Miscarriage: Official Church Teaching

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liv3ordie

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My wife has sadly incurred a miscarriage, specifically, a “blighted ovum”. Fetal development stopped at around six weeks. This, after 3 beautiful daughters (and a beautiful adopted foster daughter. Praise God!). However, we seem to have hit a wall on what the official Church teaching is on this subject. We know that life begins at conception, so is this actually considered a dead child? We are scheduled for a D&C this Friday so we need to know soon. We know several Catholics who have had miscarriages but none have been much help. None have taken possession of the remains after miscarriage. Can anyone help us out with what our rights/obligations are concerning the remains? Thanks in advance.
 
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liv3ordie:
My wife has sadly incurred a miscarriage, specifically, a “blighted ovum”. Fetal development stopped at around six weeks. This, after 3 beautiful daughters (and a beautiful adopted foster daughter. Praise God!). However, we seem to have hit a wall on what the official Church teaching is on this subject. We know that life begins at conception, so is this actually considered a dead child? We are scheduled for a D&C this Friday so we need to know soon. We know several Catholics who have had miscarriages but none have been much help. None have taken possession of the remains after miscarriage. Can anyone help us out with what our rights/obligations are concerning the remains? Thanks in advance.
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A serious situation that has not been properly addressed. I wish we at our parish had our masoleum in place. We have been trying to have a special cemetary for the miscarried children of God. Only obstacle is the diocese “cemetary committee”. A local funeral home has offered services at no charge, and one local Catholic hospital has expressed its desire to cooperate - care of the remains, and allowing the funeral home access. The other hospital - Univ Of Michigan - of course wants to keep the remains and not release them. We know why.

Assure yourselves of having access to your child after the D&C.

Is there a funeral home which will intern you child - even with another if state law permits?

The individuals in our parish who are attempting this effort (I understand it will be the first in the country) can provide for 800 crypts in one structure (admittedly very small individual crypts). They have had feedback and contact leading them to believe it would be filled in only a few years. So you are not alone. But for now, I can only offer my prayers. You will see your saint again later. God sees him now.

MrS
 
My condolences to you and your wife on the loss of your baby, liv3ordie. I have two saints in heaven…I pray for their intercession. God Bless -
 
*I am very sorry to hear of the death of your baby! Please accept my deepest condolences. *
*Our sixth baby, “Tess” died at 8 weeks, we learned of her passing at 12 weeks, and in an effort to avoid a D&C (and possible impairment of future fertility), we waited until I miscarried on my own. That was not to be, however, as one month later, I STILL hadn’t completed the miscarriage, then I started hemorrhaging on a camping trip. One week later, we DID have the surgery. I wrote a letter to the MDs and ALL the staff and asked them to read it before the surgery. In it, I informed the staff that this was not just tissue, this was a beloved child. I requested to be fully awake and told what was happening when. {Now, bear in mind that I am an RN…and a control freak…so that is why we asked for these things to happen.} I wanted to be fully aware as baby was removed from me. *
I also asked for the remains…the hospital was resistant at first…they usually “store” remains &/or specimens in formadehyde and did not want me taking the remains home in that substance for fear of spilling. I signed a waiver and they gave us our baby’s remains sans formaldehyde. I took them myself to the funeral home where they did a cremation for free.

I know this is a hard time. I am sorry for your pain. Prayers for peace and healing…if there is any other way I can help, please let me know.

Wanted to add: When our fourth baby “Loren” was stillborn at 35 weeks, we brought his body home from the hospital also, and had a full funeral for him after cremation. We opted not to have a funeral for Tess, but I know others who have had funerals for their miscarried baby.

Consider going here and adding your baby to The Book of Life at the Church of the Holy Innocents:
innocents.com/

nationalshareoffice.com/default.asp is a great source of info.
SHARE is a not-for-profit nondenominational organization providing support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or newborn death. All information packets, correspondence, and support are free of charge for bereaved parents
 
I am protestant but I believe that birth begins at conception. I was told by my doctors to make funeral arrangements for myself. I did so and I included a memorial on my stone to my two miscarried children who I had also named when my husband and I went to a grief group at the hospital. Thankfully I did not need the services of the funeral home for myself yet as I recovered! However, the police in that county mercilessly harassed me. They stopped me in my vehicle multiple times hounding me for details of my miscarriages like they did not believe they were not live births and I had done something to them! The funeral home also listed them as live births and they are listed in geneology charts. I wanted to do something to honor my miscarried children, especially the first one who was late term. We had the choice of having a funeral for him but didn’t and regretted it. My mother was not expected to live at the time and my sister in law lost a baby at the same time and didn’t want to do anything about hers’. We should have gone ahead ourselves but it was a very difficult time, being called constantly to the hospital as my mother was in crisis. The second one I lost very early in the pregnancy but carried for quite a long time. I don’t know why they didn’t do a d and c but I felt pregnant much longer because I still carried some of the pregnancy hormones for a couple months and blood tests were done weekly. I wondered how you would handle this situation. I guess it isn’t that common to honor an unborn child who was miscarried with a memorial stone but I thought it was my religious right. The last time I went there I was given a false speeding ticket for going over 20 on a summer Sat. night in a school zone (school was a long way away) on a major highway. I paid the ticket because I was too upset to fight it. The officer really just grilled me for an hour and a half about my babies. I have not returned to the county in almost l0 yrs now because I was tired of being harassed. Thank you for your time in considering this issue.
 
I’m terribly sorry for your loss.

Our first miscarriage happened “naturally” at only five weeks so there wasn’t anything really that we could do. The second time was in my second trimester. The law in my state reads that after 20 weeks a funeral director must be involved. We were not yet at that point, but I instructed the doctor that we would be having the baby’s remains collected by the funeral home because we intended to give our child a proper burial. He looked at me like I had three heads, but did as instructed. Our priest did a simple graveside service.

One thing I absolutely do NOT recommend is being conscious for the D&E. I will never forget the sound or sensation of having my baby pulled from me. I had to undergo therapy for close to a year because of it.

I don’t know where you live, but in Ohio there is a ministry called Back in His Arms Again that helped me. Fr. Pavone told me about them. They are good people who understand and have put together some ideas to help others in your situation.
 
Soren_Itenu said:
#epicthreaddredge
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Not only that, but it seems like a troll thread since a blighted ovum is when no embryo develops at all. There is zero fetal development - not even 6 weeks worth - because there is never a fetus.
 
Thank you for your reply. I was not at the legal limit to have a funeral—but was in 2nd trimester second time. I had to be hospitalized overnight because I hemmoraged. It was quite traumatic. We had already named the baby. The second time I found out I was pregnant but the baby died very early in the pregnancy. At the same time I found out that I could not carry a baby. The doctor who attended me that time specialized in fertility and did some tests that confirmed his diagnosis. My husband and I divorced (not over this matter but he had lifestyle changes and went from being a minister to doing drugs) and I also had to have a hysterectomy due to other serious problems. These were the only children I could ever have and as I said I do believe that life begins at conception. I have always felt this way. My own parents told me when I was involved in a right to life group at l5 that they wanted or tried to abort me and they believed in abortion. They also told me of other relatives who had illegal abortions–it was quite common in my family. I have always felt that God wanted me to live my life for a purpose and I feel very strongly that every human being has a right to life, even at conception. I have attended a Catholic church but am protestant–haven’t taken the step of becoming Catholic but have considered it.
 
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