Minor Rant - From a Non-Believer, No Less

[WillyAL]

As an agnostic who attends Sunday Mass with my Catholic wife, I make an effort to be respectful and relatively inconspicuous. If you saw me at Mass you might notice that I don’t cross myself and I don’t present myself for communion, but otherwise I think I blend right in. I even do some volunteer work around the parish. Today, for example, I was an usher. OK…with that out of the way……

I was an usher today and was stationed at the rear of the church. If someone arrived late, I was there to make sure they got a missal and found a seat. I typically take my seat after the second reading, assuming that anyone who is going to come to Mass is already there. Today however, about half way through the General Prayer, this couple came in. Age-wise I would guess they were early-30ish. Now, I am not a judgmental kind of guy at all, but these two had obviously just rolled out of bed, grabbed the first articles of clothing they could pick up off the floor, and ran out the door without even dragging a comb through their hair. The man was doing very little to cover up the fact that he had no interest in being there and was dragged there by his wife/girlfriend. When it came time to go forward to receive Communion, the man turned and walked out, and the woman went forward, received, and ducked out the side door.

As I said, I’m a pretty laid-back, non-judgmental kind of guy. And as a non-Catholic, I have no dog in this fight anyway. But the way these two comported themselves this morning just struck me as being extremely disrespectful. As I watched the woman make a beeline for the side exit, the first thing that popped into my mind was, “This probably means less to her than it does to me. Why did they even bother?” Then, my second thought was, “After this poor performance, they better not even THINK about going to the parish hall and eating any of the cream filled doughnuts.”

Rant over. Blood pressure returned to normal.

 

[brigid12]

Maybe their alarm clock didn’t go off or something, and they barely made it - but they did make it! Coming to Mass is the most important thing they’ll probably do this week and doing it at all is wonderful.

 

[WillyAL]

Maybe their alarm clock didn’t go off or something, and they barely made it - but they did make it! Coming to Mass is the most important thing they’ll probably do this week and doing it at all is wonderful.

I didn’t get a “Oh my gosh, we overslept” kind of vibe from them. But, you might be right.

I grew up in a mainline protestant family, and we went to church every Sunday. During my teens I was an altar server and from my vantage point sitting up front I had a very good view of the congregation. It was an extremely rare event for someone to arrive after the first hymn. In my experience at our Catholic parish, however, it is not at all uncommon for the size of the congregation to grow by 25% between the first hymn and and the Gospel.

So let me ask: Is this a Catholic thing? As long as you’re there for Communion it’s good enough? Or do you think it’s a generational thing? Back in the day did Catholics think it was important to arrive on time? Or is something else at play here?

 

[Vico]

I didn’t get a “Oh my gosh, we overslept” kind of vibe from them. But, you might be right.

I grew up in a mainline protestant family, and we went to church every Sunday. During my teens I was an altar server and from my vantage point sitting up front I had a very good view of the congregation. It was an extremely rare event for someone to arrive after the first hymn. In my experience at our Catholic parish, however, it is not at all uncommon for the size of the congregation to grow by 25% between the first hymn and and the Gospel.

So let me ask: Is this a Catholic thing? As long as you’re there for Communion it’s good enough? Or do you think it’s a generational thing? Back in the day did Catholics think it was important to arrive on time? Or is something else at play here?

We never know why someone is late or leaves early, unless we are informed. The expectation is that the person will attend a complete Mass (of Divine Liturgy). In ancient times the Catechumens (those to be baptized) were dismissed before the Liturgy of the Eucharist.

Father Edward McNamara, professor of liturgy at the Regina Apostolorum Pontifical Athenaeum said (EWTN):
“Arriving on time is not just a question of obligation but of love and respect for Our Lord who has gathered us together to share his gifts, and who has some grace to communicate to us in each part of the Mass.”
“It is also a sign of respect for the community with whom we worship and who deserves our presence and the contribution of our prayers in each moment. The liturgy is essentially the worship of Christ’s body, the Church. Each assembly is called upon to represent and manifest the whole body but this can hardly happen if it forms itself in drips and drabs after the celebration has begun.”
…
“The Mass ends with the dismissal, but as a mark of respect the faithful should wait until the priest has entered the sacristy and any final song has ended. Leaving after Communion does not allow us to thank God properly for the gift of his Son and also deprives us of the added grace of the concluding prayer and final blessing.”

 

[boomerang]

First of all, thank you for being a good husband and accompanying your wife to mass. As for that couple, their behavior sounds very disrespectful, and not at all normal. To arrive that late, then to split as soon as she gets the Eucharist, it sounds like they are up to something. Either they were going to mass as a lark, or she was taking the Eucharist out of the church to possibly do something sacrilegious with it. Did you actually see her consume it, or did she run out with it in her hand?

 

[jaimeleglise]

I appreciate that you care so much that people give our Lord and each other the respect they deserve. That is wonderful. God bless you.
Praying for you.

 

[WillyAL]

Did you actually see her consume it, or did she run out with it in her hand?

It never occurred to me to look for that.

 

[Blue_Goose]

WillyAl - Thanks for the post and I think it is great that you are supporting your wife. She is very lucky to have you.

I too was agnostic. I wandered around for 50 years before I came to my senses. Hang in there. Sooner or later it will click.

Now, to the point your raised. I would say the couple was extremely disrespectful.

Peace be with you.

 

[WKW_69]

Back in the 90’s I came to a new city to work and the job didn’t work out, but I had briefly returned to the Church. I ended sleeping in my car over the summer and went to Sunday Mass one day and I got the looks and the message my type wasn’t welcome.

 

[OraLabora]

it is not at all uncommon for the size of the congregation to grow by 25% between the first hymn and and the Gospel.

And to have it shrink by a similar percentage between communion and the final blessing

I can’t say if it’s a Catholic thing. It is common in my parish but not common at all in my wife’s Anglican parish.

It’s also not common in the abbey Church I attend but most are there because they actually want to be there (Gregorian chant and all that).

Interestingly one of Canada’s former finance ministers and prime ministers is a member of the parish and would attend Mass when at home even when he occupied those functions. He always ducks out immediately after communion, presumably to avoid being hassled by parishioners. He often attended with his sons. In his case, I can understand ducking out early.

 

[sttcatherinefan]

As an agnostic who attends Sunday Mass with my Catholic wife, I make an effort to be respectful and relatively inconspicuous. If you saw me at Mass you might notice that I don’t cross myself and I don’t present myself for communion, but otherwise I think I blend right in. I even do some volunteer work around the parish. Today, for example, I was an usher. OK…with that out of the way……

I was an usher today and was stationed at the rear of the church. If someone arrived late, I was there to make sure they got a missal and found a seat. I typically take my seat after the second reading, assuming that anyone who is going to come to Mass is already there. Today however, about half way through the General Prayer, this couple came in. Age-wise I would guess they were early-30ish. Now, I am not a judgmental kind of guy at all, but these two had obviously just rolled out of bed, grabbed the first articles of clothing they could pick up off the floor, and ran out the door without even dragging a comb through their hair. The man was doing very little to cover up the fact that he had no interest in being there and was dragged there by his wife/girlfriend. When it came time to go forward to receive Communion, the man turned and walked out, and the woman went forward, received, and ducked out the side door.

As I said, I’m a pretty laid-back, non-judgmental kind of guy. And as a non-Catholic, I have no dog in this fight anyway. But the way these two comported themselves this morning just struck me as being extremely disrespectful. As I watched the woman make a beeline for the side exit, the first thing that popped into my mind was, “This probably means less to her than it does to me. Why did they even bother?” Then, my second thought was, “After this poor performance, they better not even THINK about going to the parish hall and eating any of the cream filled doughnuts.”

Rant over. Blood pressure returned to normal.

How about you not obsess over the actions of others? Perhaps that will help with your blood pressure. M’Kay. I hope you never usher for a Spanish Mass. With Latinos, the start time of the Mass is a suggestion. They are coming in throughout the Mass.

 

[QuasiCatholic]

It’s definitely a Catholic thing.

I went to church very rarely growing up (Protestant), but on those occasions when I did go you can bet I was dressed up – as was everyone else in the church. Everyone sang every song. And no one left early.

It continues to amaze me as a Catholic that people come in jeans and t-shirts on a regular basis, many people don’t even pretend to be singing (they don’t even pick up the books) and people are constantly coming in halfway through or leaving immediately from the communion line without staying for the final blessing. I’ve seen this in every parish I’ve ever visited.

Here’s my theory: A lot of Catholics go to church because they feel they have to (the whole Sunday obligation thing). Protestants don’t have that obligation, so most of the ones who show up are there because they WANT to be. Thus the average level of reverence in the pews tends to be higher.

 

[7_Sorrows]

First of all, thank you for being a good husband and accompanying your wife to mass. As for that couple, their behavior sounds very disrespectful, and not at all normal. To arrive that late, then to split as soon as she gets the Eucharist, it sounds like they are up to something. Either they were going to mass as a lark, or she was taking the Eucharist out of the church to possibly do something sacrilegious with it. Did you actually see her consume it, or did she run out with it in her hand?

I was thinking the same, but I am praying that was not the case. Possibly they could have been at the hospital all night with a sick child or a sick relative.
I think it is disrespectful to leave before the Mass has ended.

 

[sttcatherinefan]

I was thinking the same, but I am praying that was not the case. Possibly they could have been at the hospital all night with a sick child or a sick relative.
I think it is disrespectful to leave before the Mass has ended.

Again… Not obsessing over the actions of others is a good thing. Really, try focusing on one’s own behavior.

 

[WillyAL]

How about you not obsess over the actions of others? Perhaps that will help with your blood pressure.

Psychological advice on Catholic Answers Forum. Who would have guessed? We’ve got it all here!

I hope you never usher for a Spanish Mass. With Latinos, the start time of the Mass is a suggestion. They are coming in throughout the Mass.

Actually, one of our “sister parishes” (we share a priest) has a large Spanish speaking community. Occasionally circumstances dictate that we attend Mass there. You’re right about the fact that there is a lot of coming and going throughout the Mass. In fact, the congregation seems to be in constant motion. People changing seats, parents trying to herd their kids, etc. It is a really vibrant community and I enjoy going there. That said, I doubt that I will pressed into usher service there, so please let your mind be at ease.

It’s definitely a Catholic thing.

I went to church very rarely growing up (Protestant), but on those occasions when I did go you can bet I was dressed up – as was everyone else in the church. Everyone sang every song. And no one left early.

It continues to amaze me as a Catholic that people come in jeans and t-shirts on a regular basis, many people don’t even pretend to be singing (they don’t even pick up the books) and people are constantly coming in halfway through or leaving immediately from the communion line without staying for the final blessing. I’ve seen this in every parish I’ve ever visited.

I had the same experience growing up. I don’t think I EVER went to church without a jacket and tie. The first time I went to Mass with my wife, I was WAY overdressed for the ocassion. At our parish we even have Eucharistic Ministers wearing tee shirts, shorts, and sandals during the summer. While I’m sure there is nothing objectively wrong with that, it just seems kind of inappropriate to me. Now I will say that the parishioners at the Spanish language Mass dress a bit better and sing like they mean it, so maybe it’s just a cultural thing.

Here’s my theory: A lot of Catholics go to church because they feel they have to (the whole Sunday obligation thing). Protestants don’t have that obligation, so most of the ones who show up are there because they WANT to be. Thus the average level of reverence in the pews tends to be higher.

Interesting theory. There might be something to that.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I didn’t get a “Oh my gosh, we overslept” kind of vibe from them. But, you might be right.

I grew up in a mainline protestant family, and we went to church every Sunday. During my teens I was an altar server and from my vantage point sitting up front I had a very good view of the congregation. It was an extremely rare event for someone to arrive after the first hymn. In my experience at our Catholic parish, however, it is not at all uncommon for the size of the congregation to grow by 25% between the first hymn and and the Gospel.

So let me ask: Is this a Catholic thing? As long as you’re there for Communion it’s good enough? Or do you think it’s a generational thing? Back in the day did Catholics think it was important to arrive on time? Or is something else at play here?

I am a convert from Protestantism. I never really noticed if a lot of people came late or not when I use to go to protestant services. I became Catholic just a few weeks short of 2 years ago. I notice people come in late sometimes. One man in particular who always comes in around midway through the homily and then leaves after communion. I have been late to Mass maybe 3 or 4 times in the 3 years I have been attending Mass. And when I say late, I mean maybe 1 or 2 minuets lol. If I know I am going to be later than that, I would most likely just go to a different Mass time.

Here is one theory of mine. The thing about the difference between Catholic Sunday worship and Protestant Sunday worship is that Catholics are obligated to attend protestants generally are not. Perhaps that is why more Catholics will show up to Mass late because they know they have to go anyway. Perhaps it is more likely that a protestant will simply just skip the service that week if they are going to be extremely late because not going to church on Sunday is not a sin to protestants.

Just a theory of mine. I could be wrong. And of course, some people just cannot be on time for something to save their lives. It annoys me when people leave right after communion but it is not my place to judge them so I try to not think about them as they do it.

 

[Mousey]

Here is one theory of mine. The thing about the difference between Catholic Sunday worship and Protestant Sunday worship is that Catholics are obligated to attend protestants generally are not. Perhaps that is why more Catholics will show up to Mass late because they know they have to go anyway. Perhaps it is more likely that a protestant will simply just skip the service that week if they are going to be extremely late because not going to church on Sunday is not a sin to protestants

Your theory has a lot of merit.

Just a theory of mine. I could be wrong. And of course, some people just cannot be on time for something to save their lives. It annoys me when people leave right after communion but it is not my place to judge them so I try to not think about them as they do it.

I learned a lesson when some ladies left right after communion not to judge. They provided coffee and donuts to the parishioners after mass. They left to get it ready.

 

[InThePew]

As I said, I’m a pretty laid-back, non-judgmental kind of guy. And as a non-Catholic, I have no dog in this fight anyway. But the way these two comported themselves this morning just struck me as being extremely disrespectful. As I watched the woman make a beeline for the side exit, the first thing that popped into my mind was, “This probably means less to her than it does to me. Why did they even bother?” Then, my second thought was, “After this poor performance, they better not even THINK about going to the parish hall and eating any of the cream filled doughnuts.”

As others have indicated already, there could be any number of reasons why they arrived late and left early. Similarly, their appearance and behaviour could be attributed to any number of things - the impressions that we allow to form in our minds aren’t always accurate (actually, the opposite is probably true) and, if anything, probably tend to lead us away from God by being judgmental (the example of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector springs to mind). Admittedly, I’m a glass half full kind of guy but IMHO just being at mass is a start since it allows them to hear the Word be present with Christ. To put it another way, would you rather they’d stayed away?

 

[DakiniArtist]

If something troubles me, I make up a story in my head, like perhaps they were with a critically ill child at a hospital and ran over to the closest parish for Eucharist…Or they had car trouble; that has happened to me before!!!

…or, I remember the time I was a young woman in the '90s. Early twenties. Suicidal. Driving around looking for a place to off myself. I’d been up all night and looked awful, I’m sure. I have NO idea why I pulled into a church parking lot. Snuck in, just to be near people. Heard a hymn, a Protestant hymn, my grandmother’s favorite (and I loved her like you love your mother), “Bringing in the Sheaves.” I stood near the back and prayed. Little purple-haired, nose-ringed, eyebrow-pierced, dirty, five feet tall me. Yeah. I quietly stood there, an atheist, and prayed. I didn’t drive my car off a bridge, or take a bottle of pills. I prayed.

Someone grabbed my arm and told me to get out of “their” church because I looked “like trash.” Okay. I did.

I never forgot that lesson. I stayed out of Christian churches for a few more years, but I went in to be near Him, not his children. The lesson I got, and hard, was, “Don’t assume.” For me though, it’s usually “Don’t assume the person dressed nicely is going to judge you!”

 

[Burt_Macklin]

Going to mass is a bit like ripping off a bandaid. You delay it for as long as you can and then when it’s over you’re relieved. I suppose that the young couple was just trying to survive the mass as best they could.