Miracle Needed

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You are married to a narcissist who will never change. He was like this before he married you, and deceived you from the beginning. You have grounds for having your marriage annulled.

I was married to a deceiving narcissist like your husband, who wanted an open marriage after I stumbled upon his secret life. I too tried to make it work until he told me he intended to continue to see others for sex. It takes TWO for a marriage to work, not one. Your husband is freely choosing of his own will not to be faithful and committed. God gives us all free will, and your husband is clearly choosing not to love and honor you.

You have way more educational credentials than I do, yet I was able to find full time work that pays enough to be get by, despite being a stay at home mom for a number of years. I could not continue to live a lie of a marriage and have my children think this is what a woman is supposed to put up with. It is not.

My marriage was annulled, and two psychiatrists/psychologists have told me that my husband is a narcissist with the emotional maturity of an adolescent. I already have three children to raise; having a spouse as a fourth child was too much.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard and scary, but with God’s help, you can move forward onto a better life full of integrity and hope.
 
MiracleNeeded said:
Thank you NiceMIMI and everyone for the prayers! My children and I really can not live this way anymore. I am on here one last time to beg for help! I have tried all the avenues like the domestic abuse hotline and other charity organizations. They are nice/sympathetic, but are unable to help because (1) my current salary is above poverty level, and/or (2) we are not being physically abused. I have had no luck on job searches in other locations. I need help! Someone with connections to business/marketing jobs, or even just someone who is wealthy enough to help us get out, relocate, and survive until I can find a job to support us! Please know that I hate asking for such charity, but I really have no other way out. This marriage has separated me from all friendships I once had, and I have no family that can help. I am begging, if anyone out there has resources to help me, and is willing to do so, please do! I promise I am a good person, I do a lot of community work now, and always have! I just need a hand to get out of this situation…
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MN,

While I realize how difficult the described situation is I still find the request very odd. As strangers, even if we are Catholic, it is simply not wise to ask or dish out money from/to people we have never met. Former friends and whatever family you have are a much wiser choice.

Why don’t you ask for money from people in the community you serve rather than on an online forum?

I believe this should get flagged. My prayers continue to be with you, whether the story is true or not.
 
1inICXC said:
MN,

While I realize how difficult the described situation is I still find the request very odd. As strangers, even if we are Catholic, it is simply not wise to ask or dish out money from/to people we have never met. Former friends and whatever family you have are a much wiser choice.

Why don’t you ask for money from people in the community you serve rather than on an online forum?

I believe this should get flagged. My prayers continue to be with you, whether the story is true or not.
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I am sorry, I do not want people to mail me checks or anything! What I really need is help to get a job away from where I currently am. Some way to get out, but still be able to support my children. I am very sorry if my post offended you, I did not intend it to!
 
MiracleNeeded said:
Thank you NiceMIMI and everyone for the prayers! My children and I really can not live this way anymore. I am on here one last time to beg for help! I have tried all the avenues like the domestic abuse hotline and other charity organizations. They are nice/sympathetic, but are unable to help because (1) my current salary is above poverty level, and/or (2) we are not being physically abused. I have had no luck on job searches in other locations. I need help! Someone with connections to business/marketing jobs, or even just someone who is wealthy enough to help us get out, relocate, and survive until I can find a job to support us! Please know that I hate asking for such charity, but I really have no other way out. This marriage has separated me from all friendships I once had, and I have no family that can help. I am begging, if anyone out there has resources to help me, and is willing to do so, please do! I promise I am a good person, I do a lot of community work now, and always have! I just need a hand to get out of this situation…
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I think it is time for you to set aside your pride. Reach out to those friendships you once had and to your family and tell them exactly what is going on. Perhaps one of them will be more than happy to help you out by allowing you and the children to move in with them until you get back on your feet. You can file for divorce, have him pay for the divorce and force your husband to pay for child support. I don’t see why you can’t simply say that you have been suffering mental abuse. Any lawyer worth his/her salt can help you build a case. The first step is to put aside your pride and ask for help.

Something is not right here. You say you live in the United States. Yet, you say you cannot get out of the marriage. I’ve seen women in worse situations leave, and fare well. Is it perhaps that you believe you cannot leave? Do you think that seeing a therapist may help you leave? I do not say this to be cruel, but please bear in mind that the first step to achieving something is to see it, plan for it, and move towards it. It seems to me that you are seeing yourself stuck in a situation that you should have separated yourself from a long time ago. Perhaps the separation from your husband should start from within.

I will continue praying for you and your children.
 
NiceMimi said:
I think it is time for you to set aside your pride. Reach out to those friendships you once had and to your family and tell them exactly what is going on. Perhaps one of them will be more than happy to help you out by allowing you and the children to move in with them until you get back on your feet. You can file for divorce, have him pay for the divorce and force your husband to pay for child support. I don’t see why you can’t simply say that you have been suffering mental abuse. Any lawyer worth his/her salt can help you build a case. The first step is to put aside your pride and ask for help.

Something is not right here. You say you live in the United States. Yet, you say you cannot get out of the marriage. I’ve seen women in worse situations leave, and fare well. Is it perhaps that you believe you cannot leave? Do you think that seeing a therapist may help you leave? I do not say this to be cruel, but please bear in mind that the first step to achieving something is to see it, plan for it, and move towards it. It seems to me that you are seeing yourself stuck in a situation that you should have separated yourself from a long time ago. Perhaps the separation from your husband should start from within.
I will continue praying for you and your children.
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It is my understanding the divorce laws vary by state. I just happen to live in one that is not sympathic to the mother and children, I guess? The attorney I met with told me that in my situation, with no physical abuse, the only real way to protect the kids/limit their exposure to him is to move far enough away that it would affect custody and visitation. A court, at least in my state, will not allow me to move out of state, unless I can prove that move is imperative, so it must be a situation like I have a good job where we must move for our financial situation. So, the court would never let me quit my current job to move into a shelter in another state. If fact, if i dd that, i would risk losing custody. The attorney also said that in my state, mental abuse, cheating, how one spouse treats another, etc does not play at all into custody. And how he treats the kids will just be a “he said, she said” situation, especially since my husband is VERY careful about how he treats us and talks about us in public. If you met him, you would think he was a fab husband and father! The only way my state will protect the children from a legal parent is if physical danger can be proven. So, even if a friend in another state would allow us to sleep on their couch, without a job, the courts will not allow me to take them there. I have reached out to everyone I can think of. While some have offered to make a call or see what they can do about helping, nothing has come of it, yet. So, it is not as easy as just leaving, I have to be able to prove that I can financially provide for the children, or I risk losing them.
 
MiracleNeeded said:
It is my understanding the divorce laws vary by state. I just happen to live in one that is not sympathic to the mother and children, I guess? The attorney I met with told me that in my situation, with no physical abuse, the only real way to protect the kids/limit their exposure to him is to move far enough away that it would affect custody and visitation. A court, at least in my state, will not allow me to move out of state, unless I can prove that move is imperative, so it must be a situation like I have a good job where we must move for our financial situation. So, the court would never let me quit my current job to move into a shelter in another state. If fact, if i dd that, i would risk losing custody. The attorney also said that in my state, mental abuse, cheating, how one spouse treats another, etc does not play at all into custody. And how he treats the kids will just be a “he said, she said” situation, especially since my husband is VERY careful about how he treats us and talks about us in public. If you met him, you would think he was a fab husband and father! The only way my state will protect the children from a legal parent is if physical danger can be proven. So, even if a friend in another state would allow us to sleep on their couch, without a job, the courts will not allow me to take them there. I have reached out to everyone I can think of. While some have offered to make a call or see what they can do about helping, nothing has come of it, yet. So, it is not as easy as just leaving, I have to be able to prove that I can financially provide for the children, or I risk losing them.
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I am going to suggest that you start an Ebay business. You can go to garage sales and even look around the house for things to sell on Ebay. I hear it is easier to sell used books on Amazon.com Anyway, you can start to accumulate the monies you need quietly, and then when you reach your goal, you can send your resumes to another state. With your educational background, doing your research for such a move should be easy. You will be able to interview when he is travelling on business, and if you are offered a job, you can stay, and support yourself and the kids until the paychecks start to roll in.

You have a good educational and work background. I am sure that you can use your smarts to get out of this. I also think it may help if you talk to a professional about your situation. It sounds to me that you feel boxed into the situation, when in reality there is a back door…You just have to look for it and find it.

I will continue to pray for you and your children.
 
NiceMimi said:
I am going to suggest that you start an Ebay business. You can go to garage sales and even look around the house for things to sell on Ebay. I hear it is easier to sell used books on Amazon.com Anyway, you can start to accumulate the monies you need quietly, and then when you reach your goal, you can send your resumes to another state. With your educational background, doing your research for such a move should be easy. You will be able to interview when he is travelling on business, and if you are offered a job, you can stay, and support yourself and the kids until the paychecks start to roll in.

You have a good educational and work background. I am sure that you can use your smarts to get out of this. I also think it may help if you talk to a professional about your situation. It sounds to me that you feel boxed into the situation, when in reality there is a back door…You just have to look for it and find it.

I will continue to pray for you and your children.
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Thank you, but I have been preparing. I have a little money set aside. All I have to do is land a job, so that we can leave. I am in the process of finding the right attorney now who can advise me what to do to get prepared. The “miracle” I need is a job! Searching now, but no luck yet. Hopefully soon!
 
I am certainly sorry to hear of your heavy burden and sadness. And the heartbreak you have for your children in such a situation. That is probably the greatest burden since we would do almost anything to help our children. I am deeply sorry and will include you in my prayers.

I wish I had a magic wand to make you troubles all better. Or if I were a miracle worker you would be the first on my list. But I do have something that will, be as effective. I know that sounds like exageration but it really isn’t.

I’m not sure how familiar you are with the green scapular of Mary. In 1840 she came to one of the sisters in Paris,Sister Justine Bisqueyburu, in a vision to give her the gift of the green scapular. Here are the things she said that she would do if a person had the scapular on them.

. Conversion of those who do not have the faith
. Reconciliation to the Church for those who have lost/strayed from the faith
. Assurance of a happy death
. Strengthening of the faith for those already in the Church
. Protection from Satan

Your husband needs this since he is spiritually lost. And he needs protection from satan.

The first impulse of some is to disregard the scapular as some sort of gimmick or exageration.
But if we look at this gift from Mary objectively, she said what she said, and Mary will live up to her promises if we live up to what the scapular requires.

Mary being at the right hand of her Son, queen of heaven and earth, has the necessary means to fulfill all her promises if we keep up our end of it. The church has approved the green scapular and the sister has no motive to promote a lie in her profession as a religious. So Mary will do what she says. “Great graces are often attached to what seems trifling.” St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

This is a very necessary ingredient of this scapular. For Mary herself said that it all depends on the person’s trust in her to keep her promises. It is very similiar to what Jesus said,
“be it done to you according to your faith.” This is what Mary has said.

It also means that you pray everyday to her. The usual recommended prayer is “Immaculate heart of Mary pray for us now and at the hour of our death.”

Get a scapular, have it blessed, and give it to him telling him you want him to be protected.
He can put it in his wallet.

I would get several, and put one in his car, his bed, his chair, and any room he frequents.

Get one for yourself and pray the prayer everyday for yourself. And ask the children if they will say the prayer for dad since he travels so much.

She didn’t say when, just that she promised it would happen.

I hope the very best for you and I will pray as well.
 
I like Fred’s advice.

In the interim, if you have sent anything less that 1,500 resumes out, you are losing time. These are tough economic times, and tough times require tough measures. Also, I am going to suggest that you contact all your prior employers and fellow employees, and let them know that you are looking for work. I know one woman who did that, and landed a plum job after being out of the job market for over a decade. In addition, you will want to look at a variety of employment websites ----- even those geared towards a certain profession that may not be your own (i.e. a marketing person looking at an employment website geared towards technical professionals). Needless to say, you should contact your alma mater’s alumni office. They might be able to help you also. BTW, I am not kidding about sending out no less than 1,500 resumes. After you reach that number, keep sending them out until you land a job.

Also, you will want to make sure that the area you are going to settle in, won’t charge you through the nose for child care. Some cities charge over $30K for childcare for each child. There was an article recently on the internet about the worst cities for child care. You may want to see if you find it, and then pay heed.

I know I don’t need to tell you: research, research, research.

I will continue praying for you and your children.
 
NiceMimi said:
I am going to suggest that you start an Ebay business. You can go to garage sales and even look around the house for things to sell on Ebay. I hear it is easier to sell used books on Amazon.com Anyway, you can start to accumulate the monies you need quietly, and then when you reach your goal, you can send your resumes to another state. With your educational background, doing your research for such a move should be easy. You will be able to interview when he is travelling on business, and if you are offered a job, you can stay, and support yourself and the kids until the paychecks start to roll in.

You have a good educational and work background. I am sure that you can use your smarts to get out of this. I also think it may help if you talk to a professional about your situation. It sounds to me that you feel boxed into the situation, when in reality there is a back door…You just have to look for it and find it.

I will continue to pray for you and your children.
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It takes a lot of effort to sell on eBay. Recently they have given much more of an advantage to the buyers and taken options away from sellers. For example, if a buyer says they did not receive the item you sent, they can file a case and get their money refunded even if you suspect they are lying. Small sellers can’t afford that kind of loss structure and are being driven off eBay. The fees have also gone up, especially at Amazon (I think they are trying to get out of the used book business). Selling on eBay is a full time job, and selling things from your own house is not going to make you a lot of money.

I am praying that MiracleNeeded is offered a job soon.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
It takes a lot of effort to sell on eBay. Recently they have given much more of an advantage to the buyers and taken options away from sellers. For example, if a buyer says they did not receive the item you sent, they can file a case and get their money refunded even if you suspect they are lying. Small sellers can’t afford that kind of loss structure and are being driven off eBay. The fees have also gone up, especially at Amazon (I think they are trying to get out of the used book business). Selling on eBay is a full time job, and selling things from your own house is not going to make you a lot of money.

I am praying that MiracleNeeded is offered a job soon.
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Hmmmm! I’ve heard and been personally told that the experiences with Ebay by many sellers has been positive. The same goes for Amazon. In fact, stay-at-home moms and others have been able to bring in quite a lot of money selling on Ebay and Amazon. It’s just a matter of doing one’s research, seeing what the market will bear, and also carefully and wisely posting one’s wares to fully inform the buyer and protect the seller. Finally, when sending out the item, the seller should put a USPS tracker on the items so that the buyer can’t claim it was not received when it was. In fact, I have heard of cases where Ebay has backed buyers who can prove, using the USPS tracker, that the item was delivered. Selling on Ebay can be a positive experience. It’s just a matter of careful research, planning, and implementation.

I am also praying Miracle is offered a job real soon. That or hit the lottery…
 
Miracle, I trust God will bless you. Keep in mind what happened to Job, and also that God blesses His children. Perhaps not right away, but He does bless his followers. Here is a quote that popped into my mind today:

God gives wisdom, knowledge, and joy to those who please him. But if a sinner becomes wealthy, God takes the wealth away and gives it to those who please him. This, too, is meaningless–like chasing the wind. ----- Ecclesiastes 2:26

Heavenly Father, in faith, I thank You for helping Miracle and her children. Amen.
 
Heavenly Father, in faith, I thank You for blessing Miracle and her children. Amen.
 
When I read Miracle Needed’s post, I kept seeing a picture in my mind of Jesus talking to the woman at the well. He seemed to be saying, “…the man you have now is not your husband.”

If I’m reading this correctly, Miracle Needed couldn’t marry her husband in the Church because the annulment to his previous marriage never came through.

It seems that because she was never able to marry him in the Church (correct me if I’m wrong), the Church doesn’t recognize her civil marriage to her husband.

This may be a blessing in disguise, since she says she never should have married him.

I seem to recall an old saying that says “Pray as if everything depended on God and act as if everything depended on you.”

This guy sounds like a real jerk, and if Miracle Needed decides to get a divorce, I think her annulment would be a piece of cake.
 
Listener said:
When I read Miracle Needed’s post, I kept seeing a picture in my mind of Jesus talking to the woman at the well. He seemed to be saying, “…the man you have now is not your husband.”

If I’m reading this correctly, Miracle Needed couldn’t marry her husband in the Church because the annulment to his previous marriage never came through.

It seems that because she was never able to marry him in the Church (correct me if I’m wrong), the Church doesn’t recognize her civil marriage to her husband.

This may be a blessing in disguise, since she says she never should have married him.

I seem to recall an old saying that says “Pray as if everything depended on God and act as if everything depended on you.”

This guy sounds like a real jerk, and if Miracle Needed decides to get a divorce, I think her annulment would be a piece of cake.
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I spoke with my Priest last week. It seems that if I get a civil divorce, I will not need an annulment in the Church at all! This is because we were not married in the Church. He said it is a simple form I will have to fill out, that will take a week’s approval. I do not remember what he called it.

Thank you all, for your prayers! Getting out is not going to be easy, but I am trying…
 
Are their any groups that any of you feel it would be good for me to ask for prayers from? Most of all, I need prayers that my children are protected, especially from their father, during and after this divorce. I do not have much money, but will send a small donation with the prayer requests. I have sent one already to the Carmel of St. Therese. Any others you feel I should reach out to?
 
I wanted to let you all know that my children and I are safe and free. Our journey is not over, and we still need Gods help and protection, but He will be there for us!
 
I am very happy all is going well for you and your children. God is faithful. He is and will be with you and your children every step of the way. I will continue praying for you.
 
Praying everyday for you and your children that you feel God’s love and peace. Hugs!
 
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