inquisitive listener and in the appropriate context. (Such as, a scripture study is a place where one can expect and appreciate instruction regarding Church teaching because everyone is there on equal ground with the similar focus of exploring and studying faith matters.) However, there are plenty of situations where the subject arises outside of a safe context for being direct and straightforward about Church teaching. When a question is asked of me regarding doctrinal matters, and I happen to have an understanding of that particular nuance of our faith, I oblige with an answer and the caveat of, “This is what I understand the Church to teach,” because I don’t think for a minute that my explanation will ever be entirely adequate. However, when people don’t ask for an opinion and give no indication of desiring my opinion regarding their thoughts or actions in terms of our shared faith, I don’t offer my opinion. I try to be conscious of doing this with other subjects as well–realizing that when people want an opinion or advice, they ultimately will usually ask for it. If we are having a mutual conversation objectively, without personal undertones that could smack of confrontation, I will make my position known in a tactful manner if the opportunity presents.
An example that comes to mind is a Catholic friend whom I used to work with at my old employment. She was a mother of three and had suffered multiple miscarriages. Each of her surviving children had varying birth defects and after the last little boy was born, she found herself emotionally and spiritually (and financially) exhausted. On anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, she confided to me and another Catholic woman co-worker that she had chosen to also start taking the BCP. She felt unable to deal with another pregnancy at that particular point in her life and did not want to trust NFP anymore. The other woman in our triangular conversation decided to respond with, “You’re taking the BCP? That’s a mortal sin!” and then proceeded to ask questions that were none of her business, like “Are you receiving Jesus unworthily?” Despite the obvious discomfort and awkwardness that followed, this woman did not give up and later told me she “didn’t want to go to hell for her!” (Meaning she believed that if she did not instruct our co-worker about the spiritual danger of BCP, she would go to hell for not informing her. She felt completely justified in her reaction to our co-worker’s life choice.) Do I agree with BCP? No, but do I have the human capacity to understand and comprehend that this poor battered woman who previously used NFP might be acting out of desperation and a sincere desire to save her sanity? YES. Do I think God has compassion for our human limitations and might He consider her to be acting with an impeded will, due to the pressures upon her which influenced her choice-making? Yes. Did she ask for any advice or opinion from me or the other woman about whether WE thought she should be taking BCP? NO. She was simply confiding that due to being so distraught, this was how she and her husband were choosing to deal with family planning.
It seems that a lot can be said for tact, compassion and understanding. If we feel compelled to enlighten someone about Church teaching, it needs to be done sensitively and with the utmost care and caution for the good of their spiritual life. Charity is supernatural love and the greatest of virtues. If we cannot speak with charity when guiding those we care about, then we do more harm than good.
