Miscarriage - Would you write a letter?

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I went to the OB doctor in March for my annual check-up. I hadn’t menstruated in a while so they checked my blood levels for menopause. A few days later I received an email (not a call but an email) from my doctor with the test results and the email said "you are in menopause, no need for birth control. (I wasn’t wanting birth control but it’s what it said).

So, reading that, I was sad because I couldn’t have babies and I was in the normal age range but on the young side of normal age for menopause. But at the same time, I thought I couldn’t get pregnant.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I got what I thought was a horrible period. I called the OB doctor and they said that this will happen from time to time. Well it got worse and I ended up going to the Urgent Care and I was pregnant and having a miscarriage. The problem is I was told I could no longer get pregnant so this was a total shock for me. In 30 seconds I learned that I was pregnant and losing my baby.

When I went for a follow-up with my OB doc, (same practice but I saw a different doctor than the one who told me I was in menopause), she apologized profusely saying I wasn’t counseled about menopause correctly. She said there is a small chance of pregnancy until you have gone one year without periods regardless of what the blood tests say. I didn’t know that until after I had the miscarriage. It had not been a year since my last period.

My question is, should I write a letter to my doctor’s office? Should I write a letter to some other organization? I want to make sure they know what happened to me. I don’t want to sue or get anyone in trouble. But I want my doctor’s office to be more aware. I worry about other women out there who may be in the same position I am in. Where they are aren’t counseled correctly about menopause. Had I known I was able to get pregnant, I would have been on different blood pressure medications, I would have taken my vitamins, etc. I would have done other things differently.

No one knows why I miscarried; it was probably because of my age. But had I known that pregnancy was an option, I would have done a few things differently.
 
I am so very sorry for your loss. I miscarried our second baby at 6 weeks, and the pain is different from any other that I’ve experienced–and not in a good way.

If I were you, I’d write a polite, courteous letter to your OB and concisely explain the miscommunication and the results, along with a suggestion that they clarify to future patients when, in the menopausal process, they are indeed considered infertile. If it’s a good practice, they’ll be open to reasonable suggestions, and it shouldn’t get anyone in trouble. Quite the opposite: a good practice WANTS this kind of feedback so that they can adjust their procedures. They don’t have the patient’s perspective unless the patient offers it to them.

(FWIW, the birth control comment was probably part of a standard email form. After my c-section, my OB had to go over the discharge paperwork with me, and there was, of course, a “birth control” box because if you have a C-section, you shouldn’t get pregnant again for a while. He knows we don’t use birth control, though, and he was there in person rather than communicating through a form email, so he could just say, “You shouldn’t get pregnant again for 10-12 months; what are you going to do to ensure that?” I explained my NFP method briefly, he said, “Okay, great, that should work, don’t forget to schedule your pap smear, have a nice day.”)
 
I am very sorry for your loss.

As for the doctor’s office, they should have known better. Just because a woman is going through menopause, doesn’t mean she can’t get pregnant. As long as a woman still has her cycle (even if it isn’t regular), there is a chance that she can get pregnant. What chance that is, I’m not sure.

Honestly, I would look into getting another OB/GYN. This doctor’s office doesn’t sound like they are very good at what they do.
 
I am so very sorry for your loss. I would indeed let the OB/GYN office/doctor know your feelings. Things should have been handled differently. I would also find another OB/GYN. Praying for your intentions.
 
I would write the letter and make it clear at the start that I’m not trying to cause trouble and don’t plan to sue (since you mentioned that), but your goal is to improve awareness for the wellbeing of future patients. I think saying that at the top, will make them more open to hearing what you are saying instead of getting defensive.

And please know my heart goes out to you, and I’m very sorry for your loss. :grouphug:
 
Cant understand why you were told you were “in menopause”.Here we are told two years are the safe term.
 
It happened to me because the receptionist wouldn’t give me an appointment even though I had called 3 different times. She would fit me in if I were pregnant, which I was and didn’t know at the time. I mentioned it politely to the doctor and he had no comment. If I had known, I would have gone straight to ER and bypassed the doctor visit. I was silently upset about this girl not giving me an appointment. I found her unable to connect with women’s issues, not understanding their concerns. She actually needed to work where there was not so much life-threatening conditions. I am sorry for your loss. I desperately wanted this child. I had to convince myself that it wasn’t meant to be.
 
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m praying for you and your little one.

I would definitely write that letter.
 
acadiANNA said:
It happened to me because the receptionist wouldn’t give me an appointment even though I had called 3 different times. She would fit me in if I were pregnant, which I was and didn’t know at the time. I mentioned it politely to the doctor and he had no comment. If I had known, I would have gone straight to ER and bypassed the doctor visit. I was silently upset about this girl not giving me an appointment. I found her unable to connect with women’s issues, not understanding their concerns. She actually needed to work where there was not so much life-threatening conditions. I am sorry for your loss. I desperately wanted this child. I had to convince myself that it wasn’t meant to be.
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I would write that letter to the doctor, and explicitly mention this. I know you mentioned it in person, but sometimes seeing something in writing makes a difference. The combination of the attitude with the miscommunication suggests an office which needs a bit of shaking up in terms of the way they do things.
 
I’m so sorry. Yes, I’d write a letter to the practice in general, describing your case and asking why you were given misleading instructions about your possibility of becoming pregnant. You could have harmed an infant who went to term by not avoiding teratogenic substances, for instance. Implying that someone your age who had not gone a year without having a period could not get pregnant was irresponsible in the extreme. I would include a copy of the e-mail, too, and note that it was the only communication you received from the practice on the matter.
 
I agree with the posters who said to change practices. From personal experience, I would not feel comfy with their future medical advice.

When I was having complications with my first pregnancy, I called the OB’s office to report them. A nurse took the call, blew off my concerns, and never told any doctor in the practice. Four days later, I delivered a stillborn baby. The OB treating me asked why I didn’t call about the complications I was having. I said that I did, but your nurse said I was an anxious new mother.

I am not looking for sympathy but simply want to say that I did change practices where my new OB listed me as high risk. Great medical care, but my little guy came 6 weeks early and had complications. Makes me wonder if he would be here had I stayed at the old practice.
 
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