I have been misunderstood again. Let me be clear on this.
There are 3 parties here - you, God, and your friend. There are 2 actions that have been getting confused. One action is God offering your friend grace to convert. The other action is your friend choosing to accept or reject that grace, and hence either converting or not converting.
I am not trying to discuss the second action here. I know that neither you nor God can force your friend to convert, as he has free will. That is totally up to him.
However, it is the first action I am discussing - God offering grace to your friend in the first place. Can you influence this action, or not? Because we know that you can’t influence the second action (your friend accepting or rejecting) by prayer… so can your prayer influence the first action, God’s action, or not? Does God give more grace, encourage more strongly, etc., because someone prayed for Him to do this? I’ve read that God is always calling us to himself. That means that God will always be offering grace - regardless of whether you pray or not. But, if your prayer can influence neither your friend’s decision to convert nor God’s decision to offer grace, then doesn’t that mean that your prayer doesn’t do any good at all (except for making you feel better?)
I’m stuck between 2 beliefs I have that I think are both true but that don’t seem to work together. The first idea - that prayer is always helpful for the person I pray for. The second idea - that God is loving and always offers grace to people to help them to know and love him. The reason these don’t seem to be able to co-exist? If God already is doing the best He can to help someone to know and love Him, then what can my prayer possibly do?
If there is no way to compromise, if I have to pick which of those things I believe, then I would pick the second thing. I can’t believe that God would refuse to offer someone the grace to convert unless someone prayed for him. God’s love should not (does not) depend on human love, even if no one in the world loved, God would still love. Of course, this would mean that prayer is sort of ‘useless’, but I’d be okay with that as I could think, that prayer that is sort of fruitless still helps the person who is praying and still gives glory to God even if it can’t do it’s intended action, so it’s actually not that useless.
The problem then is, that if that story is true, it seems that Mary disagrees with me - she says that our prayers will actually help to determine who goes where. Surely she’s not just saying that to frighten us into praying harder. There must be a compromise. So what is it???