Millennials: How Do You Make Peace With How You Were Raised?

[TarkanAttila]

I was blessed to be raised Catholic. Fortunately my parents weren’t pushy in career choices.
My issue is that I can never find something that I would want to do for the next 20 years.

Then again I’m still in college.

Me neither. I can scarcely find anything that appeals to me now. I want definitely to work in something dealing with the faith. Theology, evangelisation, something. The vast majority of jobs do not interest me much if at all.

 

[Bill_Martin]

I think the biggest problem is comparison to others, and the expectation that these kinds of successes are normal and anything else is abnormal. I had a similar upbringing and to be honest, I have felt mostly worthless for as long as I can remember, though I have never told anyone. I never had many friends, those I had moved on after high school and I lost contact with them, and I made just one in college. I always felt kind of broken, like everyone else is a few steps ahead because they know how to do normal things like make new friends, date, etc., whereas I have to learn them.

The only thing that motivates me to do things to improve myself at this point is trying to be better so I can stop feeling this way, even though it never works because I end up comparing myself to others anyway.

 

[Xantippe]

Me neither. I can scarcely find anything that appeals to me now. I want definitely to work in something dealing with the faith. Theology, evangelisation, something. The vast majority of jobs do not interest me much if at all.

Are you planning to have a family?

 

[PumpkinCookie]

Perhaps a helpful thought is to realize that one is only partially responsible for the external circumstances of one’s life. To me, the only true achievement in life is to be a noble and virtuous human being. Everything else is not so much up to us. All we can do is pursue truth, honor, goodness, justice, love, and peace. We aren’t in control of our circumstances, and we cannot make ourselves successful or even happy by our own efforts. However, we can always choose to be a good human being, and to me that is the pinnacle of success. I am a “millennial” by the way.

That said, worldly success is also a good thing. I think it is important not to develop the “sour grapes” I so often encounter among Catholic believers. If you happen upon worldly success in your pursuit of goodness, good for you! If not, don’t be so harsh on yourself.

 

[Xantippe]

That said, worldly success is also a good thing. I think it is important not to develop the “sour grapes” I so often encounter among Catholic believers. If you happen upon worldly success in your pursuit of goodness, good for you! If not, don’t be so harsh on yourself.

Yes.

There’s a very interesting idea (I think from Rabbi Daniel Lapin, but I heard it via Dave Ramsey) that money is a sort of green “certificate of appreciation.” You get certificates of appreciation when you work for people and help them. The more work you do for others and the more they value your help, the more little green certificates of appreciation you get.

Of course, there’s lots of work that does not generate any certificates of appreciation at all (for instance raising your own children or picking up litter), but I think it’s a very helpful paradigm for thinking about work and money.

 

[Captain_America]

I’m 51. Technically, I’m the end year of the Baby Boom, but I never got all that Baby Boom philosophy of Everything Is Always Getting Better for Specifically YOU.

Here’s two cents.

Our economy didn’t come through for you. It’s cinched down; job creation has gone to pretty mundane things. the USA never did come to fighting terms with dealing with globalization: the leaders in politics opted for the New World Order and left the US behind.

The whole “fulfillment through work” idea comes from the 1960s and it’s nonsense.

I agree with the author of Life’s Instruction Book that marriage and family will be the source of about 90% of your happiness. This has been the case for me.

Last year I chatted with a female lawyer, just blather and chatter, and out of the blue she says she doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up! (She’s about 10-12 years younger than me, maybe more).

I heard that and I thought of law school debt. I thought of the social waste of a law school seat. I also thought of a couple of lawyers I know who hate doing law, and I thought again that I was probably fortunate in waiving my law school admission.

There really ARE only very few situations in which a person can be a Major Star or make a Historic Difference.

Instead, take care in what you do, understand what makes a quality job, and do it and take pleasure from your own craftsmanship.

 

[jmcrae]

There really ARE only very few situations in which a person can be a Major Star or make a Historic Difference.

Instead, take care in what you do, understand what makes a quality job, and do it and take pleasure from your own craftsmanship.

Yes, exactly- and you can bring this attitude to absolutely any job or any situation.

I’m reminded of the character in the movie “The Devil Wears Prada” - she starts out very entitled and very put out that she has to work for this awful woman, and she hates everything about the job - but then she takes on the attitude of seeking excellence and anticipating the current need, and then, suddenly, opportunities open up for her, and in the end she gets her dream job. Attitude is everything.

 

[Thomas1981]

That said, worldly success is also a good thing. I think it is important not to develop the “sour grapes” I so often encounter among Catholic believers. If you happen upon worldly success in your pursuit of goodness, good for you! If not, don’t be so harsh on yourself.

I used to want more money so I could buy lots of things. Now, I want more money so I can give more to the Church! Yes, worldly success for Christians is a good thing!

 

[adawgj]

Me neither. I can scarcely find anything that appeals to me now. I want definitely to work in something dealing with the faith. Theology, evangelisation, something. The vast majority of jobs do not interest me much if at all.

I know right. That’d b cool if you could do something about the faith.

 

[TarkanAttila]

Are you planning to have a family?

Emotionally, I’m divided. Rationally, I think the priesthood or some less carnal lifestyle is more likely.

I know right. That’d b cool if you could do something about the faith.

:yup:

 

[Potter]

I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian sect (Oneness Pentecostalism), but have few gripes with that rearing. Although Pentecostals are worlds away from orthodoxy in terms of belief and liturgy, they do have some common strengths. They both recognize, for instance, the animus that exists between Christian culture and that of the world’s, and my parents protected me from the latter as best they could. Television was barred from our house, and they kept an eye on the kind of music I listened to. While at the time I thought these measures restrictive I’ve learned to appreciate them. In fact, these days it is I who keep a TV-less house while they have taken to keeping the boob tube on all day, just for noise. Pentecostals are also pro-life, though not as consistently so as Catholics; I’ve never met one opposed to the death penalty. Their stands are also not as deeply thought-out: they might refer to homosexuality as unnatural, but don’t go articulate the order that it violates. Even during my years as an agnostic and diehard ‘rationalist’, I didn’t hold my fundamentalist upbringing against my parents…they did right by me the best way they knew how. w

 

[Captain_America]

I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian sect (Oneness Pentecostalism), but have few gripes with that rearing. Although Pentecostals are worlds away from orthodoxy in terms of belief and liturgy, they do have some common strengths. They both recognize, for instance, the animus that exists between Christian culture and that of the world’s, and my parents protected me from the latter as best they could. Television was barred from our house, and they kept an eye on the kind of music I listened to. While at the time I thought these measures restrictive I’ve learned to appreciate them. In fact, these days it is I who keep a TV-less house while they have taken to keeping the boob tube on all day, just for noise. Pentecostals are also pro-life, though not as consistently so as Catholics; I’ve never met one opposed to the death penalty. Their stands are also not as deeply thought-out: they might refer to homosexuality as unnatural, but don’t go articulate the order that it violates. Even during my years as an agnostic and diehard ‘rationalist’, I didn’t hold my fundamentalist upbringing against my parents…they did right by me the best way they knew how. w

Captain America’s been TV-free since 1992! happily so!

I very much like how you make explicit the critical, enormous gulf between Christian culture (or world view) and that of the world.

Some just do not see this!

 

[Allegra]

Whenever I start to feel resentful about how I was raised, I remember how my mother was raised. Then I remind myself of how my grandmother was raised. They all tried to do the best with what they had and what they knew. Hopefully, I’ll get it right.

 

[spunjalebi]

I come from a very strict and traditional immigrant family, where my parents wholeheartedly held the stance the OP described. Their philosophy comes more from “you need to work harder and things will work out.” My recent rant about the IL’s shows they come from the human worth=achievement=doing it right.

It’s hard. I get why my parents think the way they do. I recently saw a speech where Senator Rubio talked about his parents being blue collar workers to make a life better for their kids. My parents could share his sentiments, if it were not for the fact he’s a Republican But where my parents are from, people who have good opportunities and work hard are the ones who come out better. Unfortunately, they’re in the US now where there are so many different societal, economic, and political factors at play the rules simply aren’t the same.

It is hard to go through life with the ideology of worth coming from achievements. My IL’s cannot understand how my husband and I have worked so much, yet barely scrape by. In their minds, we aren’t working enough. They do share the idea that if you are poor or lower-income, you ought to be working yourself to an early death. I know, harsh.

It’s not really possible for me to make peace with the way I was raised. Millennials were told to go to college because it “worked” for the population of Boomers who went. They got degrees, and then good jobs. I’m not sure anyone could have truly predicted the falling value of a Bachelor’s degree in this economy, but you can’t get a job without the degree. It is what it is.

 

[Estevao]

I just realize that the way I was raised and the mentalities I was inculcated with were false, that I have been graced with the true gospel now in my life, and that the errors of my parents and other close family to putting worldly success over peace with God is unfortunate, but that was just the environment they were brought up in as well. The lusts of the flesh and the lies of the secular world may have made it seem to them that catholicism was not worth passing on in-tact to me, and the reasons for that will be made known on judgment day. Not everything will be made clear this side of the grave as we see dimly as through a reflection. But who knows what the future holds in store?

 

[faithsmind]

Whenever I start to feel resentful about how I was raised, I remember how my mother was raised. Then I remind myself of how my grandmother was raised. They all tried to do the best with what they had and what they knew. Hopefully, I’ll get it right.

Heck YES!

 

[faithsmind]

How’s that for an inciteful OP?
Wow! Clapclapclap

For me it was not so much the family that carried this short-sighted utilitarian view, but the outside world. That was a struggle for me. My advice is to continue to focus on and discover the incredible WORTH of truth, beauty, and goodness… the face of Christ, within creation and in the face of each and every human being. Only then are you able to walk on water, to not let all these other opinions bother you . But yeah, sometimes it’s easy to lose the focus. It also takes a certain amount of maturity.